red head assets.rebelmouse.io | I hope you know that I immediately thought of you when I read that Axios article you sent me about keeping financial secrets from your spouse. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Why me? I sent it to you because the survey supports my position that people in serious relationships should exchange credit reports so that there are no surprises. Not to mention, they need to be open and honest about money. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | Well, it reminded me of how you told me about lying to your husband when you blew your Ferrari engine. It was years ago, but I’ll never forget it. In fact, I still laugh and shake my head in amazement. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | You really do need to get a life. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | Admit it, there aren’t too many people that have “replace Ferrari engine” as a line item on their credit card bill or monthly budget. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io |
Well, it was not a planned expenditure. Although when the engine blew on the
racetrack, I was prepared in terms of knowing where to safely pull over and quickly
exit the car. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | Of course, you were. But, at what point did you decide to lie to your husband about the cost of the engine? I still don’t know how much that engine cost, but he could easily afford to replace it. He was already paying for you to race Ferraris. So, why did you choose to pay for half of it yourself? |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Trust me, even half was a big number. And, the 360 Ferrari Challenge had one of the best V-8 engines they ever made. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | You’re avoiding the question. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | When we got married, he made sure to keep all our assets totally separate. He knew I had some money of my own, although nothing on the magnitude of his, so it was not like I was hiding money. My racing was already costing him so much, so I thought paying half was the least I could do. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | But did you tell him that, or just lead him to believe that his “half” was the “full” amount? |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | What difference does it make? |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | Is there a reason you didn’t want him to know you were trying to be considerate? Especially because when I went through my crisis, you always talked about the importance of having open and honest communication, especially about money. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | I still feel that way, but a conversation requires more than one person. Since I handled most of his money for him, including the interface with his wealth managers and tax accountants, he made it very clear there was nothing more to discuss. And, any time I tried to bring up the topic of money, he would cut me off and just say, “Everything’s great.” |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | Well, it was. At least financially. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Yes, if you only look at the numbers. But, we had very different attitudes toward money, and that was something he would not discuss. Many people, regardless of financial status, are not comfortable talking about money. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | I know my natural tendency is to avoid what I perceive as difficult conversations, which definitely includes money, but surely not everyone feels the way I do. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Initially, did you avoid financial conversations because you felt intimidated and confused, or because you were trying to avoid conflict? |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | Back then, both. Now that I have a better understanding of money, it’s just an awkward topic. Especially since most people don’t talk, they argue, about it. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Or, keep secrets or avoid the topic entirely. Which may seem “helpful” in the short term but are not long-term solutions. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | Says the woman who ultimately got divorced. So, tell me, if you had to do it over again, would you have handled the situation with the Ferrari engine any differently? |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Hindsight should be 20-20. Looking back, there were probably things I could have done to avoid blowing the engine. |
Did you know that April's Autism Awareness Month? I wasn't aware (pun intended) of it until I read our local homeowner's monthly newsletter and it caught my eye. | |
Actually, last month the founding organization, the Autism Society, changed "Awareness" to "Acceptance" to foster inclusivity, as knowing about something is very different from accepting it. But I am guessing that is not the point of this call. | |
Although it isn't autism, it reminded me of years ago when we found out that Natasha has learning disabilities. | |
I think you mean DIFF-abilities. | |
Of course, that's another thing I remember. I was focused on the negative aspects of her diagnosis until you asked me, point-blank, "Why are they called disabilities?" And proceeded to explain that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. | |
Exactly! Imagine the world if everyone excelled at math, but flunked English. Or, a world of lawyers, but no musicians. Some people are better at social skills, while others excel at handling technical data. Why not just say that people who have different skillsets and abilities have DIFF-abilities versus making them feel like they have shortcomings? |
I know that you completely changed my way of thinking, not only about Natasha but about the concept of "disabilities" full stop. It opened my eyes – and my brain – about how just because someone has challenges or limited abilities in some areas, that doesn't mean they don't have different gifts and strengths in other areas. | |
Exactly. Although autism is a "spectrum condition" meaning it affects people differently and to varying degrees, it is a complex developmental disorder that can affect a person's social skills, and ability to communicate and interact with others. However, autistic people usually possess some extremely valuable traits that are rare in non-autistic people. | |
Which is why it frustrates me that so many people feel like those with disabilities, excuse me DIFF-abilities, are "lesser" people. When Natasha was diagnosed, she was in her teens and already had a very strong personality (no doubt inherited from you) and, luckily, seemed to have an innate understanding that she was just different, not better, not worse, than others. I guess one of the biggest challenges is to get others to see things with the same mindset. | |
We are a story-telling society, and there are countless stories of people with DIFF-abilities, including those with autism, that are eye-opening and more powerful than anything we could ever say. | |
Funny you say that, as I was curious to learn more about autism and found some inspiring quotes (including a wonderful Tom Hanks clip) that not only gave me great insight but made me smile. One of my favorites was how Paul Collins, an author and parent of an autistic child, said, "Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg." That's such a great way to describe not only those with autism but any disability. | |
Well, technically, it will fit, but it requires that the diameter of the circle be larger than the diagonal of the square. Basic geometry. But, I understand Paul Collin's point. | |
Talk about DIFF-abilities! Couldn't you just agree with me? | |
The thought never crossed my mind. |
What do the classic movie “Gone With The Wind,” the TV sitcom “That Girl,” and Lucille Ball have in common? At first glance, the answer is easy. They were hugely popular at the time but have stood the test of time as they continue to have fans decades later. Red, a theater major and movie buff, could explain all the “artistic” reasons why, but Black has (as always) a very different perspective.
It has to do with role models and how they can come from the most unexpected places – both real and fictional. Scarlett O’Hara, a heroine from the Civil War, was a fiercely independent woman (even by today’s standards), while Marlo Thomas portrayed “That Girl” as perhaps the first “modern woman”, one living on her own in a big city and pursuing a career vs. a family. But as Black points out to Red in “RED & BLACK … Girls Can Do Anything!,” it’s Lucille Ball that’s the ultimate badass (Black’s word, not Red’s), proving that you can be an amazing actress and comedian while simultaneously being a pioneer in the TV industry and a shrewd businesswoman.
And what better time than Women’s History Month to reflect on how women can inspire other women to do amazing things? After all, Black may not admit to being a role model, but she will admit that her racing a Ferrari has inspired countless girls over the years, and women of all ages are amused when she says, “How hard can it be? Boys do it.”
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | As much of a history buff as I am, I’m embarrassed to admit that for a long time, I didn’t know March was Women’s History Month. But now that I do, I’m amazed by all the inspirational stories of women’s remarkable achievements. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Too bad Natasha and Sawyer do not still live at home; it would be fun to start a conversation by asking them what women they find inspiring. |
Red assets.rebelmouse.io | I already know who they would pick. The first woman to race the road course at Indianapolis Motor Speedway. And I’d have to agree with them. Your Ferrari racing has made an impact on so many people. But especially girls. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Until you mentioned it several years ago, I never thought about that. In the 1970s, I was one of the few women in business school. I then made a career in the male-dominated oil and gas industry. I am used to being a “token” female. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | Trust me. I watch people whenever we’ve done speaking engagements. It’s predictable ... we put up the family tree, and Natasha and Sawyer get awws, but your two racecars get everyone’s attention. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | A Ferrari and vintage Porsche usually do. I appreciate that not many women race cars, but as I often say, “How hard can it be, boys do it?” |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | That always makes me laugh. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | It is a factual statement. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | I’m not saying no, but it definitely makes a point. That girls can do anything. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Well, I have always felt that way. Looking back, my role model growing up was Marlo Thomas in “That Girl.” |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | The late 1960s TV sitcom? Seriously? I have to admit I didn’t watch it as it never really appealed to me. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Maybe you should have. Until then, women on TV shows were either someone’s wife, someone’s mother, or someone’s secretary – but never someone independent. Playing an aspiring actress living on her own in New York City, it was easy for me to relate to as we grew up just a short train ride away on Long Island. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | But she wasn’t real. She was a character on a sitcom! |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Regardless, it changed my perception of women. Here was a single woman with dreams and aspirations. And, ambition. She was willing to try new things and willing to fail. She put her career ahead of a traditional marriage with children. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | That may have contributed to why I didn’t watch it. I always wanted to get married and have children, and in a perfect world, would be a stay-at-home mom. I like tradition and history. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Does “Gone With The Wind” count as history? Growing up, the character of Scarlett O’Hara was my favorite movie character. Still is. She was a dynamic, independent woman who did not leave her fate to others and pushed the boundaries of her time. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | Another fictional character. Don’t you think real-life women make a greater impact? |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Inspiration comes from different places for different people. And, at different stages of our lives. Funny thing is, and I did not realize it until decades after “That Girl” was off the air, Thomas had formed her own production company, Daisy Productions, to produce and own the series. But, the ultimate badass was Lucille Ball. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | I’ve always loved “I Love Lucy” and have probably seen every episode multiple times, giving me years of laughter and enjoyment. But that’s not how I’d describe her! |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | She was much more than an actress and comedian; she was a trailblazing producer and very shrewd in business. She became one of the first women to own her own TV production company (she bought out Desi Arnaz's share of Desilu Studios several years after their divorce), but also produced such TV classics as “The Untouchables,” “Mission Impossible,” and was even behind the original Star Trek TV series. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | Wow, I had no idea. Talk about an amazing woman and role model. At the risk of repeating myself, she really did prove girls can do anything. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Of course, we can. If we put our mind to it. It is all about mindset and perspective. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | True. But what I find amazing is you don’t see how you’re a role model. Your entire life is full of examples of doing things girls – and women – traditionally didn’t do. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | I did things I wanted to do. Plus, telling me I could not do something made me even more determined. It never dawned on me that someone might think it unsuitable or “wrong”. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | Not that it would have made any difference. You’ve never cared what others think about you. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | And, I doubt that will ever change. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io | Well, you should care. At least, about the impact your racing has made on young girls. I’ve seen you do in minutes what parents have tried to do for years. |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | Sounds like a bit of an exaggeration. |
Red assets.rebelmouse.io | Really? A friend of mine, a single dad, called me after his daughter saw you and your racecar at a Make-A-Wish event. For years, he told her she could be whatever she wanted, never getting a reaction. That night, she came home and said, “Hey Dad, I met Natasha’s aunt, she races cars, I really can do anything.” |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | It is the power of showing versus just telling. |
Red assets.rebelmouse.io | So, you admit that you’re a role model! |
Black assets.rebelmouse.io |
Never.
|
Looking for ways to celebrate Women’s History Month? Spend some time learning about and celebrating women’s accomplishments, including these female trailblazers who changed American education, these women who were pioneers in medicine, and these history making female scientists. Or, it can be as simple as ““women helping women” by sharing motivational stories, offering words of praise and encouragement, or becoming a mentor.