If you had to live without hugs … would that make you sad or glad?
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: How can something as simple as a hug elicit such incredibly different reactions; while it’s not surprising that Red thinks about hugs very differently than Black, it’s very surprising which one of them is supported by science.
Red’s a warm and fuzzy mom, so it goes without saying that hugs are an integral part of who she is. And how she raised her daughters. When her girls were young, she gave them lots and lots of hugs until Black, a self-declared non-hugger, pointed out that not everyone needs or wants a hug. Which, to this day, makes Red wonder,
How could I, a hug-lover, have given birth to two daughters, with neither “inheriting” the hugging gene? But having a non-hugger as my sister, I’ve realized that doesn’t mean they don’t love me, just that they don’t want hugs. Even if I think they need them.
The curious thing is, even as a non-hugger, Black will acknowledge that hugs represent affection, concern, love, appreciation, or sometimes just the joy of seeing someone. And although she’s fascinated by the science behind why some people hate hugs, she’s also read studies (she even sent this one to Red) about their health benefits, including how they can relieve stress.
Red was amused how COVID gave Black an excuse to avoid hugging for years, but now, unless you know her, you might think she’s a germophobe or being overly cautious. But it does beg the question, if hugging is good for you, why would Black avoid it,
We all know what we should do but often ignore what is best for us. I have always felt hugging seems selfish in that it is usually the person who needs a hug who insists on hugging. However, sometimes I will compromise and do it for the other person, so I guess you could say my approach to hugs is … it is better to give than to receive. Even on National Hugging Day.
| Did you know that April's Autism Awareness Month? I wasn't aware (pun intended) of it until I read our local homeowner's monthly newsletter and it caught my eye. | |
| Actually, last month the founding organization, the Autism Society, changed "Awareness "to "Acceptance" to foster inclusivity, as knowing about something is very different from accepting it. But I am guessing that is not the point of this call. | |
| Although it isn't autism, it reminded me of years ago when we found out that Natasha has learning disabilities. | |
| I think you mean DIFF-abilities. | |
| Of course, that's another thing I remember. I was focused on the negative aspects of her diagnosis until you asked me, point-blank, "Why are they called disabilities?" And proceeded to explain that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. | |
| Exactly! Imagine the world if everyone excelled at math, but flunked English. Or, a world of lawyers, but no musicians. Some people are better at social skills, while others excel at handling technical data. Why not just say that people who have different skillsets and abilities have DIFF-abilities versus making them feel like they have shortcomings? |
| I know that you completely changed my way of thinking, not only about Natasha but about the concept of "disabilities" full stop. It opened my eyes – and my brain – about how just because someone has challenges or limited abilities in some areas, that doesn't mean they don't have different gifts and strengths in other areas. | |
| Exactly. Although autism is a "spectrum condition" meaning it affects people differently and to varying degrees, it is a complex developmental disorder that can affect a person's social skills, and ability to communicate and interact with others. However, autistic people usually possess some extremely valuable traits that are rare in non-autistic people. | |
| Which is why it frustrates me that so many people feel like those with disabilities, excuse me DIFF-abilities, are "lesser" people. When Natasha was diagnosed, she was in her teens and already had a very strong personality (no doubt inherited from you) and, luckily, seemed to have an innate understanding that she was just different, not better, not worse, than others. I guess one of the biggest challenges is to get others to see things with the same mindset. | |
| We are a story-telling society, and there are countless stories of people with DIFF-abilities, including those with autism, that are eye-opening and more powerful than anything we could ever say. | |
| Funny you say that, as I was curious to learn more about autism and found some inspiring quotes (including a wonderful Tom Hanks clip) that not only gave me great insight but made me smile. One of my favorites was how Paul Collins, an author and parent of an autistic child, said, "Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg." That's such a great way to describe not only those with autism but any disability. | |
| Well, technically, it will fit, but it requires that the diameter of the circle be larger than the diagonal of the square. Basic geometry. But, I understand Paul Collin's point. | |
| Talk about DIFF-abilities! Couldn't you just agree with me? | |
| The thought never crossed my mind. |
The last time I was in Indianapolis, I became the first woman to race the road course at Indy (Indianapolis Motor Speedway) — in a Ferrari Challenge support race on a Formula One (F-1) weekend, no less. Although I did not know it at the time.
So, when I heard about a national conference of adult educators being held in Indianapolis, I thought it was the perfect location.
Are you wondering, “What is the connection?”
In racing, people focus on the driver. The one in the car. The one who crosses the finish line. But, that is not how racing works. No driver is alone — there is always a team with us. Plus, we are constantly learning — from coaches, from other drivers, from trying something new. And, adapting — to changing conditions, new technology, more experience.
There is an old racing axiom,
To finish first, first you must finish.
But, even more basic … you cannot finish if you do not start. And, for many adult learners, starting is the hardest part. Some are doing it for the first time. Some are trying again. All are stepping into something uncertain. For some, it is scary. For others, it is exciting. Often, it is both. No different than when I go to a new track.
There are many similarities between racing and adult education. So, if I could provide adult educators with just one takeaway, it would be this,
You are an integral part of the student’s “crew” … You are often the reason people start. You make sure they are not alone when they do. You help them get to the finish. And, without you, they might never get out of neutral.
So, throttle on.


Shop, Social Media & Site — UPDATE!
RED & BLACK SHOP
We’re excited to announce we’ve finally opened the store and will be adding more items over the coming months. But it’s not about selling “stuff” … it’s about combining inspiring and entertaining messages (what we like to call “merchandise with meaning”) with items that are both practical and fun.
And, following a commitment we made years ago, everything is Made In The USA.
Please check it out at www.RedandBlackShop.com.
SOCIAL MEDIA
Not to brag, but our social media followers are growing faster than expected (except on Facebook, but that might be because we lost 4,500 followers … on purpose).
For those of you who use social media, we’d love it (well, Red would "love” it — Black would greatly appreciate it) if you could check us out — and if it’s not too much trouble … help us spread the word!
WEBSITE
It seems we keep saying our new and totally revamped website is about to launch. Well, we’re about to finalize all the library topics, which is the last major piece. That was a major project, and I’m sure we’ll tell you all about it, as it showed both the strength and weakness of artificial intelligence (AI) to review lots of data. But we’re almost there.
SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE …
The world is changing — and we’re all being inundated with opinions, politics, and misinformation. Add in AI, and more than ever, people are looking for authenticity and human intelligence. Or, at least, human connection. So, when it comes to Red & Black … what’s more “real” than real sisters?
We’re going to stay true to ourselves and continue to focus on content that will (hopefully) help people laugh, learn, and build community alongside us. (OK, there may be some eye-rolling at Black’s unexpected comments or Red’s “cluelessness” at times.) On social media. With our merchandise. In our newsletter. On this site.