| I don't know whether to be furious, frustrated, or saddened by the presidential election. All I can say with certainly is that it's been the least presidential campaign that I've ever seen. |
| You left out "embarrassed." |
| That's not a word you use very often. Especially since it's almost impossible to embarrass you as you never seem to care what people think about you. |
| I am not embarrassed for me personally; I am embarrassed for all Americans. Between the number of COVID-19 deaths, the civil unrest, and the presidential campaign, our country's reputation has taken a major hit. |
| Well, the first presidential debate definitely didn't help. You would've been rolling your eyes at me if you had been at my house. I was actually talking, and at some points, shouting, at the TV. I knew I could just walk away but felt compelled to stay because I was hoping that the debate would provide useful information. I wanted to better understand the candidates' platforms and especially their plans to get us through all these crises. |
| Instead, you just got a better understanding of their personalities, the showmanship of politics, and the challenges of moderating a debate when the rules are ignored. |
| No kidding! I appreciate that people want their presidential debates to be entertaining, but they're also supposed to help undecided voters get clarity, and help all of us better evaluate the candidates. And by that, I mean their substance, not their style! |
| Actually, it is a mix of the two. A successful debate delivers factual information using strong presentation skills, but also has an element of cleverness and maybe even a little theatrics. |
| Says the debate queen. I've lost track of how many conversations with you feel more like a debate. |
| That is because I think of debate as sport. However, regardless of whether it is a debate or a conversation, it should always be civil and respectful. You love history. When was the first televised presidential debate? |
| That's easy. 1960 between JFK and Nixon. And that's when things started to change. Instead of a campaign focused purely on policy and critical issues, it began to highlight the candidate's public image. |
| Exactly. So, if you were a media or PR consultant, who would you have preferred as your client – a young handsome senator from an established family or a highly-qualified hollow-eyed lawmaker who had been vice president for eight years? |
| Sounds like a trick question. |
| Not really. I was pointing out how different the candidates were from each other, and how their "selling points" were more than just their experience. You can see why the "packaging" of politicians became so critical. And, strategic. |
| Yes, but even without watching the JFK and Nixon debate, I'm confident they had one thing in common – to treat the other with respect and civility. |
| Of course. Each was trying to convince voters they were the better candidate to be president so each had to project a presidential persona. But, being statesmanlike does not mean you cannot point out weakness or mistakes. It means you do it without being rude or demeaning. |
| And if you want to be really clever, you can beat your opponent to the punch. I remember when President Reagan was seeking to become the oldest president to win reelection and in the debate with Walter Mondale said, "I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience." I know that the line was probably scripted in advance, but even Mondale laughed. |
| It was a great line, delivered with style and charisma. Which is why it has been remembered all these years, even after people have forgotten whatever else may have been said. Now, what will people remember from this year's campaign? |
| Are you asking big picture or specific sound bites? I can't speak for others, and rather not point out specific comments, but I'll never forget how ugly the debate was. I was totally turned off by the whole thing. It provided no value whatsoever and if there was anything of substance, it was lost in the chaos. |
| I almost turned it off. The only reason I kept watching was I wanted to hear everything in real time and in context, not edited soundbites. And, no editorial. |
| I heard several commentators saying how children watching it had left in tears and how many parents were having to console them and do their best to explain things. |
| I have no idea how to explain it. Full stop. Yet alone to children. |
| I'm so grateful that my girls are old enough that I didn't have to explain it to them. But at the same time, I'm so angry that they're experiencing this. I wish they could experience what it used to be. What it's supposed to be. Arguments, yes. Differences, absolutely. But not a total disregard for other people's opinions. And a total lack of civility and respect. |
| I fully appreciate the theater and spectacle of today's political arena, but at the risk of showing my age, some things – including statesmanship – never go out of style. |
| Want to bet on that? |
| No. But, I am willing to debate it with you. |
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| So, I had to smile when Sawyer came to visit us at Mom’s estate sale. And even though I had seen her only a few hours before, I gave her a hug. |
| Yes, you make it rather obvious that you are warm and fuzzy. And, a hugger. |
| But what made me laugh was when she greeted you by acknowledging that you weren’t a hugger. Now there’s an understatement. |
| No, it is merely a fact. |
| I never realized, though, just how much both Natasha and Sawyer are like you. Although they begrudgingly let me hug them, they’d both be just as happy with a handshake. If that. |
| Maybe a fist bump? |
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| The good news is that I don’t take it personally, although I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wish they were huggers. Regardless, it reminds me of how we used to greet people at business meetings in the “good ole days” when we actually had in-person meetings. If it was people we’d worked with before, I’d be giving everyone hello hugs while you’d be standing there, with your body language “screaming” … “Can we just get straight to business?” |
| Body language can be so efficient. But, it is a business meeting. |
| But you’re the same way even at family dinners and social events. And on the rare occasion that you do give someone a hug, I always think the recipient should remember it because it’s a really big deal. And sometimes, I even point that out. |
| Which usually makes me roll my eyes. |
| Hey, I’m just trying to warn them not to get used to it, or even expect it again, so they appreciate it. |
| My eye-rolling is not about you; it is about the person wanting to hug me. Especially when they know me, because they must know that hugging is not something I would ever initiate. |
| To be honest, I don’t think people think about it. It’s just a warm and welcoming gesture. |
| You are right about the thinking part. After all, if someone knows I do not like to hug, but still wants to hug me, that seems rather selfish. |
| I think that’s a bit of an overstatement. If you said to them, “Please do not hug me,” and they chose to ignore you, that might be considered selfish. Not to mention, risky. |
| Sounds like a personal problem. If they are that insistent on hugging me, then it seems to me that they need the hug. |
| Well, if you ask me, the whole topic of hugging has gotten way too complicated. Especially since the pandemic. But I can still remember watching one of Sawyer’s volleyball coaches starting to give her a hug and then stopping. |
| Did he suddenly remember that she is not much of a hugger? |
| No, it was because it was the beginning of the #MeToo era, and he was being mindful (my word, not his) that his players were teenage girls. And although he knew Sawyer, and me, very well, I guess he thought it was better to err on the safe side. |
| The world has changed. But, it does make things more complicated for huggers. |
| Sawyer may not be a hugger, but she does make concessions to hugging much easier than you or Natasha, who obviously hate it and would probably outlaw it if possible. |
| Now you are the one making the overstatement. I do not hate the concept of hugs. And, there is science behind the importance of hugs, including how they can relieve stress. |
| I was just waiting for your non-emotional perspective on hugs. |
| And, I respect what they should represent – affection, concern, love, appreciation, or just the joy of seeing someone. For some people, it is easier than words. |
| That’s an interesting perspective. And makes me think about how you sometimes will end an email by writing, “With an electronic hug.” It surprised me the first time I saw it, although I immediately liked it. So much so that I now often use it myself. |
| I know. I should charge you a royalty fee. |
| Cute. But how did you come up with that phrase anyway? |
| I know that emails can be very impersonal, and as much as I love bullet points and keeping things very factual, sometimes the recipient needs something more. An “electronic hug” seemed to be a good compromise. |
| Well, I love it. As ironic as it is coming from someone who hates to give an actual, in-person, up close and personal, hug. |
| Actually, I sometimes do give hugs to people I think genuinely need it. I just hate getting them. |
| You didn’t seem to mind the night before Sawyer left for college, and she got out of the car when we were dropping you off to give you a goodbye hug. |
| I think I was in shock. |
| Well, I know I was … |
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|
I know you celebrate Labor Day by just, well, laboring away
on Red & Black. But that’s how you
celebrate most holidays. For me, I
always enjoy celebrating the last three-day weekend of the summer, although the
challenge will be deciding what
to do this Labor Day. Escape
to a movie (ok, my passion’s the popcorn), go to Dunkin’ for a leisurely coffee (it always brings
back memories of growing up in New York), read, or climb into bed and watch old
episodes of Downton Abbey. Or, maybe
“all of the above”!
But before you say anything, yes, I’m well aware that today’s more than a day off and a potential “cut-off” for wearing white (😊). It’s about honoring American workers and all the many contributions they’ve made and continue to make. |
|
I know you love history, but do you
know the history of Labor Day
includes violence and a
deadly railroad strike? And,
was a way for politicians to “prove” they cared about workers? It is too bad people do not typically walk
around thanking others for the work they do (imagine the impact if we did), but
maybe you will get inspired by these Labor
Day quotes.
And, in terms of me “laboring” today. Of course, I am. I look forward to the quiet time of weekends, especially long ones, to work on strategic projects needing large blocks of uninterrupted time or one of my passion projects. To you, it might appear as if I am “working”, but I am doing what makes me happy. Although tomorrow morning, you may not be happy when you find all my emails that will be waiting in your inbox. |
Photo by TungCheung on Shutterstock
| You know how I like to blah-blah-blah, barely letting anyone get a word in edgewise? |
| Is this a rhetorical question? Or, a trick question? |
| Neither, I leave those to you. And, you know how things happen to us that seem accidental but probably aren’t coincidences? |
| Is there a point to these questions? If so, can you please get to it? |
| As you often tell me, “Patience, grasshopper.” Although I know that’s not your strong suit. Especially not in conversations. Anyway, the other day you sent me a video about stutterers. Well, that same day, I happened to speak to someone who stuttered, and it was just what I needed. |
| The video? Or, the conversation? |
| The conversation. It happened before you sent the video. As you know, we weren’t sure the buyers of Mom’s house wanted the 22-foot shuffleboard table in the second-floor game room. And since it’s a solid piece of, well, whatever the board’s made of, it’d have to be broken down to get it out of the house since the original homeowners probably brought it in through the windows while the house was still being built. |
| I know the story. But, I am running out of patience with your blah-blah-blah. Can you get to the point? |
| I’ll try, but sometimes the details are important. Anyway, I was pretty stressed about finding someone who could remove the shuffleboard, especially since we only had a few days to pull this off. So, I was excited when I found LoadUp, a company that professionally disposes of your old items, but imagine how I felt when the person who answered the phone stuttered. I was not in a patient mood. |
| Oh, I can only imagine. Normally, you would have been patient and understanding, but getting Mom’s house emptied has been overwhelming and emotional for you. |
| There’s an understatement, but something remarkable happened during that call. I went from being incredibly stressed out to being calm and in a good mood. Because as soon as I heard his stutter, I forced myself to “slow down” and just listen. |
| I will not get into the power of active listening, but by focusing on what he was saying, that was an escape, albeit very brief, from everything going on in your mind. |
| Besides him being highly professional and knowledgeable, he was extremely nice and understood my “disposal” dilemma. I only wish he could’ve seen me as I went from being a woman bouncing off the walls to someone in a much better mood, all because, ironically, of his stutter! |
| I am certain he could hear it in the tone of your voice. Regardless, as the video points out, the problem is not with the person who stutters; it is with the listener. |
| Which makes sense. And even though you commented the video was a great piece and worth the time to watch, I only did so a few days ago. And I agree. But you also mentioned I should remind you to tell me about the Make-A-Wish interviewer who stuttered. |
| It was exactly one week before your conversation with the man who stuttered. I arrived for the building dedication interview and was introduced to the two-man film crew – an interviewer and a camera operator. I noticed that one man stuttered, so I assumed he was the camera operator. Imagine my surprise when I found out I had guessed wrong. |
| I’m sure you were great. You don’t tolerate fools well, but you’re very empathic with people who have genuine issues. |
| Perhaps. But, I also have been known to finish people’s sentences or interrupt them when it is obvious where they are going, and I want the conversation to move along quicker. |
| I think we’ve already established you’re impatient. |
| Point made. But, just as you learned allowing yourself to genuinely listen not only allowed you to connect better with him but also to stop and catch your breath, I realized that allowing the interviewer to ask his questions at his pace allowed me to think about what he was saying and carefully prepare my answer. That it was not a race to the finish. |
| So, does that mean you will start being more patient with me? And become a better listener? |
| Doubtful; however, I wonder if people who stutter do a better job of getting to the point and actually are more succinct speakers. |
| You would … |