| Well, since it’s February, I guess we’ll want to talk about Valentine’s Day or love. |
| Or, not hating. |
| Excuse me? I know they say there’s a fine line between love and hate, but I’d prefer a “feel good” topic. |
| But, sometimes “not hating” can be about hope, perseverance, and finding meaning. |
| Care to connect those dots? |
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| Think about all the personal stories recently in the media as part of International Holocaust Remembrance Day. |
| They were incredible! I found myself in awe and admiration as I listened to Holocaust survivors and, although you’d think they’d want to forget what they went through, they were determined the world should “never forget.” |
| They were stories of hope, not hate. |
| You’re right. I didn’t hear one word about hate. But I saw the love between a 98-year-old survivor, Lily Ebert, and her great-grandson, Dov Forman, as together they created TikToks to fulfill the promise she made herself while imprisoned that, “I will tell my story.” |
| A story that has now reached millions of people, including younger generations who may not be familiar with the Holocaust. A story that not only “warns” of what can happen but also shows the importance of hope and determination. |
| It’s similar to the video Natasha sent us of Alina Peretti, who had sterilization experiments done on her at Auschwitz, but instead of condemning her captors, she focused on how she survived. I had to smile when, in that very British understated way, she said, “Bloody hell, I’m very lucky that I came out of it.” |
| Again, not a hateful word. Just explaining what she experienced (the experiments did not prevent her from having children), and amazement and gratitude that she survived. |
| I’m not sure I could be that understanding, that generous, that brave. I think if I had survived such atrocities, or had family that had perished, I’d be full of hate. |
| The problem with hate is it is contagious and becomes a vicious cycle. If you find a reason to hate someone – their skin color, religion, sexual orientation, political opinions, whatever – and those who are targets of hatred, in turn, hate their haters, it will never end. |
| True. But it takes a special kind of person to not only “turn the other cheek” but go out of their way to confront hate with hope. |
| Like the Italian street artist who uses spray paint to cover up graffiti of swastikas and racial slurs with images of food. Replacing hate with art. |
| When I first saw the subject line on your email, “Swastikas & Cupcakes,” I thought it was another one of your strange connect-the-dots, not a “feel good” story. |
| No, those are two things even I could never connect. |
| What I found so inspiring, besides the obvious, is that the artist said, "The important thing is to rediscover values that we may have forgotten … We must remind ourselves of these values." But how does one do that? Can it even be done? |
| Yes, but it takes a conscious effort. And, what better time to begin than Valentine’s Day? |
| I’m sorry, but do I need to remind you that Valentine’s Day is about chocolates, flowers, and greeting cards? And if you’re lucky, maybe a romantic dinner. |
| Sorry, but that is the commercial side of Valentine’s Day. Although brands are feeling pressure to allow customers to “opt out” of Valentine’s Day ads and promotions. |
| Are you kidding me? I’m not sure I want to know the logic behind that, but suspect it has to do with the whole “let’s not offend anyone” culture we now live in. |
| Basically, as brands bombard you with marketing, they want to appear to be sensitive that “celebrating relationships” can cause stress, and even depression, for some people. Similar to how this year, you may find Mother’s Day harder than in the past. |
| Fine, but Valentine’s Day isn’t only about romantic love. I can remember when we were growing up, Daddy always gave us those heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and a card. And you’ve always given the girls Valentine’s Day gifts. |
| Because I believe Valentine’s Day is about showing someone that you love them. Or, are thinking of them. This year, my quarterly teeth cleaning happens to fall on Valentine’s Day, so I plan to buy heart-shaped cookies for the office to let them know they are appreciated. |
| I hope they’ll be sugar-free ones. Seriously, you might be the only person who gives their dentist’s office something for Valentine’s Day! But I guess there’s no reason why we all can’t think about someone whose day we can brighten. Even if it’s just a phone call or text message. |
| Exactly. Rediscovering values we may have forgotten does not have to be as extreme as turning hate into love by turning swastikas into cupcakes, but we all have the ability to make a difference. One person at a time. |
| I think you’ve inspired me. This Valentine’s Day, I may “show some love” by sending cards to people just to let them know I’m thinking of them. |
| Good idea. I wonder if Hallmark has any cards that say, “Happy Valentine’s Day … I may not love you, but the good news is that I do not hate you.” |
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.
Photo by michaelmjc on iStock
No matter the reason for a garage sale – whether to get rid of things you’re not using anymore, an attempt to declutter, or estate sale “leftovers” – they can be about so much more than just “stuff”. And is why we’re rerunning one of Red’s favorite posts. Plus, Saturday’s National Garage Sale Day. (Yes, that’s a real thing.)
| Thanks for the accounting of your garage sale. But, given how many hours you spent preparing for it, and then the actual sale itself, did you calculate how much you“earned” on a $/hour basis? |
| No, all I know is that it seemed to take forever to go through everything in Mom’s house and decide what to keep, what to sell, what to donate. And what to trash. As far as the garage sale, I’ll give you your half the next time I see you. |
| Keep my half. You did all the work. I did not even offer to help. |
| And that was a big help. Thank you. |
| Obviously, you must be exhausted because you are making no sense. |
| Sorry, but I have a specific way of running garage sales, and the last thing I needed was another “cook in the kitchen”. |
| Not a good analogy as “cook” is a four-letter word that I do not use. |
| Cute. But seriously, I knew if I had asked you to help, you would’ve. But I can only imagine how you’d have reacted when you first saw all the stuff for sale. Especially as I treat garage sales as a way to get rid of items that I know have very little value. I’m not trying to maximize the money I make; I’m just trying to make the stuff “go away”. In fact, I don’t even put prices on them. |
| That all makes sense. Except for not having everything pre-priced. That would drive me crazy. How do you know what to charge people? |
| It’s an experience thing and another reason why I didn’t ask you to help. I have a sense of prices, but not something I could quantify in advance. When someone arrives, I tell them that everything’s cheap and give them an example. They usually look at me like, “Wow, she means it.” And then I tell them to collect what they wantand that I promise to give them a good price. And I do. |
| Is that why you and Mom never had joint garage sales? I cannot imagine she would let you determine prices on the spot. |
| Actually, she’s the one who “taught” me not to price things. That if someone picks up something or you see them looking at it, they’re interested. And that’s all you need to know. Where we differed was in how much to charge. To her, it was fun, but also a way to make money. To me, a garage sale isn’t my retirement account. It’s my way to get rid of stuff, especially big, bulky stuff. |
| In other words, people are paying you to haul off your trash. Or, save you trips taking stuff to your local thrift stores. |
| Exactly. Although I still take a lot of items to thrift stores that would probably sell for a decent price at a garage sale because I believe in what they’re doing, and I know that my donations make a difference. But I forgot how fun a garage sale can be, meeting people and laughing, just making connections, and knowing that someone will now enjoy and/or use your things. Or, in this case, Mom’s things. |
| Is there a particular age group that came to your garage sale? |
| It was truly a mix of people. Not counting the kids tagging along with their parents, which reminded me of when the girls would set up a lemonade stand to benefit Make-A-Wish at my garage sales years ago, they ranged from 20-somethings to senior citizens. But I’m almost afraid to ask why you asked. |
| I will not get into studies and statistics, but younger people are really into the environment and reusing older things, especially clothing (which is one of the three “new” R’s – reduce– reuse – recycle). So, garage sales, along with thrift stores, are becoming more popular than ever. |
| I love it! And the idea of so many of Mom’s things, now that she’s passed, will get to live on and be enjoyed by others. |
| At the risk of sounding like a MasterCard commercial, there are some things that money cannot buy. Like sentimental value and fond memories. |
| I know. Which is why the process of sorting everything was so time-consuming. Interestingly, when that came up in conversation during the garage sale, so many people could relate and then shared their own stories. It was as if they wanted me to know that Mom’s things were getting a good home. |
| Well, if you add that to the cash you made, it sounds like a very successful garage sale. Hopefully, the next sale, being an estate sale with larger and higher-priced items, will be as successful. And, although I tried to get you to use a professional“estate sale” company that would do everything for you, I am beginning to understand why you decided to do it yourself. |
| The hardest part was culling and organizing, and there was no way I’d let strangers go through all of Mom’s things. And the internet makes “advertising” the sale and posting items online very easy. All-in-all, there’s no reason we can’t do it ourselves. |
| We?! |
| Yes, because your ability to combine photos into a single image and correct my grammar is important. But your spreadsheets will be critical. |
| Now, that I can do. |
"Too Darn Hot" - Kiss Me Kate | Ann Miller (HD Print)
Regardless of why summers are getting hotter and hotter … they are. Which is miserable for everyone. But, don’t sweat it, we’re rerunning this post as a reminder of what you can do to make the heat just a little more bearable – for you and others. Plus, Red loves the movie clip …
| I know everyone’s talking about the record-setting temperatures because everyone’s experiencing them, but I’m so tired of it being so damn hot out. Or, should I say “too darn hot,” in honor of one of my favorite all-time musicals, “Kiss Me, Kate”? |
| You said it was worse when you lived in Hong Kong and Shanghai because there was little difference between day and evening temperatures and humidity. At least here, it cools off a little once the sun goes down. |
| But not enough. I know I’m getting older, so that doesn’t help, but the heat seems more oppressive, and I’m not only lethargic but cranky. |
| I think the correct word is … crankier. But, if it makes you feel any better, research provides a legitimate reason for being tired and cranky – the more our bodies work to cope with the physical heat, the less we can deal with the associated emotions. |
| Of course, you researched it. |
| And, even though I typically do not “do” nice, the heat makes me realize the need to be patient with people. |
| That’s funny. While everyone else is getting testy, you get nice. But since I know everyone’s feeling the heat, I try to think of others. Even a small gesture can make a big difference. For example, when I runerrands (which, ideally, would be early morning but, realistically, tend to belate afternoon), I make a point to let shoppers walking in the parking lotalways have the right of way since I’m protected from the sun in the comfort ofmy air-conditioned car while they’re outside in the blistering sun. |
| Did you know that heat waves are the #1 weather-related killer in the U.S., killing more people than floods, hurricanes, or tornadoes? That is why they started naming heat waves – so they would get the attention they deserve. And some cities (Miami, Phoenix, and LA) have even appointed heat officers. |
| I didn’t know about that, but I do know that when the girls were small, they needed special attention. Same with the elderly. And don’t forget animals, too! I limit Moo’s outside time and make sure she stays hydrated. I even set the timer for 10 minutes when I let her out. |
| I admit I am very fortunate as I can hide from the heat in my air-conditioned high-rise. But, to help the demands on Houston’s power grid, I have raised the temperature setting on my A/C even though I can feel the effect on my productivity. I have also closed blinds and drapes, unplugged non-essential appliances, and am taking cooler, shorter showers. |
| I have done the same! Although I’ll admit I was prompted by an email from my electricity provider. It also had great tips for the best time to run appliances, like trying to avoid the hours when most people get home from work as they turn on or lower A/C’s, run ovens and washing machines, etc. |
| There is much we can and should do, but I do not want to start talking about global warming or climate change, or who is to blame, even though it is a “hot topic” (sorry, could not resist). |
| Well, I hear this month’s being declared the hottest month ever, and hopefully, we’ll weather, pun intended, this summer’s heat. But I’m afraid things are only going to get worse over the coming years. |
| Agree, but for now, all I have to say is … if you must go out in the heat, PLEASE avoid these eight mistakes. |
Maybe Skin Cancer Advice, But Don’t Expect A Compliment From A Sarcastic Sister
I'll never forget the day. It was an "almost" ordinary day out on the golf course with my mom and dad during the heat of a Long Island summer. Now, if "Long Island" conjures up images of stately manors on the North Shore (think "Great Gatsby") or beachfront mansions in the Hamptons (think Robin Leach and his popular show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"), you can put those out of your head. I'm not talking about some fancy country club golf course, just a regular public course.
I loved the game ever since I learned to play as a teenager, and although I never got to play while at college (Wake Forest, which was renowned for its golf program, with its most famous alumni being Arnold Palmer), I'd try to get out as often as possible when I was home. I wasn't a phenomenal player but had a decent game and natural talent. And most of the time, I hit it pretty straight, so one of the things I enjoyed was walking down the middle of the fairway, pulling my clubs along (no fancy golf carts on this course), appreciating the day and the sport.
On one (very rare) occasion, my sister came back to New York to visit, as she moved out of state as soon as she graduated from business school. She also played golf, but unlike me, who relied on natural ability and played for fun, she worked extremely hard at her game, was overly competitive, and played "business golf". The result was that she was a far better player than me, although I was holding my own on that day.
As Black often says, the scorecard contains only numbers, no editorial. And it would ultimately show that she'd beat me, but as we were each walking up one of the last holes toward our respective balls, in the heat of a late summer afternoon, with the sun at our backs, I was secretly hoping that she'd be proud of me. So, after I hit my fairway shot onto the green, I heard her call out to me, and my hopes were high,
I wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or be angry. Or to just roll my eyes as it really was something only my sister would say. And to this day, I'm not even sure if she had even noticed how close I came to beating her and how well I played – "upping" my game driven by her much better game.
But I also know that I can never look down at my very pale legs without laughing just a little at how a lifetime ago (or so it seems), she was so right. Recently, when she treated me to my first pair of Birkenstocks, I stood in the store trying them on, and before she had a chance to say it I told her … Yes, I do look like I have on white hose.
P. S. – I feel it only fair (pun intended) to have a P.S. for a P.S.A. – Long ago, the harm of the summer sun wasn't as well known, but in the years since, we've learned how important sunblock is. Year-round. So, whether you're a redhead who never tans (I used to cycle between being extremely pale and burning red and back again) or someone who does tan, take care of your skin!