RED & BLACK … Talk About … Speaking

Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, I figured it would be one of our best speaking engagements, or worst.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	If you review it in terms of all our speaking engagements since COVID, it was both.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	That’s because it was our only one. Although I’ll admit once we started talking, everything came back.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	That could be because we are just being ourselves and telling our real-life stories, so it is not like we have to memorize them.

red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Yes, that definitely makes it easier. But you know me, once a straight-A student, always a straight-A student. And because we custom tailor each presentation, I need to make sure I know exactly what we’re including and how we may be personalizing it.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	That is why our slides are images, not words. Not only because that makes them more interesting, but they are prompts for us. Which is critical as we speak on a wide range of topics – from personal finance, one of our most popular, to various Life 101 things like relationships, time management, handling stress, and even your piles of paper.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	And that doesn’t even get into business topics. But given your comments are sometimes “off the cuff”, I can get distracted.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Like years ago, when I threw in the slide of one of your stuffed animals asking you to tell the story of it writing you letters.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	I wondered why everyone was laughing, and then I saw the slide. However, I was thinking of the time we were talking about relationships, and you suggested taking emotions out of the equation. I know you’re a Vulcan, but I really wanted to be sitting in the audience instead of standing next to you. Not only because I couldn’t wait to hear what you were going to say, but I didn’t want to figure out how to respond.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	But, that is what makes Red & Black, Red & Black. We are real. And, we have different ways of looking at things. As do our audiences. All we do is give them food for thought.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Speaking of which, I laughed when you opened our recent engagement to a room full of people who were fasting for Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, and the holiest Jewish holiday, with a warning that you were going to use a four-letter word starting with the letter “F” … Food!
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I never know how I am going to open until it happens. But, I know the day is about reflection, making fundamental changes, and trying to become a better person. And, is why Rabbi Scott asked us to present a workshop about money.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	When he first invited us to do a workshop in 2014, I questioned whether we were appropriate speakers for a spiritual journey since our approach is to “laugh and learn”.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	They are not mutually exclusive. And, explains why he had us back this year.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	It’s funny, but until we were asked to speak on Yom Kippur, I never realized how many of our stories involved food.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I know. Even our first speaking engagement was at a professional women’s breakfast. And, our detour into criminal justice began at a prison with the only kosher kitchen in Texas. We seem to mention food at every turn.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Which the audience loved. And with all my personal finance “duh moments” – from mindless spending at Jamba Juice to expensive grocery stores – it certainly gave them plenty of food for thought. Sorry, couldn’t resist.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Impromptu comments like that, and even your apologies, make you more of a warm and fuzzy mom and less of a “perfect student” and, therefore, relatable. Not to mention, you were 40+ years old when your husband was fired, and you were forced to learn many life lessons you had managed to avoid.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Thanks for pointing that out. Not my crisis, the unplanned comments. I remember how I freaked out the first time you changed the “script” on me. I was probably like a deer in headlights.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	You were. Which made it even more fun. For me, at least. Except I never changed the message or the order of the topics; I merely fine-tuned my comments based on “knowing your audience”. That is why I make a point of talking to people before we speak; I consider it “audience research”.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	And I’ve come to expect that from you. That’s why I enjoyed returning the favor the time we were about to step on stage in front of over 400 eighth graders at 8 a.m. and said, “Good luck and have fun, and oh yeah, eighth graders have the attention span of a gnat.”
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Oh, I remember. I also remember the feedback, and it ended up being one of our best events. The students, especially the girls, loved that I raced Ferraris and used car analogies, but the fact you were this warm and fuzzy mom admitting all your mistakes, freely and with humor, made you very relatable. And, your messages memorable and valuable.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, we all know that kids will listen to almost anyone other than their parents. But I guess that can be said of spouses, too.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	No one wants to be told what to do. Full stop. But, everyone loves stories. And, we tell many of the same stories regardless of whether we are talking to students or educators, businesses or community organizations and religious groups. The only difference is that we select the stories based on the event and our audience.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Which is why I like to be prepared and study my notes. Especially as we’re constantly adding new stories based on our lives. The good news is that we’ll never run out of stories. Or topics. However, my absolute favorite part of our speaking engagements is the end.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I assume you do not mean when we leave the stage, but rather when we open it to Q&A.
Red assets.rebelmouse.io	Exactly! In fact, I’d love it if our events were almost entirely Q&A. Especially since there’s nothing the audience can’t ask us. After all, you put my crisis into a book. And our daily lives online.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	That works for me, but how do you plan to “study” for questions you do not know in advance?
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Sometimes I think you prefer asking questions to answering them.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	And, sometimes, you think you can avoid my questions.

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Words & Banter

Now ... It’s Time To Look At Autism Differently

Photo by mevans on iStock

We first ran the post below five years ago, and we’re glad April’s no longer Autism Awareness Month but now is Autism Acceptance Month. Especially as autism seems to have become more commonplace (partially due to improved diagnosis, but also less stigma). Most important, though, is learning about autism, including how to talk about it in a non-judgmental way … because that’s what helps all of us move from awareness to acceptance.

red headassets.rebelmouse.io	Did you know that April's Autism Awareness Month? I wasn't aware (pun intended) of it until I read our local homeowner's monthly newsletter and it caught my eye.
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io	Actually, last month the founding organization, the Autism Society, changed "Awareness "to "Acceptance" to foster inclusivity, as knowing about something is very different from accepting it. But I am guessing that is not the point of this call.
red headassets.rebelmouse.io	Although it isn't autism, it reminded me of years ago when we found out that Natasha has learning disabilities.
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io	I think you mean DIFF-abilities.
red headassets.rebelmouse.io	Of course, that's another thing I remember. I was focused on the negative aspects of her diagnosis until you asked me, point-blank, "Why are they called disabilities?" And proceeded to explain that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses.
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io	Exactly! Imagine the world if everyone excelled at math, but flunked English. Or, a world of lawyers, but no musicians. Some people are better at social skills, while others excel at handling technical data. Why not just say that people who have different skillsets and abilities have DIFF-abilities versus making them feel like they have shortcomings?

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It’s Not Just Words … It’s Sisterly Banter

Red assets.rebelmouse.io	So, how do you plan to explain how our WORDS & BANTER section is different from BANTER BITES? Although it often takes more than a "bite" of sisterly banter to address topics, especially since we always seem to have very different perspectives.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	You just explained it.
Red assets.rebelmouse.io	Do you think we should mention how, on the surface, it may appear as a hodge-podge? An assortment of topics. Things that don’t fit “nice and neat” in specific categories.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Areyou describing WORDS & BANTER? Or, life?
Red assets.rebelmouse.io	I should've known that you'd answer my question with a question.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	How long have I been your sister? By now, you should be used to it.
Red assets.rebelmouse.io	True. Just like you should be used to my blah-blah-blah.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Which explains why we never have a shortage of words … or sisterly banter.
Red assets.rebelmouse.io	That, and the fact that you always seem to have a different point of view or perspective on any given topic.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	We are sisters— not clones.
Red assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, sometimes I think you’re a Vulcan. Anyway, should we mention that if they want a weekly dose of Red & Black banter and perspective, they should sign up for our newsletter at the bottom of this page?
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	You just did.

banter

Words & Banter

Worth Repeating ... What Do Matzo & Easter Eggs Have In Common?

We love it when Passover, Good Friday, and Easter overlap. Yes, they’re very different celebrations, but they have a lot in common — tradition, history, family, and hope. And the post below is worth repeating, because we wish everyone could remember what we have in common instead of our differences …

red headassets.rebelmouse.io

I can't tell you how much I love when Passover and Easter are close together. And this year, the last day of Passover falls on Easter!

Black's Head Blackassets.rebelmouse.io

They usually fall close to one another, and when the girls were young and celebrated everything (which many interfaith families do), it allowed me to be efficient in terms of gift-giving and celebration meals.

red headassets.rebelmouse.io

I'll never forget you adding fluffy Easter bunnies and pastel-colored eggs to a Zabar's basket of Passover goodies. But I wasn't really thinking about that.

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red headassets.rebelmouse.io	I know that you completely changed my way of thinking, not only about Natasha but about the concept of "disabilities" full stop. It opened my eyes – and my brain – about how just because someone has challenges or limited abilities in some areas, that doesn't mean they don't have different gifts and strengths in other areas.
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io	Exactly. Although autism is a "spectrum condition" meaning it affects people differently and to varying degrees, it is a complex developmental disorder that can affect a person's social skills, and ability to communicate and interact with others. However, autistic people usually possess some extremely valuable traits that are rare in non-autistic people.
red headassets.rebelmouse.io	Which is why it frustrates me that so many people feel like those with disabilities, excuse me DIFF-abilities, are "lesser" people. When Natasha was diagnosed, she was in her teens and already had a very strong personality (no doubt inherited from you) and, luckily, seemed to have an innate understanding that she was just different, not better, not worse, than others. I guess one of the biggest challenges is to get others to see things with the same mindset.
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io	We are a story-telling society, and there are countless stories of people with DIFF-abilities, including those with autism, that are eye-opening and more powerful than anything we could ever say.
red headassets.rebelmouse.io	Funny you say that, as I was curious to learn more about autism and found some inspiring quotes (including a wonderful Tom Hanks clip) that not only gave me great insight but made me smile. One of my favorites was how Paul Collins, an author and parent of an autistic child, said, "Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg." That's such a great way to describe not only those with autism but any disability.
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io	Well, technically, it will fit, but it requires that the diameter of the circle be larger than the diagonal of the square. Basic geometry. But, I understand Paul Collin's point.
red headassets.rebelmouse.io	Talk about DIFF-abilities! Couldn't you just agree with me?
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io	The thought never crossed my mind.

Blackassets.rebelmouse.io	Let me guess. You want to use this as an opportunity to remind me – once again – that the Comparative Religion class you took decades ago at Wake Forest University was one of the best classes you ever took.
red headassets.rebelmouse.io	Fine, make fun of me. But that class was such an eye-opener. Before it, I thought there were huge differences between the religions. But the reality's very different. We have much in common.
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io	Yes, a belief in something bigger than us, in faith, in traditions, in celebrations that go back centuries.
red headassets.rebelmouse.io	Exactly! And while people might celebrate different holidays based on their religion, when those holidays come close together it's a perfect reminder of what's truly important. Our fundamental values are so similar. If everyone could see that, maybe we'd be pulling together more and be torn apart less.
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io	It is up to each of us to decide whether we want to focus on our differences or our similarities.
red headassets.rebelmouse.io	At this point, I'd settle for respect, tolerance, and understanding.
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io	You left out world peace. Well, given that Passover and Easter both celebrate history … and hope … maybe your request is reasonable after all.
red headassets.rebelmouse.io	In that case, whether our readers are eating the last of the matzo or hunting Easter eggs, I think we should wish them a very happy holiday… one filled with hope, happiness, and peace.
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io	You just did.