Back in 2004, I met an older couple participating in a Ferrari rally, and after a deep conversation over a long lunch, they became dear friends. It was an event that would change my life in many ways, and several months later, shortly after my husband “surprised” me with a divorce, the husband sent me an email that so moved me that I put it in my “Blue Book”. (A Circa planner with a blue leather cover, hence the name, that includes not only my calendars but also a section with a few things I re-read on a regular basis.)
Last month, he passed away. I always made a point of letting them know that “Footprints” had become an important part of my life. They are words to live by. And, in honor of my dear friend, who is loved and missed, I want to share that email. With no edits … as we do not get to edit our lives …
In the spring of 1972 Sue and I had been married for 18 months and we were dissatisfied with our existence. After some serious soul searching we decided to make a radical change in our lives. Both of us had read a book by the author Louis Bromfield that rhapsodized about the joys of farm life. We were young and adventurous, and we did not realize that Mr. Bromfield was independently wealthy, he was in fact a famous Hollywood screenwriter and not even remotely dependent on farming for a living.
We sold all of the extras that we had accumulated such as our house, my AA Fuel Dragster, Dragster Trailer, and miscellaneous spare engine and associated parts, cashed in my life insurance and moved to a small farm in North Central Missouri twelve miles South of the community of Marshall. We had chosen that latitude carefully reasoning that the land around us needed to change as much as possible during the year if we were going to stay in one place all the time. Marshall, Missouri has four distinct and nearly equal seasons with a long Spring and Fall, a real contrast to the monotony of Houston, Texas. The first year of our Missouri residence we saw the temperature swing one hundred and thirty four degrees, from a high in late July of 106º to a low in January of 1973 of 28º below zero. The land changed around us indeed.
One of my real surprises was learning how much I liked cold weather. I had never really lived anywhere where it snowed very often. I was delighted when we had snows during the night that formed ice crystals in the surface so that when the sun came up in the morning the snow sparkled as if there there was a diamond studded white blanket draped across the fields.
One morning in that first winter I left the house early while I was waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. It had snowed about six inches during the night but dawn broke on a cloudless sky with the blue that only a cold clear morning sky has. I wandered with the rising sun at my back to the top of the closest ridge. When I reached the crest I could see before me a gently undulating pristine white scene with only the sounds of the early morning birds to keep me company. It was a glorious day.
After a few moments I turned to leave and there in the otherwise unbroken white lay a path of solitary footprints. Dumbstruck I realized that I was looking at a metaphor for my life, that each step that I had ever taken led precisely to where I was standing. I turned back around and looked at the future, unmarked waiting for my next footprint and I had an epiphany. If I wanted the footprints of the future to go in a certain direction, or to have a particular shape then it was up to me to make each individual step count. The footprints of the future would leave a history of my choices. That morning in the snow my life changed and I started the footprints that surely lead to where I am standing now.
In time I came to understand that each footprint was necessary to help me reach this moving destination, each misstep, each stumble, each mistake and fall, each heartache and all the joys have made me into the man I am today.
I don't regret a single one.
Drive carefully my friend, the future is before you, the footprints of the past cannot be changed.
| So, how do you plan to explain how our WORDS & BANTER section is different from BANTER BITES? Although it often takes more than a "bite" of sisterly banter to address topics, especially since we always seem to have very different perspectives. | |
| You just explained it. | |
| Do you think we should mention how, on the surface, it may appear as a hodge-podge? An assortment of topics. Things that don’t fit “nice and neat” in specific categories. |
| Areyou describing WORDS & BANTER? Or, life? |
| I should've known that you'd answer my question with a question. | |
| How long have I been your sister? By now, you should be used to it. | |
| True. Just like you should be used to my blah-blah-blah. | |
| Which explains why we never have a shortage of words … or sisterly banter. | |
| That, and the fact that you always seem to have a different point of view or perspective on any given topic. | |
| We are sisters— not clones. | |
| Well, sometimes I think you’re a Vulcan. Anyway, should we mention that if they want a weekly dose of Red & Black banter and perspective, they should sign up for our newsletter at the bottom of this page? | |
| You just did. |
We love it when Passover, Good Friday, and Easter overlap. Yes, they’re very different celebrations, but they have a lot in common — tradition, history, family, and hope. And the post below is worth repeating, because we wish everyone could remember what we have in common instead of our differences …
| I can't tell you how much I love when Passover and Easter are close together. And this year, the last day of Passover falls on Easter! |
| They usually fall close to one another, and when the girls were young and celebrated everything (which many interfaith families do), it allowed me to be efficient in terms of gift-giving and celebration meals. |
| I'll never forget you adding fluffy Easter bunnies and pastel-colored eggs to a Zabar's basket of Passover goodies. But I wasn't really thinking about that. |
| Let me guess. You want to use this as an opportunity to remind me – once again – that the Comparative Religion class you took decades ago at Wake Forest University was one of the best classes you ever took. |
| Fine, make fun of me. But that class was such an eye-opener. Before it, I thought there were huge differences between the religions. But the reality's very different. We have much in common. |
| Yes, a belief in something bigger than us, in faith, in traditions, in celebrations that go back centuries. |
| Exactly! And while people might celebrate different holidays based on their religion, when those holidays come close together it's a perfect reminder of what's truly important. Our fundamental values are so similar. If everyone could see that, maybe we'd be pulling together more and be torn apart less. |
| It is up to each of us to decide whether we want to focus on our differences or our similarities. |
| At this point, I'd settle for respect, tolerance, and understanding. |
| You left out world peace. Well, given that Passover and Easter both celebrate history … and hope … maybe your request is reasonable after all. |
| In that case, whether our readers are eating the last of the matzo or hunting Easter eggs, I think we should wish them a very happy holiday… one filled with hope, happiness, and peace. |
| You just did. |
We’ve heard it all before — that cancer can impact any of us, that screenings matter, and that some serious cancers are impacting young people more than ever before. But those words can feel theoretical until something happens to grab our attention.
Last week, we got that stark reminder when James Van Der Beek, beloved by many from “Dawson’s Creek,” lost his battle with colorectal cancer at just 48 years old.
Which is why we’re rerunning this post … we know firsthand that early detection and screenings aren’t suggestions — they’re necessities.
| I know that cancer isn’t the “death sentence” it used to be when we were growing up, but it’s still a very scary word. Especially if it’s heard “close to home”. |
| When we were young, the word was rarely said. And if it was, it was whispered or referred to as the “c-word.” |
| Kind of like when I had my two miscarriages. No one wanted even to acknowledge, let alone talk about, them. Which made it all the more difficult to get through it, although intellectually, I knew it was not uncommon. |
| Unfortunately, neither is cancer. It is the second-leading cause of death in the world, surpassed only by heart disease. But, at least, it is no longer a taboo subject. |
| Please don’t make this about numbers. It’s about people. Which you should know. I’m sure you remember when Daddy was diagnosed with parotid gland cancer, which luckily was treatable. And I’ve had skin cancer, although I was very fortunate, it was caught early and easily treated. |
| OK, I will not quote statistics, but it is important to realize that although cancer affects many people, that is all the more reason to try and prevent it. Or, catch it early. |
| Very early. I’m not sure I ever told you this, but when I had squamous cell carcinoma confirmed on my nose, it wasn’t because of an annual body screening. It was because I just thought something wasn’t right, even though I had gone to my family doctor and was told it wasn’t anything to worry about. |
| I thought you were always extremely conscientious about your annual cancer screenings, whether mammograms, Pap smears, or body checks. |
| The first two, absolutely, ever since I was in my 30s. But it was only when I went to a dermatologist to check my nose that I realized the importance of having full body screenings, too. Especially since redheads are more susceptible to skin cancer. So, yes, now I go on an annual basis, although it was on a six-month basis for several years after I had to have Mohs surgery. |
| Well, having routine cancer screenings, whether due to standard recommendations, because you think something is not right (after all, who knows your body better than you), or due to family history, has contributed to a decrease in cancer mortality rates. But, you do not want me to talk about numbers. |
| I don’t, but that’s great news! It just shows you how important it is to be proactive. |
| Exactly. And, as we learn more about cancer, we can adjust our lifestyles to lower the risk of getting cancer. For example, think of all the people who quit smoking to lower the risk of lung cancer. Of course, advances in medical treatment have made a huge difference. And, given my involvement with Make-A-Wish, I have watched with pure joy how the cancer death rate among kids and teens has dropped dramatically. |
| Wow, I had no idea! That really makes you stop and think, and makes me think about the cancer stories in movies and TV shows. And before you roll your eyes, and tell me my theater degree’s showing, it does make a difference when a subject like cancer is reflected in storylines. It lets audiences understand it on both an intellectual and emotional level. Which is very powerful. |
| It is. When you think of the movie “Love Story,” unless you read the book, you did not know that Ali McGraw’s character had leukemia. But, around the same time, here was a “made for TV” pseudo-documentary/movie, “Brian’s Song,” which is the first movie I can remember that talked about cancer. It made it an acceptable topic of discussion. |
| I’m impressed you remember those movies. There’ve been so many since then, not to mention celebrities who tell their cancer stories. But cancer being in the mainstream makes it so much easier to discuss. Not just as a society but personally, as I’ve taken advantage of those opportunities to talk with the girls about the importance of early detection, something Mommy never did with me. |
| It was a very different time. Cancer was a “bad” word and potentially a “death” sentence. Today, the future is brighter, but it needs to be part of routine conversations. |


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