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This Mother’s Day, Red will be visiting her best friend from elementary school, both of whom have lost their moms, so they’ll be sharing lots of stories and warm memories. (And since she’ll be in NY, she’ll be “visiting” Mom at the cemetery.) Meanwhile, Red’s youngest daughter is looking forward to having dinner with her second mom … Black!
Mother’s Day is a celebration of moms – those with us and those in our hearts and memories. And that’s why we’re repeating last year’s post (that, and because Black was borderline warm and fuzzy) …
Mother’s Day is a celebration of moms – those with us and those in our hearts and memories. And that’s why we’re repeating last year’s post (that, and because Black was borderline warm and fuzzy) …
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I appreciate that bullet points may not be the typical
approach to Mother’s Day, but it seems appropriate to me …
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| This year I write about Mother’s Day with a heavy heart and still much raw emotion, as our mom passed in December. My pragmatic side (yes, that’s usually Black’s area although she did sound somewhat warm and fuzzy above) knows that she had been 94 and led a full life, but that really doesn’t make it any less sad or fill the emptiness. But I find myself, when I least expect it and triggered by the most unexpected things, finding comfort in wonderful memories. And although Black’s first bullet point hits too close to home for me, I’ll try my best to focus on the other bullets. |
Black
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red head
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It’s been two years since President Biden signed the anti-Asian hate crimes bill, but making something illegal doesn’t stop it from happening. Hate crimes, including against Chinese Americas, continue at an alarming rate. But imagine if instead of hating someone for being different, we looked at what we had in common and their contributions to American culture and society? After all, that’s what makes America such a unique and special country.
May is Asian American Pacific Island Month (which prompted our conversation below about Jews and Chinese food), but we should treat all our fellow Americans with respect and kindness every day.
| Have you ever wondered why Jews love Chinese food so much? |
| No, but what prompted that? Did you take in Chinese food this weekend? Or, did President Biden signing the anti-Asian hate crimes bill make you think about how Jews can relate given all the antisemitism in the world? |
| Only you would connect those dots. I was straightening up papers in the kitchen and noticed how Chinese takeout menus look the same as they did when we were kids, and how we've laughed over the decades about how much Jews love Chinese food. But now you've reminded me about how we've recently talked about the recent increase in hate crimes against the Asian community . I simply don't understand how people can hate an entire group of people based on race or religion. |
| You are the history lover. It is not a new phenomenon. And, the reasons have not changed – Ignorance, prejudice, feelings of supremacy; the list has many "reasons". What I find scary is that people form stronger bonds with others based on what they hate than they do on what they love. But, there is no question that the Asian community and Jews have experienced hate for a long time. |
| I know, but in America of all places, that just shouldn't happen. Ever. We're a country built on immigrants, and the contributions of Asian Americans and American Jews have been so significant. From scientists to doctors, artists to activists, the list goes on and on. |
| The lists of contributions can be sliced and diced in so many different ways – gender, race, religion, nationalities. There are not enough months in the years to celebrate them all. However, some groups tend to be forgotten or overlooked, which is why President Carter signed the first proclamation celebrating Asian/Pacific Americans , which eventually led to May becoming Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) Heritage Month. But now, with hate crimes increasing against them, celebrating by learning about their cultures is even more critical. |
| Well, I admit that I personally didn't know any Asians before I lived in Hong Kong, and then Shanghai, several years after getting married. Until then, all I knew was that I loved Chinese food. I know that might sound condescending, but that's not how I mean it. |
| No, it sounds like you just did not have any personal experience except for enjoying the food. And, except for dating Raman Sehgal, who was from India, when I was a graduate student at NYU, my experience before moving to Houston was basically the same as yours. |
| Sorry, but I can't keep track of everyone you've dated. Anyway, I learned so much about the people and their culture when living in Asia. It made me realize just what a young country America is and how many countries have so many more centuries of history than we do. And there I was the outsider, and although I might have been seen to be different, I was never disrespected in the way Asians are treated here. |
| A redhead in Asia. I bet you stood out like a sore thumb. Which is the problem they face here. Identifying Jews is a little more challenging, but that does not stop antisemitism. There was a very interesting article that interviewed Asian American Jewish leaders , asking them to share their experiences. |
| I never thought about being Asian and Jewish! But that explains the Chinese Kosher restaurant in Queens I used to go to when I was a teenager. I couldn't figure out why there was such a thing, but the food was so delicious I never gave it any more thought. Until now, when I realize Asian Jews must have run it. |
| I appreciate that food, and people, get "Americanized" over here, but what did you think about authentic Chinese food? |
| It's very different from American Chinese food, but both are delicious! They each have their own unique characteristics and flavors, and although very different, I appreciate them both, and there will always be a place for each in my culinary world! |
| Just as there should be a place for "different" people … |
| Well, Prince Charles is now officially King Charles III, and it should be very interesting to see how his reign will be vs. the decades of speculating. |
| Technically, the moment Queen Elizabeth II died, he automatically became King. Regardless, he has been preparing for the role his entire life. |
| Yes, but there’s something about the pomp and pageantry of a coronation that makes it seem like it’s the beginning of his reign. Not to mention, it’s a rare event as the last one in England was his mother’s in 1952. |
| The rarity is a monarch ruling for 70 years. Obviously, the next coronation will be in much less than 70 years. If there even is one. |
| I know after Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s interview with Oprah, there was talk about how the Monarchy should end with Queen Elizabeth. But the idea wasn’t anything new as I remember there was talk of that when I lived in England decades ago. |
| I can understand why people are questioning whether the Monarchy, with its “old-fashioned” traditions and beliefs, is still relevant. And, having apparent “issues” in terms of race relations certainly does not help. |
| Are you referring to the story about someone wondering what color Prince Harry and Meghan’s unborn baby would be? Or, more recently, when one of Queen Elizabeth’s long-time ladies in waiting, Lady Susan Hussey, made an embarrassing social gaffe when asking a Black director of a charity where she was “really” from. |
| Neither specifically, but both in general. The “old guard” comes from a generation that grew up when overt racism was more accepted and institutionalized, and probably internalized those attitudes. |
| True. Plus, the Royal Family, or The Firm, which is how the family and institution refers to itself, is very isolated from the real world, so has less exposure to people from different racial and ethnic backgrounds. |
| That is not surprising, but who nicknames themselves? The Firm sounds like a Netflix series, but less refined than “The Crown.” |
| “The Firm” is one of my favorite Tom Cruise movies and is based on the John Grisham novel of the same name. But it has nothing to do with British history. Anyway, as you know, I love Tudor history. However, I’m not an expert on the British Monarchy or the current Royal Family, although I think they serve an important purpose. |
| They do when it comes to money. It is a business with over a thousand people working for it, which may explain the nickname. I remember reading a Forbes article that stated the amount of money they bring in (primarily due to tourism) is estimated to contribute $2.7 billion a year to the U.K. economy (pre-pandemic), making the $550 million cost of running it a wise investment. |
| Wow! Those are huge numbers, but I was referring to the invaluable role the Royal Family played in getting a nation to pull together, and stay together, as they fought not one, but two, World Wars. |
| But, that was a long time ago. How is that relevant today? |
| Sometimes the mere existence of a well-established institution, and its pomp and circumstance, can remind people that they’re a part of something bigger than themselves. That there’s a history that binds you. In this case, as a country. Don’t believe me? Look at the outpouring of grief when Queen Elizabeth II died. The British people put their differences aside and came together in their praise that she was more than a queen; she was a symbol of her country. |
| Yes, but that was a reflection of her 70 years of representing the country. They were honoring the past, which is very different from supporting the Monarchy’s future. Especially given all the drama within the Royal Family, not only going back to Princess Diana, but in terms of Prince Harry and Meghan, and the scandals around King Charles’ brother, Prince Andrew. |
| There have always been royal “scandals” or less-than-acceptable behavior. But it does seem worse today. |
| Is it worse? Or, is it because it was much easier to do damage control before the internet and social media? Regardless, the Monarch was always looked upon as a role model and was supposed to represent values worth emulating – love of country, public service, respect, integrity, grace, discretion, tradition … |
| That’s certainly what Queen Elizabeth II represented. And even King Charles’ sister, Princess Anne, who’s one of the hardest working royals although not given nearly enough recognition. |
| It is not an easy job, and not one you choose … you are born into it. Obviously, some people are better suited for the role. Or, do a better job preparing. King Charles, the oldest individual to ascend to the throne, has had plenty of time to think about how to honor something as old and established as the Monarchy while still making it relevant in today’s world. |
| Well, he has been at the forefront of so many important issues, whether climate change, the environment, conservationism, that used to be considered quirky,but are now mainstream and recognized as critical issues. |
| He does have a unique background, and a history of strong opinions, which may make one of his greatest challenges finding the balance between being head of state, where he is required to remain neutral on political matters, and still addressing the important issues facing society. |
| Given the situation with Prince Harry and Meghan, I’ll be curious how he may shine a much-needed light on mental health and racism. Regardless, he definitely has his royal plate full, and I wish him all the best |
| Agree. And, it will be interesting to see what happens to The Firm now that it is under new management. |
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.