The story of how we "ended up in prison" is one we're often asked to tell, and we think this column (first published in February 2013) does a good job of doing that …
| Coming up with this month's topic and title was easy. Figuring out how to explain it may be a little more complicated. |
| No kidding. Every time we meet with Chaplain Watkins and she tells us about the men she works with and how they've reacted to our book, I'm left speechless. |
| That, in itself, is fairly amazing. |
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Cute. But if anyone had told us when we wrote our book that it would end up in a men's prison and that offenders would not only be reading the book, but enjoying it, learning from it, and sharing the lessons in it with their families, I'd have said they were crazy.
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| I believe that is what you called me when I told you that we were going to be speakers at the National Prisoner's Family Conference last February. |
| No. I thought you were kidding. Remember, YOUR business plan was that the book would be the basis of a sitcom. Not a Texas-approved textbook. |
| That might not have been our plan but, as you know, life rarely goes according to plan. |
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There's an understatement. But at the time, I thought it was just another one of your "outside the box" ideas. Way outside the box. However, once we spoke at the conference, and started learning more about the prison world, I realized there was a huge need for this information.
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| You are conveniently forgetting that initially you were fairly negative about it. |
| Yes, I was. My attitude was that prisoners had done something wrong, so they deserved to be in prison. I had no desire to help them. My heart was with the students, and trying to get our book and its "real life" lessons into the schools. |
| I understand. I would venture to guess that most people feel that way. On the surface, it seems logical. |
| Of course, you saw it differently. |
| Maybe more pragmatically. And then I started doing research. What really got my attention was the Children's Defense Fund's, "Cradle To Prison Pipeline" report. It explains all the contributing factors that feed that pipeline. And how education is a critical key to changing the trajectory of these lives. |
| What got my attention was the concept that you can calculate how many prison beds will be needed in the future based on children who can't read on grade level by the fourth grade. |
| It makes perfect sense … once you stop and think about it. |
| But it's not something you would typically think about. But then again, you rarely do the typical thing. Like the time you asked me what I was doing on a Friday night, and I thought you wanted to go to a movie. It never dawned on me that you were inviting me to "go to prison" with you and the founder of Wings Ministry. |
| And you found every excuse in the book not to go. |
| I'm a single mom. Heading off to a prison is not something I'd feel safe doing. And I wondered about your logic, but didn't want to ask. |
| There is only one way to get first-hand knowledge. I wanted to see what I had only read about. However, I was not prepared for what I discovered. |
| I remember you telling me that it was like a scene out of the old "Get Smart" TV series, with the long corridor and the locking doors. |
| Architecturally, it was built in 1908 and is beautiful. Although initially intimidating, once I met some of the men it became very "human." They were truly appreciative of my being there, as so many of them feel the outside world has forgotten them. And once the chaplain heard about our book she was anxious to read it. |
| What I still find hard to believe was that she mentioned that Stringfellow Unit is the only prison in Texas that has a kosher kitchen! I remember telling you that in this instance, G-d was not being subtle. There was clearly a reason that this was the first prison you ever visited. |
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I believe the word is beschert.
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| Well, a lot has happened since then. Chaplain Watkins not only had our book/program "approved," but also completed two pilot book clubs with 50+ men, and has already started a third. Even Sawyer, who is only 10, was surprised by the feedback from the men who have completed the program. Her exact quote was, "Wow!" |
| What I find fascinating is how many of these men are connecting the dots between how not understanding personal finance causes stress, and then realizing how it can lead to drugs and/or alcohol. And how "all of the above" contributes to bad decisions. |
| Obviously, they're finding the "life lessons" I learned as a 40+ year-old to be extremely important as they're saying they want to share the book with their families. I'm moved by their statements that they want their wives, their children, to learn what they're learning. |
| Well, according to Chaplain Watkins, their actions are matching their words. They are writing home about it, and a few even said they were going to send the book home. |
| I know. But my favorite story is the man who now turns off the water when he brushes his teeth. It sounds like such a small thing, but it says so much once you learn that he's doing it to because he recognizes he'll be living with someone when he gets out and doesn't want to waste their money. He wants to start today to make it a good habit for the future. |
| It is all about taking control of your life, versus letting your life control you. It is what I told you when Nick got fired. And it is what we tell students. |
| But in this case, I can't help but wonder how many lives are being touched – not only the offenders, but their families, their friends, their communities. Not to mention, what if some of the men who have read our book now start making better decisions. And once released, don't return to prison. |
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Exactly. Just imagine the money that would save taxpayers. The cost of Texas state prisons is about $22,000 per person per year, which works out to $60 a day. Our book costs less than half a day in prison. So if it has the potential to actually make a difference in their lives and their future decisions, it seems like a small investment … with huge upside potential. To me, it is a no-brainer.
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I was thinking more about the family environment, but your numbers make perfect sense. Unfortunately, just because something makes sense, doesn't mean it's going to happen. Just take a look at the education system. And what we've been trying to do for over three years now with limited success.
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| I know. It is extremely frustrating. But one day it will be ironic. |
| What do you mean? |
| Besides the fact it is much cheaper to educate than incarcerate (average cost for a year of public education in Texas is about $8,700 per student compared to the $22,000 cited above; nationally, the numbers are around $11,000 and $31,000, respectively), one day I expect to ask the question, "Why is it that these critical life lessons are being taught in prisons, but not in our schools?" |
| Well, that should get Austin's attention. |
| Austin? I was thinking Washington, D.C. And, it needs to do more than that. It needs to get everyone's attention. Especially voters. |
| I admit I'd never heard of The Make-A-Wish Foundation before I was almost 40 (I lived abroad until then), and it was Black’s involvement with this life-changing organization that led me to learn about it. Growing up, charity wasn’t a big part of our lives, although I learned decades later that my grandmother was involved in Fight For Sight. Once I was living in the same city as Black, I could see how important Make-A-Wish was to her (how could you miss the logos on her racecar?). I also saw how it makes such a difference in the lives of children suffering from critical illnesses. And how the power of a wish impacts not only the Wish kid but their families and even strangers, as so many of the wishes bring together neighbors and communities. But the best part may have been as I watched my daughters learn about charity and became involved by having lemonade sales, with all proceeds going to our local Make-A-Wish chapter (find your local chapter). |
| I have been involved with Make-A-Wish for decades (for how I first became involved, see our book excerpt, "Can Charity Be Selfish?") and have seen firsthand how it has touched so many lives, starting with Tommy Austin, who granted the first wish in 1980. However, it has done more for me than I can ever do for it. Once you see the hope, joy, and optimism of a Wish child waging a courageous battle — and the ripple effect of that wish — you want to help in whatever way you can (donate, volunteer, fundraise, spread awareness). It reminds me that my problems or frustrations are minuscule in the scheme of things. It is my “reality check” on life. |
Redassets.rebelmouse.io
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io | Oh, so many parents, myself included, can relate! Now that I’m an “empty nester”, there’s a part of me that misses being needed for something as straightforward as being their personal chauffeur. Right now, it may seem like it’s never going to end, but it goes by so quickly. Trust me. At the time, it would often drive (pun intended) me crazy, and I’d think about all the “lost hours” driving my daughter to volleyball practices and tournaments. But were they really lost, as I now miss that quiet time with her? |
| Not having children, I can only give you an “outsider’s” perspective. And, I know there are Uber-type transportation services for teenagers, although without doing extensive research on them, I cannot say whether I would have felt comfortable with my nieces using them. However, I remember that once Red’s youngest was old enough to drive, as were some of her friends, Red often replaced time chauffeuring with time worrying. At one time, I suggested making the car a “no cell-phone” zone — but explain that is what you charge for chauffeuring service. Now, I wonder if that should apply to adults, too. |
red head assets.rebelmouse.io 
Black assets.rebelmouse.io | I can relate. When my husband got fired, Black made me total up all our credit card debt, and I broke down in tears. The funny thing is that before she’d help me deal with it, she insisted on giving me a history lesson on credit cards. And although I love history, initially, I fought her. But I’m so glad she ignored me! To this day, understanding that the origin of credit cards wasn’t a line of credit but instead a convenience (to be paid in full every month) has made a huge difference. But that doesn’t answer your question. I think we all know how easy it is to rack up credit card debt. If you don't already have one, you need a monthly budget to see where you can cut back and apply those “savings” to pay down your credit card bills. Without making this a math class (not my favorite subject), I just memorized that after paying the minimums, I should apply any “extra” money to the credit cards with the highest interest rates (APRs). There’s nothing I can do about the past, but I can start making better decisions today. |
| I appreciate that “misery loves company,” and recognizing that we all are susceptible to overspending (Nicholas Cage took it to the extreme) helps explain why so many people carry credit card debt. If it makes you feel better, I got in debt over my head shortly after getting my M.B.A. (in International Finance, so I had no excuse). To the point where, although I was making a great salary in a corporate job, I had to take a second job waitressing on weekends to pay down the debt. Am I suggesting you get a second job? No. I am suggesting you look at the numbers and decide how best to “attack” them (maybe even consider debt consolidation to lower the overall interest rate you are paying). Some people suggest paying off the lowest balances first, but that is a psychological approach. As Red will tell you, I am pragmatic and prefer to crunch the numbers and come up with a realistic plan ... and set myself up for success. |
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