Chapter 12: Desserts Spelled Backwards Is Stressed. And Vice Versa.

Red, a stay-at-home mom with two young daughters at the time, was always busy and focused on her girls and family life. Of course, life always has stressful events, and she was looking forward to the small "fun" one of getting a puppy. But she wasn't prepared for two "big" life events at the same time – her husband got fired and they'd have to move. And if that wasn't enough, she found herself taking on financial responsibilities, including learning about personal finances. So, to say she felt overwhelmed would be an understatement. And to say she was looking for sympathy from Black would be reasonable. But to say that she was unique because she was "stressed out" would be inaccurate. At some point, we all feel like we're dealing with a seemingly endless list of tasks and not enough hours to do everything, not to mention not having the energy or stamina. The reality is stress affects everyone, although it affects everyone differently.

P.S. – Years later, although Red knows that there are plenty of causes of stress (not to mention, what COVID-19 has done to everyone's stress level), she sometimes has a habit of thinking that her stress is "special". Yes, there might be some specific things that are "unique" to her (and Black would argue complicated by the fact she's warm-and-fuzzy), but as a single mom and the daughter of an elderly parent, there are issues many of us have to manage. Just like how many of us are feeling the joy – but also the stress – of the holidays. Of course, Black has helped her realize the value of finding "alone" time and exercising (although sometimes it requires taking an extra-long walk or a bike ride). But often, it's enough for Red to know that she's not alone in these feelings and remember that a busy life will be stressful at times, so finding balance is key.



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You OK?


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Yes. Why?

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You usually call me on Saturdays on your way to Weight Watchers, so I was wondering if something was wrong.


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Nothing wrong. But nothing right either. I was so exhausted this morning that I overslept and decided to ditch both Weight Watchers and my usual Saturday morning grocery run.


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Maybe you are coming down with Natasha's flu.


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No, I'm not sick. Unless you count that I'm sick of feeling tired all the time. Between Natasha being home with the flu last week, Nick being busy the past few days and so unable to help with Sawyer, and my feeling like I spent the entire week dealing with insurance, I feel totally wiped out. I'd love to crawl back into bed, but that will never happen.


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Look on the bright side — you survived the week.


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Gee, thanks. But what about next week? We close on the new house on Wednesday morning and that night the puppy (which seemed like a great idea when you and I ordered her last summer) arrives from Australia. Just in time to be underfoot while I'm trying to pack and move. My life is insane!


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Not really, just busy.

Chapter 18: Whine Or Lemonade? Your Choice

In the midst of Red’s financial crisis, when her focus seemed to be on every little penny, Black helped her look at money realistically and honestly (it only took Red 40+ years to do that). Black also made her see the need to be honest with yourself about what truly makes you happy. But the last thing Red ever expected was to learn that Black had paid for half a Ferrari engine without telling her (millionaire!) husband. Although she didn’t want to think about how much it cost, Red couldn’t help but wonder how important it must’ve been to her sister if she secretly paid for it herself. Especially given how “public” she was about her extensive (and expensive) handbag and shoe collections.

P.S. – Years later, Red still rolls her eyes when she thinks about the conversation. And even though she’s gotten over the shock, she still finds it sad that Black couldn’t talk about money with her husband. Especially because Black was the one that helped Red realize that whether you’re worth millions or living paycheck to paycheck, being able to have open, honest conversations about money is critical if you want a successful and happy partnership.



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What are you doing online?


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Checking e-mails before dinner. And you?


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Same same.


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Can I ask you a question?


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Chapter 15: I Need A Warning System

Typically, when Red asked Black questions, she received questions in return. Or flippant comments. When Red asked her about charity, and specifically Make-A-Wish, she got straight answers, and that alone got Red’s attention. Before this conversation, Red thought her sister’s involvement with Make-A-Wish was very generous, both of her time and her money, but attributed much of it to the fact she had surpluses of both in her life. But once Black made her realize that her involvement went back to her corporate life, years when she might have had spare money but was working ridiculous hours, Red gained a new respect for Black’s commitment. But when Black said how it had become her “reality check” on life, Red began to understand that we all need something to help us remember what’s genuinely important.

P.S. – Charity and helping others remain an important part of our lives (and, much to the chagrin of our accountants and attorneys, drive much of our work in the education and criminal justice worlds). Black’s long-time commitment to Make-A-Wish set an example for Red’s daughters when they were growing up, and made them aware of how important it is to not only appreciate what you have but to think of others. And whether it’s an ongoing commitment to a single organization, helping various charities throughout the year, celebrating targeted donation days (such as #GivingTuesday or World Wish Day), or when specific natural disasters or humanitarian needs require immediate aid, charitable giving (whether money or time) – can make all the difference. Not only to the recipient, but as Black pointed out to Red all those years ago, for yourself.



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I’m curious about something, though. As children, we were never exposed to charity, so what got you involved with Make-A-Wish? Even Natasha has asked me about Make-A-Wish, because she has seen the kids’ artwork at your house and recognizes the logo from seeing it on your race car.
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Chapter 10: So You Think Staying At Home Isn’t A Full-Time Job?

Even before Red’s husband was fired, she had a lot on her plate. But, in reality, probably no more than any other mom, daughter, and wife, who are often (or should that be “usually”) at the center of everything, with their lives being a combination of chauffeur, referee, nurse, cook, friend, and an assortment of other “hats”. And while it can be very rewarding and gratifying knowing that so many people count on you, it can also be overwhelming, not to mention just plain stressful.

P.S. – Even today, Black’s perspective on being a full-time mom (as a stepmom, she considered herself a part-time mom, although she knew that was an important role) still makes Red smile. And while years ago she might have wished she was just a little less needed, now that her girls are older, it makes her a little sad and very nostalgic.



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Another early morning?


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Yes! Now that I did the Sunday night review, I can see how you wake up on Monday mornings ready to tackle the week. Except today is Presidents’ Day and so Natasha’s home from school.


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Anything special planned?


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Why do I have to have something special planned? In fact, why do I have to be the one who does all the planning?


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Sorry I asked …
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