| So, I have a question for you, and it’s not a trick question. And I know you’ll give me an honest answer, and whatever it is, my feelings won’t be hurt. |
| That is a lot of prefacing … can you get to the question? |
| After all these years working together on Red & Black, I feel like we each understand our respective responsibilities even though in speaking engagements we joke about me being in charge of “warm and fuzzy” and you being in charge of pragmatism and sarcasm. |
| OK. And, your question is …? |
| I’m not sure how to phrase it, so I’ll just come out and ask. Do you think of yourself as “the boss”? |
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| Do you? |
| At the risk of sounding like a five-year-old, I asked you first! And you know I hate when you answer a question with a question. But my answer is … oh yes, definitely! In fact, on numerous occasions, I’ve been known to refer to you as “the boss” (with all due respect to Bruce Springsteen, of course). Even the girls have heard me refer to you that way, and they’ve never, not once, questioned me, so there must be some agreement, at least in my family, about who’s the boss. |
| Yes, I have heard you do that, but rarely take it seriously. Although sometimes I think you want me to be your “excuse” for doing, or not doing, something. It is a great conflict avoidance ploy because you can “blame” the decision on me. |
| True, but it’s also my way of finding out something without the pressure of outright asking. |
| Sound like a lot of extra work, especially as it will not change my answer. |
| The funny thing is I usually know the answer, but it helps when I hear myself “floating the idea” past you. And when it comes to Red & Black, there’s no question you’re in charge because you have the M.B.A. and decades of experience as a business executive. |
| Which merely means I have different areas of expertise and experience. When I was in the corporate world, I would hire to my weaknesses. I know what I know – I need people on my team who know what I do not. |
| Like the fact you always turn to me for what I call the “mere mortal” perspective. But that doesn’t change the fact that your business background and always being “all business” makes you more qualified to be a “boss.” |
| Does it? As a parent, are you not the “boss” of your children? Helping them make better decisions, but overruling when necessary. How many times have we discussed, even at our most recent speaking engagement, that when you refer to yourself as “just a mom”, you are ignoring all your highly valuable skills? |
| And I get that, but only because you’ve pointed it out countless times. But if you hadn’t decided to turn my crisis into a book, a brand, and a business, I would’ve gone back to baking brownies and carpool lines. |
| That sounds good, but the reality was you needed to take control of your life instead of it controlling you, and I just played the role of “bossy big sister” to make you see that. But, being bossy is very different from having the authority to be the boss. |
| And you perfected being bossy when we were growing up, but you still haven’t answered my question. Do you think of yourself as “the boss”? |
| How are you defining “boss”? As you know, I own 1% more of the company than you, which technically means I have more “authority”. I could pull rank, but when it comes to business, I prefer teamwork. |
| Well, we definitely make a good team, even with our very different backgrounds and personalities. |
| The key to making the best business decisions is acknowledging that and learning from one another. And, always remembering there would be no Red & Black … without Red or without Black. |
| OK, boss, whatever you say. |
We first ran the post below five years ago, and we’re glad April’s no longer Autism Awareness Month but now is Autism Acceptance Month. Especially as autism seems to have become more commonplace (partially due to improved diagnosis, but also less stigma). Most important, though, is learning about autism, including how to talk about it in a non-judgmental way … because that’s what helps all of us move from awareness to acceptance.
| Did you know that April's Autism Awareness Month? I wasn't aware (pun intended) of it until I read our local homeowner's monthly newsletter and it caught my eye. |
| Actually, last month the founding organization, the Autism Society, changed "Awareness "to "Acceptance" to foster inclusivity, as knowing about something is very different from accepting it. But I am guessing that is not the point of this call. |
| Although it isn't autism, it reminded me of years ago when we found out that Natasha has learning disabilities. |
| I think you mean DIFF-abilities. |
| Of course, that's another thing I remember. I was focused on the negative aspects of her diagnosis until you asked me, point-blank, "Why are they called disabilities?" And proceeded to explain that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. |
| Exactly! Imagine the world if everyone excelled at math, but flunked English. Or, a world of lawyers, but no musicians. Some people are better at social skills, while others excel at handling technical data. Why not just say that people who have different skillsets and abilities have DIFF-abilities versus making them feel like they have shortcomings? |
| I know that you completely changed my way of thinking, not only about Natasha but about the concept of "disabilities" full stop. It opened my eyes – and my brain – about how just because someone has challenges or limited abilities in some areas, that doesn't mean they don't have different gifts and strengths in other areas. |
| Exactly. Although autism is a "spectrum condition" meaning it affects people differently and to varying degrees, it is a complex developmental disorder that can affect a person's social skills, and ability to communicate and interact with others. However, autistic people usually possess some extremely valuable traits that are rare in non-autistic people. |
| Which is why it frustrates me that so many people feel like those with disabilities, excuse me DIFF-abilities, are "lesser" people. When Natasha was diagnosed, she was in her teens and already had a very strong personality (no doubt inherited from you) and, luckily, seemed to have an innate understanding that she was just different, not better, not worse, than others. I guess one of the biggest challenges is to get others to see things with the same mindset. |
| We are a story-telling society, and there are countless stories of people with DIFF-abilities, including those with autism, that are eye-opening and more powerful than anything we could ever say. |
| Funny you say that, as I was curious to learn more about autism and found some inspiring quotes (including a wonderful Tom Hanks clip) that not only gave me great insight but made me smile. One of my favorites was how Paul Collins, an author and parent of an autistic child, said, "Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg." That's such a great way to describe not only those with autism but any disability. |
| Well, technically, it will fit, but it requires that the diameter of the circle be larger than the diagonal of the square. Basic geometry. But, I understand Paul Collin's point. |
| Talk about DIFF-abilities! Couldn't you just agree with me? |
| The thought never crossed my mind. |
| So, how do you plan to explain how our WORDS & BANTER section is different from BANTER BITES? Although it often takes more than a "bite" of sisterly banter to address topics, especially since we always seem to have very different perspectives. |
| You just explained it. |
| Do you think we should mention how, on the surface, it may appear as a hodge-podge? An assortment of topics. Things that don’t fit “nice and neat” in specific categories. |
| Areyou describing WORDS & BANTER? Or, life? |
| I should've known that you'd answer my question with a question. |
| How long have I been your sister? By now, you should be used to it. |
| True. Just like you should be used to my blah-blah-blah. |
| Which explains why we never have a shortage of words … or sisterly banter. |
| That, and the fact that you always seem to have a different point of view or perspective on any given topic. |
| We are sisters— not clones. |
| Well, sometimes I think you’re a Vulcan. Anyway, should we mention that if they want a weekly dose of Red & Black banter and perspective, they should sign up for our newsletter at the bottom of this page? |
| You just did. |
Red assets.rebelmouse.io We love it when Passover, Good Friday, and Easter overlap. Yes, they’re very different celebrations, but they have a lot in common — tradition, history, family, and hope. And the post below is worth repeating, because we wish everyone could remember what we have in common instead of our differences …
| I can't tell you how much I love when Passover and Easter are close together. And this year, the last day of Passover falls on Easter! |
| They usually fall close to one another, and when the girls were young and celebrated everything (which many interfaith families do), it allowed me to be efficient in terms of gift-giving and celebration meals. |
| I'll never forget you adding fluffy Easter bunnies and pastel-colored eggs to a Zabar's basket of Passover goodies. But I wasn't really thinking about that. |
| Let me guess. You want to use this as an opportunity to remind me – once again – that the Comparative Religion class you took decades ago at Wake Forest University was one of the best classes you ever took. |
| Fine, make fun of me. But that class was such an eye-opener. Before it, I thought there were huge differences between the religions. But the reality's very different. We have much in common. |
| Yes, a belief in something bigger than us, in faith, in traditions, in celebrations that go back centuries. |
| Exactly! And while people might celebrate different holidays based on their religion, when those holidays come close together it's a perfect reminder of what's truly important. Our fundamental values are so similar. If everyone could see that, maybe we'd be pulling together more and be torn apart less. |
| It is up to each of us to decide whether we want to focus on our differences or our similarities. |
| At this point, I'd settle for respect, tolerance, and understanding. |
| You left out world peace. Well, given that Passover and Easter both celebrate history … and hope … maybe your request is reasonable after all. |
| In that case, whether our readers are eating the last of the matzo or hunting Easter eggs, I think we should wish them a very happy holiday… one filled with hope, happiness, and peace. |
| You just did. |