We ended our March column, RED & BLACK … Don't Regret Your Regrets?, with me telling Red, "I do not 'do' regrets," but our actual conversation continued as she wanted to know how that is even possible to do. Knowing that she loves lists, I decided to put one together for her.

As a bit of backstory, having loved ones die, especially untimely deaths, can have a powerful impact. That is what happened to me growing up. It made me realize that the future is not a guarantee, but merely an incentive. And that, in turn, had a direct influence on my priorities. And, how I approach life … with no regrets.

1. If You Love Them, Let Them Know
   This is probably the most obvious, but if "postponed" can become an extremely painful regret. Since I learned this at such an early age, I have been doing it almost my entire life – and can tell you that it quickly becomes a habit. Not sure how to start? Make a list of the people you love, and either through words or actions (or both), let them know. It can be a simple call or visit (virtual counts), or an unexpected email or note. Or, a long letter. FYI, this also works for people you respect, admire, or appreciate.
2. Maybe You Do Not Need To Work Less
   As a die-hard workaholic and someone who proclaims, "I have no life," you might think this falls under "Do as I say, not as I do." Yet, if you were to track my time, you would see I always carve out time for exercise and try my best to be there when my sister and nieces need me. Pre-COVID, I always saved Saturday evenings for dinner with dear friends. Work/life balance means finding time for the things that are most important or bring us the greatest pleasure, which is different from saying "I need to work less."
3. Be Brave
   This is semantics. If I said, "Take risks," I would get push-back as most people are risk-averse. For me, I look at risk-reward; does the upside potential outweigh the downside risk? Over the years, I have done things that did not work out as planned. Do I wish I had not done them? No, I look at what positive things came out of the experience (many mistakes can be fixed) ... even if only lessons learned. Research shows that people's biggest regrets tend to involve things they did not do when they had the opportunity, not the things they did.
4. Worrying Wastes Time (And Cause Wrinkles)
   Time is a precious commodity as you can make more money, but you cannot make more time. So, why waste any of it worrying about things that are beyond our control? The next time something has you worrying, decide what you can do to change the outcome. If the answer is "nothing," then think about what you need to do to prepare for the worst-case outcome. Then, shift your mindset and focus on the best-case scenario. (I know Red often thinks I am an "eternal optimist" and sometimes has a hard time reconciling that to me being pragmatic.)
5. Emotions Are Not Created Equal
   Yes, Red is the warm and fuzzy emotional one, while I am the pragmatic one. But, sometimes, you have to learn to be less emotional. For example, everyone has been emotionally hurt at some point, yet I know of people who stay stuck in bitterness and never get past the pain. If you learn to forgive, you can replace the time spent being resentful with more positive things. Maybe even little acts of kindness (a smile, a compliment, a small gesture). No one ever lay on their deathbed and said, "I wish I had been meaner and more spiteful."

There is no point in regretting what you wish you had done differently, but nothing stops you from coming to terms with your regrets and moving forward with a clean slate.