Back in 2004, I met an older couple participating in a Ferrari rally, and after a deep conversation over a long lunch, they became dear friends. It was an event that would change my life in many ways, and several months later, shortly after my husband “surprised” me with a divorce, the husband sent me an email that so moved me that I put it in my “Blue Book”. (A Circa planner with a blue leather cover, hence the name, that includes not only my calendars but also a section with a few things I re-read on a regular basis.)
Last month, he passed away. I always made a point of letting them know that “Footprints” had become an important part of my life. They are words to live by. And, in honor of my dear friend, who is loved and missed, I want to share that email. With no edits … as we do not get to edit our lives …
In the spring of 1972 Sue and I had been married for 18 months and we were dissatisfied with our existence. After some serious soul searching we decided to make a radical change in our lives. Both of us had read a book by the author Louis Bromfield that rhapsodized about the joys of farm life. We were young and adventurous, and we did not realize that Mr. Bromfield was independently wealthy, he was in fact a famous Hollywood screenwriter and not even remotely dependent on farming for a living.
We sold all of the extras that we had accumulated such as our house, my AA Fuel Dragster, Dragster Trailer, and miscellaneous spare engine and associated parts, cashed in my life insurance and moved to a small farm in North Central Missouri twelve miles South of the community of Marshall. We had chosen that latitude carefully reasoning that the land around us needed to change as much as possible during the year if we were going to stay in one place all the time. Marshall, Missouri has four distinct and nearly equal seasons with a long Spring and Fall, a real contrast to the monotony of Houston, Texas. The first year of our Missouri residence we saw the temperature swing one hundred and thirty four degrees, from a high in late July of 106º to a low in January of 1973 of 28º below zero. The land changed around us indeed.
One of my real surprises was learning how much I liked cold weather. I had never really lived anywhere where it snowed very often. I was delighted when we had snows during the night that formed ice crystals in the surface so that when the sun came up in the morning the snow sparkled as if there there was a diamond studded white blanket draped across the fields.
One morning in that first winter I left the house early while I was waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. It had snowed about six inches during the night but dawn broke on a cloudless sky with the blue that only a cold clear morning sky has. I wandered with the rising sun at my back to the top of the closest ridge. When I reached the crest I could see before me a gently undulating pristine white scene with only the sounds of the early morning birds to keep me company. It was a glorious day.
After a few moments I turned to leave and there in the otherwise unbroken white lay a path of solitary footprints. Dumbstruck I realized that I was looking at a metaphor for my life, that each step that I had ever taken led precisely to where I was standing. I turned back around and looked at the future, unmarked waiting for my next footprint and I had an epiphany. If I wanted the footprints of the future to go in a certain direction, or to have a particular shape then it was up to me to make each individual step count. The footprints of the future would leave a history of my choices. That morning in the snow my life changed and I started the footprints that surely lead to where I am standing now.
In time I came to understand that each footprint was necessary to help me reach this moving destination, each misstep, each stumble, each mistake and fall, each heartache and all the joys have made me into the man I am today.
I don't regret a single one.
Drive carefully my friend, the future is before you, the footprints of the past cannot be changed.
Although I am known for speaking my mind, I have never been one to publicize my passion projects. I get involved because I believe in what I am doing – not because I want others to know of my involvement. Decades ago, it was Make-A-Wish, but once we started Red & Black and detoured into the worlds of education and criminal justice, I added new projects. And “soapboxes”.
And, I saw how education and criminal justice were intertwined. Which is what compelled me to write a letter when the Texas Legislature held a hearing about a house bill related to programming within the Texas Department of Criminal Justice (TDCJ) and invitedpublic comment. It was the first time I ever went “on the record” (comments are in the public domain), but I feel very strongly about the topic, and specifically the lack of women’s educational programming.
When I sent a copy of my letter to Red, the self-proclaimed mere mortal, she was adamant (not a typical trait for her) that my words needed a wider audience than the legislators and people who follow legislative bills …
Mandy S. Williams
HB 3227 (86R) Comments
Women’s Programming In TDCJ
As a retired oil and gas executive, my background and expertise are in neither education nor criminal justice, so I am not sure how I got here, but we all know that life rarely goes as planned.
BACKGROUND … IT STARTED AT NEIMAN MARCUS?
I spent my entire life trying to stay out of prison, so imagine my surprise when a book I co-authored with my sister, intended as the basis of a sitcom and launched by Neiman Marcus, detoured into the world of education at KIPP Houston High School (resulting in it being approved as a Personal Financial Literacy textbook by the Texas State Board of Education) and then was embraced by the Chaplaincy Department of TDCJ.
The initial “Red & Black Personal Finance & Life 101” program at TDCJ was championed by Dr. Leticia Watkins, chaplain at the Stringfellow Unit. Based on the overwhelmingly positive feedback (both qualitative and quantitate, and available upon request) from the men, TDCJ allowed a film crew to interview the pilot group (the powerful video is available at http://youtu.be/426TrZ_N_sA), and the program was expanded within TDCJ.
The first women’s program occurred at Plane State Jail as part of their prostitution and human trafficking initiative. Even before the program was started, demand for the program exceeded the initial book supply, and additional books were requested. (Please note: our programs within TDCJ have been fully funded by my friends and business associates as once we saw the impact of the program, it became a passion project for me.) Again, the feedback was overwhelmingly positive (and available upon request), but what resonated with me was the dramatic impact educational programs have on the women’s self-esteem. And, the one quote that still haunts me is, when asked, “What, if anything, did you learn that you plan to share with your family and/or friends?” one woman replied,
That I am of value.
MY SISTER’S PERSPECTIVE … CLUELESS & STEREOTYPICAL
My sister, a straight-A student who went to Wake Forest University on an academic scholarship, was totally clueless about money (and, I would say, about life) when her husband was suddenly fired. The fact she was well-educated did not mean she was prepared for life, and as I started to guide her through her “crisis” (her word, not mine), I realized it was probably the best thing that ever happened to her as it forced her to learn life lessons she had managed to avoid. Today, she agrees, but adds, “The most important thing is that if I hadn’t learned these critical life lessons, I never would’ve been able to teach them to my daughters.”Take a moment to stop and think about that. And the ripple effect of knowledge.
In terms of people who are incarcerated, my sister believed in what are probably typical stereotypes – they are bad people who committed crimes. After reading the feedback from the men, and watching the video, they became people who had made bad decisions. A very different mindset. And, after meeting the women at Plane State Jail, she could relate to them as women who would do anything for their children, and wanted to learn what she had – to take control of her life versus having her life control her.
DO NOT GET ME ON MY EDUCATION SOAPBOX
Many program participants are questioning why these lessons were not taught in schools, and many indicated if they had, they might not have ended up incarcerated. They are also asking where people in the free world can take this program. I am amazed how many men and women are sharing the stories and “lessons” in the book with their families on the “outside”.However, the bottom line is … you should not have to go to prison to learn these lessons. But, the fact remains … participants in the program are trying to change the trajectory of their lives, as well as their family members.
If the education has failed them, that is not their fault. If we fail to offer programming to help them, that will be our fault.
| I’ve finally started watching “The Handmaid’s Tale.” Have you watched it? |
| No, but I have read about the premise behind the book and the series because after Roe v. Wade was overturned, social media started comparing the series to what was happening in real life, with women having no control over their reproductive rights. |
| The similarities are even scarier. It takes place in the near-future after the U.S. government (including the Constitution) has been overthrown, and the new republic’s controlled by a ruling class of men. Men who are religious extremists and enforce their religious beliefs on everyone. |
| Well, there goes separation of church and state. But, I guess that is much more efficient than starting with Justices of the Supreme Court who vote based on their religious beliefs, and then proceeding from there. |
| That’s NOT funny. In the show, they use religion as an “excuse” for horrible acts against people. For example, women aren’t allowed to read; and if caught, they cut off a finger so everyone knows their “crime”. |
| Of course, women are not allowed to read. Reading opens your mind and can give you different perspectives. And, teaches you to think for yourself. I appreciate the series is fictional, but I am confident the underlying book will end up being just one more that some schools and libraries ban. |
| You know I love history and believe learning from the past helps us understand the present and shape the future. What I don’t understand is banning books that “dare” to explore controversial issues. That’s why even books that I may disagree with, or think are awful (in terms of subject matter, not the writing itself), are so important. They reflect the issues, the challenges, the beliefs of what we’re facing as a society. |
| What I find so infuriating is that educators, or more specifically, state agencies and school boards, talk about the need for students to develop critical thinking skills.Yet, they want to ban books that might actually teach them to think critically. And, independently. In an environment that could also teach them about differing perspectives. |
| It’s almost as if educators are against education. Or maybe it’s just that they’re afraid students might learn something that doesn’t fit their own agenda. I hate to say this about the education world, but every day it seems to become more and more political. |
| That is an understatement. Do you remember the confirmation hearings for Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, when Ted Cruz asked her about the “Antiracist Baby” book? |
| Yes. At the time, I couldn’t figure out why he was making such a big deal of a book written for young children. From what little I knew about it, the premise is that no one’s born a racist; it’s something you learn. I can’t imagine having an issue with that. |
| He was pressing her on issues of racism and the teaching of critical race theory, which is a very controversial topic. Taking issue that she was on the Board of Trustees at a private school that teaches from the book and phrasing it to insinuate that babies are being taught to be racists. |
| Huh? That sounds like he twisted the words to try and make her look bad. But I admit I haven’t read the book. |
| I did. I, like many other people, immediately ordered it. (Cruz’s tirade made it an Amazon bestseller.) It is a beautifully illustrated book that poses nine simple questions to start conversations about racism. I know it is a children’s book, but I think it should be required reading in all schools. And, by all school boards. And, for any grownups who think racism is wrong and want to do something about it. |
| Well, I think it would be more likely to end up on a “banned book” list than required reading. Unfortunately, I’m sure there are lots of books we read growing up that are no longer taught in some schools. |
| “To Kill A Mockingbird” ended up being one of my all-time favorite books, but it has become very controversial. However, I was probably focused on Atticus’s legal maneuvering and Scout questioning authority versus the racist issues. |
| Gee, what a surprise. To be honest, I wasn’t a fan of the story, although I know it’s a classic. And won a Pulitzer Prize back in 1961, before I was even born. I hate when things are taken out of context. Instead of discussing the book’s message and looking at it in the light of people’s beliefs at the time and discussing how beliefs have (or have not) changed, they act as if it’s being written today. |
| The supposed logic about banning it was that it had strong language, including the n-word, and the discussion of sexuality and rape. Interestingly, they sidestepped the most obvious topic – racism. Which begs the question, “Why?” Unless, of course, you have something to hide. |
| It’s a very dangerous climate we’re living in, and I’m not talking about climate change. About six months ago, I watched the original (1966) version of the movie “Fahrenheit 451” which takes place in the not-so-distant future where books and intellectual thought are illegal. And I thought how back then I’d have considered it science fiction, but now I wonder if it’s a forecast of things to come. |
| To some extent, you do not have to outlaw intellectual thought. Social media and biased-media are doing their best to stop it, which is why news literacy is more important than ever. But, the banning of books as a way to control not only what students think, but to prevent them from learning to question and discuss beliefs different from their own, and then make their own decisions, is not only scary, but dangerous. |
| This conversation started with me simply asking if you’ve seen “The Handmaid’s Tale.” But somehow, you turned it into a discussion about the banning of books and what we teach in school. All I now know is that I’d like to bury my head in the sand. |
| Being an ostrich is the opposite of what you should do. All these fictional stories, whether movies, television series, or books, have people that stand up for what they believe is right. So, why not be both entertained and inspired? |
| So, you’re telling me I need to speak up and speak out? |
| And, hope one day we have enough of a following that someone wants to ban Red & Black. |
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.
| Thanks for the accounting of your garage sale. But, given how many hours you spent preparing for it, and then the actual sale itself, did you calculate how much you “earned” on a $/hour basis? |
| No, all I know is that it seemed to take forever to go through everything in Mom’s house and decide what to keep, what to sell, what to donate. And what to trash. As far as the garage sale, I’ll give you your half the next time I see you. |
| Keep my half. You did all the work. I did not even offer to help. |
| And that was a big help. Thank you. |
| Obviously, you must be exhausted because you are making no sense. |
| Sorry, but I have a specific way of running garage sales, and the last thing I needed was another “cook in the kitchen”. |
| Not a good analogy as “cook” is a four-letter word that I do not use. |
| Cute. But seriously, I knew if I had asked you to help, you would’ve. But I can only imagine how you’d have reacted when you first saw all the stuff for sale. Especially as I treat garage sales as a way to get rid of items that I know have very little value. I’m not trying to maximize the money I make; I’m just trying to make the stuff “go away”. In fact, I don’t even put prices on them. |
| That all makes sense. Except for not having everything pre-priced. That would drive me crazy. How do you know what to charge people? |
| It’s an experience thing and another reason why I didn’t ask you to help. I have a sense of prices, but not something I could quantify in advance. When someone arrives, I tell them that everything’s cheap and give them an example. They usually look at me like, “Wow, she means it.” And then I tell them to collect what they want and that I promise to give them a good price. And I do. |
| Is that why you and Mom never had joint garage sales? I cannot imagine she would let you determine prices on the spot. |
| Actually, she’s the one who “taught” me not to price things. That if someone picks up something or you see them looking at it, they’re interested. And that’s all you need to know. Where we differed was in how much to charge. To her, it was fun, but also a way to make money. To me, a garage sale isn’t my retirement account. It’s my way to get rid of stuff, especially big, bulky stuff. |
| In other words, people are paying you to haul off your trash. Or, save you trips taking stuff to your local thrift stores. |
| Exactly. Although I still take a lot of items to thrift stores that would probably sell for a decent price at a garage sale because I believe in what they’re doing, and I know that my donations make a difference. But I forgot how fun a garage sale can be, meeting people and laughing, just making connections, and knowing that someone will now enjoy and/or use your things. Or, in this case, Mom’s things. |
| Is there a particular age group that came to your garage sale? |
| It was truly a mix of people. Not counting the kids tagging along with their parents, which reminded me of when the girls would set up a lemonade stand to benefit Make-A-Wish at my garage sales years ago, they ranged from 20-somethings to senior citizens. But I’m almost afraid to ask why you asked. |
| I will not get into studies and statistics, but younger people are really into the environment and reusing older things, especially clothing (which is one of the three “new” R’s – reduce – reuse – recycle). So, garage sales, along with thrift stores, are becoming more popular than ever. |
| I love it! And the idea of so many of Mom’s things, now that she’s passed, will get to live on and be enjoyed by others. |
| At the risk of sounding like a MasterCard commercial, there are some things that money cannot buy. Like sentimental value and fond memories. |
| I know. Which is why the process of sorting everything was so time-consuming. Interestingly, when that came up in conversation during the garage sale, so many people could relate and then shared their own stories. It was as if they wanted me to know that Mom’s things were getting a good home. |
| Well, if you add that to the cash you made, it sounds like a very successful garage sale. Hopefully, the next sale, being an estate sale with larger and higher-priced items, will be as successful. And, although I tried to get you to use a professional “estate sale” company that would do everything for you, I am beginning to understand why you decided to do it yourself. |
| The hardest part was culling and organizing, and there was no way I’d let strangers go through all of Mom’s things. And the internet makes “advertising” the sale and posting items online very easy. All-in-all, there’s no reason we can’t do it ourselves. |
| We?! |
| Yes, because your ability to combine photos into a single image and correct my grammar is important. But your spreadsheets will be critical. |
| Now, that I can do. |