Chapter 10: So You Think Staying At Home Isn’t A Full-Time Job?
Red had never thought about all the things she did as a mom as anything more than, well, being a mom. Juggling a million and one things, all of which seemed to be a priority (if not to her, then to others). Putting out daily fires, trying to anticipate the next problem before it happened, and keeping life running as smoothly as possible were all part of what she signed up for. And since she had always wanted to be a mom, she never gave any of it a second thought — until the day Black got her thinking about her life in a whole new way.
P.S. - Initially, Red found it hard to believe that what she called “Mom skills” were highly valuable workplace skills. What Black refers to as “soft skills” (don’t get her started on all the other names for them!). Over the years, as we detoured into the education world and the workplace, Red was fascinated by the full impact of what Black had told her in those first months of her crisis. (We even created curricula related to soft skills as they’re demonstrated throughout our book.) But what Red finds most powerful is that soft skills are totally transferable — from the workplace to your personal life, and vice versa.
What I didn’t realize was that I’d never work harder in my life than once I added the responsibilities of being a full-time mom to those of being a wife and a daughter. And now, as I have taken on the management of the family’s finances and the work associated with moving to a new house, my workload has gotten even bigger.
| Just checking in. What’s going on? It sounds like World War III. |
| Let me call you back. |
| Sorry it took me so long to call you back. We were in the middle of labeling Ziploc bags when the girls decided to start fighting over the markers. Then, as I was trying to stop them from arguing, Nick told me that he had promised to paint with the girls, but we were out of watercolors. That’s when you called. |
| Did you get it all resolved? |
| Oh, yes. I told the girls if they didn’t stop fighting, no one was going to get to use the markers, and we wouldn’t go through any more of the scrapbook stuff, which they were really enjoying. They settled down immediately. I told Nick I’d add watercolors to my shopping list, but told him that I’d check to see if I had some extra paint in my secret gift stash. There was, so that emergency was handled and now things are back to being calm. For the moment. |
| Told you so. |
| Told me what? |
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Red assets.rebelmouse.io | Your job is every bit as demanding as a corporate position and, in fact, you use many of the same skill sets. |
| Dealing with markers and paint? You need to get out more. |
| Me? I think it is you that needs to get out more. First, you motivated the girls to help you with the scrapbooks by making it a game. When they started to fight, you demonstrated negotiating skills. And then you dealt with Nick’s emergency. So you can add “quick decision-making in an ever-changing environment” to your resume, along with your financial and time-management skills. |
| You do know that the way you look at things is NOT normal, don’t you? Not that there’s anything wrong with it since it always gives me something to think about, but it’s certainly different. |
| And now you are demonstrating your communication skills. Questioning my thought process, but buffering it with a compliment. |
| Now you’re being a smart-ass. |
| True, but I bet you praised the girls for helping you with the scrapbook project. In all seriousness, you would make a good office manager. |
| I’m not trying to be an office manager. All those things are just part of being a mom. And they happen all the time. That’s my life. |
| A life full of business skills you are taking for granted. |
Want More?
Second Chance Month may almost be over, but giving someone a second chance, especially for those who’ve been on the wrong side of the law, shouldn’t end when April does. Because we’ve all made mistakes, and a second chance is a gift that can make all the difference, as Red dramatically learned below …
| I had no idea that April was “Second Chance Month” until you sent me the official proclamation. I find it interesting that in the midst of juggling our usual million and one Red & Black things, your interest in criminal justice, which I know you consider a “passion project”, is as strong as ever, maybe even stronger. |
| It is not intentional, sometimes “passion projects” find you. And, when you least expect it. |
| Or where you least expect it! Only you would take a “field trip” to a men’s prison. |
| I will not get on my soapbox about how our education system contributes to the criminal justice problem. I will never forget a friend of mine who was formerly incarcerated telling me, “Rehabilitating people makes the assumption they were habilitated in the first place.” |
| When you stop and think about that statement, it’s pretty powerful! But I have to smile as once upon a time you, and I, used words like “offenders” and “prisoners” until we learned how our choice of words could be dehumanizing. |
| Says the woman who once believed in the idea of “lock ’em up and throw away the key”. |
| That was before! I know you told me that just because someone made a bad decision, it didn’t make them a bad person, but it sounded like a cliche. Now, my opinion is based on our experience and the impact we’ve seen. The feedback has been eye-opening. Unfortunately, life doesn’t come with “do-overs.” |
| Exactly. None of us are perfect. We have all made bad decisions. Second chances are about opportunities to show we have learned from our mistakes. |
| Well, I know I have. Obviously, not anything illegal. But it made me determined to teach my daughters what I had learned. Probably one of the most heartwarming parts of the feedback we’ve received is that so many people on the inside want better – not only for themselves, but for their children and grandchildren. |
| Yes, which is why having a second chance is so critical. And, helping set people up for success, not failure, because it is about more than changing the lives of the formerly incarcerated -- it can change the lives of their families and, in turn, our communities and our country. |
| A ripple effect that could mean more people may get it right the first time and not need a second chance. |
| True. Maybe we should look at it as giving society a second chance … |
Don’t Expect A Compliment From A Sarcastic Sister — But Have A Comeback
After decades away from golf, Red decided she wanted to start playing again. On a recent Sunday, after going to the driving range, she met up with Black. And the very first thing Black said to her? “So, are you wearing white pantyhose?” They both laughed, but hours later, Red realized the perfect reply (don’t you hate when that happens?) would have been, “No, but I’m honoring Skin Cancer Awareness Month!" Confused? Then read one of Red's favorite posts ...
I'll never forget the day. It was an "almost" ordinary day out on the golf course with my mom and dad during the heat of a Long Island summer. Now, if "Long Island" conjures up images of stately manors on the North Shore (think "Great Gatsby") or beachfront mansions in the Hamptons (think Robin Leach and his popular show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"), you can put those out of your head. I'm not talking about some fancy country club golf course, just a regular public course.
I loved the game ever since I learned to play as a teenager, and although I never got to play while at college (Wake Forest, which was renowned for its golf program, with its most famous alumni being Arnold Palmer), I'd try to get out as often as possible when I was home. I wasn't a phenomenal player but had a decent game and natural talent. And most of the time, I hit it pretty straight, so one of the things I enjoyed was walking down the middle of the fairway, pulling my clubs along (no fancy golf carts on this course), appreciating the day and the sport.
On one (very rare) occasion, my sister came back to New York to visit, as she moved out of state as soon as she graduated from business school. She also played golf, but unlike me, who relied on natural ability and played for fun, she worked extremely hard at her game, was overly competitive, and played "business golf". The result was that she was a far better player than me, although I was holding my own on that day.
As Black often says, the scorecard contains only numbers, no editorial. And it would ultimately show that she'd beat me, but as we were each walking up one of the last holes toward our respective balls, in the heat of a late summer afternoon, with the sun at our backs, I was secretly hoping that she'd be proud of me. So, after I hit my fairway shot onto the green, I heard her call out to me, and my hopes were high,
I wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or be angry. Or to just roll my eyes as it really was something only my sister would say. And to this day, I'm not even sure if she had even noticed how close I came to beating her and how well I played – "upping" my game driven by her much better game.
But I also know that I can never look down at my very pale legs without laughing just a little at how a lifetime ago (or so it seems), she was so right. Recently, when she treated me to my first pair of Birkenstocks, I stood in the store trying them on, and before she had a chance to say it I told her … Yes, I do look like I have on white hose.
P. S. – I feel it only fair (pun intended) to have a P.S. for a P.S.A. – Long ago, the harm of the summer sun wasn't as well known, but in the years since, we've learned how important sunblock is. Year-round. So, whether you're a redhead who never tans (I used to cycle between being extremely pale and burning red and back again) or someone who does tan, take care of your skin!