| Well, it seems I barely got the Thanksgiving decorations put away and I was putting out Chanukah menorahs. Which means the year's almost over. Where did it go? |
| You say that every year. But this year, I think everyone wants the year to be over. |
| Now there's an understatement! But I still love this time of year. I just wish I could enjoy it more, but I know that the days will just fly by. Chanukah comes mid-month and I'll barely be able to celebrate it before making sure that I'm prepared for Christmas and then New Year. |
| That is the holiday tradition, exhaust yourself getting "ready" for the holidays. Then, try your best to actually enjoy the holiday, which will be a challenge unto itself given the pandemic. And then, feel relief, and maybe a little sadness, when it is over. |
| You sound like a modern-day Scrooge. |
| If that were the case, I would have mentioned the people who go through the holiday season feeling overwhelmed, lonely, or even depressed. Which is probably more this year than usual. |
| You're not helping the situation. I'm already feeling overwhelmed. Between parenting, work, and managing the challenges of the coronavirus, the holidays just add more things to my already long to-do list with deadlines that can't slide. |
| Correct me if I am wrong, but I thought the holiday season was supposed to be about spending quality time with family and friends. A time of fun and joy. Of giving and sharing. Of hope. And, maybe even magical. And, yes, I appreciate that the pandemic will require being creative, but it can still be done. |
| What's going on? You're talking about feelings! You're supposed to be the pragmatic one. |
| No need to be concerned. Remember, I am the one who can talk about relationships and take emotions out of the picture. |
| Which always makes me laugh. You're truly the only person I've ever known who can use bullet points to explain relationships. |
| But, do they make sense? |
| Yes, but what does that have to do with the holidays? |
| Everything. Think about it. |
| I hate when you won't just answer my question. |
| No, you hate when I make you think. Do you remember the first bullet point? |
| Yes. It's about understanding your values and priorities – totally independent of the other person. But the holidays are about giving and sharing. They're about family and friends. Even you said that. |
| True. But, first you have to get back to basics and determine what is important to you. Otherwise, you get too wrapped up in all the details and forget the big picture. And, it is all the details which cause the stress and fatigue. |
| No kidding. Tell me about it. |
| One thing leads to another on your list. Then you start adding things you would like to do if you have the time, which somehow become things you feel you have to do. The next thing you know, you have totally unrealistic expectations. Layer on top the over-commercialization of the holiday season and you now are set up for failure instead of success. And, that does not even address the financial aspects, and associated stress, of the holidays. |
| When I said, "Tell me about it," I was agreeing with you -- not really asking you to tell me about it. |
| Too late now. You know how literal I can be. Lists aside, can you think of one or two things that you look forward to every holiday season? |
| That's easy. The first is I always make a conscious effort to spend more time with the girls. It can be as simple as just watching TV with Sawyer or FaceTiming with Natasha. The second is making a little time for me, which this year will mean being creative since I can't escape to the movies. |
| We both know it is not the movie – it is the movie popcorn. Anyway, the answer is "yes." Now, can you think of one or two unimportant things that are on your holiday to-do list just because they have always been on your list? |
| Yes. Definitely more than one or two. |
| Does your list have any of those "it would be nice if I had spare time" items that you know will not happen? |
| Of course, it does. I see what you're doing. You're making me admit that even though I understand and talk about focusing on what's really important, I sometimes forget to stop and think about it. |
| I was not asking for an admission of guilt, I was merely helping you remember to … Stop. Think. And, most importantly … Enjoy. |
| As you know, I love history, but I appreciate many people don’t. |
| I am one of those people, so not sure where you are going with this. |
| Exactly. So, when you first wanted to talk to me about the history of credit cards, I should have known something was up. |
| Or, at least been curious. |
| How was I supposed to know it would make a difference in my life? |
| Why else would I want to give you a “history lesson”? |
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| I don’t know. But in my defense, my husband had just gotten fired, and I was freaking out about a million things, so wasn’t in the mood for a history lesson. And when it came to dealing with our credit cards, I just wanted to be told what to do. |
| I found it ironic since you always tell me understanding history is critical to understanding how we got to where we are today. |
| That’s in the context of world events, not my personal life. |
| The logic holds in both scenarios. That is why I insisted you learn about the history of credit cards. I knew it would help you. |
| Help? It ultimately made all the difference. Not only to me but also to the students we taught at KIPP Houston High School and the hundreds who attended our many student presentations. Not to mention countless adults because most of our speaking engagements include a segment on credit cards. |
| It all started in the 1920s with gas charge cards, which were marketed to traveling salesmen as a convenience so they would not have to carry cash. They were “charge” cards in that you charged your purchase and then paid in full at the end of the month. |
| When you first explained it, I didn’t think much about it until you asked me where, if I had a Shell card, I would most likely buy gas. |
| It was a very clever business angle. Gas cards soon led to general-purpose charge cards, like Diners Club and American Express, with the companies making money off the businesses accepting them. |
| Growing up, I remember Daddy having a Diner’s Club card. I found it interesting you could use a little plastic card to pay for a meal instead of money. It was like magic. |
| Then, in the late 1950s, Bank of America … note the word “bank” … issued the first “credit” card – meaning they were extending credit to the cardholder. And, charging interest if they carried a balance. |
| The first time you told me this, I thought it might come in handy if I found myself on a game show, but wondered what it had to do with my credit card debt. |
| In a word … everything. Although credit cards were marketed as a convenience to replace carrying cash or having to write a check, issuers knew they were so easy to use that many people would carry balances. And, they would make money off those people. Lots of money. |
| Easy is an understatement. But it certainly explained our mountain of credit card debt. |
| Would you have looked at them differently if they had been marketed as consumer debt or financial aid? |
| That sounds more like warning labels than something to make your life easier. |
| Exactly. Marketing at its best. Not only convenience, but they were selling “priceless” experiences. Except they carried a huge price tag if you did not have the money to pay the bill in full when it arrived. |
| When we taught at KIPP, that message didn’t sink in how I wanted it to. So, I told them to imagine getting dressed up, walking into a bank, and asking to speak to the loan officer. When asked the reason they wanted a loan, they’d respond with, “I saw a great pair of shoes at the mall and want to buy them” or maybe, “I want to go out with my friends to see the latest action blockbuster movie and then go to dinner.” |
| Yes, and they all started laughing. Until you told them that when they were old enough to have a credit card if they knew they did not have the money to pay the bill when it arrived, it would be no different than a bank loan, except the interest rate would be higher. |
| I even started calling credit cards “loan cards”, which definitely made an impact on them. When we tell that story at speaking engagements, I know it hits home for lots of men and women, even if they don’t want to admit it. |
| I bet many of them can relate to your initial reaction when I suggested you use credit cards as charge cards were first intended … “You mean pay off what you spend each month? Do people do that?” |
| For most of us “mere mortals,” it’s an interesting concept. And, although it may not always be realistic, it’s a new way of looking at credit cards. |
| Actually, it is a very old way. The original way. |
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April is Financial Literacy Month, so what better time to remember the history – and true purpose – of credit cards? Not as a line of credit or endless funds to buy things, simply as a convenience tool, nothing more.
| Did you know that April's Autism Awareness Month? I wasn't aware (pun intended) of it until I read our local homeowner's monthly newsletter and it caught my eye. |
| Actually, last month the founding organization, the Autism Society, changed "Awareness" to "Acceptance" to foster inclusivity, as knowing about something is very different from accepting it. But I am guessing that is not the point of this call. |
| Although it isn't autism, it reminded me of years ago when we found out that Natasha has learning disabilities. |
| I think you mean DIFF-abilities. |
| Of course, that's another thing I remember. I was focused on the negative aspects of her diagnosis until you asked me, point-blank, "Why are they called disabilities?" And proceeded to explain that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. |
| Exactly! Imagine the world if everyone excelled at math, but flunked English. Or, a world of lawyers, but no musicians. Some people are better at social skills, while others excel at handling technical data. Why not just say that people who have different skillsets and abilities have DIFF-abilities versus making them feel like they have shortcomings? |
| I know that you completely changed my way of thinking, not only about Natasha but about the concept of "disabilities" full stop. It opened my eyes – and my brain – about how just because someone has challenges or limited abilities in some areas, that doesn't mean they don't have different gifts and strengths in other areas. |
| Exactly. Although autism is a "spectrum condition" meaning it affects people differently and to varying degrees, it is a complex developmental disorder that can affect a person's social skills, and ability to communicate and interact with others. However, autistic people usually possess some extremely valuable traits that are rare in non-autistic people. |
| Which is why it frustrates me that so many people feel like those with disabilities, excuse me DIFF-abilities, are "lesser" people. When Natasha was diagnosed, she was in her teens and already had a very strong personality (no doubt inherited from you) and, luckily, seemed to have an innate understanding that she was just different, not better, not worse, than others. I guess one of the biggest challenges is to get others to see things with the same mindset. |
| We are a story-telling society, and there are countless stories of people with DIFF-abilities, including those with autism, that are eye-opening and more powerful than anything we could ever say. |
| Funny you say that, as I was curious to learn more about autism and found some inspiring quotes (including a wonderful Tom Hanks clip) that not only gave me great insight but made me smile. One of my favorites was how Paul Collins, an author and parent of an autistic child, said, "Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg." That's such a great way to describe not only those with autism but any disability. |
| Well, technically, it will fit, but it requires that the diameter of the circle be larger than the diagonal of the square. Basic geometry. But, I understand Paul Collin's point. |
| Talk about DIFF-abilities! Couldn't you just agree with me? |
| The thought never crossed my mind. |
| As much of a history buff as I am, I’m embarrassed to admit that for a long time, I didn’t know March was Women’s History Month. But now that I do, I’m amazed by all the inspirational stories of women’s remarkable achievements. |
| Too bad Natasha and Sawyer do not still live at home; it would be fun to start a conversation by asking them what women they find inspiring. |
| I already know who they would pick. The first woman to race the road course at Indianapolis Motor Speedway. And I’d have to agree with them. Your Ferrari racing has made an impact on so many people. But especially girls. |
| Until you mentioned it several years ago, I never thought about that. In the 1970s, I was one of the few women in business school. I then made a career in the male-dominated oil and gas industry. I am used to being a “token” female. |
| Trust me. I watch people whenever we’ve done speaking engagements. It’s predictable ... we put up the family tree, and Natasha and Sawyer get awws, but your two racecars get everyone’s attention. |
| A Ferrari and vintage Porsche usually do. I appreciate that not many women race cars, but as I often say, “How hard can it be, boys do it?” |
| That always makes me laugh. |
| It is a factual statement. |
| I’m not saying no, but it definitely makes a point. That girls can do anything. |
| Well, I have always felt that way. Looking back, my role model growing up was Marlo Thomas in “That Girl.” |
| The late 1960s TV sitcom? Seriously? I have to admit I didn’t watch it as it never really appealed to me. |
| Maybe you should have. Until then, women on TV shows were either someone’s wife, someone’s mother, or someone’s secretary – but never someone independent. Playing an aspiring actress living on her own in New York City, it was easy for me to relate to as we grew up just a short train ride away on Long Island. |
| But she wasn’t real. She was a character on a sitcom! |
| Regardless, it changed my perception of women. Here was a single woman with dreams and aspirations. And, ambition. She was willing to try new things and willing to fail. She put her career ahead of a traditional marriage with children. |
| That may have contributed to why I didn’t watch it. I always wanted to get married and have children, and in a perfect world, would be a stay-at-home mom. I like tradition and history. |
| Does “Gone With The Wind” count as history? Growing up, the character of Scarlett O’Hara was my favorite movie character. Still is. She was a dynamic, independent woman who did not leave her fate to others and pushed the boundaries of her time. |
| Another fictional character. Don’t you think real-life women make a greater impact? |
| Inspiration comes from different places for different people. And, at different stages of our lives. Funny thing is, and I did not realize it until decades after “That Girl” was off the air, Thomas had formed her own production company, Daisy Productions, to produce and own the series. But, the ultimate badass was Lucille Ball. |
| I’ve always loved “I Love Lucy” and have probably seen every episode multiple times, giving me years of laughter and enjoyment. But that’s not how I’d describe her! |
| She was much more than an actress and comedian; she was a trailblazing producer and very shrewd in business. She became one of the first women to own her own TV production company (she bought out Desi Arnaz's share of Desilu Studios several years after their divorce), but also produced such TV classics as “The Untouchables,” “Mission Impossible,” and was even behind the original Star Trek TV series. |
| Wow, I had no idea. Talk about an amazing woman and role model. At the risk of repeating myself, she really did prove girls can do anything. |
| Of course, we can. If we put our mind to it. It is all about mindset and perspective. |
| True. But what I find amazing is you don’t see how you’re a role model. Your entire life is full of examples of doing things girls – and women – traditionally didn’t do. |
| I did things I wanted to do. Plus, telling me I could not do something made me even more determined. It never dawned on me that someone might think it unsuitable or “wrong”. |
| Not that it would have made any difference. You’ve never cared what others think about you. |
| And, I doubt that will ever change. |
| Well, you should care. At least, about the impact your racing has made on young girls. I’ve seen you do in minutes what parents have tried to do for years. |
| Sounds like a bit of an exaggeration. |
| Really? A friend of mine, a single dad, called me after his daughter saw you and your racecar at a Make-A-Wish event. For years, he told her she could be whatever she wanted, never getting a reaction. That night, she came home and said, “Hey Dad, I met Natasha’s aunt, she races cars, I really can do anything.” |
| It is the power of showing versus just telling. |
| So, you admit that you’re a role model! |
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Never.
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Looking for ways to celebrate Women’s History Month? Spend some time learning about and celebrating women’s accomplishments, including these female trailblazers who changed American education, these women who were pioneers in medicine, and these history making female scientists. Or, it can be as simple as ““women helping women” by sharing motivational stories, offering words of praise and encouragement, or becoming a mentor.