So, no women members allowed – unless you're saving our club from bankruptcy!
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: When it comes to women's rights and equality, golf probably isn't what you'd immediately think of unless you're a woman golfer and have had "experiences" with "men only" clubs (we both have) …
Before becoming a mom, Red was an avid golfer for decades. She had learned to play from our parents on local public courses when she was barely a teenager and had a natural talent and love for the game. Consistent with her being a straight-A student, she spent lots of time practicing and became a better-than-average golfer. Fast forward to post-college, when Red moved back home and worked for a non-profit photography museum in New York City. The job paid little, but she had four weeks of vacation, so off she went, by herself, to Scotland on a golf adventure,
I planned for the trip for almost a year and went from one great course to another. From St. Andrews to Turnberry to Royal Dornoch, although I was a woman traveling alone, I always was made to feel welcome. At Gleneagles, the foursome was made up of me and three men traveling together from New Jersey, one of whom made it quite clear to me that he was a member at Pine Valley Golf Club and how I'd never be able to play the course. I can still remember looking at him saying how I'd never even heard of it and then proceeded to hit my tee shot onto the green on a long par 3. At the time, I didn't think any more of it until I got home and mentioned it to my Dad, who then proceeded to tell me all about Pine Valley.
Black, on the other hand, was also introduced to golf by our parents but had little interest in it until she graduated business school and quickly realized the importance of "business golf". For her, golf had a specific purpose, and she became an extremely competitive player, rarely playing for the "fun" of it,
Living in Houston and working in the "good 'ole boy" oil and industry, it was not long before I was made aware of Lochinvar, one of the most exclusive private clubs in Houston. And men only. Of course, knowing that golf is a mind game, I was prepared for men in my foursome to nonchalantly mention the club thinking it would bother me. And then one day, I got roped into playing a women's tournament and decided to rattle the competition by using a golf bag from Lochinvar with the club's name written in such large bold letters you could not miss it. From that day on, I used it all the time.
Oh, and what about Helen Crump Street being the first women member at Pine Valley? When Axios first announced Pine Valley finally allowing women members, Black wanted to know more and learned that the club almost went into bankruptcy in the early 1920s but was saved by the founder's sister, who was then given a lifetime membership. But that was a century ago … with no other women members allowed … until now.
If you think today’s politics are ugly … let’s talk about a man who named himself “dictator for life” of the Roman empire, and is then assassinated by a group of senators, including his best friend. (However, there’s a “pretty” part – Cleopatra was his mistress.) Food trivia and leadership lessons aside, the fact July is named after him is the perfect excuse to rerun one of Red’s favorite Banter Bites …
Quick! If someone says "Julius Caesar," what comes to mind?
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: Almost everyone has heard of Julius Caesar, but how many of us really know much about him, or at least that's what Red starts to wonder when she receives the usual flippant, but still accurate, reply from her sister, after feeling very proud that she knew that July was named after the famous Roman.
Which is what got Red to realize, much to her surprise (shock, if truth be told), that even as a straight-A student with a love of history, that when it came to Julius Caesar, a famous historical figure and possibly one of the greatest generals and statesmen of all time, she couldn't tell you dates or battles or anything "historical" associated with him.
Even as a theater major in college, she never read Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar," although she knew just enough about the play to know that it was where the fortune teller warned Caesar to "Beware the Ides of March." Instead, her knowledge of Caesar came from her love of movies.
My first, and probably my most enduring, memory is of a brilliant general who not only commanded armies as he conquered lands far from home but was a great statesman who was also involved with one of the world's most beautiful women. And while he was Julius Caesar and the woman was Cleopatra, to me, they'll always be Rex Harrison and Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra, a movie almost as controversial as the general himself.
And Black? Besides knowing that Caesar Salad was invented by a different Caesar, she appreciates Julius Caesar's leadership skills and way with words,
There is much we can learn about leadership from Julius Caesar, whether on the battlefield, in politics, or in business (start small, take risks, communicate well), including what ultimately led to his death (always consider worst-case scenarios, never get complacent or arrogant). Many of his quotes speak (pun intended) to his powerful way with words, and the ability to not only deliver a message but to inspire (and story tell), with my favorite being, "I came, I saw, I conquered."
We don’t know about you, but we hate bathing suit shopping. So, we can’t imagine what it must be like if you’re looking for a gender-fluid one. And why would anyone get their panties in a knot (as Black would say) if Target sells them? Or Pride-themed merchandise? But clearly, people did. Which makes us ask … why should Target have such a difficult time supporting their LGBTQ+ (there are variations of this acronym) customers? And, more importantly, why can’t we let people celebrate who they are without facing a backlash of prejudice and violence?!
Rainbows are beautiful and suggest something magical. But during Pride Month, they also become a symbol of love, support, and understanding for the LGBTQ community.
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: Until yesterday, when Black explained it to her, Red, like many people, didn't realize that Pride Month evolved from a tragic event, the Stonewall Uprising, into both a tribute and a memorial before it became a worldwide celebration of the LGBTQ community.
In fact, Red believes that if she hadn't pursued a theater degree at college, she might have gone decades without getting to know someone that was gay. However, looking back, she's sure that she had high school classmates who would later be able to identify themselves as LGBTQ, but back then had to keep it a secret in fear of being bullied, ostracized, or possibly even disowned by their families.
I was a freshman at Wake Forest University, a Baptist school in North Carolina in 1980, so not someplace you would expect to find an outwardly gay person. However, I spent almost all of my time at the theater department, which is where I first met "Bryan." You couldn't help but become friends with him because he was so incredibly funny and talented. But there was something else about him, and although initially I couldn't quite put my finger on it, I soon realized that he was gay. I had grown up sheltered (that's an understatement) in a neighborhood that was almost exclusively Jews and Italians, and now was at a school that was even more "white bread" than that, but my only thought was, "Ok, cool, now I know a gay person."
Black, being five years older and having gone to school in New York City and then London, was more worldly than Red (that's not saying much), not to mention she tended to date much more than Red did.
I was at London Business School, and this was 1978, back when private clubs and discos (like Tramp's and Annabel's) were all the rage. One of the other Americans, Bob, a very handsome Black man, invited me to go clubbing with him. I got all dressed up for a night on the town, and the minute we walked into the first club, I felt like a kid in a candy store – it was filled with incredibly good-looking men, and I seemed to be one of the few women. The odds were in my favor. But then, the penny dropped, and I asked Bob if this was a gay club. It was, and I think it was his way of letting me know he was gay (or maybe he thought I already knew), but I thought it cruel. It was like being in that candy store, but being told you can look, but you cannot touch.
As Baby Boomers, our opinions and attitudes toward LGBTQ were influenced by our first encounters, so we saw them as people who merely had different sexual preferences. Full stop. Red's daughters, who are 18 and 22, laugh at the fact their mom and aunt can remember their "first time" as so many of their friends are LGBTQ. No big deal.
So, what can we each do to celebrate Pride Month and show our support? Of course, Red loves the idea of cooking, watching movies, and reading books, while Black knows there are many highly effective workplace activities. But what's most important is finding a way to commemorate and bring awareness to a population that includes our families, our friends, our neighbors, our communities.
No matter what holiday you may celebrate, Red can’t help but quote a line from one of her favorite Christmas songs, “Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Let your heart be light. From now on, your troubles will be out of sight.”
And Black can’t help but point out that the song wasn’t introduced in a Christmas movie but in the movie "Meet Me In St. Louis."
Wishing you a merry everything and a happy always!