| I hope you know that I immediately thought of you when I read that Axios article you sent me about keeping financial secrets from your spouse. |
| Why me? I sent it to you because the survey supports my position that people in serious relationships should exchange credit reports so that there are no surprises. Not to mention, they need to be open and honest about money. |
| Well, it reminded me of how you told me about lying to your husband when you blew your Ferrari engine. It was years ago, but I’ll never forget it. In fact, I still laugh and shake my head in amazement. |
| You really do need to get a life. |
| Admit it, there aren’t too many people that have “replace Ferrari engine” as a line item on their credit card bill or monthly budget. |
|
Well, it was not a planned expenditure. Although when the engine blew on the
racetrack, I was prepared in terms of knowing where to safely pull over and quickly
exit the car. |
| Of course, you were. But, at what point did you decide to lie to your husband about the cost of the engine? I still don’t know how much that engine cost, but he could easily afford to replace it. He was already paying for you to race Ferraris. So, why did you choose to pay for half of it yourself? |
| Trust me, even half was a big number. And, the 360 Ferrari Challenge had one of the best V-8 engines they ever made. |
| You’re avoiding the question. |
| When we got married, he made sure to keep all our assets totally separate. He knew I had some money of my own, although nothing on the magnitude of his, so it was not like I was hiding money. My racing was already costing him so much, so I thought paying half was the least I could do. |
| But did you tell him that, or just lead him to believe that his “half” was the “full” amount? |
| What difference does it make? |
| Is there a reason you didn’t want him to know you were trying to be considerate? Especially because when I went through my crisis, you always talked about the importance of having open and honest communication, especially about money. |
| I still feel that way, but a conversation requires more than one person. Since I handled most of his money for him, including the interface with his wealth managers and tax accountants, he made it very clear there was nothing more to discuss. And, any time I tried to bring up the topic of money, he would cut me off and just say, “Everything’s great.” |
| Well, it was. At least financially. |
| Yes, if you only look at the numbers. But, we had very different attitudes toward money, and that was something he would not discuss. Many people, regardless of financial status, are not comfortable talking about money. |
| I know my natural tendency is to avoid what I perceive as difficult conversations, which definitely includes money, but surely not everyone feels the way I do. |
| Initially, did you avoid financial conversations because you felt intimidated and confused, or because you were trying to avoid conflict? |
| Back then, both. Now that I have a better understanding of money, it’s just an awkward topic. Especially since most people don’t talk, they argue, about it. |
| Or, keep secrets or avoid the topic entirely. Which may seem “helpful” in the short term but are not long-term solutions. |
| Says the woman who ultimately got divorced. So, tell me, if you had to do it over again, would you have handled the situation with the Ferrari engine any differently? |
| Hindsight should be 20-20. Looking back, there were probably things I could have done to avoid blowing the engine. |
It's a running joke in my family that the only reason I go to the movies is for the popcorn. And while that isn't 100% true, it's probably close, as I can't remember a time when popcorn wasn't an essential part of the experience.
I can still remember seeing Mel Brooks' "Young Frankenstein" when it was first released (in 1974) at the Massapequa movie theater, which was literally at one end of an old strip shopping center. It bore no resemblance to today's multiplex cinemas, and the concession stand offerings were very limited. It was dark and a bit dingy, and the seats were old and uncomfortable. But I didn't care because the popcorn more than made up for it. And while I sat through multiple showings of the movie (it's still one of my favorites), I was grateful my dad had given me enough money to buy multiple popcorns, as in those days there was no such thing as the big bucket, let alone free refills.
Fast forward, and some things never change...
First, I ask them to fill the large bucket "really high, please, I haven't eaten all day, and I'm starving." Ok, so I probably did eat earlier, but I need an excuse for asking for a ridiculous amount of popcorn, don't I? Which takes me to the next part of my routine. If the bucket's filled to the point of overflowing, I know exactly the pace to eat it so that it lasts for almost the entire movie. (Trust me, I'm not kidding!) And then, the final part of the routine … I don't start eating my popcorn until the movie begins. Not the coming attractions— the movie. (Unlike Black, who races to finish her small size popcorn by the time the movie starts as if it's something to be ticked off a "to do" list.)
So, think what you will, but for me, the popcorn's a critical part of what makes going to the movies so enjoyable. And has become an amusing memory for my youngest daughter and me, as many years ago, when we were in the concession stand line, she asked me what size popcorn I was getting,
I love you, honey, and you're so smart, but that may be the silliest question you've ever asked me. And, quite possibly, will ever ask me.
To this day, she still remembers it, and although she no longer lives at home, when she hears that I’ve gone to the movies, she’ll jokingly ask me what size popcorn I got. And in the same breath, answer the question. Because she knows that there’s only one answer.The biggest bucket available.
Every time we see the photo above of our "guinea pigs", it brings back such fond memories. You may be thinking, "What? Are they calling those students guinea pigs?!" Well, actually, yes. And before you think ill of us, please know that we use the term with great affection, deep gratitude, and utmost respect. And these eight amazing seniors from the Class of 2010 know that's our nickname for them because ...
We started calling them our "Guinea Pigs" as soon as they volunteered to help us develop our Red & Black Personal Finance and Life 101 program at KIPP Houston High School. It was important that they knew this was truly an “experiment”, as neither one of us was a teacher or a financial expert.
It all started at our first speaking engagement, when during Q&A a woman asked why the topics in our book weren’t taught in school. The next thing we knew, we were sitting in the office of Bryan Contreras, Director of KIPP Through College, and being asked not only to develop, but also to teach, a semester-long personal finance and Life 101 course to their high school seniors. During their spring semester. (Yes, the months right before they graduate.) While Red looked like a deer in headlights (we barely considered ourselves authors, let alone teachers), Black responded as she often does, with a simple:
Sure, not a problem.
While Red went home to carpool and baking cookies, Black did what she does best — use her corporate and business experience to tackle the challenge. So, she requested a "task force" of seniors to help us develop the curriculum because, as she put it:
If it is not relevant, why bother? And, who knows best what is relevant to high school seniors? High school seniors.
Black introduced them to the business concept of a working lunch (which might also be considered a pizza bribe), and we met for five Fridays. We gave them a list of select book excerpts they were expected to read each week so we could discuss what they thought should be included in the curriculum. That first week, they seemed motivated to help — but we weren't sure what to expect.
They came back excited and totally committed, with two of them having read the entire book and the rest having read much more than the assigned excerpts. Luckily, Red had been a straight-A, copious note-taking student. However, she could barely keep up with their comments and feedback, let alone the side discussions generated by the conversations in our book. You could see their interest in personal finance (and many other Life 101 topics) was strong and genuine, and they explained that learning from the mistakes of others was extremely powerful. One student, after prefacing his comment with apologies, stated:
When I grow up, I don't want to be Red.
We'll always be indebted to our Guinea Pigs for their enthusiasm and suggestions, as using our book as the textbook was their idea, not ours. And through their feedback on the book and the lessons they were already learning from it, which began at those pizza lunches, the answer to how best to "teach" a Red & Black class was obvious to them. It was as simple as a book club. For us, it took a little longer to come to that realization as we were hampered by our own preconceived notions about how lessons are taught in a classroom. So, although the initial intent may have been for us to be the teachers and them to be the students... we learned from each other.
P.S. – For those of you interested in a more "educational" look at our detour into the world of education, including "feedback" (student quotes, Black's "non-scientific" surveys, and KIPP press releases) from our two spring semesters when we "taught" at KIPP Houston High School, please check out An Unexpected Education Detour ...
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