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Well, the “silly season,” as I call it, is in full swing, and, as always,
there’s plenty to do. Although I’ve
managed to get the house decorated, so that’s off my holiday to-do list. |
| It always makes me laugh that a nice Jewish girl dresses her hallway bear in a Santa outfit. |
| But Santas, reindeer, and snowmen aren’t religious; they’re seasonal. It’s fun and festive and makes the house feel warm and cozy. |
| Christmas carols are seasonal as well. Unfortunately, you cannot escape them, which drives me crazy. Although I laugh when I think about their “Jewish connection”. |
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Black
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| What are you talking about? |
| The fact that many of the most beloved Christmas carols were written by Jews. Songs like “Santa Baby,” “I’ll Be Home For Christmas,” and “Silver Bells.” Even “The Christmas Song” was written by a Jew. |
| And don’t forget probably the most famous of them all – “White Christmas” – with its music and lyrics by Irving Berlin. I love that song, plus the movie with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye, which is a holiday classic. |
| Since many of the great songwriters back then were Jewish, it is not surprising that they also wrote songs for the holidays. |
| True. After all, Irving Berlin also wrote “Easter Parade,” which is another one of my favorite movies. But since he’s probably one of the greatest American songwriters, it wouldn’t surprise me if he had a song for every holiday. But they aren’t religious songs. |
| Or, religious movies. One turned Christmas into a holiday about snow, and the other made Easter more of a fashion show. The funny thing is some people even consider “Die Hard” a Christmas movie. Regardless, the exit music, “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow” was also written by a Jew. |
| Hey, I’m one of those people! It’s one of my favorite movies, and because it takes place over Christmas, we decided to watch it last Christmas. And now it may become a new tradition. Anyway, most Christmas carols aren’t religious. They’re about the spirit of the holiday and the season. |
| Exactly. No lyrics about “shopping until you’re dropping” or “buy yourself a merry little Christmas.” However, that is probably because they were written a long time ago, well before we were born, when things were very different. |
| It makes you wonder what they’d write about today, especially given the non-stop focus on holiday shopping, starting well before Black Friday and even continuing after Christmas. |
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Forget “dreaming of a white Christmas” … sounds like you are dreaming of
a commercial-free holiday season. That will
never happen, as it is the most critical time of year for retailers. |
| I know that Chanukah usually falls around the same time as Christmas, and there’s even some overlap this year, but it’s a relatively minor holiday. Yes, there’s some gift giving, but not on the scale of gifts to be found under the Christmas tree. And we always light the menorah. |
| Which is important. It is a way to stay connected with the meaning of the holiday. This time of year is supposed to be about people. And, celebration. And, traditions. |
| Says the woman who hates the holidays. |
| I hate “forced” celebrations. And, all the commercialization. And, over-indulgence. |
| That makes sense, but you couldn’t have always felt this way. Don’t you have any childhood memories of the holidays? |
| Of course, I do. They were simpler times. And, as much as I do not tend to look back, I remember being in the hospital one Christmas. I was only about five, and a gentleman dressed as Santa was delivering gifts to everyone. When he came to my bed, I refused the gift telling him I was Jewish and did not celebrate Christmas. |
| Not the holiday memory I was expecting. Regardless, that must have surprised him. What did he say? |
| He leaned over, pulled his fake white beard away from his face, whispered something Yiddish in my ear, and then said, “It’s ok, so am I.” |
| That’s hilarious. Leave it to you to find a Jewish Santa! |
| Obviously, it is one of my favorite holiday memories as it has stayed with me all these years. But, for me, it is the spirit of the holiday. He was doing for others. And, allowing some other “Santa” to be home with his family. |
| Careful, you’re beginning to sound warm and fuzzy. Which is what the holidays are about. |
| And, traditions. They go together like Christmas and Chinese food. |
| Talk about a holiday tradition! Which reminds me of one of the funniest YouTube videos you have ever sent me … when Justice Elena Kagan, at her Supreme Court confirmation hearing, was asked where she was at Christmas, she replied, “You know, like all Jews, I was probably at a Chinese restaurant.” |
| Not only was that a very quick and hilarious reply, but probably true. |
| We not only order Chinese take-out on Christmas but also on New Year’s Eve and then watch some movies and try to stay awake until midnight. |
| Well, that reminds me of another popular Irving Berlin song, “Happy Holiday,” that was introduced during the New Year’s Eve scene in the movie, "Holiday Inn." |
| And is a perfect lead-in to wishing everyone very Happy Holidays (whatever you celebrate), and a happy and healthy New Year. |
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.
Since we first ran the conversation below, autism awareness has become more commonplace, but there’s a big difference between that and acceptance. (Which is why April is now Autism ACCEPTANCE Month.) Not to mention assumptions. Labels aside, don’t we all have something of value to contribute? Think about your different abilities (Black calls them “diff-abilities”), and you may find a new way to look at others, especially those with autism -- with respect, empathy, and a desire to better understand their situations, strengths, and challenges.
| Did you know that April's Autism Awareness Month? I wasn't aware (pun intended) of it until I read our local homeowner's monthly newsletter and it caught my eye. |
| Actually, last month the founding organization, the Autism Society, changed "Awareness "to "Acceptance" to foster inclusivity, as knowing about something is very different from accepting it. But I am guessing that is not the point of this call. |
| Although it isn't autism, it reminded me of years ago when we found out that Natasha has learning disabilities. |
| I think you mean DIFF-abilities. |
| Of course, that's another thing I remember. I was focused on the negative aspects of her diagnosis until you asked me, point-blank, "Why are they called disabilities?" And proceeded to explain that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. |
| Exactly! Imagine the world if everyone excelled at math, but flunked English. Or, a world of lawyers, but no musicians. Some people are better at social skills, while others excel at handling technical data. Why not just say that people who have different skillsets and abilities have DIFF-abilities versus making them feel like they have shortcomings? |
| I know that you completely changed my way of thinking, not only about Natasha but about the concept of "disabilities" full stop. It opened my eyes – and my brain – about how just because someone has challenges or limited abilities in some areas, that doesn't mean they don't have different gifts and strengths in other areas. |
| Exactly. Although autism is a "spectrum condition" meaning it affects people differently and to varying degrees, it is a complex developmental disorder that can affect a person's social skills, and ability to communicate and interact with others. However, autistic people usually possess some extremely valuable traits that are rare in non-autistic people. |
| Which is why it frustrates me that so many people feel like those with disabilities, excuse me DIFF-abilities, are "lesser" people. When Natasha was diagnosed, she was in her teens and already had a very strong personality (no doubt inherited from you) and, luckily, seemed to have an innate understanding that she was just different, not better, not worse, than others. I guess one of the biggest challenges is to get others to see things with the same mindset. |
| We are a story-telling society, and there are countless stories of people with DIFF-abilities, including those with autism, that are eye-opening and more powerful than anything we could ever say. |
| Funny you say that, as I was curious to learn more about autism and found some inspiring quotes (including a wonderful Tom Hanks clip) that not only gave me great insight but made me smile. One of my favorites was how Paul Collins, an author and parent of an autistic child, said, "Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg." That's such a great way to describe not only those with autism but any disability. |
| Well, technically, it will fit, but it requires that the diameter of the circle be larger than the diagonal of the square. Basic geometry. But, I understand Paul Collin's point. |
| Talk about DIFF-abilities! Couldn't you just agree with me? |
| The thought never crossed my mind. |
Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Ye Jinghan on Unsplash
We’ve all wanted a “second chance” at some point in our lives. A “do-over” for a mistake we made, a bad decision, or something that didn’t work out well. An opportunity to show (to ourselves and to others) that we learned our lesson.
Now imagine that second chance being life-changing. For many people who’ve found themselves on the wrong side of the law, a second chance might be all they need to turn their lives around. Which is why April was designated Second Chance Month and why we’re rerunning what changed Red’s perspective on second chances …
| I had no idea that April was “Second Chance Month” until you sent me the official proclamation. I find it interesting that in the midst of juggling our usual million and one Red & Black things, your interest in criminal justice, which I know you consider a “passion project”, is as strong as ever, maybe even stronger. |
| It is not intentional, sometimes “ passion projects” find you. And, when you least expect it. |
| Or where you least expect it! Only you would take a “field trip” to a men’s prison. |
| I will not get on my soapbox about how our education system contributes to the criminal justice problem. I will never forget a friend of mine who was formerly incarcerated telling me, “Rehabilitating people makes the assumption they were habilitated in the first place.” |
| When you stop and think about that statement, it’s pretty powerful! But I have to smile as once upon a time you, and I, used words like “offenders” and “prisoners” until we learned how our choice of words could be dehumanizing . |
| Says the woman who once believed in the idea of “lock ’em up and throw away the key”. |
Black
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| That was before! I know you told me that just because someone made a bad decision, it didn’t make them a bad person, but it sounded like a cliche. Now, my opinion is based on our experience and the impact we’ve seen . The feedback has been eye-opening. Unfortunately, life doesn’t come with “do-overs.” |
| Exactly. None of us are perfect. We have all made bad decisions. Second chances are about opportunities to show we have learned from our mistakes. |
| Well, I know I have. Obviously, not anything illegal. But it made me determined to teach my daughters what I had learned. Probably one of the most heartwarming parts of the feedback we’ve received is that so many people on the inside want better – not only for themselves, but for their children and grandchildren. |
| Yes, which is why having a second chance is so critical. And, helping set people up for success, not failure, because it is about more than changing the lives of the formerly incarcerated -- it can change the lives of their families and, in turn, our communities and our country. |
| A ripple effect that could mean more people may get it right the first time and not need a second chance. |
| True. Maybe we should look at it as giving society a second chance … |
Maybe Skin Cancer Advice, But Don’t Expect A Compliment From A Sarcastic Sister
I'll never forget the day. It was an "almost" ordinary day out on the golf course with my mom and dad during the heat of a Long Island summer. Now, if "Long Island" conjures up images of stately manors on the North Shore (think "Great Gatsby") or beachfront mansions in the Hamptons (think Robin Leach and his popular show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"), you can put those out of your head. I'm not talking about some fancy country club golf course, just a regular public course.
I loved the game ever since I learned to play as a teenager, and although I never got to play while at college (Wake Forest, which was renowned for its golf program, with its most famous alumni being Arnold Palmer), I'd try to get out as often as possible when I was home. I wasn't a phenomenal player but had a decent game and natural talent. And most of the time, I hit it pretty straight, so one of the things I enjoyed was walking down the middle of the fairway, pulling my clubs along (no fancy golf carts on this course), appreciating the day and the sport.
On one (very rare) occasion, my sister came back to New York to visit, as she moved out of state as soon as she graduated from business school. She also played golf, but unlike me, who relied on natural ability and played for fun, she worked extremely hard at her game, was overly competitive, and played "business golf". The result was that she was a far better player than me, although I was holding my own on that day.
As Black often says, the scorecard contains only numbers, no editorial. And it would ultimately show that she'd beat me, but as we were each walking up one of the last holes toward our respective balls, in the heat of a late summer afternoon, with the sun at our backs, I was secretly hoping that she'd be proud of me. So, after I hit my fairway shot onto the green, I heard her call out to me, and my hopes were high,
I wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or be angry. Or to just roll my eyes as it really was something only my sister would say. And to this day, I'm not even sure if she had even noticed how close I came to beating her and how well I played – "upping" my game driven by her much better game.
But I also know that I can never look down at my very pale legs without laughing just a little at how a lifetime ago (or so it seems), she was so right. Recently, when she treated me to my first pair of Birkenstocks, I stood in the store trying them on, and before she had a chance to say it I told her … Yes, I do look like I have on white hose.
P. S. – I feel it only fair (pun intended) to have a P.S. for a P.S.A. – Long ago, the harm of the summer sun wasn't as well known, but in the years since, we've learned how important sunblock is. Year-round. So, whether you're a redhead who never tans (I used to cycle between being extremely pale and burning red and back again) or someone who does tan, take care of your skin!