This question applies in terms of husbands, wives, significant others … in other words, all couples.
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As crazy as it sounds, at least you're talking about
money! When my husband was unexpectedly
fired (what I refer to as "my crisis"), I was over 40 and had never learned about money.
Which explains why I was scared to death of personal
finance and just wanted to keep my ostrich head in the sand. Unfortunately, my husband seemed as clueless
as I was about our financial situation, so I had to turn to Black for help.
As I started to learn more about our finances, I wanted to have a conversation with him to talk things through and jointly develop a plan. Although I was angry about our situation, I knew yelling at him wouldn't help (as tempting as that might have been). Plus, I realized that I tend to be very emotional (that's an understatement) and, as a Brit, he was very reserved and didn't talk about "important" things. Not a good combination. So, what did I do? I made a wonderful dinner, and we were finally relaxing and talking, just not about money. Until I brought it up. And he got really mad. As in banging dishes and slamming cupboards. I then stormed off, and when I told Black about it, she had to point out that a big part of talking is timing. |
| Besides timing (and blindsiding, even if unintentional, is
never a good idea), it is critical to consider HOW you communicate. Using Red's situation as an example, it was
already a difficult time, and she wanted to talk about money. A subject that, in the best of times, is not
easy to talk about, plus something they had never talked about before. And, she wanted a face-to-face conversation, something
he might see as more of a confrontation. It was a disaster waiting to happen. Of course, I cannot resist mentioning that years
ago when they were living in Shanghai and having relationship issues, they used
stuffed animals to
communicate. (You cannot make
this stuff up.) Sometimes you need to
find other methods of communicating.
In terms of your situation, I am not the expert but have learned there are many reasons why couples fight about money, and there are many ways to stop. In my personal experience, it comes down to communication. Both talking and listening – but genuinely listening, not just preparing a rebuttal argument. When it comes to money, there usually is not a "right" and "wrong" – only different attitudes. So, maybe the first step is to let your husband know that even though you both may not always see eye-to-eye, you still want to find a way to work together. |
Familiar with the saying, "It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity”? Well, with unbearably hot temperatures around the country, does it really matter which it is? Or even if it’s both?! Which is why this older “Ask Red & Black” is still relevant …
| I'm laughing because I suspect Black would argue that I rarely look "nice" in the sense that I rarely "dress up". Even before the pandemic, unless I had a Red& Black business meeting or speaking engagement, my normal "look" was that of super comfy – workout or very casual clothing and minimal makeup. Here in Texas, where the heat and humidity are oppressive, I'm always looking for tips because the moment you step outside, you're going to start sweating, your makeup will drip, and your hair will either frizz or wilt (neither's a good look for me). So, I keep my skincare simple and summer-friendly – extremely lightweight, tinted facial moisturizer with a high SPF (so I only need a single product) and waterproof mascara. I've never been very creative when managing my long hair for the summer, but my daughter let me in on a secret when she straightened my hair for me. Unlike my rushed approach, she took an extra 10 minutes to do it in smaller sections, which looked great when my hair was down, but amazingly, even made my ponytail look "finished". Taking a little more time to do it right makes a huge difference, as now my hair stands up to the heat and humidity. (Good news is she's always willing to do it for me, bad news is that she goes to college in a few months, so I'll have to learn how to do it myself.) |
| When I started racing cars in the mid-1990s, I cut my hair very short so I could easily style it with some water and hair goo when I removed my helmet, which makes it perfect for summer. (Plus, I calculated that I could save over 10 hours/week, or five full days a year, by not dealing with my hair.) In terms of clothing, it is a function of where you are going or where you work (obviously, if you are in the banking industry, you will dress very differently from someone who works for a design or marketing firm). For the last few decades, I have worn the same "uniform" – dark slacks or jeans, white shirt, blazer, and colorful Hermès shawl. In the summer, I select pieces that are light-colored, loose-fitting, and breathable fabrics, but if I had to give one tip, it would be to wear layers since going in and out of air-conditioning can be a challenge, although I see it as a fashion opportunity. In fact, that is how my "signature" shawls started as, regardless of the season, I would always have one with me to handle changes in temperature. |
March is Women’s History Month, so what better time to reflect on how women can inspire other women to do amazing things? We’re rerunning a Q&A from a few years ago because celebrating women’s accomplishments is worth repeating and rereading … And it shouldn’t happen only in March!
P. S. – Betty White made this list, but how many of these trailblazing women do you recognize?
| Even with two daughters, and a sister who has been a role model for them and other girls (at speaking engagements, girls and boys are always surprised to learn she was the first woman to race the road course at Indianapolis Motor Speedway), it wasn’t until last year that I learned there even was a Women’s History Month. (Which is embarrassing as I claim to love history.) But once I made it a point to not only take notice of stories of women in history, but also women making history (for example, Wally Funk), I realized there are so many inspirational women – you just have to look for their stories. |
|
It is the
21
st Century; we should not need a Women’s History Month to make
sure that we remember and honor all the contributions and accomplishments of women. (And, I will not get into my opinion of the
word "
herstory.”)
But, there are many great ways for us to celebrate. Find stories you find inspirational, and then share them with others. Donate (time or money) to an organization that helps women. Make an effort to support women-owned businesses. Or, maybe something as simple (and as enjoyable) as listening to your favorite female artists and musicians, reading female authors, or watching movies about strong independent women. |
Red
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Black
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FULL QUESTION: It’s hotter than ever …do you have any tips for looking “nice” during the heat of the summer?
Summers are hotter than ever, but it’s always been a challenge to look put together (forget polished) in August. Especially in the Houston area, so here's an “Ask Red & Black” summer rerun … because some things never go out of style …
| I'm laughing because I suspect Black would argue that I rarely look "nice" in the sense that I rarely "dress up". Even before the pandemic, unless I had a Red& Black business meeting or speaking engagement, my normal "look" was that of super comfy – workout or very casual clothing and minimal makeup. Here in Texas, where the heat and humidity are oppressive, I'm always looking for tips because the moment you step outside, you're going to start sweating, your makeup will drip, and your hair will either frizz or wilt (neither's a good look for me). So, I keep my skincare simple and summer-friendly – extremely lightweight, tinted facial moisturizer with a high SPF (so I only need a single product) and waterproof mascara. I've never been very creative when managing my long hair for the summer, but my daughter let me in on a secret when she straightened my hair for me. Unlike my rushed approach, she took an extra 10 minutes to do it in smaller sections, which looked great when my hair was down, but amazingly, even made my ponytail look "finished". Taking a little more time to do it right makes a huge difference, as now my hair stands up to the heat and humidity. (Good news is she's always willing to do it for me, bad news is that she goes to college in a few months, so I'll have to learn how to do it myself.) |
| When I started racing cars in the mid-1990s, I cut my hair very short so I could easily style it with some water and hair goo when I removed my helmet, which makes it perfect for summer. (Plus, I calculated that I could save over 10 hours/week, or five full days a year, by not dealing with my hair.) In terms of clothing, it is a function of where you are going or where you work (obviously, if you are in the banking industry, you will dress very differently from someone who works for a design or marketing firm). For the last few decades, I have worn the same "uniform" – dark slacks or jeans, white shirt, blazer, and colorful Hermès shawl. In the summer, I select pieces that are light-colored, loose-fitting, and breathable fabrics, but if I had to give one tip, it would be to wear layers since going in and out of air-conditioning can be a challenge, although I see it as a fashion opportunity. In fact, that is how my "signature" shawls started, as, regardless of the season, I would always have one with me to handle changes in temperature. |
Maybe Skin Cancer Advice, But Don’t Expect A Compliment From A Sarcastic Sister