| Given all the "supply chain warnings", I'm starting my Thanksgiving planning a little earlier this year and saw that this year your birthday falls on Thanksgiving! |
| Yes. It happens every so often. And, although I do not like to celebrate my birthday any more than I like to celebrate holidays, at least I can kill two birds with one stone. |
| Only you would look for ways to efficiently "celebrate" special occasions. |
| Actually, looking for ways to avoid them. For years, when you lived overseas, I would go away for my birthday, which meant it was also a good way to avoid Thanksgiving. |
| Well, the girls have always loved having you come out to the house, especially since it's a relatively rare occurrence. Plus, on Thanksgiving, they'd enjoy it when you and Mom would argue with each other. I'd find it stressful, but for them, it's sheer entertainment. Talk about a holiday tradition. |
red head
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Black
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| Exactly. You are probably too young to remember, but when Uncle David and Grandpa Louie were still alive, every large family gathering, regardless of the occasion, included arguments that were actually debates. It is funny, the same arguments would continue for years with us never agreeing. But, it was never mean-spirited. And, for me, it was sport. |
| I'm glad you enjoy it, but as one who prefers conflict avoidance, not to mention being the warm and fuzzy one, I like celebrations where everyone behaves or, ideally, actually gets along. |
| How boring. Does that mean everyone also has to like the same kind of potatoes? You accept that some people like mashed potatoes, while others like mashed sweet potatoes with marshmallows, or some (like me) prefer baked yams. You do not pass judgment, and you always make all of them. |
| I'm not sure I'd equate having different opinions with liking different kinds of potatoes. Regardless, it's Thanksgiving, so I want everyone to be happy, at least in their food options. Anyway, it's no big deal because one of the best parts of Thanksgiving, besides the big inflatable turkey on the front yard that always makes me smile, is being able to "hide" in the kitchen for a day of cooking. |
| We are so different. You show you care by doing something you enjoy, cooking. Whereas, I show I care by showing up. Eating food I do not particularly like. (Have you ever noticed that I do not eat the turkey or the stuffing?) And, helping you with much of the clean-up because I feel it is the least I can do. |
| Really? Although I always appreciate your help, I thought you left the dining room as a way to limit how much you might be tempted to eat, especially as we can sit there for hours talking and nibbling. It's funny because, for most of us, Thanksgiving's more than just a meal; it's about giving thanks for all we have, and about memories from the past and hopes for the future. |
| It seems to me those things can be done even if it is not Thanksgiving. |
| In theory, yes. But most of us
"mere mortals" do better with a specific day to celebrate. It's like birthdays.
It's a perfect way to remember how important someone is and to make a point of
telling them. |
| I do not disagree. |
| Then why don't you celebrate your birthday? |
| There is a huge difference between acknowledging a birthday and making a big deal out of it. For example, the fact you and the girls, and then once Natasha moved overseas, you and Sawyer, always make a point of coming into Houston to see me, although not necessary, is always appreciated. |
| Of course, it's necessary. It's your birthday! But this year, we'll already all be together since it's on Thanksgiving. |
| Well, since I know "celebrating" is important to you, just put a candle in one of those cute turkey cupcakes you make every year. You know, the ones with the nasty candy corn as feathers. |
| Hey, I love candy corn. But in the spirit of celebrating your birthday in a way that will make you happy, how about a candle in a baked yam? Although I'll warn you now, the singing of "Happy Birthday" is non-negotiable. |
| And, you know what else makes me happy? My birthday will not fall on Thanksgiving again until 2027. |
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.
| Did you know that April's Autism Awareness Month? I wasn't aware (pun intended) of it until I read our local homeowner's monthly newsletter and it caught my eye. |
| Actually, last month the founding organization, the Autism Society, changed "Awareness "to "Acceptance" to foster inclusivity, as knowing about something is very different from accepting it. But I am guessing that is not the point of this call. |
| Although it isn't autism, it reminded me of years ago when we found out that Natasha has learning disabilities. |
| I think you mean DIFF-abilities. |
| Of course, that's another thing I remember. I was focused on the negative aspects of her diagnosis until you asked me, point-blank, "Why are they called disabilities?" And proceeded to explain that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. |
| Exactly! Imagine the world if everyone excelled at math, but flunked English. Or, a world of lawyers, but no musicians. Some people are better at social skills, while others excel at handling technical data. Why not just say that people who have different skillsets and abilities have DIFF-abilities versus making them feel like they have shortcomings? |
| I know that you completely changed my way of thinking, not only about Natasha but about the concept of "disabilities" full stop. It opened my eyes – and my brain – about how just because someone has challenges or limited abilities in some areas, that doesn't mean they don't have different gifts and strengths in other areas. |
| Exactly. Although autism is a "spectrum condition" meaning it affects people differently and to varying degrees, it is a complex developmental disorder that can affect a person's social skills, and ability to communicate and interact with others. However, autistic people usually possess some extremely valuable traits that are rare in non-autistic people. |
| Which is why it frustrates me that so many people feel like those with disabilities, excuse me DIFF-abilities, are "lesser" people. When Natasha was diagnosed, she was in her teens and already had a very strong personality (no doubt inherited from you) and, luckily, seemed to have an innate understanding that she was just different, not better, not worse, than others. I guess one of the biggest challenges is to get others to see things with the same mindset. |
| We are a story-telling society, and there are countless stories of people with DIFF-abilities, including those with autism, that are eye-opening and more powerful than anything we could ever say. |
| Funny you say that, as I was curious to learn more about autism and found some inspiring quotes (including a wonderful Tom Hanks clip) that not only gave me great insight but made me smile. One of my favorites was how Paul Collins, an author and parent of an autistic child, said, "Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg." That's such a great way to describe not only those with autism but any disability. |
| Well, technically, it will fit, but it requires that the diameter of the circle be larger than the diagonal of the square. Basic geometry. But, I understand Paul Collin's point. |
| Talk about DIFF-abilities! Couldn't you just agree with me? |
| The thought never crossed my mind. |
We’ve all wanted a “second chance” at some point in our lives. A “do-over” for a mistake we made, a bad decision, or something that didn’t work out well. An opportunity to show (to ourselves and to others) that we learned our lesson.
Now imagine that second chance being life-changing. For many people who’ve found themselves on the wrong side of the law, a second chance might be all they need to turn their lives around. Which is why April was designated Second Chance Month and why we’re rerunning what changed Red’s perspective on second chances …
| I had no idea that April was “Second Chance Month” until you sent me the official proclamation. I find it interesting that in the midst of juggling our usual million and one Red & Black things, your interest in criminal justice, which I know you consider a “passion project”, is as strong as ever, maybe even stronger. |
| It is not intentional, sometimes “ passion projects” find you. And, when you least expect it. |
| Or where you least expect it! Only you would take a “field trip” to a men’s prison. |
| I will not get on my soapbox about how our education system contributes to the criminal justice problem. I will never forget a friend of mine who was formerly incarcerated telling me, “Rehabilitating people makes the assumption they were habilitated in the first place.” |
| When you stop and think about that statement, it’s pretty powerful! But I have to smile as once upon a time you, and I, used words like “offenders” and “prisoners” until we learned how our choice of words could be dehumanizing . |
| Says the woman who once believed in the idea of “lock ’em up and throw away the key”. |
Black
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| That was before! I know you told me that just because someone made a bad decision, it didn’t make them a bad person, but it sounded like a cliche. Now, my opinion is based on our experience and the impact we’ve seen . The feedback has been eye-opening. Unfortunately, life doesn’t come with “do-overs.” |
| Exactly. None of us are perfect. We have all made bad decisions. Second chances are about opportunities to show we have learned from our mistakes. |
| Well, I know I have. Obviously, not anything illegal. But it made me determined to teach my daughters what I had learned. Probably one of the most heartwarming parts of the feedback we’ve received is that so many people on the inside want better – not only for themselves, but for their children and grandchildren. |
| Yes, which is why having a second chance is so critical. And, helping set people up for success, not failure, because it is about more than changing the lives of the formerly incarcerated -- it can change the lives of their families and, in turn, our communities and our country. |
| A ripple effect that could mean more people may get it right the first time and not need a second chance. |
| True. Maybe we should look at it as giving society a second chance … |
Maybe Skin Cancer Advice, But Don’t Expect A Compliment From A Sarcastic Sister
I'll never forget the day. It was an "almost" ordinary day out on the golf course with my mom and dad during the heat of a Long Island summer. Now, if "Long Island" conjures up images of stately manors on the North Shore (think "Great Gatsby") or beachfront mansions in the Hamptons (think Robin Leach and his popular show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"), you can put those out of your head. I'm not talking about some fancy country club golf course, just a regular public course.
I loved the game ever since I learned to play as a teenager, and although I never got to play while at college (Wake Forest, which was renowned for its golf program, with its most famous alumni being Arnold Palmer), I'd try to get out as often as possible when I was home. I wasn't a phenomenal player but had a decent game and natural talent. And most of the time, I hit it pretty straight, so one of the things I enjoyed was walking down the middle of the fairway, pulling my clubs along (no fancy golf carts on this course), appreciating the day and the sport.
On one (very rare) occasion, my sister came back to New York to visit, as she moved out of state as soon as she graduated from business school. She also played golf, but unlike me, who relied on natural ability and played for fun, she worked extremely hard at her game, was overly competitive, and played "business golf". The result was that she was a far better player than me, although I was holding my own on that day.
As Black often says, the scorecard contains only numbers, no editorial. And it would ultimately show that she'd beat me, but as we were each walking up one of the last holes toward our respective balls, in the heat of a late summer afternoon, with the sun at our backs, I was secretly hoping that she'd be proud of me. So, after I hit my fairway shot onto the green, I heard her call out to me, and my hopes were high,
I wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or be angry. Or to just roll my eyes as it really was something only my sister would say. And to this day, I'm not even sure if she had even noticed how close I came to beating her and how well I played – "upping" my game driven by her much better game.
But I also know that I can never look down at my very pale legs without laughing just a little at how a lifetime ago (or so it seems), she was so right. Recently, when she treated me to my first pair of Birkenstocks, I stood in the store trying them on, and before she had a chance to say it I told her … Yes, I do look like I have on white hose.
P. S. – I feel it only fair (pun intended) to have a P.S. for a P.S.A. – Long ago, the harm of the summer sun wasn't as well known, but in the years since, we've learned how important sunblock is. Year-round. So, whether you're a redhead who never tans (I used to cycle between being extremely pale and burning red and back again) or someone who does tan, take care of your skin!