RED & BLACK … Talk About … Speaking

Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, I figured it would be one of our best speaking engagements, or worst.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	If you review it in terms of all our speaking engagements since COVID, it was both.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	That’s because it was our only one. Although I’ll admit once we started talking, everything came back.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	That could be because we are just being ourselves and telling our real-life stories, so it is not like we have to memorize them.

red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Yes, that definitely makes it easier. But you know me, once a straight-A student, always a straight-A student. And because we custom tailor each presentation, I need to make sure I know exactly what we’re including and how we may be personalizing it.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	That is why our slides are images, not words. Not only because that makes them more interesting, but they are prompts for us. Which is critical as we speak on a wide range of topics – from personal finance, one of our most popular, to various Life 101 things like relationships, time management, handling stress, and even your piles of paper.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	And that doesn’t even get into business topics. But given your comments are sometimes “off the cuff”, I can get distracted.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Like years ago, when I threw in the slide of one of your stuffed animals asking you to tell the story of it writing you letters.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	I wondered why everyone was laughing, and then I saw the slide. However, I was thinking of the time we were talking about relationships, and you suggested taking emotions out of the equation. I know you’re a Vulcan, but I really wanted to be sitting in the audience instead of standing next to you. Not only because I couldn’t wait to hear what you were going to say, but I didn’t want to figure out how to respond.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	But, that is what makes Red & Black, Red & Black. We are real. And, we have different ways of looking at things. As do our audiences. All we do is give them food for thought.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Speaking of which, I laughed when you opened our recent engagement to a room full of people who were fasting for Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, and the holiest Jewish holiday, with a warning that you were going to use a four-letter word starting with the letter “F” … Food!
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I never know how I am going to open until it happens. But, I know the day is about reflection, making fundamental changes, and trying to become a better person. And, is why Rabbi Scott asked us to present a workshop about money.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	When he first invited us to do a workshop in 2014, I questioned whether we were appropriate speakers for a spiritual journey since our approach is to “laugh and learn”.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	They are not mutually exclusive. And, explains why he had us back this year.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	It’s funny, but until we were asked to speak on Yom Kippur, I never realized how many of our stories involved food.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I know. Even our first speaking engagement was at a professional women’s breakfast. And, our detour into criminal justice began at a prison with the only kosher kitchen in Texas. We seem to mention food at every turn.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Which the audience loved. And with all my personal finance “duh moments” – from mindless spending at Jamba Juice to expensive grocery stores – it certainly gave them plenty of food for thought. Sorry, couldn’t resist.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Impromptu comments like that, and even your apologies, make you more of a warm and fuzzy mom and less of a “perfect student” and, therefore, relatable. Not to mention, you were 40+ years old when your husband was fired, and you were forced to learn many life lessons you had managed to avoid.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Thanks for pointing that out. Not my crisis, the unplanned comments. I remember how I freaked out the first time you changed the “script” on me. I was probably like a deer in headlights.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	You were. Which made it even more fun. For me, at least. Except I never changed the message or the order of the topics; I merely fine-tuned my comments based on “knowing your audience”. That is why I make a point of talking to people before we speak; I consider it “audience research”.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	And I’ve come to expect that from you. That’s why I enjoyed returning the favor the time we were about to step on stage in front of over 400 eighth graders at 8 a.m. and said, “Good luck and have fun, and oh yeah, eighth graders have the attention span of a gnat.”
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Oh, I remember. I also remember the feedback, and it ended up being one of our best events. The students, especially the girls, loved that I raced Ferraris and used car analogies, but the fact you were this warm and fuzzy mom admitting all your mistakes, freely and with humor, made you very relatable. And, your messages memorable and valuable.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, we all know that kids will listen to almost anyone other than their parents. But I guess that can be said of spouses, too.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	No one wants to be told what to do. Full stop. But, everyone loves stories. And, we tell many of the same stories regardless of whether we are talking to students or educators, businesses or community organizations and religious groups. The only difference is that we select the stories based on the event and our audience.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Which is why I like to be prepared and study my notes. Especially as we’re constantly adding new stories based on our lives. The good news is that we’ll never run out of stories. Or topics. However, my absolute favorite part of our speaking engagements is the end.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I assume you do not mean when we leave the stage, but rather when we open it to Q&A.
Red assets.rebelmouse.io	Exactly! In fact, I’d love it if our events were almost entirely Q&A. Especially since there’s nothing the audience can’t ask us. After all, you put my crisis into a book. And our daily lives online.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	That works for me, but how do you plan to “study” for questions you do not know in advance?
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Sometimes I think you prefer asking questions to answering them.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	And, sometimes, you think you can avoid my questions.

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I'll never forget the day. It was an "almost" ordinary day out on the golf course with my mom and dad during the heat of a Long Island summer. Now, if "Long Island" conjures up images of stately manors on the North Shore (think "Great Gatsby") or beachfront mansions in the Hamptons (think Robin Leach and his popular show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"), you can put those out of your head. I'm not talking about some fancy country club golf course, just a regular public course.

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red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Did you know that April's Autism Awareness Month? I wasn't aware (pun intended) of it until I read our local homeowner's monthly newsletter and it caught my eye.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Actually, last month the founding organization, the Autism Society, changed "Awareness "to "Acceptance" to foster inclusivity, as knowing about something is very different from accepting it. But I am guessing that is not the point of this call.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Although it isn't autism, it reminded me of years ago when we found out that Natasha has learning disabilities.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I think you mean DIFF-abilities.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Of course, that's another thing I remember. I was focused on the negative aspects of her diagnosis until you asked me, point-blank, "Why are they called disabilities?" And proceeded to explain that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Exactly! Imagine the world if everyone excelled at math, but flunked English. Or, a world of lawyers, but no musicians. Some people are better at social skills, while others excel at handling technical data. Why not just say that people who have different skillsets and abilities have DIFF-abilities versus making them feel like they have shortcomings?

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More Important Than A First Chance? Have You Ever Wanted A Second Chance?

Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Ye Jinghan on Unsplash

We’ve all wanted a “second chance” at some point in our lives. A “do-over” for a mistake we made, a bad decision, or something that didn’t work out well. An opportunity to show (to ourselves and to others) that we learned our lesson.

Now imagine that second chance being life-changing. For many people who’ve found themselves on the wrong side of the law, a second chance might be all they need to turn their lives around. Which is why April was designated Second Chance Month and why we’re rerunning what changed Red’s perspective on second chances …

red head assets.rebelmouse.io	I had no idea that April was “Second Chance Month” until you sent me the official proclamation. I find it interesting that in the midst of juggling our usual million and one Red & Black things, your interest in criminal justice, which I know you consider a “passion project”, is as strong as ever, maybe even stronger.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	It is not intentional, sometimes “ passion projects” find you. And, when you least expect it.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Or where you least expect it! Only you would take a “field trip” to a men’s prison.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I will not get on my soapbox about how our education system contributes to the criminal justice problem. I will never forget a friend of mine who was formerly incarcerated telling me, “Rehabilitating people makes the assumption they were habilitated in the first place.”
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	When you stop and think about that statement, it’s pretty powerful! But I have to smile as once upon a time you, and I, used words like “offenders” and “prisoners” until we learned how our choice of words could be dehumanizing .
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Says the woman who once believed in the idea of “lock ’em up and throw away the key”.

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red head assets.rebelmouse.io	I know that you completely changed my way of thinking, not only about Natasha but about the concept of "disabilities" full stop. It opened my eyes – and my brain – about how just because someone has challenges or limited abilities in some areas, that doesn't mean they don't have different gifts and strengths in other areas.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Exactly. Although autism is a "spectrum condition" meaning it affects people differently and to varying degrees, it is a complex developmental disorder that can affect a person's social skills, and ability to communicate and interact with others. However, autistic people usually possess some extremely valuable traits that are rare in non-autistic people.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Which is why it frustrates me that so many people feel like those with disabilities, excuse me DIFF-abilities, are "lesser" people. When Natasha was diagnosed, she was in her teens and already had a very strong personality (no doubt inherited from you) and, luckily, seemed to have an innate understanding that she was just different, not better, not worse, than others. I guess one of the biggest challenges is to get others to see things with the same mindset.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	We are a story-telling society, and there are countless stories of people with DIFF-abilities, including those with autism, that are eye-opening and more powerful than anything we could ever say.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Funny you say that, as I was curious to learn more about autism and found some inspiring quotes (including a wonderful Tom Hanks clip) that not only gave me great insight but made me smile. One of my favorites was how Paul Collins, an author and parent of an autistic child, said, "Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg." That's such a great way to describe not only those with autism but any disability.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, technically, it will fit, but it requires that the diameter of the circle be larger than the diagonal of the square. Basic geometry. But, I understand Paul Collin's point.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Talk about DIFF-abilities! Couldn't you just agree with me?
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	The thought never crossed my mind.

red head assets.rebelmouse.io	That was before! I know you told me that just because someone made a bad decision, it didn’t make them a bad person, but it sounded like a cliche. Now, my opinion is based on our experience and the impact we’ve seen . The feedback has been eye-opening. Unfortunately, life doesn’t come with “do-overs.”
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Exactly. None of us are perfect. We have all made bad decisions. Second chances are about opportunities to show we have learned from our mistakes.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, I know I have. Obviously, not anything illegal. But it made me determined to teach my daughters what I had learned. Probably one of the most heartwarming parts of the feedback we’ve received is that so many people on the inside want better – not only for themselves, but for their children and grandchildren.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Yes, which is why having a second chance is so critical. And, helping set people up for success, not failure, because it is about more than changing the lives of the formerly incarcerated -- it can change the lives of their families and, in turn, our communities and our country.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	A ripple effect that could mean more people may get it right the first time and not need a second chance.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	True. Maybe we should look at it as giving society a second chance …