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I don't know about you, but although I knew that 2019 was coming to an end, I hadn't really been thinking about it in terms of the end of a decade. That is, until I started seeing all the newspaper articles and television programs not only running their usual year-end summaries, but also looking back on the entire decade. |
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Well, it definitely is not as big a deal as the turn of the century. I remember that everyone was worried about Y2K, and whether there would be serious computer problems related to going from 1999 to 2000. Plus, people were worried there would be a champagne shortage. But, neither of those two "catastrophes" actually happened. |
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Seriously? People were actually worried about a champagne shortage? |
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Wine producers and retailers probably started the idea of so much celebrating, and not enough champagne. Turns out there were shortages of some of the high-end champagnes in certain places, and overall champagne sales were up significantly. |
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I should've guessed that your memories would be business-related. |
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In that instance, yes. But, you are the one who likes to travel down memory lane, not I. So, are you reminiscing about the past decade or just the past year? |
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Until all the media hype, I hadn't really thought about it being a new decade. But when I did, it was bittersweet because the girls were 10 years younger. |
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So were you. So was I. |
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But it's different when you're thinking about how quickly your children grow up. Anyway, I understand that you're not nostalgic, and you definitely never play the "what if" game, but I find it hard to believe that you won't reminisce, even a little, over the past 10 years, or even the last year. |
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Our past has led us to where we are, and you can learn from it, but that is different from reminiscing. You need to live in the present and know that it will influence the future. |
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But how do you learn from the past if you don't take the time – and I'm not saying a large amount of time – to think back about it? |
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You do that as you go, you do not think back over an entire year. Or, an entire decade. Especially since those are arbitrary time periods based on calendars. |
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When you put it like that, it does seem a little crazy. I guess it does make a lot more sense to just learn and make adjustments as you go vs. letting the "mistakes" pile up. |
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You cannot change the past. But, what you do today does impact the future. The key is finding the right balance between savoring the moment and planning for the future. |
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You'd think that as we get older, we'd learn to do things better, to approach things better, to just, well, at the risk of sounding like Melania Trump, be better. But for many of us, that's not the case. |
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With age comes experience, not wisdom. |
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Wow! You're probably going to roll your eyes at this, but I never really thought about it that way. But it's so true. The concept of "learning from your mistakes" is something we hear a lot, especially when we're growing up. Unfortunately, I think that often stops when we become adults. |
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Learning should never stop – especially as we can learn from both our "mistakes" and our good experiences. It just takes the desire to do so. |
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That sounds good, but for us "mere mortals" it can be a little more difficult, as we tend to do things the way we always have. We get caught up in our day-to-day lives and before you know it another week – another month – another year – another decade has come and gone. |
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The older we get, the quicker the years seem to fly by, which makes it even more critical to focus on what is truly important. Identifying your values and priorities, and making sure your decisions align with them. |
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You make it sound so easy but, trust me, it's not. Plus, you've always looked 20 years out and worked backward. For many of us that's a totally new way to look at life, especially those of us who like to reminisce. |
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At the risk of sounding like a Hallmark card, it is a new year, a time to look forward, not backward. Put another way, there is a reason your front windshield is significantly larger than your rear-view mirror. |
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You and your car analogies. But I have to admit it's a great visual. And I'll do my best to keep it in mind. But for now, I still can't believe it's 2020. |
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Funny thing is I started to wish you "20/20 vision" in 2020, then realized it refers to "average" vision … and why would I wish anyone an average year? |
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For those of us who need glasses, 20/20 is what we strive for, and allows us to see things much clearer. |
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In that case, I wish you 20/20 in 2020. |
| Based on the "hints" in your Ghosting post, it sounds like your recent "romance" wasn't quite a Lady GaGa "bad romance", but, well, a frustrating one. |
| Interesting comparison, as years ago Gaga revealed that she is drawn to bad romances, but is not sure if she goes after them or they find her. Regardless, my "relationship" ended in the dating stage and never really became a romance. Either when I dated him almost 30 years ago, or recently. Although, this time, I thought it had potential. |
| I was amazed that you were even willing to "rekindle" the relationship as you're not exactly a believer in "recycling" relationships, as I think you once phrased it. In fact, I thought you were pretty adamant about the concept of not repeating your mistakes. |
| True, you should learn from your mistakes, not repeat them. But with most things in life, timing is everything. And, just because someone is not "Mr. Right Now" does not preclude them from being "Mr. Right" at another time in your life. |
| That sounds good, but neither time did you date very long. Maybe there's a reason for that. A reason why you should've left the past in the past. |
| It is funny you say that because that was my first thought. Then, I thought about where each of us was in our lives at that time. I was still climbing the corporate ladder and was not interested in ever having children. He was building his business and had young children. However, what made us incompatible back then was no longer applicable. |
| That all makes sense. But, at the risk of making you sound warm and fuzzy, you have described him in glowing terms – very intelligent, caring parent (and now grandparent), loyal friend to many people, and all-around nice guy. |
| And, we both collect art, enjoy fine red wine, and have similar tastes in restaurants and hotels. Not to mention being almost thirty years older and looking at life from a different perspective. |
| You sound totally compatible. Which, as you've told me over the years, is critical to a successful relationship, especially when all the "lovey-dovey" romance gives way to day-to-day reality. |
| I think that may be where we disconnected. We each need to have realistic expectations, and then decide if we are compatible. He may have decided that he wanted someone more romantic, and less pragmatic; therefore, I was not a good fit. Which I would have accepted. But, instead of telling me that, he went radio silent. |
| I'm not condoning his behavior, but I can understand it. Speaking as a "mere mortal", I can see why he might want to avoid having such an uncomfortable and difficult conversation with you. Especially if he's ever seen the "debate queen" side of you. But this isn't the first time he dated you. Doesn't he know you're a Vulcan? |
| Intellectually, he knew that I am not a physically demonstrative person, especially in public. Nor do I immediately get carried away with the idea of "being in love". |
| Excuse me? This from the woman who I used to say got engaged instead of dating? |
| Fast-forwarding past the "games" and "infatuation stage" of dating to see if a relationship has long-term potential is very different from thinking infatuation is true love. |
| Don't you know most people, if they like someone, want to jump in quickly and enjoy getting "carried up in the moment"? |
| That is fine, as long as they know that infatuation is only infatuation. It may be the beginning of a long-term relationship, or the spark may die. Unfortunately, it may result in a dating process that eliminates those who have the potential to be a lasting relationship, instead focusing on those who want to get carried up in the moment. |
| I'm almost afraid to ask, are you talking about someone in particular? |
| Sometimes you wonder why, in their determination (and rush) to find a lasting relationship with one person, they cannot see everything that has made them lifelong friends to so many people took time. |
| You didn't answer my question, but if you are – maybe you should remind them of that. |
| Maybe I will send them this post. |