| I keep forgetting to ask you, since Sawyer is away at camp, what did you do for July 4th? |
|
Well, it was
a very different Fourth of July. No
kids. No barbeque. No fireworks.
|
| I know most of the fireworks were cancelled, but is your barbeque grill broken? |
| No, this year I decided to declare my "independence" from doing a big holiday grocery shop, major prep work, and cooking outdoors in Texas heat. |
| I wish there were more people willing to declare their independence. |
| Somehow I don't think you're talking about me making an easy pasta dish in the comfort of my air-conditioned house vs. standing over a hot barbeque on a hot day. |
| No, but the quote, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen" does apply to a bunch of elected government "leaders" – and I use that terms loosely as they actually seem to be "followers." You cannot tell me they do not see how their actions – or inactions – are hurting their constituents. |
| Although I agree with you, I can see where some elected officials feel the need to maintain the party line. Like you've always told me, you have to pick your battles. |
| Yes, but we are talking about people's lives. You are the history buff, so you well know there was a time when people would give their lives to do what they felt was right – for their families, for their community, for their country. Even if that meant standing up to those in control. |
| Yes, but I think you're being a bit dramatic. Which is interesting as I was the theater major, not you. After all, equating sacrificing your life to taking a stand about your beliefs is different from leaders who aren't willing to "speak up" to "higher-ups". |
| Really? One is risking their life – the other, maybe, their career. True leadership is about doing what is right. And, if you feel that something that is wrong, take an independent stand. It is about having the strength, courage, and conviction to do what you believe is right. |
| Sounds like you watched "The Patriot" over the holiday weekend. |
| Never heard of it, but you are the movie-goer, not me. Although we both know your primary motivation is the popcorn. |
| True. Anyway, it starred Mel Gibson as an American colonist, and although an "action movie" showing our fight to win independence from Britain, it still explores those exact themes. America may not be a perfect country, but it has always stood up and been willing to fight for what it believes in. |
| Yes, but that is harder to do when leaders are not leading, but rather just following. Being a true leader requires independent thinking. | |
| That reminds me of something someone told me decades ago about a colleague they worked with, "He would be a great leader, if only people would follow him." It definitely made me laugh. |
| Sometimes you do not realize the wisdom of a true leader until much later. Initially, they may be measured by doing what is popular or convenient. |
| I love history, and there are countless examples of just that, but I'm not sure how you begin to crack that nut. Today, thinking, yet alone independent thinking, isn't what a lot of people do well. |
| OK, Miss History. After we got our independence from England, how were we ruled? Who made all the decisions? |
| Is this a trick question? |
| No, I do not know the answer, and I am trying to understand what happened and why. |
| First, my disclaimer that I know more about Tudor history than American history, but to keep it short and simple, the 13 states had to find a way to work together, and the original structure (if you're ever on Jeopardy remember "The Articles of Confederation") gave the states a lot of power. However, that didn't work out so well, and after just a few years, there was the brilliant idea to create The Constitution, which establishes and defines the separation of powers. |
| So, it required a lot of creative thinking, with an end goal of what was best for "We the people". In other words, when our country was born – it was led by independent thinkers not people that merely followed along. |
| Yes, but that's history. Good luck turning back that clock! It would require those "up the ranks" to relinquish some of their power. And need I remind you that we had to fight the War of Independence to achieve that? |
| That history fact, I do know. However, I think we have recently witnessed the importance – and power – of independent thinking. And, combined with good leadership, it can result in great things. |
| Absolutely! And to say there's such an overwhelming need for that at this critical time would be a huge understatement. Maybe it's time for another revolution, although this time make it peaceful. |
| The War of Independent Thinking. Now that would warrant fireworks. |
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|
I keep
getting emails about where to go for mocktails. I know alcohol-free cocktails, like Virgin
Margaritas, have been around for a while, but I’d never heard that term before. Do you think it has to do with New Year’s resolutions? |
| It can if any of your resolutions are to lose weight, save money, sleep better. Or, drink less. Psychologically, January is the month when we “reset”, so a UK-based organization, Alcohol Change UK, started Dry January, where you abstain from drinking alcohol. |
| Perfect timing since many people shop, eat, and drink more than usual over the holidays. |
| I know you used to drink a glass of Cold Duck on New Year’s Eve, a tradition going back to our childhood, but that hardly counts as drinking. But, I have always wondered why you rarely drink, but never asked. |
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Black
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| That may be the only thing you haven’t asked me. It isn’t for any moral or health reasons; it’s because, even many decades later, I still have vivid memories of overdoing it at a fraternity dance at college. Although lately, I’ve been drinking more than normal. |
| For you, that means more than one drink … a year. |
| Very funny, but pretty much true. However, after visiting Tennessee Hills Distillery in the fall, I did develop a taste for their flavored rum. So, between the ones I brought home and the bottles of Moscato that Natasha had delivered to me by Drizly as a surprise holiday gift, I’ve had more to drink this holiday season than ever before. |
| Well, I drank more this year, too. But, that is because, during COVID, I went over a year without a drink. For years, I used to go out to dinner several times a week and would always have a drink or two, but now do not go out as often. Combine that with a lack of dating, and my alcohol consumption is almost non-existent. |
| But your condo has a pantry that you converted into a beautiful bar with all those liquor bottles on display. And you’ve collected wine for years. |
| Yes, it looks enticing, but I do not drink alone. Never have. But, if I did, I would probably need to hide the liquor, or put yellow “caution tape” in front of the bar during Dry January. |
| That’s funny, but do you really think that people can go cold turkey for an entire month? That seems like a long time if you’re used to drinking on a regular basis. |
|
Yes. Besides
the fact many bars
are taking advantage of Dry January to offer customers something
new and different versus just alcohol-free versions of traditional
cocktails, the demand for nonalcoholic beverages continues to increase as more people
prioritize healthier lifestyles. Not to
mention, many people now feel less social pressure to drink. |
| Please don’t start quoting statistics and studies! But don’t you think, come February, everyone will just go back to their “normal” habits? |
| Since you do not want me to mention any of the science, or the fact people are already drinking less, I will come at it another way. If once you start Dry January, you experience the health benefits, including more energy, why would you go back to your old habits? |
| Because it’s a habit? Sorry, I couldn’t resist. But good points, especially as we all know drinking can lead to health problems. Not to mention the risks of driving under the influence of alcohol. But I’d think there’s still some peer pressure to drink socially. |
| As more people are trying Dry January, or at least are aware of it, the more acceptable it becomes. And, the easier it is to find others to support you. Although sometimes you may need to avoid those people who do not. |
| Well, I’ve seen you drink this month. And you can’t blame it on me! What’s your excuse? |
| Dry January is not about having a perfect score. It is about reevaluating your relationship with alcohol. And, taking a night off does not mean the end of the effort. It just means it may be a Damp January. |
| You’re going to roll your eyes, but lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about myself. |
| That is totally out of character, unless you are thinking of New Year’s resolutions. |
| Actually, no. For decades, my priorities, and therefore my life, have always been focused on the girls and Mom. But that’s all changing. And I’m not sure how to “change” with it. |
| I know Mom’s passing has left a void in your life. And, although it was over a year ago, it overlapped with you becoming an empty-nester when Sawyer left for college last year. |
| Yes, and having Sawyer home for the holidays, thriving and talking about her future, combined with Natasha possibly buying a home in England, made it all hit home. Pun intended. It’s got me thinking about, well, me. |
| The girls will always need you, although now, for advice, guidance, and support versus day-to-day needs. It is time for the next chapter of your life. |
| Exactly! Except I’m not sure what I want to be when I grow up. |
| I refuse to “grow up.” I refuse to give up on dreams and thinking, pragmatically, of course, what could be. I will never stop being inquisitive. |
| You’ve always had the insatiable curiosity of a child, constantly asking, “Why? Why? Why?” Something I don’t possess, although I do admire it. Except for those times when it’s directed at me. |
| I know it can come across as questioning your decisions, but I am focused on the thought process. Anyway, if you cannot think like a child, what about like a business? |
| Do you mean I should now focus entirely on Red & Black? I love what we do and am excited about all the changes we have in store for 2023, but unlike you, work has never been my “reason for being”. |
| I was not suggesting you become a workaholic; I just think you would benefit from using the concept of a mission statement. But, make it a personal mission statement. |
| That’s easy. A fit and healthy woman of a “certain age” who has finally decluttered her house, organized her boxes full of papers, and has the time, and money, to travel and see family and friends more often. |
| Those are mainly goals and objectives. A business mission statement is a short paragraph, although it can be just a concise sentence, that summarizes the purpose of the business and what is most important to the company. In other words, its “reason for being”. |
| I knowthe definition, but don’t forget, I think more about the day-to-day stuff while you focus on the “big picture”. |
| Think of the mission statement as the ultimate destination, which you need to identify before you start to figure out how to get there. What is most important to you? What, if anything, are you passionate about? What would you want people to say about you when you are gone? What is the legacy you want to leave? |
| I started to say that’s rather morbid, but it does put everything in perspective. I remember Cousin Frankie’s funeral years ago after he died unexpectedly at a young age. Everyone talked about what a good person he was and how he touched all our lives with love and laughter. I’ll never forget our conversation on the plane home when you said, “How you want to be remembered is a good way to live your life.” |
| Yes, but it often gets forgotten in day-to-day living. New Year’s resolutions can be used as an annual reminder, although monthly reminders would be more effective. Which is why I think a mission statement could be invaluable. |
| I’m not sure how a few sentences, or even a paragraph, would make that big a difference. |
| Just starting to write it helps give you focus. It may be a little rough at first, but fine-tuning provides more clarity. Once written, it will give you a sense of direction. And, if you get off track, you can refer back to it. Although reviewing it on a regular basis to help you stay on track would be even better. |
| I like the thought of having a plan for becoming a “better” me. Too often, I feel like I’m trying to make changes in my life, changes I know are good for me, but without any real direction. |
| It is like getting in a car and driving; you will get somewhere – but not necessarily where you want to go. |
| I know that’s one of your favorite car analogies, but it’s still rather “big picture”. So how do I take this magical mission statement and actually use it? |
| One of the things you already mentioned was “the time, and money, to travel and see family and friends more often.” If you were writing a mission statement, and ignoring the “time and money” part, as everyone wants more of each, why would that be part of it? |
| Because in the last year, I reconnected with old friends “in person”, and it meant so much, not only to me but to them. |
| OK. And, why is that important? |
| Fine, here comes your inquisition. Well, I don’t even know where to begin. But I guess it boils down to letting them know how important they are to me, and how I’ll always be there for them. |
| Can you only do that with in-person visits? |
| Of course not. I’ve always called and/or Facetimed them. |
| Do you have time to write a letter? Can you afford a postage stamp? |
| OK, now you’re just being ridiculous. Or overly sarcastic. |
| Am I? Writing an old-fashioned letter has become a lost art, which means receiving a letter in the mail, or a “for no special reason” greeting card even without a handwritten note, can make an ordinary day – special. |
| I’ve always encouraged the girls to write handwritten thank-you notes but never thought about it in terms of a way to reach out to friends to let them know I’m thinking about them. It’s a nice idea. |
| I was not trying to be nice; I was trying to show you how a mission statement is not only “big picture”, but applies to your day-to-day life. It can help you create realistic resolutions that can become habits, all with the same underlying goal – becoming a “better you”. |
| Makes sense. Now, I just have to decide who I want to be in ’23. |
| Sounds like you are a woman on a mission. |
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