FULL QUESTION: My teenager's a slob and it's driving me crazy — their messy room, leaving dirty dishes all around the house, and the bathroom looking like a disaster area! And now they're home for the summer. Help!
| Moms everywhere know exactly what you're talking about! And although people told me not to worry, this phase would pass, that didn't make it any better while I was in the midst of it. (I wish I had understood why teenagers have messy rooms and what I could have done to manage it better.) The good news was I was able to set expectations (and help maintain them) for the common areas of the house, but dealing with their rooms was very different. Especially with my eldest daughter, since nothing would work — not bribes, not threats, not rational conversations. I tried all the tips and "tricks" without success and eventually decided to stop nagging her because all it did was get me upset while she seemed perfectly content with the mess. At that point, I realized my primary concern was that I'd ultimately need an exterminator and/or plumber (for those of you who have lived through this, you understand), so I'd periodically go in and selectively clean that which would create problems for the rest of us. The rest I left alone. Hey, if she wanted to wear smelly clothing or have a bathroom that should be declared a national emergency zone, so be it. |
| I do not have children, but there was a time when I did have stepdaughters, and, not knowing what else to do, I decided to treat them like I would new employees. I knew employees basically wanted to please management, so I figured kids wanted to please their parents, and hopefully, stepparents. I created a "Rules of the House" document (small, basic, easy things), and most of them were things to do versus things not to do. I presented the rules as an opportunity for them to achieve and succeed, not as a set of restrictions. I always found it more effective with employees, and then with the girls (and even their father), to reinforce positive behavior rather than punish bad behavior. It can be as simple as a "thank you," complimenting them on their efforts, or even rewarding a job well done. It seemed to work, and along the way, improved communications and helped us set priorities. |
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Our banter may start with two sisters, but it’s getting families, friends, and even classrooms talking.
| | In some ways, it seems like decades ago that my husband got fired. In other ways, it seems like yesterday. I had never felt so scared. So confused.So out of control. I thought he’d work for the company where he had been for years until he retired, and by then we’d have a second home and would live happily ever after. It never occurred to me that anything could change that plan. Everything seemed perfect. Then, seemingly in an instant, the future I had counted on disappeared. And my life became a living nightmare. |
| Yes, and as I told you at the time … you needed to calm down. I said that a lot. Still do. Anyway, I remember telling you to take a deep breath … and that you would get through it. And, you did, although you constantly questioned whether you could. |
THE CONVERSATION STARTERS
- Your life can change in an instant. Can you be prepared? How can you plan for the unknown?
- What are other unplanned life events?
- What's one thing you can control when life feels out of control?