Book Bites

Can Charity Be Selfish?

Chapter 15: I Need A Warning System

Typically, when Red asked Black questions, she received questions in return. Or flippant comments. When Red asked her about charity, and specifically Make-A-Wish, she got straight answers, and that alone got Red’s attention. Before this conversation, Red thought her sister’s involvement with Make-A-Wish was very generous, both of her time and her money, but attributed much of it to the fact that she had surpluses of both in her life. But once Black made her realize that her involvement went back to her corporate life, years when she might have had spare money but was working ridiculous hours, Red gained a new respect for Black’s commitment. But when Black said how it had become her “reality check” on life, Red began to understand that we all need something to help us remember what’s genuinely important.

P.S. – It’s easy to treat charity as something we think about during the holiday season or when disaster strikes. But giving can be a year-round commitment, whether that means supporting one organization, helping various charities throughout the year, or celebrating targeted donation days (such as #GivingTuesday or World Wish Day). And whether you’re donating money, time, resources, or helping raise awareness — charitable giving can make a real difference. Not only to the charity but, as Black pointed out to Red all those years ago, for you.



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I’m curious about something, though. As children, we were never exposed to charity, so what got you involved with Make-A-Wish? Even Natasha has asked me about Make-A-Wish, because she has seen the kids’ artwork at your house and recognizes the logo from seeing it on your race car.


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It was years ago. I was invited to play in a Make-A-Wish golf tournament, and at the dinner some of the kids came out and told their Wish stories. They mentioned their illnesses and the doctors and the hospitals in passing — as if it was just a minor detail in their stories. But when they talked about their wishes, it was with such excitement and pure happiness that it was overwhelming. A few weeks earlier, I had received a huge bonus at work, and so I was feeling flush with cash, and when I saw the power of a wish — the hope, the joy, the strength it could provide — it made me look at money in a totally different way. When you meet children who are seriously ill and you realize no amount of money can “fix the problem,” but yet something as simple as wishing for a puppy or to meet a celebrity can make such a huge difference in their lives, then you are reminded of what is really important in life. And what is not.

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Wow. I don’t think I have ever heard you this passionate about anything.

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Probably not. Make-A-Wish has been an important part of my life for a long time. I know I am very fortunate in many respects, but sometimes I get wrapped up in day-to-day life and forget that. I may have problems with one of the cars, or I am annoyed with Larry, or it is just a bad day, Make-A-Wish reminds me that my problems or frustrations are minuscule in the scheme of things.

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This is a side of you that I rarely see. I’m impressed. And proud.

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Thanks, but Make-A-Wish does far more for me than I do for them. Partly as a substitute for not having children of my own, but more importantly as my reality check on life. It is my constant reminder of what is important. And although I may not be able to cure the kids, the fact I can make their lives a little better by helping grant wishes is the least — the very least — I can do in return.

Quote: "Make-A-Wish does far more for me than I do for them. " Signed "Black"

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Wouldn’t it be great if life came with instructions? Since it doesn’t, we thought a few good reminders could help … so we created this list.

For those who know us, it won’t come as any surprise that we each approach almost everything differently. But after decades of comparing notes, debating decisions, and occasionally driving each other crazy, we’ve learned a few things about getting through life.

Consider this list our practical, slightly (ok, maybe more than slightly) opinionated guide to approaching life.

Use it, tweak it, or trash it. The choice is yours.

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Photo by Kirby D., Design by Sawyer Pennington

There’s a funny story behind this photo. And the man who took it.

At the time, Kirby managed all the Jamba Juice locations in Houston, and Black had “accosted” him at one of them because we mentioned Jamba Juice in our book, What I Learned About Life When My Husband Got Fired! Then we ran into him at the Texas Conference for Women, where we were speaking, and Black mentioned that Jamba Juice was an important part of our presentation.

That got his attention. Of course, he wanted to know more. Red looked at Black, wondering if she was actually going to tell him. The story was about Red, who would mindlessly stop at Jamba Juice and buy herself a smoothie and two smaller ones, one for each of her daughters. And this happened at least several times a week.

One day, Red was on the phone with Black while driving to Jamba Juice, and Black nonchalantly asked how much she was spending there every week. Red had no idea. But she did know that she didn’t appreciate the question, so quickly ended the call.

Then she did the math. And she didn’t like the number.

But Black wasn’t telling Red not to buy the smoothies. She didn’t care how many smoothies Red bought. She just wanted Red to know where her money was going — and to make it a conscious decision. Or, as Black would say,

Think before spending.

Kirby thought the story was funny and later made a point of coming to our book signing, where he took this photo. And because Kirby is a brilliant marketer, whenever we did speaking engagements, he made sure we had coupons for free Jamba Juice smoothies to hand out.

Which meant our lesson about thinking before spending came with free smoothies. Not a bad deal.

From back flap of our book, “What I Learned About Life When My Husband Got Fired!” Photograph by Fletcher Benton

Long before we had an ABOUT page, readers met Black through the back flap of our bestselling book, What I Learned About Life When My Husband Got Fired!and Got Fired! But a lot has happened since Neiman Marcus launched our book, including countless Red & Black adventures and detours.

Surprisingly, little about Black has changed.

WHAT WE SAID THEN

Black picked the photo, and our book editor summarized Black in about 80 words:

Black is all business. With an MBA in international Finance, she retired before she was 40 from a successful career in the oil and gas industry. She has been involved with The Make-A-Wish Foundation for over 20 years and has raised over $1 million. But without a day job, her life did not provide enough excitement and challenge, so she began racing cars. Black, the ultimate pragmatic, lives in Houston where she approaches everything with high-speed intensity and determination.

WHAT WE DIDN’T KNOW THEN …

We knew Black was all business. We didn’t know that, instead of becoming the basis of a sitcom, our book would take us into the world of education … and then criminal justice.

We knew racing would always be part of Black’s story. We didn’t know that her experiences racing Porsches and Ferraris would inspire countless car and racing analogies about navigating life.

We knew Make-A-Wish mattered to her. We probably should have known that she would still be involved decades later, and that the amount she has raised would continue to grow (it’s now approaching $2 million).

And we described Black as “the ultimate pragmatic.” Well, no update required.

AND THERE’S A STORY BEHIND THE PHOTO …

We have no shortage of stories, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that this isn’t just an ordinary photo. It was taken by artist and sculptor Fletcher Benton in 2003, when he came to cheer Black on during the Ferrari Challenge races at Infineon Raceway in Sonoma, California.

So, how did an internationally recognized artist end up at one of Black’s races? Although neither of them knew it at the time, years earlier, Fletcher and Black had both been racing at the same Porsche event. But they didn’t actually meet until Black started collecting art and spotted his race car at his studio.

And that may be the real story behind the photo — how so many seemingly separate parts of Black’s life have ended up connecting.

A lot has changed since 2009. Black being Black isn’t one of those things.