Talking isn't the same as communicating. And hearing isn't the same as listening. Think about it.
Being an effective communicator, whether in our personal lives or at work, is a critical skill (Black thinks it's a super-power), but one-size-doesn't-fit-all as we each use very different methods and styles … ranging from lots of words and talking stuffed animals (Red) to bullet points (Black).
When Red learned that June was Effective Communications Month, she had to laugh, as the first thought that popped into her head was,
Oh, Black will have a field day with this given my tendency to blah-blah-blah. Plus, I don't know how many times she's told me that whatever point I'm trying to make often gets lost in my "sea of words". Of course, when she's told me this in person, I get the added emphasis of seeing her roll her eyes. At least, it's not what I call "The Look", which is a step beyond the rolling of her eyes when you can only imagine what she's thinking, but you know it's not good. But, I digress, which, I guess, is part of my communication "challenge".
The fact Red's warm and fuzzy, and likes to couch her words (whether spoken or written) so as not to hurt anyone's feelings, and to provide full explanations to avoid misunderstanding, is a good thing, but is still only half the equation. Communication requires both the sending — and the receiving — of a message. But if the other party isn't listening, it falls on … well, deaf ears. Which often means you repeat yourself (oh, and we all know how our tone of voice changes when we're saying something for the millionth time), and although it may initially have been said with good intentions, ends up being seen as nagging.
Black, on the other hand, has never been accused of being quiet or shy, and given her extremely pragmatic business-like personality, has a much more direct communication style. Some of which Red recognizes can be useful,
I've often said that you write, talk, and probably even dream in bullet points. And while I might think of them as "abrupt" at times, there's no question that they provide a very clear and succinct way of communicating. Which is why I preface some of my longer emails that cover lots of topics and explanations, with, "I'm borrowing some of Black's beloved bullet points …"
So, what's the most effective method? Well, you can spend hours on the internet reading countless articles about the benefits of effective communications, the various types of communications (not everything is verbal and written — think about things like body language and facial expressions), and ways to improve communication skills, but Black tends to look at things slightly backward …
The reality is that we each have our own style of communicating, but we need to remember that communication is a two-way street, and the objective is connecting with other people, and sharing thoughts and ideas. Sometimes the best way to get our point across is to work backward and think how the other person will receive what we want to express. And then listening, truly listening, to their feedback.
Prepare to hear powerful voices and unexpected messages that will stop you in your tracks.
What you don’t know can hurt you. It’s about having the information you need to make smart decisions. It’s about second chances. It’s about choices that can change your life.
And it comes from inside the prison walls at the Texas Department of Criminal Justice’s Stringfellow Unit.
If this fast-paced trailer leaves you wanting more, watch the full 15-minute video at Red & Black: The Stringfellow Story.
To buy our bestselling book that was used in this program, click here.
To learn more about the “Red & Black Personal Finance & Life 101” prison program, contact us at Education@RedandBlack.email.
Chapter 10: So You Think Staying At Home Isn’t A Full-Time Job?
Red had never thought about all the things she did as a mom as anything more than, well, being a mom. Juggling a million and one things, all of which seemed to be a priority (if not to her, then to others). Putting out daily fires, trying to anticipate the next problem before it happened, and keeping life running as smoothly as possible were all part of what she signed up for. And since she had always wanted to be a mom, she never gave any of it a second thought — until the day Black got her thinking about her life in a whole new way.
P.S. - Initially, Red found it hard to believe that what she called “Mom skills” were highly valuable workplace skills. What Black refers to as “soft skills” (don’t get her started on all the other names for them!). Over the years, as we detoured into the education world and the workplace, Red was fascinated by the full impact of what Black had told her in those first months of her crisis. (We even created curricula related to soft skills as they’re demonstrated throughout our book.) But what Red finds most powerful is that soft skills are totally transferable — from the workplace to your personal life, and vice versa.
What I didn’t realize was that I’d never work harder in my life than once I added the responsibilities of being a full-time mom to those of being a wife and a daughter. And now, as I have taken on the management of the family’s finances and the work associated with moving to a new house, my workload has gotten even bigger.
| Just checking in. What’s going on? It sounds like World War III. |
| Let me call you back. |
| Sorry it took me so long to call you back. We were in the middle of labeling Ziploc bags when the girls decided to start fighting over the markers. Then, as I was trying to stop them from arguing, Nick told me that he had promised to paint with the girls, but we were out of watercolors. That’s when you called. |
| Did you get it all resolved? |
| Oh, yes. I told the girls if they didn’t stop fighting, no one was going to get to use the markers, and we wouldn’t go through any more of the scrapbook stuff, which they were really enjoying. They settled down immediately. I told Nick I’d add watercolors to my shopping list, but told him that I’d check to see if I had some extra paint in my secret gift stash. There was, so that emergency was handled and now things are back to being calm. For the moment. |
| Told you so. |
| Told me what? |
| Your job is every bit as demanding as a corporate position and, in fact, you use many of the same skill sets. |
| Dealing with markers and paint? You need to get out more. |
| Me? I think it is you that needs to get out more. First, you motivated the girls to help you with the scrapbooks by making it a game. When they started to fight, you demonstrated negotiating skills. And then you dealt with Nick’s emergency. So you can add “quick decision-making in an ever-changing environment” to your resume, along with your financial and time-management skills. |
| You do know that the way you look at things is NOT normal, don’t you? Not that there’s anything wrong with it since it always gives me something to think about, but it’s certainly different. |
| And now you are demonstrating your communication skills. Questioning my thought process, but buffering it with a compliment. |
| Now you’re being a smart-ass. |
| True, but I bet you praised the girls for helping you with the scrapbook project. In all seriousness, you would make a good office manager. |
| I’m not trying to be an office manager. All those things are just part of being a mom. And they happen all the time. That’s my life. |
| A life full of business skills you are taking for granted. |

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Shop, Social Media & Site — UPDATE!
RED & BLACK SHOP
We’re excited to announce we’ve finally opened the store and will be adding more items over the coming months. But it’s not about selling “stuff” … it’s about combining inspiring and entertaining messages (what we like to call “merchandise with meaning”) with items that are both practical and fun.
And, following a commitment we made years ago, everything is Made In The USA.
Please check it out at www.RedandBlackShop.com.
SOCIAL MEDIA
Not to brag, but our social media followers are growing faster than expected (except on Facebook, but that might be because we lost 4,500 followers … on purpose).
For those of you who use social media, we’d love it (well, Red would "love” it — Black would greatly appreciate it) if you could check us out — and if it’s not too much trouble … help us spread the word!
WEBSITE
It seems we keep saying our new and totally revamped website is about to launch. Well, we’re about to finalize all the library topics, which is the last major piece. That was a major project, and I’m sure we’ll tell you all about it, as it showed both the strength and weakness of artificial intelligence (AI) to review lots of data. But we’re almost there.
SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE …
The world is changing — and we’re all being inundated with opinions, politics, and misinformation. Add in AI, and more than ever, people are looking for authenticity and human intelligence. Or, at least, human connection. So, when it comes to Red & Black … what’s more “real” than real sisters?
We’re going to stay true to ourselves and continue to focus on content that will (hopefully) help people laugh, learn, and build community alongside us. (OK, there may be some eye-rolling at Black’s unexpected comments or Red’s “cluelessness” at times.) On social media. With our merchandise. In our newsletter. On this site.