I love my partner, but being home together all the time’s driving me crazy!
|I'm guessing this is due to the pandemic, but before that you could substitute "children" for "partner" so I'll give you my "mom" perspective (although dealing with children may be easier). Anyway, when the girls were young and "driving me crazy" I decided to follow Black's advice – rather than trying to be the "perfect mom" all the time, I just did a timeout. For me, not the girls! I'd find a way to take a short break from them. The same was true when my husband got fired and was home all the time. Then I'd escape with a magazine to Starbucks or, even better, a movie. With the pandemic, you might not be comfortable with those options, so maybe a walk? A very long walk if they're driving you really crazy.|
|As Red noted, being around people (even those you love) "too much" is not a new phenomenon – the pandemic just brought it home to so many people (sorry, could not resist). Find some space when you need it – and accept the fact you and your partner might need space at different times. I suspect that you are driving your partner crazy, too. Do not take it personally, and recognize everyone has very different coping strategies. (Red likes to default to her theater degree and get emotional, and I have learned telling her to "calm down" only makes it worse.) Try to have a quiet conversation to acknowledge the situation, talk things through, and, if possible, laugh about it. But you may want to position it as, "I need to figure out how to be less cranky when I get overwhelmed" versus "You are driving me crazy!"|
Do you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?
Absolutely! Even though I’m not Irish, although growing
up, many people thought I was because of my
red hair. Regardless, I’ve always looked forward to St. Patrick’s Day
and celebrate it the same way I did growing up in New York – with corned
beef, cabbage, and potatoes
. It was one of my favorite dinners then, and it still is, and my
daughters feel the same way. Neither one
of them will be home this year, but I’ll still be cooking a big pot of it and savoring
the leftovers for days.
Plus, and I’m sure Black will roll her eyes, I “dress up” our 5-foot standing stuffed bear that “lives” in the front hallway in his St. Patrick’s Day outfit. (Throughout the year, the bear’s outfit changes with each “significant” holiday – a family tradition that started when my girls were very young.)
Considering Red loves history, I am surprised
that she did not mention
history behind St. Patrick’s
or that St.
Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, was neither Irish nor a Saint.
And, given Red's love of bagels, I
am shocked she did not mention that our local bagel shop would always make green
ones to celebrate the holiday.
How do I celebrate? I have always been a clotheshorse, so it is easy just to wear something green. Growing up, it was not that I was conforming to the tradition of wearing green so leprechauns could not see me; it was because many boys in school looked for any “legitimate” excuse to pinch girls, and I refused to give them that opportunity. Over the years, as I collected Hermes shawls (you can see them in the background in Selfish,Shallow … And Svelte?), I would grab one that had green and call it a day. St. Patrick’s Day.
You don’t have to be Irish to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day – whether with food and drink (does green beer taste different?), wearing green, thoughts of leprechauns and good luck, or just taking a few minutes to enjoy these Irish quotes.
Can an act of kindness really make a difference?
making me stop and think about this. I
realized that on the days that when I’m out and I’m not feeling totally stressed
or in a rush to do a million and one things, I find myself engaging in a little
more conversation with people or, at the very least, taking that extra moment
to connect. It might be someone that
needs assistance, or merely the opening of a door. Or, I might make eye contact with someone in
the grocery store, and make a passing, but kind, comment. Sometimes they “return” the kindness, but
even if it’s just a smile that gets returned – it makes a difference to both of
So, having said all that, the reality is regardless how busy we may be, it only takes a moment to show a little kindness. And I’m going to try harder, even when I’m super busy or in a cranky mood (most days fall into one of those categories) to share simple acts of kindness. If nothing else, it just might put me in a better mood. And, ideally, it might get passed on.
|I always say, “Red is the nice one.” And, by that I mean she always tries to behave in a pleasant or agreeable way, wanting people to like her (although there are days when she has exhausted her quota of “nice”). But, kindness is different. Kindness is doing something that is helpful to others. It can be contagious, and the benefits and ripple effects can be significant. However, instead of quoting research and statistics, I will share this simple, but powerful, video, “ Change The World With Kindness.”|
P.S. – Need some kindness ideas, click here. Or for some inspiring quotes, click here.
relate. When my husband got fired, Black made me total up all our credit card debt, and I broke
down in tears. The funny thing is that before
she’d help me deal with it, she insisted on giving me a history lesson on credit cards. And
although I love history, initially, I fought her. But I’m so glad she ignored me! To this day, understanding that the origin of
credit cards wasn’t a line of credit but instead a convenience (to be paid in
full every month) has made a huge difference.
But that doesn’t answer your question. I think we all know how easy it is to rack up credit card debt, especially during the holidays. A holiday budget would’ve helped, but now you need a monthly budget to see where you can cut back and apply those “savings” to pay down your credit card bills. Without making this a math class (not my favorite subject), I just memorized that after paying the minimums, I should apply any “extra” money to the credit cards with the highest interest rates (APRs). There’s nothing I can do about the past, but I can start making better decisions today.
I appreciate that “misery loves company,” and recognizing that we all are susceptible to overspending (Nicholas Cage took it to the extreme) helps explain why in the last year, credit card debt has exploded.
I recently read that HBO star Issa Rae admitted that when she was a college student, she ran up lots of credit card debt, to the point it was “crippling” (her word, not mine). It reminded me of how shortly after getting my M.B.A. (in International Finance, so I had no excuse), I got in debt over my head. To the point where although I was making a great salary in a corporate job, I had to take a second job waitressing on weekends to pay down the debt.
Am I suggesting you get a second job? No. I am suggesting you look at the numbers and then decide how best to “attack” them (maybe even consider debt consolidation to lower the overall interest rate you are paying). Some people suggest paying off the lowest balances first, but that is a psychological approach. As Red will tell you, I am pragmatic and prefer to crunch the numbers, and come up with a realistic plan and set myself up for success.