| It's already February and my plans to eat better and exercise in the NewYear are still sitting on a "To Do" list.Yes, I know, this happens to lots ofpeople, but that doesn't make me feel any better. |
| You and your lists. Thingslike lose weight, exercise,eat healthy are too vague to put on a list. If you werea smoker, would you put "StopSmoking" on a list? |
| OK, poor choice of words. They're not really on a written list, they'rejust goals I set for myself. |
| That is even worse. Do you expect you will magicallydo it without any daily reminders – or interim targetgoals? And, what is your motivation? |
| Thanks. That makes me feel even worse. |
| Get over it. You cannotchange the past. But, February is a perfect time to start again. |
| February is too much like January – cooler weather that lends itself tocomfort food and just wanting to nest. Plus,it gets dark early. |
| Those are just excuses. February is perfect because it is American Heart Month.And, heart disease isthe leading cause ofdeath – for both men and women. |
| That's definitely a good reason.The irony is that I know what to do. Ijust can't seem to find the motivationto keep it going for more than a fewdays. But when it comes to eating welland exercising, nothing seems to deter you. |
| That is because every morning, I walk into a large closet filled withsize 2 clothing. |
| That's funny. |
| Funny or not, itis the truth. I have alwaysbeen a clothes horse. Now, decades later,I have asignificant investment hanging in mycloset. And, since almost everything is timeless and classic, I would beextremely annoyed if it no longer fit. |
| Well, even if it's something us "mere mortals" can't relate to, at least it keeps you motivated. I just don't haveanything like that in my life. |
| Really?! I can name twothings. |
| Well, I'm not sure Natasha and Sawyer would want to be referred to as"things", but I see your point. I think I did abetter job staying fit when they wereyounger and truly needed me every day. Plus, when I was cooking for them, I wasmore focused on healthy eating. Now that they're older, they don't need me asmuch. |
| That sounds like more excuses. They may no longer need you as cook andchauffeur, but they need yourlife experience and unconditionallove as they struggle with the challenges of young adulthood. |
| Ok, I don't know whether to start feelingguilty right now or sadbecause I'm not taking good enough care of myself tobe there for them. And hopefully for a long time to come. |
| The third option is to stop being so dramatic, and just start takingbetter care of yourself. Although Jewishguilt is often an excellentmotivator, that was not my intention. |
| Thanks for reminding me that takingcare of myself is NOT selfish, because it's aboutmore than me. |
| Do you rememberthe airplane and oxygen mask analogy? |
| Oh, yes. It was one of your trickquestions. You askedme if I was on a plane with thegirls and we lost altitude,causing the oxygen masks to drop, would I first put the mask on myself or the girls. I answered the girls, ofcourse. You then pointedout that if I didn't take care ofmyself first, I wouldn't be in a position to help them. |
| So, if you rememberedthat, why have you not been taking better care of yourself? |
| Easy. Because day-to- day livingkeeps distracting me. At leastI'm good with having all my annual examsdone because a reminder pops up on my computer. And beforeyou ask, yes, that includes having my blood pressure and cholesterol checked. |
| Good, because getting "your numbers" is an importantfirst step in diagnosing heart disease.But, is it critical to realize that sinceit is the #1 killer of men and women, we are all at risk. Youalways think it will happen to someone else. |
| Well, let me break the news toyou, that's just human nature. Plus, most people aren't into numbers like youare. But now that I think about it,given our family history, we may be more at risk than other people. |
| How many more reasons do you needto start eating healthier andexercising more?How about the financial Implications? Thecost of medical care if you get sick. What if you have a stroke and need long-term care? |
| Just the thought ofthat makes me sick. |
| Cute, but the good news is thatyou can always be a burdenon your children; whereas since I live alone, ifsomething happens to me, I will haveto hire someone to help me. |
| I'llignore the "burden" comment, but I hope you know that I'm always here for you. |
| I appreciate that. But, between my stubbornness and independence, not tomention, my closest full of clothes, Irather do everything possible toavoid that scenario. That includes being aware of warning symptoms and goingto the doctor sooner versus later. |
| Says the woman who can afford to have a stress test and other diagnostictests done when there weren't even anysymptoms. |
| I wanted a baseline forfuture comparisons. And, peace of mind that there were no"silent symptoms". |
| As a mom, I'm more inclined to take a "dowhat I say, not what I do" approach.I've always taken thegirls to the doctors when something was wrong, but not myself. Let's face it,most of the time stuff goes away, so I'm not going to start running to thedoctor for every little thing. |
| I am merely saying that you cannot be an ostrich with your head in the sand when it comes to yourhealth. Ignoring symptoms doesnot make them go away. Not taking care of yourselfcan have serious implications.But, it is up to you what you do … you can make smartdecisions now or regret it later. |
| Well, that's brutally honest. |
| Yes, it is. Would thiswork better? … Since people associate the heart with love, take care of yourheart because then you arealso taking care of those you love. |
| Ok, you being warm and fuzzy is a bit alarming. But it has motivated meto go for a walk and think about how I'mgoing to not only begin, but maintain,my "new and improved" lifestyle. |
| Mission accomplished. |
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.
Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Ye Jinghan on Unsplash
Second Chance Month may almost be over, but giving someone a second chance, especially for those who’ve been on the wrong side of the law, shouldn’t end when April does. Because we’ve all made mistakes, and a second chance is a gift that can make all the difference, as Red dramatically learned below …
| I had no idea that April was “Second Chance Month” until you sent me the official proclamation. I find it interesting that in the midst of juggling our usual million and one Red & Black things, your interest in criminal justice, which I know you consider a “passion project”, is as strong as ever, maybe even stronger. |
| It is not intentional, sometimes “passion projects” find you. And, when you least expect it. |
| Or where you least expect it! Only you would take a “field trip” to a men’s prison. |
| I will not get on my soapbox about how our education system contributes to the criminal justice problem. I will never forget a friend of mine who was formerly incarcerated telling me, “Rehabilitating people makes the assumption they were habilitated in the first place.” |
| When you stop and think about that statement, it’s pretty powerful! But I have to smile as once upon a time you, and I, used words like “offenders” and “prisoners” until we learned how our choice of words could be dehumanizing. |
| Says the woman who once believed in the idea of “lock ’em up and throw away the key”. |
red headassets.rebelmouse.io
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io
Blackassets.rebelmouse.io | That was before! I know you told me that just because someone made a bad decision, it didn’t make them a bad person, but it sounded like a cliche. Now, my opinion is based on our experience and the impact we’ve seen. The feedback has been eye-opening. Unfortunately, life doesn’t come with “do-overs.” |
| Exactly. None of us are perfect. We have all made bad decisions. Second chances are about opportunities to show we have learned from our mistakes. |
| Well, I know I have. Obviously, not anything illegal. But it made me determined to teach my daughters what I had learned. Probably one of the most heartwarming parts of the feedback we’ve received is that so many people on the inside want better – not only for themselves, but for their children and grandchildren. |
| Yes, which is why having a second chance is so critical. And, helping set people up for success, not failure, because it is about more than changing the lives of the formerly incarcerated -- it can change the lives of their families and, in turn, our communities and our country. |
| A ripple effect that could mean more people may get it right the first time and not need a second chance. |
| True. Maybe we should look at it as giving society a second chance … |
We first ran the post below five years ago, and we’re glad April’s no longer Autism Awareness Month but now is Autism Acceptance Month. Especially as autism seems to have become more commonplace (partially due to improved diagnosis, but also less stigma). Most important, though, is learning about autism, including how to talk about it in a non-judgmental way … because that’s what helps all of us move from awareness to acceptance.
| Did you know that April's Autism Awareness Month? I wasn't aware (pun intended) of it until I read our local homeowner's monthly newsletter and it caught my eye. |
| Actually, last month the founding organization, the Autism Society, changed "Awareness "to "Acceptance" to foster inclusivity, as knowing about something is very different from accepting it. But I am guessing that is not the point of this call. |
| Although it isn't autism, it reminded me of years ago when we found out that Natasha has learning disabilities. |
| I think you mean DIFF-abilities. |
| Of course, that's another thing I remember. I was focused on the negative aspects of her diagnosis until you asked me, point-blank, "Why are they called disabilities?" And proceeded to explain that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. |
| Exactly! Imagine the world if everyone excelled at math, but flunked English. Or, a world of lawyers, but no musicians. Some people are better at social skills, while others excel at handling technical data. Why not just say that people who have different skillsets and abilities have DIFF-abilities versus making them feel like they have shortcomings? |
| I know that you completely changed my way of thinking, not only about Natasha but about the concept of "disabilities" full stop. It opened my eyes – and my brain – about how just because someone has challenges or limited abilities in some areas, that doesn't mean they don't have different gifts and strengths in other areas. |
| Exactly. Although autism is a "spectrum condition" meaning it affects people differently and to varying degrees, it is a complex developmental disorder that can affect a person's social skills, and ability to communicate and interact with others. However, autistic people usually possess some extremely valuable traits that are rare in non-autistic people. |
| Which is why it frustrates me that so many people feel like those with disabilities, excuse me DIFF-abilities, are "lesser" people. When Natasha was diagnosed, she was in her teens and already had a very strong personality (no doubt inherited from you) and, luckily, seemed to have an innate understanding that she was just different, not better, not worse, than others. I guess one of the biggest challenges is to get others to see things with the same mindset. |
| We are a story-telling society, and there are countless stories of people with DIFF-abilities, including those with autism, that are eye-opening and more powerful than anything we could ever say. |
| Funny you say that, as I was curious to learn more about autism and found some inspiring quotes (including a wonderful Tom Hanks clip) that not only gave me great insight but made me smile. One of my favorites was how Paul Collins, an author and parent of an autistic child, said, "Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg." That's such a great way to describe not only those with autism but any disability. |
| Well, technically, it will fit, but it requires that the diameter of the circle be larger than the diagonal of the square. Basic geometry. But, I understand Paul Collin's point. |
| Talk about DIFF-abilities! Couldn't you just agree with me? |
| The thought never crossed my mind. |
Don’t Expect A Compliment From A Sarcastic Sister — But Have A Comeback
After decades away from golf, Red decided she wanted to start playing again. On a recent Sunday, after going to the driving range, she met up with Black. And the very first thing Black said to her? “So, are you wearing white pantyhose?” They both laughed, but hours later, Red realized the perfect reply (don’t you hate when that happens?) would have been, “No, but I’m honoring Skin Cancer Awareness Month!" Confused? Then read one of Red's favorite posts ...
I'll never forget the day. It was an "almost" ordinary day out on the golf course with my mom and dad during the heat of a Long Island summer. Now, if "Long Island" conjures up images of stately manors on the North Shore (think "Great Gatsby") or beachfront mansions in the Hamptons (think Robin Leach and his popular show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"), you can put those out of your head. I'm not talking about some fancy country club golf course, just a regular public course.
I loved the game ever since I learned to play as a teenager, and although I never got to play while at college (Wake Forest, which was renowned for its golf program, with its most famous alumni being Arnold Palmer), I'd try to get out as often as possible when I was home. I wasn't a phenomenal player but had a decent game and natural talent. And most of the time, I hit it pretty straight, so one of the things I enjoyed was walking down the middle of the fairway, pulling my clubs along (no fancy golf carts on this course), appreciating the day and the sport.
On one (very rare) occasion, my sister came back to New York to visit, as she moved out of state as soon as she graduated from business school. She also played golf, but unlike me, who relied on natural ability and played for fun, she worked extremely hard at her game, was overly competitive, and played "business golf". The result was that she was a far better player than me, although I was holding my own on that day.
As Black often says, the scorecard contains only numbers, no editorial. And it would ultimately show that she'd beat me, but as we were each walking up one of the last holes toward our respective balls, in the heat of a late summer afternoon, with the sun at our backs, I was secretly hoping that she'd be proud of me. So, after I hit my fairway shot onto the green, I heard her call out to me, and my hopes were high,
I wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or be angry. Or to just roll my eyes as it really was something only my sister would say. And to this day, I'm not even sure if she had even noticed how close I came to beating her and how well I played – "upping" my game driven by her much better game.
But I also know that I can never look down at my very pale legs without laughing just a little at how a lifetime ago (or so it seems), she was so right. Recently, when she treated me to my first pair of Birkenstocks, I stood in the store trying them on, and before she had a chance to say it I told her … Yes, I do look like I have on white hose.
P. S. – I feel it only fair (pun intended) to have a P.S. for a P.S.A. – Long ago, the harm of the summer sun wasn't as well known, but in the years since, we've learned how important sunblock is. Year-round. So, whether you're a redhead who never tans (I used to cycle between being extremely pale and burning red and back again) or someone who does tan, take care of your skin!