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I don't even know why I'm bringing this up, especially since I'm well aware that compared to so many other people, I'm incredibly lucky. Not to mention, you probably won't understand what I'm feeling because let's face it … you're not a mom, you seem to work 24/7, and you never take a vacation. In other words, you're "immune" from so much of what us "mere mortals" are going through. |
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If it were not for the fact that everyone is staying at home, I would think you were about to ask for time off for a summer vacation. Or, maybe you are planning a stay-cation? |
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Neither. I was doing my usual disclaimer before I lamented that August will be over before I know it. And when I look back over the summer, I'm going to find myself asking, "What summer?!" |
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The summer of COVID-19. It will be hard to forget. |
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I know. There are so many people, as in millions, who are truly suffering – whether physically, financially, or both. |
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Do not forget "mentally" as almost everyone, whether they realize it or not, is experiencing increased levels of stress. But, we are both very lucky. So, beside the obvious, what is your issue with this summer? |
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Now I feel guilty saying anything. But it's as if summer never happened. I feel like ever since corona-craziness hit over spring break, every day, every week, every month, just feels the same. With the only thing changing being the level of stress. |
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Sounds like that Bill Murray movie. I think it was called "Groundhog Day." |
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Exactly.
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So, if someone asked you what you did this summer, what would be the first thing you would say? |
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Working seemingly non-stop on Red & Black. |
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Ok, I suspect if I had asked you that question a year ago, you probably would have said the same thing. |
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Maybe. Probably. But with us trying to get our new website up and running, it has been even crazier than normal. |
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I understand. However, we have the luxury of having always worked from home, so that aspect of life did not change. For some people, their work life is now extremely different. |
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Funny you say that. I was talking to a good friend and mentioned just that, which led to us talking about when Nick was unexpectedly fired years ago. All of a sudden, he had not only lost his job, but was home all the time. It changed the dynamics of our life literally in seconds. Nothing was the same from that moment on. |
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There is an understatement. And, I remember our conversations about how to explain it to the girls, who were very young at the time. Including the concept of working from home. |
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Yes, but even years later, once divorced and "doing" Red & Black full-time, it was challenging to work from home over summer break. And that was without all the complications related to the coronavirus. |
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I know how much COVID-19 affected Sawyer going to camp this year. Not only in terms of the weeks you stressed over whether to allow her to go, but also all the precautions that had to be taken in advance and in preparation for her return home. |
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This year was extremely different from the last 11 years. Especially because, on top of all the new rules and safety precautions, it was her first time as a camp counselor. I'm glad it worked out, otherwise she'd have gone stir-crazy at home since I was restricting a lot of her normal "outside-the-house" activities. |
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Yes, I could tell the months of staying home was getting to her. If it had not been for camp, it would have been a daily battle for you – trying to find the balance of keeping her safe yet also allowing her a life. |
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No kidding. But I'll say this, being stuck at home, Sawyer started cooking more and really enjoyed it. And I did too. It not only helped occupy her time, but she made dinner some nights. And they were delicious. |
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Do you still barbeque a lot? |
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Oh, yes. We're doing lots of barbecuing and lots of home cooking. I'm not quite ready to eat out in restaurants, and take-out is nice, but gets expensive. |
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Funny thing is that your eating habits sound old-fashioned. Back when families used to have meals together at home – instead of everyone grabbing something on the go. |
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Well, we're all stuck at home. What else are we supposed to do? In fact, if anything, I feel like we're eating too much. |
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If it makes you feel any better, that is extremely common. Many people turn to food, especially comfort food, to cope with stress. |
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I don't know if it being "extremely common" makes me feel any better about it. No more so than if you told me it's "extremely common" to feel stressed out about the coronavirus and the fact it seems to have taken over and changed everything. Including summer. |
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So to recap, this summer is filled with stir-crazy and/or bored kids, juggling work and summer break, barbeques and home cooking. And, if I had to guess, you probably had an overly optimistic list of things you wanted to do this summer that is not getting done. It sounds to me like a normal summer. |
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Yes, when you put it that way. I regret even starting this conversation, but can't help how I feel. And just because we're extremely lucky compared to others, it doesn't change the fact we still have to deal with the situation. |
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No argument there. However, I was merely addressing where this conversation started, which was you stating that you felt like you did not have a summer. |
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OK, so I did have a summer. But, as you pointed out, in so many ways it was just more "extreme". I guess it shouldn't surprise me that you'd see that. After all, as I often say, you're a bit more extreme … |
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I find that comment extremely … accurate. |
If you find yourself feeling, like Red, that in the scheme of things you've been extremely lucky this summer, consider reaching out to help others that are suffering. For example, Black donates to the local Feeding America Food Bank as the need for food has skyrocketed.
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.
Photo by enviromantic for iStock
| I know I shouldn’t say this, but I can’t stand N95 masks! They make me feel like a duck. |
| That quacks me up. Regardless, they are much more effective than cloth masks. And, FYI, they do come in different shapes. |
| I just wish they were more comfortable. |
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| It is a lot more comfortable than being on a ventilator or in a hospital. Or dealing with long-haul symptoms of COVID. It seems like such a small sacrifice – not only to protect yourself, but also those around you. |
| Which is why I’ve been masking from the beginning of the pandemic, and, in fact, I often double mask, just to be on the safe side. Although sometimes, it’s because I want to cover up my ugly “duck face” mask with a more attractive fashion mask. |
| Funny that you mention “attractiveness,” as there have been studies done, and masks can actually make people more attractive. But, I guess a PSA stating, “Improve your looks, wear a mask” might not be well-received. |
| Now that’s funny. But hopefully, now that the government’s going to make 400 million N95s available for free, no one should have an excuse not to wear one. I can remember at the beginning of the pandemic when you couldn’t find any masks, not even “fashion” ones. |
| That problem was solved, only to be replaced with a bigger issue. A combination of people who always resisted wearing masks, those who do not think vaccinated people need them, and those who are just getting tired of wearing them. After two years, so many people have lost whatever patience they used to have with COVID. |
| That’d be like our parents and grandparents losing patience with World War II and deciding to stop making sacrifices for the good of the country. But rationing went on for years! Whether it was cars and gas, or luxury items like silk and nylons, Americans didn’t think twice about doing their part. |
| Small sacrifices for the greater good. It is especially appalling when you think of those people who have made significant sacrifices, and I include all the frontline workers, for this nation, while others cannot do something as simple as wearing a mask. |
| That’s because in America, wearing a mask has become political. And I don’t know how even logic will help you get around it. All I do know is it just makes me roll my eyes. |
| Something you cannot hide behind your mask … |
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| Well, it’s our first column of the year. A new beginning. Any “new” ideas for topics? Something other than New Year’s resolutions. |
| Is there a reason you do not want to talk about resolutions? |
| Obviously, yours was not to ask fewer questions. |
| That will never happen, but you are avoiding the question. Why? |
| Because every year, I have a long list of things I want to do, and I start strong, but within a few months, I fall back into old habits. Sometimes it only takes weeks. It’s frustrating and disappointing. |
| Next question. What is the opposite of “old?" |
| I want to say, “New,” but this is clearly one of your trick questions. |
| ”New” would technically be correct … but, so is “current.” Most people think of resolutions as total overhauls, which has never made sense to me. Instead of major change, which is rarely a realistic goal, why not focus on improving and doing things better? |
| Now that’s an interesting thought, especially as Sawyer said to me, mere minutes into the new year, that one of her resolutions was to build on last year’s goals at the gym. So, for me, instead of using that dreaded word “diet,” I could just focus on eating better. |
| “Dieting” is focused on weight loss, but eating better is about healthy choices. It may sound like a nuance, but it is a different mindset. |
| All I know is phrasing it that way already takes the pressure off. And since I love fruit and salads, it’d be easier to think about using them as substitutes vs. trying to give up the “bad stuff”. |
| Exactly. Keep what you are doing that is good and get rid of – or at least reduce – what is not so good. |
| I find it interesting that you said “not so good” instead of “bad.” I
like that. It puts the focus on the good. Which is a good
idea! Pun intended. |
| And, that applies to everything … not just eating habits. |
| Well, it’s too bad that everyone doesn’t focus on the good. There’s so much negativity everywhere. You turn on the news, and that’s all you hear. You pick up the newspaper, and that’s all you see. And to make matters worse, I often feel like the media’s stirring the pot. |
| Good thing you are not on social media. It is even worse there. |
| I’d like to think people want good news, but I feel like you have to
search for those stories. For example, I get CNN headlines on my phone,
and there’s usually one or two “feel good” stories, but they’re typically buried
at the bottom. |
| Without boring you with studies and statistics, although people say they prefer stories with a “positive” message, they are drawn to “negative” stories. And, since the news media is big business, it gives audiences what they want. Maybe you should change your newsfeed to Axios, as I find its stories are not only factual, but have a human element as they explain “why” the information is important. Regardless, nothing requires you to keep up with all the news. |
| Usually it’s just background noise while I’m doing other things. But when Mom passed in mid-December, I stopped watching the news and have barely looked at the headlines on my phone. It started with me feeling like I didn’t need to hear anything negative going on in the world while I was dealing with my grief. And then I decided I didn’t miss all the negative news and preferred to focus on positive things. |
| Imagine if everyone took that same approach. Focusing on positive things, not negative. The difference it could make – not only to us individually but to society as a whole. |
| Do you think, in today’s world where people are so quick to criticize and find the negative, that’s even possible? |
| You tell me. After “divorcing” yourself from the news, have you noticed any change in your behavior toward others? |
| Yes, but it also might be because Mom’s passing has made me overly sensitive. However, I’ve found myself having more patience with other people. Places where I sometimes can be impatient – the grocery store, the gas station, etc. |
| You get impatient with people? So, you are not always warm and fuzzy? |
| Very funny. But if you’ll let me
finish ... instead of ignoring people and/or muttering to myself that they
were in my way or moving slowly or whatever, I’ve been giving people more “time”.
I make a point of trying to smile or
making a friendly comment. And almost everyone
has responded in a positive way. |
| Kindness can be contagious. So, maybe you should add that to your list of New Year’s resolutions. As I already said, resolutions do not have to be major overhauls, they are about improving and doing things better. |
| So, what do you plan to do better in the New Year? Work on your sarcasm, perhaps? |
| Actually, I have been told I already do that well. But, I guess there is always room for improvement … |
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.