Chapter 15: I Need A Warning System
Typically, when Red asked Black questions, she received questions in return. Or flippant comments. When Red asked her about charity, and specifically Make-A-Wish, she got straight answers, and that alone got Red’s attention. Before this conversation, Red thought her sister’s involvement with Make-A-Wish was very generous, both of her time and her money, but attributed much of it to the fact that she had surpluses of both in her life. But once Black made her realize that her involvement went back to her corporate life, years when she might have had spare money but was working ridiculous hours, Red gained a new respect for Black’s commitment. But when Black said how it had become her “reality check” on life, Red began to understand that we all need something to help us remember what’s genuinely important.
P.S. – It’s easy to treat charity as something we think about during the holiday season or when disaster strikes. But giving can be a year-round commitment, whether that means supporting one organization, helping various charities throughout the year, or celebrating targeted donation days (such as #GivingTuesday or World Wish Day). And whether you’re donating money, time, resources, or helping raise awareness — charitable giving can make a real difference. Not only to the charity but, as Black pointed out to Red all those years ago, for you.
| I’m curious about something, though. As children, we were never exposed to charity, so what got you involved with Make-A-Wish? Even Natasha has asked me about Make-A-Wish, because she has seen the kids’ artwork at your house and recognizes the logo from seeing it on your race car. |
red headassets.rebelmouse.io | It was years ago. I was invited to play in a Make-A-Wish golf tournament, and at the dinner some of the kids came out and told their Wish stories. They mentioned their illnesses and the doctors and the hospitals in passing — as if it was just a minor detail in their stories. But when they talked about their wishes, it was with such excitement and pure happiness that it was overwhelming. A few weeks earlier, I had received a huge bonus at work, and so I was feeling flush with cash, and when I saw the power of a wish — the hope, the joy, the strength it could provide — it made me look at money in a totally different way. When you meet children who are seriously ill and you realize no amount of money can “fix the problem,” but yet something as simple as wishing for a puppy or to meet a celebrity can make such a huge difference in their lives, then you are reminded of what is really important in life. And what is not. |
| Wow. I don’t think I have ever heard you this passionate about anything. |
| Probably not. Make-A-Wish has been an important part of my life for a long time. I know I am very fortunate in many respects, but sometimes I get wrapped up in day-to-day life and forget that. I may have problems with one of the cars, or I am annoyed with Larry, or it is just a bad day, Make-A-Wish reminds me that my problems or frustrations are minuscule in the scheme of things. |
| This is a side of you that I rarely see. I’m impressed. And proud. |
| Thanks, but Make-A-Wish does far more for me than I do for them. Partly as a substitute for not having children of my own, but more importantly as my reality check on life. It is my constant reminder of what is important. And although I may not be able to cure the kids, the fact I can make their lives a little better by helping grant wishes is the least — the very least — I can do in return. |
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io
Our banter may start with two sisters, but it’s getting families, friends, and even classrooms talking.
| I need to vent! Between work and family, I'm constantly busy. And I feel like I'm always needed by someone for something! Which normally is ok, as that's my life. But sometimes all the everyday things keep piling up to the point it’s overwhelming, and I feel totally stressed. I just need some time alone! |
| | No, you need time away. |
| Same thing. |
| No. Not really. “Time alone” means without anyone with you. So, running errands without the girls or working alone in your office would be time alone. But, what you need is … “time away”. In other words, time with no other objective than doing something for yourself. Even if that is doing nothing. |
- When was the last time you did something by yourself that was just for yourself?
- Is taking "time away" selfish?
- Can knowing you have blocked off "time away" help with managing stress today?
Our banter may start with two sisters, but it’s getting families, friends, and even classrooms talking.
| I remember when the girls were still living at home and some days just seemed more overwhelming than usual. I understood that as a single mom, my job description put me in charge of making sure everything at home ran smoothly and that everyone had what they needed. But there were days when I just felt like I was doing everything! Whether it was grocery shopping, preparing the meals, cleaning the house, or running a seemingly endless list of errands. And that was on top of working full-time on Red & Black. Even though I’m an empty nester, there are still days I feel like I need to come up for air. But how? |
| Two words: Teamwork and Communication. Obviously, you have forgotten what I told you then and several times since then. But, if it makes you feel any better, I have seen many people in the corporate world with this same tendency — refusing to delegate. Believing that the only way to get things done “right” is to do it yourself versus either asking others to do it or, at least, asking them to help. I suggested you start thinking of your family as your team, which would have made it a learning experience for everyone. But, until you learn to ask for help and explain what you need, nothing will change. |
THE CONVERSATION STARTERS
- Why do you think Red feels like she has to do everything for everybody?
- What are the advantages and disadvantages of teamwork?
- What's one "task" that you'd love for someone else to do or to help with? How can you make that happen?
- If someone asked you for help, what would be your reaction? Would you make it easy — or hard — for them to ask for help?
Our banter may start with two sisters, but it’s getting families, friends, and even classrooms talking.
| When my husband got fired, I was scared. Not just for me, but for my family. Why? Not only the obvious reasons, but having to deal with personal finance for the first time (during a crisis, no less) was overwhelming. Especially because I thought you needed a finance degree to figure it out. I knew we were in a huge financial mess, not because of the specifics of our situation, but because neither my husband nor I knew where we stood. How could two highly educated people be so clueless about their finances?! It may be human nature to fear the unknown, but feeling you have to face things alone makes it even worse. I knew my husband wasn't going to be much help, so I turned to my sister, the one with the M.B.A., hoping that she'd tell me what to do. Instead, she insisted that I had to learn to do it myself, not only for my own good but so that I could then "teach" my daughters. Luckily, she guided me step by step, although the last thing I ever expected was that she was keeping notes and would turn my crisis into a bestselling book! (She thought it would make a great sitcom!) |
| What are big sisters for? Anyway, fast forward to the first time I remember hearing the term "financial literacy." It was when we were asked to "teach" it at KIPP Houston High School, and although they explained it as understanding money and personal finance in order to make smart financial decisions, I did not like the term. It immediately made me think that the opposite of being financially "literate" is being "illiterate," which has a negative connotation of being uneducated or ignorant when, in reality, it is a function of never having been exposed to the subject matter and/or recognizing its importance. Red and I are perfect examples. She had been a straight-A student who went to a prestigious college yet managed to avoid learning about money and personal finance until she was almost 40. My situation was even more extreme. I have an undergraduate degree in Economics and an M.B.A. in International Finance, yet did not apply what I learned about money (on a macro, or big picture, level) and corporate finance to my finances until I was almost bankrupt. |
assets.rebelmouse.io THE CONVERSATION STARTERS
- Why do financial matters and topics seem so daunting?
- Have you or your family been affected by financial literacy issues or challenges? If so, how have they impacted your life?
- How is it possible that Red and Black, both highly educated people, could be "so clueless" about their own finances?
- Red mentioned the ripple effect of being able to teach her daughters. Are there other ripple effects?