| I can't believe it's been a year since they canceled last year's Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, which means that it's been a year since COVID-19 has seemingly taken over our lives. It's almost hard to remember what life used to be like. |
| I am not even sure we know how the "new norm" will look. And, believe it or not, I can still remember the dilemma you faced in terms of Sawyer and the Houston Rodeo. But, the fact you used me as your sounding board, for what I remember as countless hours, may explain it. |
| The mom in me just wanted to lock her in the house until we knew more about COVID-19. But I also knew the carnival and concerts at the Houston Rodeo are far and away one of the highlights not only of Spring Break, but her entire year. |
| Well, the fact they canceled it after the first week made your life – and mine – much easier. So, looking back, do you think you would have stopped her from going? |
| Hello? You still there? |
| Yes. I'm thinking about how to answer that. Part of me wants to believe that I'd have exercised my parental right to use "tough love" … but honestly, I really don't know. But what I do know is that looking back, I'd do things differently. |
| Really? I know you were borderline fanatical about cleaning your groceries for a long time, but many people were. And although Mom, who says she understands, will probably never forgive you for only seeing her "through a window" for almost a year now, even though it is for her own safety. |
| No, I meant further back in time. This past year has had me thinking about all the things I didn't do over the years. And how I always took for granted that I'd be able to do them. Then, overnight, I couldn't. |
| It is funny you mention that, as various business publications are predicting a boom in travel once things start to open safely. In fact, some Christmas 2021 cruises are already sold out. |
| Cruises aren't on my list, but travel is. Over the years, my reasons for not traveling were cost-related, but I also struggled to find the time given the girls' schedules and us always being so busy with Red & Black. Bottom line, there were always reasons not to do it. And now I regret it. Not for the missed trips themselves, but for the opportunity to create memories, as some of my fondest memories are from trips. And I don't mean the things I saw; I mean the time spent with those I was traveling with or traveling to see. |
| First, no one ever said on their deathbed, "I wish I had worked more." Smarter maybe, but not more. Second, then make "memory making" a priority and start immediately. Call or Zoom friends, do a COVID-safe staycation, take a day-long road trip. Be creative. |
| I'm already doing some of that, but the point I was trying to make is that I always thought I could do these things another time. Until life just seemed to stop. And then, a year later, you realize you might not always have the time you assumed you would. |
| For years, I have said that the future is not a guarantee, merely an incentive. Unfortunately, I think the pandemic has made that painfully obvious for many people. |
| Somehow, I don't think you're talking about trips. I know that life's full of regrets, but I imagine one of the worst ones is not being able to say goodbye to a loved one and realizing you never said or did the things you wish you had. It makes you think about the many things we don't do because we're busy and feel we can do it another time – simple things like stopping and spending a bit more time with your child, your partner, your parent – until you later look back and regret it. |
| I think that is natural and, unfortunately, a part of life. |
| I know. But this past year, more than ever before, has me thinking about things that I regret. Full stop. Some things go back many years, like losing touch with old friends, while others are more recent and make me wish for a "do-over". |
| Well, it seems to me that you have two options. You can sit there and have your regrets. Or, you can learn from your regrets and do things differently. |
| Hello. Are you thinking, again? |
| Yes. You're right; I've been so focused on the things I regret, and have felt that I can never have another chance at, that I never even thought about how I can turn some of those regrets around. Or at least make sure I don't have similar regrets in the future. So, at the risk of regretting asking this question … do you have any regrets? |
| Just as I do not take walks down memory lane, I do not "do" regrets |
| So, you're trying to tell me there's nothing you'd do differently if you could live your life over? |
| I did not say that. I said that I do not "do" regrets. However, making mistakes is very different from having regrets. |
| Somehow, I knew I'd regret asking … |
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.
Photo by chameleoneye for iStock
Tonight is the first night of Chanukah (FYI, there are multiple "correct" spellings), and while Red may be celebrating the Festival of Lights with potato latkes (pancakes), when she lights the menorah to symbolize bringing light into darkness, she’ll be laughing at Black’s car analogy …
| At the risk of Black coming up with another potato analogy, for me, Chanukah's all about potato latkes. The childhood memories of our dad grating pounds and pounds of potatoes to the point where I'm not sure I could see our kitchen table, many decades later, my eldest daughter taste-testing latkes from an assortment of places. (I love to cook, but latkes are a lot of work.) Of course, the lighting of the menorah is also such a special part of the holiday celebration, whether the electric menorah that my parents had where you would "twist" each light bulb as the nights progressed or the more traditional menorah with candles that my daughters and I light each year (and never leave unattended). |
| I never cease to be amazed by the miracle of Chanukah (regardless of whether you spell it Chanukah or Hanukkah, or some other variation) and how the oil that was only supposed to last one day instead lasted for eight days. It is as if your cellphone indicated it is at 12% but lasts eight days. Or, if the gas gauge in your car indicates you have 25 miles left, but you are able to drive 200 miles. Sometimes things happen that defy logic, and that is where faith takes over. And, a belief in something bigger than all of us. |
red headassets.rebelmouse.io
Blackassets.rebelmouse.ioTomorrow is the start of Chanukah, the Festival of Lights, which celebrates hope and miracles – and who could not use hope and miracles?
Happy Chanukah!
Every year on #GivingTuesday, Red tells Black that she knows how important giving is – whether time or money – but, unlike Black, she doesn’t have a meaningful charity that’s been part of her life for decades. We often “repeat” the conversation below, but this year, Black suggested that Red use #GivingTuesday to think about what charity inspires her or holds special meaning, and then get involved. Making it personal often ends up making it a year-round passion rather than a one-off obligation.
But no matter how you approach charity, beware of potential scammers. And, if in doubt — check them out! (Black likes GuideStar and Charity Navigator.)
| I know today’s Giving Tuesday, but what I always find so amazing is how you treat every day as “Giving Tuesday." |
| What makes you say that? I do not donate to an organization or charity every day. |
| You’re always so literal. I meant that the spirit of “giving to others”, whether donating or providing support in some way, seems to be part of your daily life. |
| I think you are exaggerating. |
| Really? What about your involvement with The Make-A-Wish Foundation? That’s been going on for years. And it didn’t take a “holiday” to get you involved. |
| Actually, it was a golf tournament decades ago. But once you see the difference you can make, even if it is a small donation because they add up, it becomes a way of life. Or, at least, it did for me. |
| I know you’ve quietly done things for other organizations and people, too. Living in the Houston area, we have no shortage of natural disasters, and we’ve seen people’s generosity. But what I like about GivingTuesday is it’s not waiting for a specific event because there are so many worthwhile charities that need our support every day. |
| Agree. And, although I am not always a huge fan of social media, #GivingTuesday – note the hashtag – started in 2012 to harness the power of the internet for hashtag activism and, more specifically, to inspire people and companies to give back. |
| Well, social media or not, I know how important it is to give back and help others. And it’s not always about money. Sometimes they need people to donate their time or expertise. I just wish we didn’t need a tragic event or “special day” as a reminder. |
| So, now that you have been reminded, stop talking to me and do your fair share for #GivingTuesday. Trust me, you will be glad you did. |
Today (Black would probably say “every day”) is the perfect day to give back to others, so check out this great list of ideas and pick one (or more) and become part of #GivingTuesday!
What’s so funny about the holiest day in Judaism, Yom Kippur, the “Day of Atonement”? A day where you fast as a way to help you deeply reflect on your past year, asking forgiveness, and then promising to do better.
Well, technically, nothing is funny about the holiday, but every time we think of this speaking engagement, it makes us laugh (as it did our audience) …
| I know that Yom Kippur isn't exactly known as one of the "fun" Jewish holidays, but every year, I can't help but laugh at what's easily my number one Yom Kippur memory. |
| That is what makes memories … memorable. And, finding something to laugh at on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, which is probably the most important and solemn Jewish holiday, would be memorable. |
| I can't believe you're not even curious what it is!? |
assets.rebelmouse.io | You know I love to "connect the dots", and all you had to say was Yom Kippur, fun, and memory. Obviously, it was when RabbiScott asked us to speak before his congregation on Yom Kippur. |
| Well, I still find it surreal that we were asked to speak about money on one of the High Holy Days. And that we titled our presentation, "Oy Vey, You Want To Talk About Money?" |
| The day is about reflection, making fundamental changes – or at least adjustments – and trying to become a better person. And, just because it is a spiritual journey, there is no reason you cannot make learning fun. |
| True. I remember the time Rabbi Scott put a piece of aluminum foil in the children's Yom Kippur service program to help them understand that Yom Kippur's a day for reflection. But even you must admit that making a congregation laugh about money on a religious holiday is a bit much. |
| But, memorable. A few years later, I met someone who attended that service, and he said he's never forgotten it. |
| For the content or all the food analogies?! I can remember we started by saying how we just wanted to give everyone some food-for-thought and then saying, "Oops, since Yom Kippur's a day of fasting, maybe bringing up the subject of food wasn't such a good idea." |
| Of course, it did not stop us from doing it, again and again. |
| How else could we explain our unexpected journey into personal finance without mentioning it started at our first speaking engagement … which was at a Jewish Federation breakfast? |
| Or, how our detour into criminal justice started with me meeting with the chaplain at a men's prison? But I knew it was meant to be when she told me they had the only kosher kitchen in the Texas prison system. |
| And each time we looked at each other and then the audience, and we all laughed! With each mention of food, it just got funnier and funnier. But there was no way to avoid it. |
| I know. How could you tell the story about realizing all the money you were mindlessly spending at Jamba Juice without mentioning your almost-daily smoothies? Or, how you went grocery shopping at Whole Foods because it was convenient but not cost-effective. Anyway, until that day, I never realized how so many of our stories have to do with food. |
| I think the highlight was toward the end when I was explaining how I felt overwhelmed trying to tackle personal finance. That at times, things seemed insurmountable, and then you told me … it's like eating an elephant, you can do it, just one bite at a time. And everyone started laughing again. |
| On any other day, I doubt that analogy would make you think of food. But, on Yom Kippur, and especially since we were presenting after at least 15 hours of fasting, everything makes you hungry. |
| I guess it's like being so tired that you get slap happy. But I never thought a day of atonement and reflection could end up becoming a day of laughter. |
| On Yom Kippur, we wish people an "easy fast" or a "meaningful fast"… and if a bit of laughter, even if not intended, helps, what is wrong with that? |
| Good point. For that matter, you don't need to be Jewish to take a day, or even just an hour, to stop, to think, and to improve. |
| No fasting required. |