| Well, this question immediately brings to mind the
rekindling of "Bennifer"
(nickname given to the celebrity romance of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez)
since it's been in the news so much. And
it's not only the TV talk shows but also some of the "news" shows. While many people are asking "Why now?" and "Why are so many people happy
about it?" I think it's pretty simple. Many people, especially women, are just romantics at heart, and whether
dramas or romantic comedies, most of us love a good love story. Full stop. And they often follow the same plotline – the couple meet, fall in love,
break up, but in the last scene, realize they've never stopped loving one
another, reconcile, and live happily ever after.
So, especially given what we've all been through with the pandemic, what could be better than a real-life love story with a happy ending? And if celebrities can do it, why can't we? Of course, it doesn't help that many people tend to reminisce about the good times, making it easy to over-romanticize a past relationship, especially if thinking about rekindling it. |
| Without getting into all the studies on Socioemotional Selectivity Theory, the
bottom line is that as people get older, they focus on the time remaining and direct
their attention to positive thoughts and memories. Combine that with the emotional drain of the pandemic
and limited social interaction, and it is easy to understand why people go back
to their Rolodex (pre-technology
contact lists) rather than try to meet new people. Yes, there may be good reasons to go this route. For me, it would make me question the logic of trying again when something did not work in the past. The operative word in that sentence is "question" as I am a firm believer in asking questions, lots of questions. With my favorite one being, "Why?" So, while I cannot tell you why people are trying to rekindle old romances, I can encourage anyone doing so to ask themselves why they are doing it, including why it did not work the first time, and why they believe this time would be different. |
FULL QUESTION: My teenager's a slob and it's driving me crazy — their messy room, leaving dirty dishes all around the house, and the bathroom looking like a disaster area! And now they're home for the summer. Help!
| Moms everywhere know exactly what you're talking about! And although people told me not to worry, this phase would pass, that didn't make it any better while I was in the midst of it. (I wish I had understood why teenagers have messy rooms and what I could have done to manage it better.) The good news was I was able to set expectations (and help maintain them) for the common areas of the house, but dealing with their rooms was very different. Especially with my eldest daughter, since nothing would work — not bribes, not threats, not rational conversations. I tried all the tips and "tricks" without success and eventually decided to stop nagging her because all it did was get me upset while she seemed perfectly content with the mess. At that point, I realized my primary concern was that I'd ultimately need an exterminator and/or plumber (for those of you who have lived through this, you understand), so I'd periodically go in and selectively clean that which would create problems for the rest of us. The rest I left alone. Hey, if she wanted to wear smelly clothing or have a bathroom that should be declared a national emergency zone, so be it. |
| I do not have children, but there was a time when I did have stepdaughters, and, not knowing what else to do, I decided to treat them like I would new employees. I knew employees basically wanted to please management, so I figured kids wanted to please their parents, and hopefully, stepparents. I created a "Rules of the House" document (small, basic, easy things), and most of them were things to do versus things not to do. I presented the rules as an opportunity for them to achieve and succeed, not as a set of restrictions. I always found it more effective with employees, and then with the girls (and even their father), to reinforce positive behavior rather than punish bad behavior. It can be as simple as a "thank you," complimenting them on their efforts, or even rewarding a job well done. It seemed to work, and along the way, improved communications and helped us set priorities. |
Design by Sawyer Pennington
| Are you kidding?! I'm a cookie-baking carpool mom, and although we had just published a book based on my "crisis", we didn't even think of ourselves as authors. (My sister saved our emails and Instant Messages, and has never told me if she taped our phone conversations!) And the book was supposed to be the basis of a sitcom! We had literally done one speaking engagement and now were being asked to get in front of classrooms full of high school seniors for a semester-long course. During their LAST semester! Surprised? "Shocked" might be a better word. Or, maybe "panicked." |
| My immediate reaction was, "Sure, not a problem." Then, while Red was busy panicking, I focused on how to get it done. The request was in keeping with KIPP's approach to looking for non-traditional methods of educating students, so they agreed when I asked for a task force of students to help us develop the program. (I knew it had to be relevant or there was no point in doing it.) And, it was the students who suggested we use our book as a textbook, calling it a "reality show in a book" … which, at least, validated my idea that the book could be the basis of a sitcom. |
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