The Dining Out Dilemma

It was bad enough that we couldn't take our mom for her traditional Mother's Day lobster dinner at The Palm (although we never celebrate it on the actual day as restaurants are too crowded). Thanks to the pandemic, restaurants were either closed or take-out only. Given our mom is in her 90s and has pre-existing conditions, she was distancing herself from the rest of the world and basically secluded at home. (Something, by the way, she's definitely not happy about.)

We never dreamed, however, that …

six months later we'd have to forego her November birthday celebration, which is the same lobster dinner at the same restaurant. Clearly for our Mom, going out to dinner at a nice restaurant with her daughters has always been a special treat and something she looks forward to (or maybe it's just the lobster). While, for Red, going out to eat used to be a fun and relaxing escape from cooking at home, now it's a risk-reward decision filled with anxiety and stress. And always the same decision, "Not worth it." For Black, it's always been a "social thing" as she's had a long-standing (decades long!) Saturday night date with her best friends, John and Diana. Now, they visit over the phone and laugh about how much lower their AmEx bills are every month.

From a strictly pragmatic perspective – How do you maintain social distancing from anyone not in your household when you go out to eat? Obviously, you have to take off your mask to eat and drink (although there are masks that accommodate straws). Is it even feasible to go out to eat with people not in your "personal bubble"? Climate and weather permitting, how safe is it to eat outdoors?

But it's the emotional implications that make it so difficult. We're now in the midst of what Red calls the "silly season" where dining out and holiday parties have always been such a big part of celebrating the season. The pandemic has been with us for almost a year and we just want a break. A holiday break. So, now what?

The answers will be different for everyone, as we all have our own way of looking at risk-reward. Most of us are already struggling with holidays that are celebrated with food, family, and friends. Maybe if we focus on the holiday spirit, recognizing we're all facing the same challenges, and try to keep things in perspective, knowing next year will be better. And mix in a little humor …

Got your mask? Check. Have your battle plan ready. Check. Ready to keep distance. Check. Going into battle? No, just going out to eat.

P.S. – For those of you wondering about Mom's lobster dinners, we did a belated take-out for her Mother's Day dinner and she said it was the best lobster she had ever eaten. Full stop. And she's looking forward to the birthday dinner. Maybe, it is just the food.

celebration

Words & Banter

What Gives? Hopefully … You! Especially Today!

Photo by Rabbitti for iStock

It’s #GivingTuesday, and although it’s always a good time to think of others, remember all the people who are continuing to deal with the aftermath of natural disasters long after the headlines have been forgotten.

And even though Black believes charitable giving can be “secretive”, she also knows there’s science proving helping others is good for you. (Warning: she likes to recommend the book “Wonder Drug: 7 Scientifically Proven Ways That Serving Others Is the Best Medicine for Yourself.“)

P.S. – Wherever you may choose to donate, beware of potential scammers. So, if in doubt – check them out! (Black likes GuideStar and Charity Navigator.)

red head assets.rebelmouse.io	I know today’s Giving Tuesday, but what I always find so amazing is how you treat every day as “Giving Tuesday."
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	What makes you say that? I do not donate to an organization or charity every day.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	You’re always so literal. I meant that the spirit of “giving to others”, whether donating or providing support in some way, seems to be part of your daily life.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I think you are exaggerating.

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charitable giving

Words & Banter

Even Thanksgiving Is … All About The Shoes

Photo courtesy of Red’s eldest daughter, Natasha

red head assets.rebelmouse.io

At the risk of asking you a warm and fuzzy question, have you thought about what you’re most thankful for this Thanksgiving?

Black's Head Black assets.rebelmouse.io

Yes.

red head assets.rebelmouse.io

I should’ve guessed that you’d take the question literally. Could you expand on that a little, or at least give me a hint?

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friendship

Words & Banter

If You Behave … You Can Clean The Toilet. And Consider Yourself Lucky?!

Photo by htomas for iStock

When Red was a child, toilets represented more than a place to go when, well, you had to go. Much to Black’s amusement, Red saw cleaning them as a reward. (Really! Check out Red's post below.) But neither of us realized that billions of people don’t have access to toilets. And if it weren’t for today being World Toilet Day, we never would have known the magnitude of the associated health and safety issues – or the connection between sanitation and groundwater.

RED: What can I tell you? When I was a kid, one of my all-time favorite things to do was … clean the toilet. Yes, you read that correctly. And it wasn’t because I was a germophobe or a clean freak. I just loved being able to sit on the floor, using as much Bon Ami (I’ve no idea why I remember the brand) cleaning powder as I wanted. And the best part? All those bubbles!

It kept me entertained for hours. Not to mention, my mom was thrilled because it kept me “contained” and out of her hair. So much so that if I was very good and behaved myself, she might even give me “special permission” to clean the toilet in my parent’s bathroom. Of course, Black, being five years older and understanding the situation, found it all extremely amusing. Even now, decades later, she still gives me grief about it,

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health

DON’T MISS A THING

For Red & Black Banter in your inbox ...

red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Really? What about your involvement with The Make-A-Wish Foundation? That’s been going on for years. And it didn’t take a “holiday” to get you involved.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Actually, it was a golf tournament decades ago. But once you see the difference you can make, even if it is a small donation because they add up, it becomes a way of life. Or, at least, it did for me.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	I know you’ve quietly done things for other organizations and people, too. Living in the Houston area, we have no shortage of natural disasters, and we’ve seen people’s generosity. But what I like about Giving Tuesday is it’s not waiting for a specific event because there are so many worthwhile charities that need our support every day.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Agree. And, although I am not always a huge fan of social media, #GivingTuesday – note the hashtag – started in 2012 to harness the power of the internet for hashtag activism and, more specifically, to inspire people and companies to give back.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, social media or not, I know how important it is to give back and help others. And it’s not always about money. Sometimes they need people to donate their time or expertise. I just wish we didn’t need a tragic event or “special day” as a reminder.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	So, now that you have been reminded, stop talking to me and do your fair share for #GivingTuesday. Trust me, you will be glad you did.

Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Friends.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	I should’ve guessed that too since John’s been in the hospital for the past several weeks and is one of your oldest friends.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Not sure “oldest” is the kindest way to define it, but he and his wife have been my closest friends for over 35 years. To the point that John calls me his “second wife,” although he’s only been legally married once.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	That’s funny, but on my recent fall foliage trip, I realized it was so much more than chasing leaves as I experienced the joy and appreciation of visiting a dear friend and her family. And while phone calls, texting, and even FaceTime are great, it’s just not the same as spending time together.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I was going to mention that when you first told me you were going to see Sawyer in Nashville and also spend some time at Amy’s in east Tennessee, but figured you already knew that friendships can easily be taken for granted … until something makes you fully appreciate them.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	That’s so true. Although I prefer to have a small group of friends, and most of mine I’ve known for decades – either from elementary school, college, or my years living in Hong Kong. Unfortunately, though, none of them now live near me.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Friends do not require living in the same town, although that is usually how friendships begin. And, while we may not stay in touch as frequently as we want, over time, we see who our true friends are … they are the ones who are always there for us, during good times and bad. And, in my case, are brave enough to point out when they do not agree with me.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Very brave. My friends have it easier, but I count on them to give me an honest perspective no matter what, although I prefer when they agree with me.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Of course, you do. And, your friends should be thankful you are so easygoing.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, at the risk of sounding corny, with Thanksgiving just days away, it’s the perfect time to be truly thankful for our dear friends.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	It reminds me of the photo that Natasha sent us last year when she was celebrating “Friendsgiving” with her friends in England.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Besides not realizing it was an actual thing and not Natasha combining the words “friends” and “Thanksgiving,” I was expecting photos of her attempt at making sweet potatoes or other traditional Thanksgiving foods, or maybe a bunch of Brits sitting around the table with the lone American. Not a photo of everyone’s shoes in the entry hallway.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I never thought of Thanksgiving as being “all about the shoes”, but that image sums up the true meaning of the holiday.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Tell the truth; everything’s always all about the shoes for you. But, given this Thanksgiving will be the first without Mom, the image’s a wonderful reminder of the importance of friends who’ve been there for me this year. And I include you as both family and friend.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Once is enough for me. And, as the saying goes, you cannot choose your family but (like shoes) you can choose your friends. So, pick carefully, and then appreciate them.