| I’m sorry, but as a mom, I just can’t find the words when it comes to these senseless killings at schools. At schools! My heart breaks for the families of those children lost at Robb Elementary in Uvalde. |
| You do not have to be a mom to become outraged about killings at schools. A place that should be a safe haven for students and teachers. A place that should instill the love of learning – not the fear of dying. |
| Yes, but as a mom, it’s beyond comprehension. You can’t help but think, what if it was my child? When I see the faces of those lost fourth graders, I find myself welling up with tears. I think of my girls at that age. And what those parents must be going through. |
| I am not warm and fuzzy, yet I thought the same things. And, I thought about parents walking past empty beds. Even if you are not a parent, you cannot help but think about siblings and nieces and nephews, your friends and neighbors and their children. And grandchildren. It is not about being a parent – it is about being human. |
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| I felt the same way about Sandy Hook back in 2012. I can remember hearing about Columbine in 1999 as I was living overseas, and several people asked me how such a thing could happen in the U.S. I didn’t have a good answer then. And I still don’t. In fact, it’s only getting worse. When are we going to do something?! |
| Excellent question. One many people are asking. Within hours of the Uvalde shooting, I heard two very passionate pleas from people with very different backgrounds – Steve Kerr, N.B.A. head coach (Golden State Warriors), who refused to talk about basketball in a pre-game interview, and Senator Chris Murphy, a Democrat begging for bipartisanship to find common ground and take action. |
| Well, I know that everything’s become so divisive, but doing something about all these mass killings – whether schools, churches, grocery stores, even a medical center, the list seems to be endless – should be something they can agree on. I just can’t get my head wrapped around why we keep doing … nothing! And I keep thinking about how you’ve always told me that doing nothing IS a decision. A decision to do nothing. |
| Actually, I say, “It is a decision to maintain the status quo.” However, the challenge is finding areas of agreement, which may explain why Congress has done nothing over the last decade. Meanwhile, the number of mass shootings (which seems to be an American phenomenon) continues to increase. There have been over 200 this year alone, and the year is not even half over. |
| You’re the one who loves numbers and statistics, but even I know that’s more than one a day. I’d think better gun control would be the answer. And before you say anything, I’m not against guns; I’m against high-capacity high-speed weapons. I don’t think any civilian needs them. Ever. |
| Some people argue it is not a gun issue; it is a mental health issue. So, if you attribute our mass shootings to mental health issues, would it not make sense to do background checks and restrict those individuals from having guns? |
| Talk about stating the obvious! Although clearly, it’s not obvious to the politicians who don’t want expanded background checks. I’ve learned that the House of Representatives approved background legislation over a year ago but that it’s just sitting in the Senate. And what about assault weapons? Shouldn’t those be outlawed? |
| How much do you know about constitutional law? And, the Second Amendment? |
| Well, I love history, and I know the Second Amendment to the Constitution gives us the right to bear arms. It was written just after “we the people” served as our own “militia” to fight the British for our freedom, so “bearing arms” was so we could protect our country. |
| Interestingly, the Second Amendment contains only 24 words (and, some unusual grammar) yet has been the basis of decades of debate about gun control versus gun rights. But, just like it is illegal to own hand grenades and machine guns, they could ban high-capacity ammunition magazines (again) and outlaw bump stocks (again). However, I do not see that happening. |
| Why not? There’s no good reason civilians need those things. |
| I can give you millions of reasons. Follow the money … from the gun rights groups and the N.R.A. straight to the politicians. |
| So, you’re telling me it all comes down to money?! That they don’t care about all the people, including children, who have been killed. And they’re not willing to do everything in their power to prevent, or at least reduce, future murders? |
| The U.S. is the most heavily armed society in the world, with more guns than people. And, the only country that has strong gun rights with minimal regulations – not even common-sense ones. |
| The Uvalde shooter had just turned 18 and legally bought not one, but two, assault weapons and 375 rounds of ammunition! Anyone with common sense would find that alarming. Especially given the country’s youth are in a mental health crisis. |
| That certainly should have raised a red flag. And, is why there is a push to get “red flag” laws (removing guns from people who are considered to pose a danger to themselves or to others), and raising the age of gun ownership to 21. But, there is no guarantee either will get enough support from Republican Senators to get passed into law. However, you cannot convince me that Republican voters do not support gun safety and common-sense gun laws. |
| I think it’s safe (pun intended) to say most Americans support common-sense gun laws. That’s why politicians, who are supposed to represent us, not their own interests, need to find common ground. |
| Well, when it comes to politics, common sense and common ground are not so common. |
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Since we first ran the conversation below, autism awareness has become more commonplace, but there’s a big difference between that and acceptance. (Which is why April is now Autism ACCEPTANCE Month.) Not to mention assumptions. Labels aside, don’t we all have something of value to contribute? Think about your different abilities (Black calls them “diff-abilities”), and you may find a new way to look at others, especially those with autism -- with respect, empathy, and a desire to better understand their situations, strengths, and challenges.
| Did you know that April's Autism Awareness Month? I wasn't aware (pun intended) of it until I read our local homeowner's monthly newsletter and it caught my eye. |
| Actually, last month the founding organization, the Autism Society, changed "Awareness "to "Acceptance" to foster inclusivity, as knowing about something is very different from accepting it. But I am guessing that is not the point of this call. |
| Although it isn't autism, it reminded me of years ago when we found out that Natasha has learning disabilities. |
| I think you mean DIFF-abilities. |
| Of course, that's another thing I remember. I was focused on the negative aspects of her diagnosis until you asked me, point-blank, "Why are they called disabilities?" And proceeded to explain that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. |
| Exactly! Imagine the world if everyone excelled at math, but flunked English. Or, a world of lawyers, but no musicians. Some people are better at social skills, while others excel at handling technical data. Why not just say that people who have different skillsets and abilities have DIFF-abilities versus making them feel like they have shortcomings? |
| I know that you completely changed my way of thinking, not only about Natasha but about the concept of "disabilities" full stop. It opened my eyes – and my brain – about how just because someone has challenges or limited abilities in some areas, that doesn't mean they don't have different gifts and strengths in other areas. |
| Exactly. Although autism is a "spectrum condition" meaning it affects people differently and to varying degrees, it is a complex developmental disorder that can affect a person's social skills, and ability to communicate and interact with others. However, autistic people usually possess some extremely valuable traits that are rare in non-autistic people. |
| Which is why it frustrates me that so many people feel like those with disabilities, excuse me DIFF-abilities, are "lesser" people. When Natasha was diagnosed, she was in her teens and already had a very strong personality (no doubt inherited from you) and, luckily, seemed to have an innate understanding that she was just different, not better, not worse, than others. I guess one of the biggest challenges is to get others to see things with the same mindset. |
| We are a story-telling society, and there are countless stories of people with DIFF-abilities, including those with autism, that are eye-opening and more powerful than anything we could ever say. |
| Funny you say that, as I was curious to learn more about autism and found some inspiring quotes (including a wonderful Tom Hanks clip) that not only gave me great insight but made me smile. One of my favorites was how Paul Collins, an author and parent of an autistic child, said, "Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg." That's such a great way to describe not only those with autism but any disability. |
| Well, technically, it will fit, but it requires that the diameter of the circle be larger than the diagonal of the square. Basic geometry. But, I understand Paul Collin's point. |
| Talk about DIFF-abilities! Couldn't you just agree with me? |
| The thought never crossed my mind. |
Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Ye Jinghan on Unsplash
We’ve all wanted a “second chance” at some point in our lives. A “do-over” for a mistake we made, a bad decision, or something that didn’t work out well. An opportunity to show (to ourselves and to others) that we learned our lesson.
Now imagine that second chance being life-changing. For many people who’ve found themselves on the wrong side of the law, a second chance might be all they need to turn their lives around. Which is why April was designated Second Chance Month and why we’re rerunning what changed Red’s perspective on second chances …
| I had no idea that April was “Second Chance Month” until you sent me the official proclamation. I find it interesting that in the midst of juggling our usual million and one Red & Black things, your interest in criminal justice, which I know you consider a “passion project”, is as strong as ever, maybe even stronger. |
| It is not intentional, sometimes “ passion projects” find you. And, when you least expect it. |
| Or where you least expect it! Only you would take a “field trip” to a men’s prison. |
| I will not get on my soapbox about how our education system contributes to the criminal justice problem. I will never forget a friend of mine who was formerly incarcerated telling me, “Rehabilitating people makes the assumption they were habilitated in the first place.” |
| When you stop and think about that statement, it’s pretty powerful! But I have to smile as once upon a time you, and I, used words like “offenders” and “prisoners” until we learned how our choice of words could be dehumanizing . |
| Says the woman who once believed in the idea of “lock ’em up and throw away the key”. |
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| That was before! I know you told me that just because someone made a bad decision, it didn’t make them a bad person, but it sounded like a cliche. Now, my opinion is based on our experience and the impact we’ve seen . The feedback has been eye-opening. Unfortunately, life doesn’t come with “do-overs.” |
| Exactly. None of us are perfect. We have all made bad decisions. Second chances are about opportunities to show we have learned from our mistakes. |
| Well, I know I have. Obviously, not anything illegal. But it made me determined to teach my daughters what I had learned. Probably one of the most heartwarming parts of the feedback we’ve received is that so many people on the inside want better – not only for themselves, but for their children and grandchildren. |
| Yes, which is why having a second chance is so critical. And, helping set people up for success, not failure, because it is about more than changing the lives of the formerly incarcerated -- it can change the lives of their families and, in turn, our communities and our country. |
| A ripple effect that could mean more people may get it right the first time and not need a second chance. |
| True. Maybe we should look at it as giving society a second chance … |
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When you think of cancer, do you think that’s something only older people need to worry about?
Well, you’d be wrong because it’s alarming how many people under 50 are getting cancer. (Think Catherine, Princess of Wales.) And while the exact causes remain under investigation, what we do know is that early detection through cancer screenings is crucial.
It should be a priority for all of us (men and women) – and not only during Cancer Prevention Month but year-round.
| I know that cancer isn’t the “death sentence” it used to be when we were growing up, but it’s still a very scary word. Especially if it’s heard “close to home”. |
| When we were young, the word was rarely said. And if it was, it was whispered or referred to as the “ c-word.” |
| Kind of like when I had my two miscarriages. No one wanted even to acknowledge, let alone talk about, them. Which made it all the more difficult to get through it, although intellectually, I knew it was not uncommon. |
| Unfortunately, neither is cancer. It is the second-leading cause of death in the world, surpassed only by heart disease. But, at least, it is no longer a taboo subject. |
| Please don’t make this about numbers. It’s about people. Which you should know. I’m sure you remember when Daddy was diagnosed with parotid gland cancer , which luckily was treatable. And I’ve had skin cancer, although I was very fortunate, it was caught early and easily treated. |
| OK, I will not quote statistics, but it is important to realize that although cancer affects many people, that is all the more reason to try and prevent it. Or, catch it early. |
| Very early. I’m not sure I ever told you this, but when I had squamous cell carcinoma confirmed on my nose, it wasn’t because of an annual body screening. It was because I just thought something wasn’t right, even though I had gone to my family doctor and was told it wasn’t anything to worry about. |
| I thought you were always extremely conscientious about your annual cancer screenings, whether mammograms, Pap smears, or body checks. |
| The first two, absolutely, ever since I was in my 30s. But it was only when I went to a dermatologist to check my nose that I realized the importance of having full body screenings, too. Especially since redheads are more susceptible to skin cancer. So, yes, now I go on an annual basis, although it was on a six-month basis for several years after I had to have Mohs surgery . |
| Well, having routine cancer screenings, whether due to standard recommendations , because you think something is not right (after all, who knows your body better than you), or due to family history, has contributed to a decrease in cancer mortality rates . But, you do not want me to talk about numbers. |
| I don’t, but that’s great news! It just shows you how important it is to be proactive. |
| Exactly. And, as we learn more about cancer, we can adjust our lifestyles to lower the risk of getting cancer. For example, think of all the people who quit smoking to lower the risk of lung cancer. Of course, advances in medical treatment have made a huge difference. And, given my involvement with Make-A-Wish, I have watched with pure joy how the cancer death rate among kids and teens has dropped dramatically. |
| Wow, I had no idea! That really makes you stop and think, and makes me think about the cancer stories in movies and TV shows. And before you roll your eyes, and tell me my theater degree’s showing, it does make a difference when a subject like cancer is reflected in storylines. It lets audiences understand it on both an intellectual and emotional level. Which is very powerful. |
| It is. When you think of the movie “ Love Story,” unless you read the book, you did not know that Ali McGraw’s character had leukemia. But, around the same time, there was a “made for TV” pseudo-documentary/movie, “ Brian’s Song ,” which is the first movie I can remember that talked about cancer. It made it an acceptable topic of discussion. |
| I’m impressed you remember those movies. There’ve been so many since then, not to mention celebrities who tell their cancer stories. But cancer being in the mainstream makes it so much easier to discuss. Not just as a society but personally, as I’ve taken advantage of those opportunities to talk with the girls about the importance of early detection , something Mommy never did with me. |
| It was a very different time. Cancer was a “bad” word and potentially a “death” sentence. Today, the future is brighter, but it needs to be part of routine conversations. |