There’s A Reason I’m Talking To Myself

I don't know about you, but there are days when I just need to vent. And, much to the chagrin of my sister, Black, she's the one who gets to hear it. A few years ago, given my tendency to blah-blah-blah, she asked me to let her know right up front whether I'm looking for advice or merely letting off steam. When I questioned (with some annoyance) what difference did it make, she pragmatically explained it impacts whether she has to listen carefully, or even comment (although she'll throw in questions like, "Really?" or, "And then what?" to make me feel like she's paying attention). Bottom line: she knows that once I've had my vent, I'm good. It's out of my system and I'm (usually) ready to move on.

But occasionally there are times when I still need to talk to her, and although I'm looking for advice it's similar to a vent in that I don't really need her to listen. But, unlike a vent, ironically enough, this is when I need to listen to myself.

Confused? Well, at first, so was I. It started when I found myself not knowing what to do about something (the particulars aren't important), so I called her looking for advice. But as I started talking, I heard myself answering her questions before she even asked them. I was explaining my thought process, going through the pros and cons of the situation, and even running through the various scenarios that might happen based on what I decided. Of course, Black would occasionally throw in a "Why?" (her favorite question), but by the time I finally stopped talking, I had my answer.

Over time, I found this situation repeating itself – sometimes related to our mother or my daughters, a high dollar purchase, or sometimes just a small decision I was struggling with (they often seem the hardest to make) – with me often prefacing the conversation by admitting,

I've found that saying things out loud usually helps me figure things out. So, although it sounds counterintuitive, this is one of those times when I need someone to talk to, but the good news is I'm not expecting you to do anything more than that.

Well, not only does Black appreciate the heads-up, but the first time I said it, it provided the perfect opportunity for one of her smart-ass comments,

In other words, you do not want me to interrupt you while you are talking to yourself.

Exactly! Because sometimes you don't need advice as much as you just need a sounding board.

decision making

Words & Banter

We Fondly Call Them … Our Guinea Pigs

Photograph Courtesy of KIPP Houston Art School

Every time we see the photo above of our "guinea pigs", it brings back such fond memories. You may be thinking, "What? Are they calling those students guinea pigs?!" Well, actually, yes. And before you think ill of us, please know that we use the term with great affection, deep gratitude, and utmost respect. And these eight amazing seniors from the Class of 2010 know that's our nickname for them because ...

Keep Reading ...Show less

student approved

Words & Banter

A Memory Lane Car Analogy?

Red loves to stop and reminisce. Black prefers to look forward.

But even Black will admit that sometimes there’s value in looking back — it reminds us where we came from, the detours and roadblocks we have managed to navigate, and that we may be stronger and more capable than we give ourselves credit for. Sometimes, it’s a lesson learned. Sometimes, it’s a memory that reminds us what’s truly important.

But Black has one caveat (and it's one of her favorite car analogies) …

If you decide to look back, keep it in perspective. There's a reason why windshields are so much larger than rearview mirrors.

life lessons

Words & Banter

A Perfect Day For A Convertible. And For Chutzpah.

Red's Head assets.rebelmouse.io

The last few days have been beautiful fall weather, and I can't help but wonder — do you ever miss having your Ferrari convertible?

Black's Head Black assets.rebelmouse.io

Although some days are perfect convertible weather, given that I barely drove it the last few years I owned it, averaging less than 50 miles a year, I can honestly say, "No." In fact, I cannot even remember the last time I drove it.

Red's Head assets.rebelmouse.io

I can't help you with that, but I'll never forget the last day we taught at KIPP Houston High School, and you drove it there. You should have seen the students' faces as you were lowering the top on it.

Keep Reading ...Show less

negotiating skills

DON’T MISS A THING

For Red & Black Banter in your inbox ...

Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Funny thing is, I never took the car to KIPP because I did not want anyone to think I was showing off, but I forgot how exciting it is for motorheads to see special cars — whether new or vintage.
assets.rebelmouse.io	I doubt everyone crowding around your car was a motorhead, but they certainly were excited to see it. Boys AND girls! At the risk of sounding warm and fuzzy, I think the fact you not only drove a Ferrari, but also raced them, gave the girls a feeling of empowerment that they really can do anything.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I guess because I always worked in male-dominated industries, I got used to being the "token" woman. Regardless, I never look at things as being gender-specific.
assets.rebelmouse.io	That's because you never look at anything like the rest of the world does, or at least most people do. A perfect example of that is you giving Juan a ride in the Ferrari. I doubt many people would have done that.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	It seemed only fair since he tried to make a "deal" with me the day before — a hand of poker or even a flip of a coin. If he wins, he gets a ride in the Ferrari. If I win, he will be my slave for a day. Giving him a ride in the car was a reward for having the chutzpah to try to make a deal with me. And, in the two years we taught at KIPP, of the over 200 students who took our Personal Finance & Life 101 class, he was the only one ever to do that.
assets.rebelmouse.io	I'll never forget how you also told them that although it may not be the proper definition for the Yiddish word "chutzpah," the real-life definition is "having balls."
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	How else would you explain it?
assets.rebelmouse.io	You should know, as many people have used that word to describe you. And it was consistent with the lesson we taught them about how you "confronted" Bob Weinstein (of the movie-producing Weinstein Brothers) at a conference in New York. (Granted, it was well before the #MeToo scandal.) You realized you had nothing to lose, not to mention you were well prepared.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	In most scenarios, if you do not ask for something, you will not receive it. So, what is the risk of asking? Someone may say "no"? The way I see it, you are no worse off than before you asked. So, in reality, there is no downside risk, but there IS upside potential. They may say "yes."
Red assets.rebelmouse.io	True. And I laughed, although I wasn't surprised when everyone else started asking for a ride in the Ferrari!
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Except Juan did not just ask for a ride. He tried to negotiate a deal. He structured it so that there was an upside for me if he lost the bet, which obviously would be the downside for him. But, what impressed me the most was that he was proactive and took a chance, albeit a long shot, to get something he wanted.
assets.rebelmouse.io	And given the smile on his face when you drove off, it obviously paid off. I bet, even though it has been many years, it's something he's never forgotten.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	The lesson or the ride in the Ferrari?
assets.rebelmouse.io	Both. And I will go out on a limb and say I bet many of the kids standing around the car when you told Juan to jump in, and then explained why, may also remember not only that day but the importance of the lesson.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Then, it was a perfect day for a convertible ride.