| Based on the "hints" in your Ghosting post, it sounds like your recent "romance" wasn't quite a Lady GaGa "bad romance", but, well, a frustrating one. |
| Interesting comparison, as years ago Gaga revealed that she is drawn to bad romances, but is not sure if she goes after them or they find her. Regardless, my "relationship" ended in the dating stage and never really became a romance. Either when I dated him almost 30 years ago, or recently. Although, this time, I thought it had potential. |
| I was amazed that you were even willing to "rekindle" the relationship as you're not exactly a believer in "recycling" relationships, as I think you once phrased it. In fact, I thought you were pretty adamant about the concept of not repeating your mistakes. |
| True, you should learn from your mistakes, not repeat them. But with most things in life, timing is everything. And, just because someone is not "Mr. Right Now" does not preclude them from being "Mr. Right" at another time in your life. |
| That sounds good, but neither time did you date very long. Maybe there's a reason for that. A reason why you should've left the past in the past. |
| It is funny you say that because that was my first thought. Then, I thought about where each of us was in our lives at that time. I was still climbing the corporate ladder and was not interested in ever having children. He was building his business and had young children. However, what made us incompatible back then was no longer applicable. |
| That all makes sense. But, at the risk of making you sound warm and fuzzy, you have described him in glowing terms – very intelligent, caring parent (and now grandparent), loyal friend to many people, and all-around nice guy. |
| And, we both collect art, enjoy fine red wine, and have similar tastes in restaurants and hotels. Not to mention being almost thirty years older and looking at life from a different perspective. |
| You sound totally compatible. Which, as you've told me over the years, is critical to a successful relationship, especially when all the "lovey-dovey" romance gives way to day-to-day reality. |
| I think that may be where we disconnected. We each need to have realistic expectations, and then decide if we are compatible. He may have decided that he wanted someone more romantic, and less pragmatic; therefore, I was not a good fit. Which I would have accepted. But, instead of telling me that, he went radio silent. |
| I'm not condoning his behavior, but I can understand it. Speaking as a "mere mortal", I can see why he might want to avoid having such an uncomfortable and difficult conversation with you. Especially if he's ever seen the "debate queen" side of you. But this isn't the first time he dated you. Doesn't he know you're a Vulcan? |
| Intellectually, he knew that I am not a physically demonstrative person, especially in public. Nor do I immediately get carried away with the idea of "being in love". |
| Excuse me? This from the woman who I used to say got engaged instead of dating? |
| Fast-forwarding past the "games" and "infatuation stage" of dating to see if a relationship has long-term potential is very different from thinking infatuation is true love. |
| Don't you know most people, if they like someone, want to jump in quickly and enjoy getting "carried up in the moment"? |
| That is fine, as long as they know that infatuation is only infatuation. It may be the beginning of a long-term relationship, or the spark may die. Unfortunately, it may result in a dating process that eliminates those who have the potential to be a lasting relationship, instead focusing on those who want to get carried up in the moment. |
| I'm almost afraid to ask, are you talking about someone in particular? |
| Sometimes you wonder why, in their determination (and rush) to find a lasting relationship with one person, they cannot see everything that has made them lifelong friends to so many people took time. |
| You didn't answer my question, but if you are – maybe you should remind them of that. |
| Maybe I will send them this post. |
It’s #GivingTuesday, and although it’s always a good time to think of others, remember all the people who are continuing to deal with the aftermath of natural disasters long after the headlines have been forgotten.
And even though Black believes charitable giving can be “secretive”, she also knows there’s science proving helping others is good for you. (Warning: she likes to recommend the book “Wonder Drug: 7 Scientifically Proven Ways That Serving Others Is the Best Medicine for Yourself.“)
P.S. – Wherever you may choose to donate, beware of potential scammers. So, if in doubt – check them out! (Black likes GuideStar and Charity Navigator.)
| I know today’s Giving Tuesday, but what I always find so amazing is how you treat every day as “Giving Tuesday." |
| What makes you say that? I do not donate to an organization or charity every day. |
| You’re always so literal. I meant that the spirit of “giving to others”, whether donating or providing support in some way, seems to be part of your daily life. |
| I think you are exaggerating. |
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| Really? What about your involvement with The Make-A-Wish Foundation? That’s been going on for years. And it didn’t take a “holiday” to get you involved. |
| Actually, it was a golf tournament decades ago. But once you see the difference you can make, even if it is a small donation because they add up, it becomes a way of life. Or, at least, it did for me. |
| I know you’ve quietly done things for other organizations and people, too. Living in the Houston area, we have no shortage of natural disasters, and we’ve seen people’s generosity. But what I like about Giving Tuesday is it’s not waiting for a specific event because there are so many worthwhile charities that need our support every day. |
| Agree. And, although I am not always a huge fan of social media, #GivingTuesday – note the hashtag – started in 2012 to harness the power of the internet for hashtag activism and, more specifically, to inspire people and companies to give back. |
| Well, social media or not, I know how important it is to give back and help others. And it’s not always about money. Sometimes they need people to donate their time or expertise. I just wish we didn’t need a tragic event or “special day” as a reminder. |
| So, now that you have been reminded, stop talking to me and do your fair share for #GivingTuesday. Trust me, you will be glad you did. |
Today (Black would probably say “every day”) is the perfect day to give back to others, so check out this great list of ideas and pick one (or more) and become part of #GivingTuesday!
| At the risk of asking you a warm and fuzzy question, have you thought about what you’re most thankful for this Thanksgiving? |
| Yes. |
| I should’ve guessed that you’d take the question literally. Could you expand on that a little, or at least give me a hint? |
| Friends. |
| I should’ve guessed that too since John’s been in the hospital for the past several weeks and is one of your oldest friends. |
| Not sure “oldest” is the kindest way to define it, but he and his wife have been my closest friends for over 35 years. To the point that John calls me his “second wife,” although he’s only been legally married once. |
| That’s funny, but on my recent fall foliage trip, I realized it was so much more than chasing leaves as I experienced the joy and appreciation of visiting a dear friend and her family. And while phone calls, texting, and even FaceTime are great, it’s just not the same as spending time together. |
| I was going to mention that when you first told me you were going to see Sawyer in Nashville and also spend some time at Amy’s in east Tennessee, but figured you already knew that friendships can easily be taken for granted … until something makes you fully appreciate them. |
| That’s so true. Although I prefer to have a small group of friends, and most of mine I’ve known for decades – either from elementary school, college, or my years living in Hong Kong. Unfortunately, though, none of them now live near me. |
| Friends do not require living in the same town, although that is usually how friendships begin. And, while we may not stay in touch as frequently as we want, over time, we see who our true friends are … they are the ones who are always there for us, during good times and bad. And, in my case, are brave enough to point out when they do not agree with me. |
| Very brave. My friends have it easier, but I count on them to give me an honest perspective no matter what, although I prefer when they agree with me. |
| Of course, you do. And, your friends should be thankful you are so easygoing. |
| Well, at the risk of sounding corny, with Thanksgiving just days away, it’s the perfect time to be truly thankful for our dear friends. |
| It reminds me of the photo that Natasha sent us last year when she was celebrating “Friendsgiving” with her friends in England. |
| Besides not realizing it was an actual thing and not Natasha combining the words “friends” and “Thanksgiving,” I was expecting photos of her attempt at making sweet potatoes or other traditional Thanksgiving foods, or maybe a bunch of Brits sitting around the table with the lone American. Not a photo of everyone’s shoes in the entry hallway. |
| I never thought of Thanksgiving as being “all about the shoes”, but that image sums up the true meaning of the holiday. |
| Tell the truth; everything’s always all about the shoes for you. But, given this Thanksgiving will be the first without Mom, the image’s a wonderful reminder of the importance of friends who’ve been there for me this year. And I include you as both family and friend. |
| Once is enough for me. And, as the saying goes, you cannot choose your family but (like shoes) you can choose your friends. So, pick carefully, and then appreciate them. |