Black can’t help but think backward (more on that below), but Red always thought being told that you do things backward was an insult, not a compliment. Except, maybe, on National Backward Day, when everyone is encouraged to have a bit of fun, shake up the “normal” way of doing things, and maybe even find a better way of doing some things. Or at least to try a different perspective. And if nothing works, you can follow Black’s advice to Red and say, “Dammit, I’m mad”! Which she quickly pointed out is a palindrome – a word, sentence, verse, or number that reads the same backward or forward.
Since when does doing something backward mean you're doing it wrong?
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: Red, still that straight-A student, has always tried to do things the “right” way, which has meant looking at things in a very traditional way; while Black, who doesn’t think like most “mere mortals” (as Red's fond of telling her) looks at things in a very different, or perhaps even “backward”, way.
For Red, that has always meant looking at where things are today and moving forward in an orderly and logical, at least to her, way. Doing things “out of order” isn’t Red’s style. So, National Backward Day, where you not only celebrate but embrace doing things backward, or simply contrary to how they’re usually done, seemed crazy and even difficult to do. Until it prompted a long-forgotten memory,
My mom used to tell me that one of her and my dad’s favorite meals was going to a restaurant called Lundy’s on Sheepshead Bay in Brooklyn (where they grew up and lived when they first were married). But one night, after getting tired of never having room for dessert, they decided to eat their meal backward – so a large heaping slice of blueberry pie topped with chocolate ice-cream was followed by an enormous portion of fried shrimp followed by soup and salad, which they ended up taking home. And they deemed it … a perfect meal.
Of course, for Black, the idea of doing things backward comes second nature and is how she has approached life. She looks at the end goal and then thinks about how to get there, hence to her, it’s always about working backward (even New Year’s resolutions, if she made them) because,
If you do not know where you want to go, how can you determine the best way to get there? It is like getting in a car and driving without a destination in mind – it will get you somewhere, but not necessarily where you want to be.
Looking for a simpler way to celebrate the day? Maybe eat breakfast for dinner (we often do that anyway) or turn your shirt around. Maybe we should celebrate by Red being pragmatic and Black warm and fuzzy. Now that would be backward!
Talking isn't the same as communicating. And hearing isn't the same as listening. Think about it.
Being an effective communicator, whether in our personal lives or at work, is a critical skill (Black thinks it's a super-power), but one-size-doesn't-fit-all as we each use very different methods and styles … ranging from lots of words and talking stuffed animals (Red) to bullet points (Black).
When Red learned that June was Effective Communications Month, she had to laugh, as the first thought that popped into her head was,
Oh, Black will have a field day with this given my tendency to blah-blah-blah. Plus, I don't know how many times she's told me that whatever point I'm trying to make often gets lost in my "sea of words". Of course, when she's told me this in person, I get the added emphasis of seeing her roll her eyes. At least, it's not what I call "The Look", which is a step beyond the rolling of her eyes when you can only imagine what she's thinking, but you know it's not good. But, I digress, which, I guess, is part of my communication "challenge".
The fact Red's warm and fuzzy, and likes to couch her words (whether spoken or written) so as not to hurt anyone's feelings, and to provide full explanations to avoid misunderstanding, is a good thing, but is still only half the equation. Communication requires both the sending — and the receiving — of a message. But if the other party isn't listening, it falls on … well, deaf ears. Which often means you repeat yourself (oh, and we all know how our tone of voice changes when we're saying something for the millionth time), and although it may initially have been said with good intentions, ends up being seen as nagging.
Black, on the other hand, has never been accused of being quiet or shy, and given her extremely pragmatic business-like personality, has a much more direct communication style. Some of which Red recognizes can be useful,
I've often said that you write, talk, and probably even dream in bullet points. And while I might think of them as "abrupt" at times, there's no question that they provide a very clear and succinct way of communicating. Which is why I preface some of my longer emails that cover lots of topics and explanations, with, "I'm borrowing some of Black's beloved bullet points …"
So, what's the most effective method? Well, you can spend hours on the internet reading countless articles about the benefits of effective communications, the various types of communications (not everything is verbal and written — think about things like body language and facial expressions), and ways to improve communication skills, but Black tends to look at things slightly backward …
The reality is that we each have our own style of communicating, but we need to remember that communication is a two-way street, and the objective is connecting with other people, and sharing thoughts and ideas. Sometimes the best way to get our point across is to work backward and think how the other person will receive what we want to express. And then listening, truly listening, to their feedback.
We all “celebrate” Memorial Day differently, but we all should remember it’s a day to honor those who gave their lives serving this country.
Memorial Day may be the unofficial start of summer, and Red remembers celebrating over the years with family get-togethers, barbeques, and pool parties; whereas Black “celebrates” most holidays by having a quiet day to work uninterrupted, but it’s important never to forget the significance of the holiday.
For Red,
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the festivities, but as a lover of history, I was fascinated to learn the history of Memorial Day goes back to the Civil War. But what’s most important is that we each find a way to remember that Memorial Day honors those men and women who’ve given their lives for this country.While Black believes,
Today is a day to put aside politics and think about patriotism. It is about gratitude. About sacrifice. About honoring those who paid the greatest price for believing in something that is bigger than all of us.
Think about what the day means to you or read the words of others who pay respect to fallen members of the military (here and here). And join us in observing the National Moment of Remembrance at 3:00 p.m. local time.
BANTER BITE BASICS
The intent was always to give two perspectives on any given topic — Red’s and Black’s. And some things will never change. But how we’ve formatted BANTER BITES has … and we see the value in providing both long and short versions.
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY
Everything with us is a story. Years ago, we were working with a branding company, and one of the team imagined us as cartoon characters. (Thank you, Puneet!) People told us they loved our sisterly banter, so we started doing a single-frame cartoon to introduce our monthly columns. Then we used them on slides at speaking engagements (Black’s corporate background taught her how BORING PowerPoint presentations can be, so she refused to have slides filled with words).
Then we modified them so each of us was in our respective environments — Red in the kitchen and Black in her office — and people suggested we syndicate them. (Black, of course, then researched syndication.) And we even used them at a pitch meeting with Hasbro. When we started working with an animation company and saw their version of our “creatures”, we decided they needed to be front and center.
Fairly early on, Black suggested to Red that we start a daily BANTER BITE that we could post on our website and also social media. It could be about something happening in our lives, current events, some obscure fact/study Black happened across, the list goes on and on …Red’s reply? (Keep in mind, she’s the self-proclaimed queen of blah-blah-blah.) “I’m not sure we’ll have enough material to be able to post every day.”
THE REALITY?
To make her point, Black started churning them out based on our conversations — and not only did it seem like there was something every day, but some days they just kept coming, and soon there was a huge backlog.
No, we didn’t publish them all, and we usually don’t post anything on our website on weekends (except for holiday wishes) because we strongly believe weekends shouldn’t be spent on gizmos, although that doesn’t stop Black from working. (FYI, our social media guru schedules posts on Sundays because that’s what the data supports, although we still think people should digitally disconnect on weekends.)
The feedback? Almost instantly,
People told us our BANTER BITES are fun and quick to read. But also relevant to their day-to-day lives – and not just on the day they’re published.
In other words, they didn't have an expiration date! Amazing, since in today's world of social media and constant news, even something from earlier in the day can be considered old or outdated.
FIXING WHAT WASN’T BROKEN
They started as a two-frame cartoon with a sentence or two below them. Then we were advised that, for SEO purposes (in other words, to “please” the online algorithms), we needed to have more words and key phrases. So, we expanded them.
Now, we realize there’s room for both. Some will be short and to the point, while on others we may have more to say (but you’ll have a “keep reading” option).
P.S. – If there’s a topic you want us to talk about, you can email us at Banter@RedandBlack.email.
Don’t Expect A Compliment From A Sarcastic Sister — But Have A Comeback