Photo by malerapaso on iStock

I was not actively looking to date, but when I heard the message from the director of the matchmaking service I had hired almost a decade ago (and had not spoken with in over eight years), I was intrigued. And surprised. Not only because it had been so long since I last spoke with her, but because our last call had been to tell them, in no uncertain terms, I was done with them. I had even considered retaining legal counsel to get my money back but realized my attorneys might end up costing me more than the fee I had paid.

Hindsight should be 20-20, but at the time I put my membership on permanent hold, I thought it was because they were not listening to what I said I wanted in a potential relationship. (Do not get me started on the difference between "hearing" and "listening.") But the reality? They are a business and are playing the numbers game. They take your money, arrange the required number of dates, and if your requirements are fairly generic, can probably "match" you up. If you are a little more challenging (or have deeper pockets), they attempt to upsell you to a VIP service.

So, I agreed to their proposed date, and as I told my sister the morning after,

We met at about 6:30 p.m., and the conversation flowed easily, with many shared interests and attitudes (even politics, even though I have been told that is never something to talk about on a first date). Before you knew it, we were closing the place down four hours later. We had talked about this website, and he wanted to know how to find it, so I gave him my business card. And, he gave me a gentlemanly kiss on the cheek when we parted at valet.


Later that day, the service had one of the administrative assistants call me for a debriefing. They apparently had a checklist of questions (what did we discuss, how long did the date last, what did I think of his physical appearance, etc.) and concluded with whether I would see him again. I hesitated, saying that I would – but that my gut told me I was probably not what he was looking for in terms of a romantic partner. (When I told Red the same thing, she said I still should go out with him again and see.)

So, imagine my surprise when the director of the matchmaking service called me late that afternoon, leaving a message that she wanted "to gloat." When we ultimately spoke, she told me that she was right when she thought that we were perfect for one another. That he had said he really enjoyed getting to know me, that I was a "firecracker," and a very interesting person. She reiterated how good she is at matchmaking, and that I should keep her updated on how this develops.

I have not heard from him. And, if not for the director telling me differently, I did not expect to as I did not think I was what he was seeking. But, imagine if I had gotten my hopes up and was anxiously awaiting his call.

So, I wonder … should I call her and merely leave the message,

How do you retract "a gloat"?
Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Almost everyone likes Thanksgiving, but of course, Black's not one of them. First, she's not a fan of the traditional Thanksgiving food and only has one thing she likes, unlike most of us who'd be hard-pressed to narrow it down to one favorite. And then there's the "forced" sense of celebration. She remembers the best part of Thanksgiving when we were growing up in New York wasn't the table laden with food, but having lots of relatives busy "arguing" with each other, but that tradition ended too soon for Black. (Red, who's definitely into conflict avoidance, is glad it did.)

Black's consistent in that she also dislikes celebrating her birthday, and this year it falls on Thanksgiving. All of which creates a bit of a challenge for Red, who loves to celebrate both. So, what's Red to do? Well, believe it or not, in "RED & BLACK … A Birthday Turkey", Black's potato analogy may provide a clue.

Want to read other columns? Here's a list.

Created by Black
Red loves Thanksgiving, turkey, and TV dinners, but last year she never expected that they would somehow be connected (thanks to Black!) to a history lesson. This year, even though it will be a more "normal" Thanksgiving dinner, we decided to rerun the column, while Red can't help but wonder if Black still prefers sushi over turkey …

Red's Head Red

I know it can't be avoided, but I feel bad that Mom's spending Thanksgiving alone, but given the coronavirus it can't be helped.

Black's Head Black

Unfortunately, there are many people in that situation this year. Myself included.

Red's Head Red

Please. You only "do" Thanksgiving because it's expected of you. Unlike Mom, you don't even want me to make you a Thanksgiving dinner care package.

Black's Head Black

Not a fan of turkey – but did you know that TV dinners were created because of Thanksgiving?

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Violence at Home #SignalForHelp

"This is probably the best thing I've seen come along in the 48 years I've been a patrol officer."Sheriff's Deputy Gilbert Acciardo

red head red head

Thanks for sending the link to the article about the teenager who was rescued because she used a hand signal she learned on TikTok! I had already seen the story on the news over the weekend and immediately spoke to the girls about it.

Black's Head Black

I am guessing they already knew about it, but it is those of us who are not on TikTok that need to know about it. It is one of those rare times when I think social media is valuable and, in this case, can be lifesaving.

red head red head

As the mother of two girls, my first instinct was to make the girls heads-up in case, G-d forbid, they ever find themselves in a situation where they can't call for help or draw too much attention to themselves. Although I guess that could happen to us, too.

Black's Head Black

I understand, but if the person seeing the signal has no idea what it means, then it is worthless. Everyone needs to watch this video. The signal is easy to do – and easy to remember.

red head red head

The girl in the story was so lucky as although she was "trapped" in a car, a passing motorist knew what the signal was. Although it seems that the police in the area weren't familiar with it.

Black's Head Black

At the risk of repeating myself, that is why everyone needs to watch this video. And, although it was initially developed by the Canadian's Women's Foundation for women facing domestic abuse, the very simple hand signal (with the palm facing out, tuck the thumb into the palm, then cover the thumb with four fingers) can be used by anyone to discreetly ask for help or show they are in distress.

red head red head

Well, I give it another hand signal … a big ole thumbs up!