I don't even know why I'm bringing this up, especially since I'm well aware that compared to so many other people, I'm incredibly lucky. Not to mention, you probably won't understand what I'm feeling because let's face it … you're not a mom, you seem to work 24/7, and you never take a vacation. In other words, you're "immune" from so much of what us "mere mortals" are going through. | |
If it were not for the fact that everyone is staying at home, I would think you were about to ask for time off for a summer vacation. Or, maybe you are planning a stay-cation? | |
Neither. I was doing my usual disclaimer before I lamented that August will be over before I know it. And when I look back over the summer, I'm going to find myself asking, "What summer?!" |
The summer of COVID-19. It will be hard to forget. | |
I know. There are so many people, as in millions, who are truly suffering – whether physically, financially, or both. | |
Do not forget "mentally" as almost everyone, whether they realize it or not, is experiencing increased levels of stress. But, we are both very lucky. So, beside the obvious, what is your issue with this summer? | |
Now I feel guilty saying anything. But it's as if summer never happened. I feel like ever since corona-craziness hit over spring break, every day, every week, every month, just feels the same. With the only thing changing being the level of stress. | |
Sounds like that Bill Murray movie. I think it was called "Groundhog Day." | |
Exactly.
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So, if someone asked you what you did this summer, what would be the first thing you would say? | |
Working seemingly non-stop on Red & Black. | |
Ok, I suspect if I had asked you that question a year ago, you probably would have said the same thing. | |
Maybe. Probably. But with us trying to get our new website up and running, it has been even crazier than normal. | |
I understand. However, we have the luxury of having always worked from home, so that aspect of life did not change. For some people, their work life is now extremely different. | |
Funny you say that. I was talking to a good friend and mentioned just that, which led to us talking about when Nick was unexpectedly fired years ago. All of a sudden, he had not only lost his job, but was home all the time. It changed the dynamics of our life literally in seconds. Nothing was the same from that moment on. | |
There is an understatement. And, I remember our conversations about how to explain it to the girls, who were very young at the time. Including the concept of working from home. | |
Yes, but even years later, once divorced and "doing" Red & Black full-time, it was challenging to work from home over summer break. And that was without all the complications related to the coronavirus. | |
I know how much COVID-19 affected Sawyer going to camp this year. Not only in terms of the weeks you stressed over whether to allow her to go, but also all the precautions that had to be taken in advance and in preparation for her return home. | |
This year was extremely different from the last 11 years. Especially because, on top of all the new rules and safety precautions, it was her first time as a camp counselor. I'm glad it worked out, otherwise she'd have gone stir-crazy at home since I was restricting a lot of her normal "outside-the-house" activities. | |
Yes, I could tell the months of staying home was getting to her. If it had not been for camp, it would have been a daily battle for you – trying to find the balance of keeping her safe yet also allowing her a life. | |
No kidding. But I'll say this, being stuck at home, Sawyer started cooking more and really enjoyed it. And I did too. It not only helped occupy her time, but she made dinner some nights. And they were delicious. | |
Do you still barbeque a lot? | |
Oh, yes. We're doing lots of barbecuing and lots of home cooking. I'm not quite ready to eat out in restaurants, and take-out is nice, but gets expensive. | |
Funny thing is that your eating habits sound old-fashioned. Back when families used to have meals together at home – instead of everyone grabbing something on the go. | |
Well, we're all stuck at home. What else are we supposed to do? In fact, if anything, I feel like we're eating too much. | |
If it makes you feel any better, that is extremely common. Many people turn to food, especially comfort food, to cope with stress. | |
I don't know if it being "extremely common" makes me feel any better about it. No more so than if you told me it's "extremely common" to feel stressed out about the coronavirus and the fact it seems to have taken over and changed everything. Including summer. | |
So to recap, this summer is filled with stir-crazy and/or bored kids, juggling work and summer break, barbeques and home cooking. And, if I had to guess, you probably had an overly optimistic list of things you wanted to do this summer that is not getting done. It sounds to me like a normal summer. | |
Yes, when you put it that way. I regret even starting this conversation, but can't help how I feel. And just because we're extremely lucky compared to others, it doesn't change the fact we still have to deal with the situation. | |
No argument there. However, I was merely addressing where this conversation started, which was you stating that you felt like you did not have a summer. | |
OK, so I did have a summer. But, as you pointed out, in so many ways it was just more "extreme". I guess it shouldn't surprise me that you'd see that. After all, as I often say, you're a bit more extreme … | |
I find that comment extremely … accurate. |
If you find yourself feeling, like Red, that in the scheme of things you've been extremely lucky this summer, consider reaching out to help others that are suffering. For example, Black donates to the local Feeding America Food Bankas the need for food has skyrocketed.
May is Asian American Pacific Island Month (which prompted our conversation below about Jews and Chinese food), but we should treat all our fellow Americans with respect and kindness every day.
Have you ever wondered why Jews love Chinese food so much? | |
No, but what prompted that? Did you take in Chinese food this weekend? Or, did President Biden signing the anti-Asian hate crimes bill make you think about how Jews can relate given all the antisemitism in the world? | |
Only you would connect those dots. I was straightening up papers in the kitchen and noticed how Chinese takeout menus look the same as they did when we were kids, and how we've laughed over the decades about how much Jews love Chinese food. But now you've reminded me about how we've recently talked about the recent increase in hate crimes against the Asian community . I simply don't understand how people can hate an entire group of people based on race or religion. | |
You are the history lover. It is not a new phenomenon. And, the reasons have not changed – Ignorance, prejudice, feelings of supremacy; the list has many "reasons". What I find scary is that people form stronger bonds with others based on what they hate than they do on what they love. But, there is no question that the Asian community and Jews have experienced hate for a long time. | |
I know, but in America of all places, that just shouldn't happen. Ever. We're a country built on immigrants, and the contributions of Asian Americans and American Jews have been so significant. From scientists to doctors, artists to activists, the list goes on and on. | |
The lists of contributions can be sliced and diced in so many different ways – gender, race, religion, nationalities. There are not enough months in the years to celebrate them all. However, some groups tend to be forgotten or overlooked, which is why President Carter signed the first proclamation celebrating Asian/Pacific Americans , which eventually led to May becoming Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) Heritage Month. But now, with hate crimes increasing against them, celebrating by learning about their cultures is even more critical. | |
Well, I admit that I personally didn't know any Asians before I lived in Hong Kong, and then Shanghai, several years after getting married. Until then, all I knew was that I loved Chinese food. I know that might sound condescending, but that's not how I mean it. |
No, it sounds like you just did not have any personal experience except for enjoying the food. And, except for dating Raman Sehgal, who was from India, when I was a graduate student at NYU, my experience before moving to Houston was basically the same as yours. | |
Sorry, but I can't keep track of everyone you've dated. Anyway, I learned so much about the people and their culture when living in Asia. It made me realize just what a young country America is and how many countries have so many more centuries of history than we do. And there I was the outsider, and although I might have been seen to be different, I was never disrespected in the way Asians are treated here. | |
A redhead in Asia. I bet you stood out like a sore thumb. Which is the problem they face here. Identifying Jews is a little more challenging, but that does not stop antisemitism. There was a very interesting article that interviewed Asian American Jewish leaders , asking them to share their experiences. | |
I never thought about being Asian and Jewish! But that explains the Chinese Kosher restaurant in Queens I used to go to when I was a teenager. I couldn't figure out why there was such a thing, but the food was so delicious I never gave it any more thought. Until now, when I realize Asian Jews must have run it. | |
I appreciate that food, and people, get "Americanized" over here, but what did you think about authentic Chinese food? | |
It's very different from American Chinese food, but both are delicious! They each have their own unique characteristics and flavors, and although very different, I appreciate them both, and there will always be a place for each in my culinary world! | |
Just as there should be a place for "different" people … |
Don’t Expect A Compliment From A Sarcastic Sister. An Important Message About … Sunscreen?!
I’ve always been a proud redhead, even though I used to wish that I could tan like those glamorous models in fashion magazines. Or maybe I just got tired of Black’s sarcastic comments about my white skin. Except for the one time when we played a rare round of golf together (see below), which ended up becoming one of my favorite memories! Although I do wish I had known back then about how important it is to protect our skin from the sun … So, now I invite everyone (regardless of hair color) to join us in not only observing Skin Cancer Awareness Month but also celebrating National Sunscreen Day.
I'll never forget the day. It was an "almost" ordinary day out on the golf course with my mom and dad during the heat of a Long Island summer. Now, if "Long Island" conjures up images of stately manors on the North Shore (think "Great Gatsby") or beachfront mansions in the Hamptons (think Robin Leach and his popular show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"), you can put those out of your head. I'm not talking about some fancy country club golf course, just a regular public course.
I loved the game ever since I learned to play as a teenager, and although I never got to play while at college (Wake Forest, which was renowned for its golf program, with its most famous alumni being Arnold Palmer), I'd try to get out as often as possible when I was home. I wasn't a phenomenal player but had a decent game and natural talent. And most of the time, I hit it pretty straight, so one of the things I enjoyed was walking down the middle of the fairway, pulling my clubs along (no fancy golf carts on this course), appreciating the day and the sport.
On one (very rare) occasion, my sister came back to New York to visit, as she moved out of state as soon as she graduated from business school. She also played golf, but unlike me, who relied on natural ability and played for fun, she worked extremely hard at her game, was overly competitive, and played "business golf". The result was that she was a far better player than me, although I was holding my own on that day.
As Black often says, the scorecard contains only numbers, no editorial. And it would ultimately show that she'd beat me, but as we were each walking up one of the last holes toward our respective balls, in the heat of a late summer afternoon, with the sun at our backs, I was secretly hoping that she'd be proud of me. So, after I hit my fairway shot onto the green, I heard her call out to me, and my hopes were high,
Hey, Red! I was watching you hit that shot, and well, I have been watching you all afternoon, and I have to say … you have the whitest legs I have ever seen, or are you wearing white pantyhose?
I wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or be angry. Or to just roll my eyes as it really was something only my sister would say. And to this day, I'm not even sure if she had even noticed how close I came to beating her and how well I played – "upping" my game driven by her much better game.
But I also know that I can never look down at my very pale legs without laughing just a little at how a lifetime ago (or so it seems), she was so right. Recently, when she treated me to my first pair of Birkenstocks, I stood in the store trying them on, and before she had a chance to say it I told her … Yes, I do look like I have on white hose.
P. S. – I feel it only fair (pun intended) to have a P.S. for a P.S.A. – Long ago, the harm of the summer sun wasn't as well known, but in the years since, we've learned how important sunblock is. Year-round. So, whether you're a redhead who never tans (I used to cycle between being extremely pale and burning red and back again) or someone who does tan, take care of your skin!
Mother’s Day is a celebration of moms – those with us and those in our hearts and memories. And that’s why we’re repeating last year’s post (that, and because Black was borderline warm and fuzzy) …
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I appreciate that bullet points may not be the typical
approach to Mother’s Day, but it seems appropriate to me …
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| This year I write about Mother’s Day with a heavy heart and still much raw emotion, as our mom passed in December. My pragmatic side (yes, that’s usually Black’s area although she did sound somewhat warm and fuzzy above) knows that she had been 94 and led a full life, but that really doesn’t make it any less sad or fill the emptiness. But I find myself, when I least expect it and triggered by the most unexpected things, finding comfort in wonderful memories. And although Black’s first bullet point hits too close to home for me, I’ll try my best to focus on the other bullets. |