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It's already February and my plans to eat better and exercise in the New Year are still sitting on a "To Do" list. Yes, I know, this happens to lots of people, but that doesn't make me feel any better. |
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You and your lists. Things like lose weight, exercise, eat healthy are too vague to put on a list. If you were a smoker, would you put "Stop Smoking" on a list? |
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OK, poor choice of words. They're not really on a written list, they're just goals I set for myself. |
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That is even worse. Do you expect you will magically do it without any daily reminders – or interim target goals? And, what is your motivation? |
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Thanks. That makes me feel even worse. |
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Get over it. You cannot change the past. But, February is a perfect time to start again. |
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February is too much like January – cooler weather that lends itself to comfort food and just wanting to nest. Plus, it gets dark early. |
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Those are just excuses. February is perfect because it is American Heart Month. And, heart disease is the leading cause of death – for both men and women. |
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That's definitely a good reason. The irony is that I know what to do. I just can't seem to find the motivation to keep it going for more than a few days. But when it comes to eating well and exercising, nothing seems to deter you. |
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That is because every morning, I walk into a large closet filled with size 2 clothing. |
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That's funny. |
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Funny or not, it is the truth. I have always been a clothes horse. Now, decades later, I have a significant investment hanging in my closet. And, since almost everything is timeless and classic, I would be extremely annoyed if it no longer fit. |
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Well, even if it's something us "mere mortals" can't relate to, at least it keeps you motivated. I just don't have anything like that in my life. |
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Really?! I can name two things. |
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Well, I'm not sure Natasha and Sawyer would want to be referred to as
"things", but I see your point. I think I did a
better job staying fit when they were
younger and truly needed me every day. Plus, when I was cooking for them, I was
more focused on healthy eating. Now that they're older, they don't need me as
much.
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That sounds like more excuses. They may no longer need you as cook and chauffeur, but they need your life experience and unconditional love as they struggle with the challenges of young adulthood. |
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Ok, I don't know whether to start feeling guilty right now or sad because I'm not taking good enough care of myself to be there for them. And hopefully for a long time to come. |
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The third option is to stop being so dramatic, and just start taking better care of yourself. Although Jewish guilt is often an excellent motivator, that was not my intention. |
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Thanks for reminding me that taking care of myself is NOT selfish, because it's about more than me. |
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Do you remember the airplane and oxygen mask analogy? |
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Oh, yes. It was one of your trick questions. You asked me if I was on a plane with the girls and we lost altitude, causing the oxygen masks to drop, would I first put the mask on myself or the girls. I answered the girls, of course. You then pointed out that if I didn't take care of myself first, I wouldn't be in a position to help them. |
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So, if you remembered that, why have you not been taking better care of yourself? |
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Easy. Because day-to- day living keeps distracting me. At least I'm good with having all my annual exams done because a reminder pops up on my computer. And before you ask, yes, that includes having my blood pressure and cholesterol checked. |
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Good, because getting "your numbers" is an important first step in diagnosing heart disease. But, is it critical to realize that since it is the #1 killer of men and women, we are all at risk. You always think it will happen to someone else. |
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Well, let me break the news to you, that's just human nature. Plus, most people aren't into numbers like you are. But now that I think about it, given our family history, we may be more at risk than other people. |
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How many more reasons do you need to start eating healthier and exercising more?How about the financial Implications? The cost of medical care if you get sick. What if you have a stroke and need long-term care? |
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Just the thought of that makes me sick. |
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Cute, but the good news is that you can always be a burden on your children; whereas since I live alone, if something happens to me, I will have to hire someone to help me. |
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I'll ignore the "burden" comment, but I hope you know that I'm always here for you. |
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I appreciate that. But, between my stubbornness and independence, not to mention, my closest full of clothes, I rather do everything possible to avoid that scenario. That includes being aware of warning symptoms and going to the doctor sooner versus later. |
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Says the woman who can afford to have a stress test and other diagnostic tests done when there weren't even any symptoms. |
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I wanted a baseline for future comparisons. And, peace of mind that there were no "silent symptoms". |
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As a mom, I'm more inclined to take a "do what I say, not what I do" approach. I've always taken the girls to the doctors when something was wrong, but not myself. Let's face it, most of the time stuff goes away, so I'm not going to start running to the doctor for every little thing. |
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I am merely saying that you cannot be an ostrich with your head in the sand when it comes to your
health. Ignoring symptoms does
not make them go away. Not taking care of yourself
can have serious implications.
But, it is up to you what you do … you can make smart
decisions now or regret it later.
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Well, that's brutally honest. |
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Yes, it is. Would this work better? … Since people associate the heart with love, take care of your heart because then you are also taking care of those you love. |
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Ok, you being warm and fuzzy is a bit alarming. But it has motivated me to go for a walk and think about how I'm going to not only begin, but maintain, my "new and improved" lifestyle. |
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Mission accomplished. |
| This past weekend, I noticed a bunch of flags on my street and wondered why since July 4th is still almost a month away. But this morning, I learned that today's Flag Day. |
| Well, for someone who likes to decorate for the holidays, I would have thought you would have known all about it. |
| I've heard of it, but I never really thought much about it, let alone when it is. I knew it had to do with the American flag, but it surprised me that it has nothing to do with Betsy Ross, which legend has made the first flag, although it seems there's no evidence to support that. |
| If you want an interesting "story", read about why the American flag is called Old Glory. Regardless, the American flag, like all flags, communicates a message. |
| I know you like to connect odd dots, but only you would see a connection between flags and communications. |
| Not really. In the case of the American flag, they needed something to communicate a new nation fighting for its freedom. But remember when I gave Natasha a set of racing flags years ago? |
| How could I forget? It was a very difficult and challenging time. And although you had already made me realize that different people like to communicate differently, the problem with Natasha wasn't so much how to communicate with her as figuring out when. We were frustrated and walking around on eggshells because we never knew when she was in a good mood or a bad mood, when it was safe to talk to her, and when she needed to be left alone. |
| Sometimes flags are the perfect way to communicate a message when words are not an option. |
| Leave it to you to use racing flags to solve what seemed like an impossible situation in a way that was not only clever but appealed to her because of her love of cars and racing. And we know where she got that from! |
| It just seemed logical. As did the cheat sheet where I basically "translated" the racing meanings of the different color flags for your use. For example, in racing, a green flag can either be the start of a race, a re-start, or just displayed to communicate safe racing. With Natasha, it would mean it was "safe" to talk to her. In racing, a yellow flag means caution and to slow down, which needs no further explanation. |
| I remember her telling me, quite emphatically, that a black flag means "Go away." Which made me laugh because it just seemed so, well, appropriate, given that's something I could see you saying. |
| On the track, it means to go to the pits, usually because you are in trouble. So, I cannot argue with your comment about it being appropriate for me. But, keep in mind that a red flag means to "Stop!" |
| I can't believe that Sawyer's graduated from high school and will be off to college in a few months. It's so bittersweet. Especially as it seems like only yesterday you were bringing me dinner in the hospital the day she was born – it was wedding soup from my favorite Italian restaurant. |
| Well, since that has now become one of her favorite restaurants, that is where we should go to celebrate the start of her exciting new journey. |
| Exciting is an understatement. As soon as she finished her Zoom session with the orientation team at Belmont University, she came downstairs and talked a mile a minute about all the incredible course offerings, and before I knew it, she opened her laptop and was going through everything with me. |
| When she showed it to me, I was impressed by the range of courses available, and it made me want to go back to college. But, I was most impressed by her enthusiasm and commitment to opening herself up to opportunities that she might not have previously considered. |
| I know! For years, starting when we taught at KIPP Houston High School, you've told students that college was a step-along-the-way, not a destination. And the perfect opportunity to try new things. |
| I also said, "Homework never ends; it just is called 'research' when you get older." |
| Yes, although they didn't like hearing that. Most people think that once you walk across the stage to get your diploma, you're done. But I found out the hard way that learning never ends. And it wasn't until I was 40+ years old! |
| And, unlike when you were in school and wanted to learn, you initially resisted learning anything new. You created mental roadblocks and were your own worst enemy. |
| Fine. I didn't think I could "do" personal finance until you made me try. And although I may not like doing it, it was truly a life lesson. And not just for me, but for Natasha and Sawyer, as I was able to share what I learned with them. |
| You may not have proactively wanted to become a lifelong learner, but sometimes you have no choice. For example, when you resigned yourself to get over your resistance to technology. And, FYI, "learning to adapt" is a great skill to have. |
| I'm not sure I'd call it a skill so much as the fear of you giving me grief for not "getting over it". Like a few weeks ago, when I was on my iPad and "fell off" of our Zoom business meeting. I just wanted to let you continue and update me later rather than figure out how to rejoin the meeting on my computer, but I knew that wasn't an option. |
| You figured it out, and quicker than I expected. Zoom meetings are an excellent example of how the pandemic has forced people to learn new things. Research shows that people who are adaptable, who are willing to learn new things, who embrace change are ultimately the most successful. |
| I don't know if you're talking personally, or in the workplace, or both, but I've never thought of "being adaptable" as a skill. But it makes sense since none of us knows what the future will look like. After all, if someone had told me when Natasha was born that one day, I'd be on a video "phone call" with her on another continent using a computer I could hold in my hand, I'd have thought they were crazy – not only about the technology but about my ability to use the technology. |
| Exactly. School can only teach you what is known at the time. After that, you are on your own. Although I find it ironic that educators stress the need to develop lifelong learners, yet the education "system" still does things the way they have always been done. Sounds like, "Do as I say – not what I do." Regardless, I believe a critical part of learning comes from trying new things, taking chances, and even failing, as long as you learn from your mistakes. |
| As a mom, letting your children "fail" goes against your instincts to protect them, although conceptually, I understand that sometimes that's the only way to learn. Plus, as much as I'd like to tell them what to do, if I do, they'll never learn to make their own decisions. I know I'll miss Sawyer a lot when she goes off to college, just as I did when Natasha moved abroad. But I also know that she'll be learning more than what's taught in the classroom as she'll be learning how to live away from home. |
| Yes, there are many things to be learned from living life … they are called "life lessons" for a reason. But, like learning anything else new, you need to be open to the concept. |
| Easier said than done! Unlike you, who approaches everything with a positive mindset and a love of learning, us "mere mortals" find that learning new things isn't always easy and can be uncomfortable. |
| That is where you have to find the right motivation – whether it is to improve aspects of your personal life, advance your career, or just make life more interesting without necessarily having a specific objective. |
| That's how Sawyer's approaching her academic "life" at college – open to learning new things and going in new directions. Unfortunately, that's something that often gets lost or put to the side once we leave school. Unless we're forced into it. |
| Whether proactive or reactive, it does not change the fact that you are never too young or too old to be a lifelong learner. |
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.
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I know I can just search on "Monthly Columns" or scroll through the Words & Banter section page, but I wish there was a list of our columns to make it even easier. |
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You and your lists. |
Since Red wanted a list of our most recent columns, here it is:
- RED & BLACK ... Live & Learn (June)
- RED & BLACK ... A Summer Rerun? (May)
- RED & BLACK … Royalty & Relevance (April)
- RED & BLACK ... Don't Regret Your Regrets? (March)
- RED & BLACK ... A Year-Round Valentine (February)
- RED & BLACK ... 2021 – A New Normal (January)
- RED & BLACK ... Stop. Think. Enjoy. (December)
- RED & BLACK ... What Would The Pilgrims Do? (November)
- RED & BLACK ... A Statesman vs. A Showman (October)
- RED & BLACK ... Going Back To School (September)
- RED & BLACK ... An Extreme Summer (August)
- RED & BLACK … A Time For Independence (July)
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