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Where did January go? Every day feels like Groundhog Day, but yet the months are flying by! Our January column was about "resets" instead of resolutions, so maybe we could expand on that and talk about self-improvement. |
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Instead of love, hearts, and Valentine's Day? Works for me. |
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Maybe we can tie the two concepts together – become a better person as a Valentine's Day gift to yourself? |
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Instead of looking at what needs improvement, what about learning to love – and accept – yourself? |
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That sounds rather arrogant, as I think it's safe to say that most of us could use some improvement. |
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Agree, but that puts the focus on what is wrong with us versus what is right. |
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Interesting thought, especially as I suspect that most of us underestimate, and undervalue, all the positive things we do. It's just so easy to get caught up in the "how to be better" mindset. Which can be overwhelming, as it becomes just one more thing you feel you need to do. |
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And, can set you up for failure versus success. Plus, everyone's personal circumstances are different, which is why I am suggesting self-acceptance versus comparing yourself to some other "ideal". Focus on positive traits. Then, build on those. |
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I like that! Especially since building on something you already do will probably take less time than trying to change and, let's face it, lately it seems that time's flying by even more quickly than usual. |
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Someone once told me, "The older you get, the quicker time flies." Which means we must use it wisely. Especially since none of us knows how much time we have left. |
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I know you're pragmatic, but that was painfully blunt. Especially given what's going on with the pandemic. In the past, most people preferred not to think about death, but now, at the risk of sounding dramatic, it's all around us and has touched so many people. It's so incredibly tragic. |
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Having loved ones die, especially untimely deaths, can have a powerful impact. Which is what happened to me growing up. It made me realize that the future is not a guarantee, but merely an incentive. And that, in turn, had a direct impact on my priorities. And, how I approach life. |
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I remember you telling me that. It certainly explained a lot of things, like what appeared to be your "devil-may-care" attitude. It helped me realize that a lot of your decisions, and actions, were based on your unusual perspective. I guess you can say that you live life based on your experience with death. |
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To some extent, but I see the bigger influence being how I want to be remembered at my funeral. |
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I'm not sure I even want to have this conversation, but I'll admit I'm curious. So, do you care to explain that remark?! |
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I believe you should live your life not concerned about what people think and say about you when you are alive. But instead, what they will say about you once you are gone. |
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Why would you care if you're no longer around? |
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By then, what you say you are going to do is a moot point. All that is left are your actions. And, they will speak louder than words. What did you do? Who did you help? Did you try to make a difference? |
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That's a very interesting attitude for someone who doesn't seem to care what people say about you when you're alive! |
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Is it? When people talk about the living, many focus on gossip and/or perceptions. People look at isolated incidents. Recent events or actions. However, when you remember those who are no longer here, you may have specific memories that stand out, but you remember the person. And, what they stood for. You remember them in terms of the life they lived. |
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You're right. Almost every night, Wolf Blitzer on CNN takes the last few minutes to memorialize victims of COVID-19 and he talks about the life they lived. I don't even know them, but it makes me realize how everyone can be special. And the ripple effect everyone has on the lives they've touched. |
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Do you remember the conversation we had years ago when we were returning from Cousin Frankie's funeral? We talked about all the incredible things that everyone was saying about him. |
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Absolutely! We weren't close to Frankie, but we learned so much about him by what other people said. He touched so many lives. I remember thinking that, in a strange way, knowing that helped comfort Aunt Maxine and Uncle Connie. |
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I remember the recurring sentiment was that he always let his family and friends know that he loved them. |
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Yes, I remember that, too. Since his death was so untimely and unexpected, that was such an amazing gift that he left the people he loved. |
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One of the greatest gifts you can give the people you love is to let them know that you love them. Especially because you never know if that will be the last chance you have to let them know how you feel. |
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So true. Which is one of the reasons that Valentine's Day drives me crazy. Although I love getting cards and flowers, I don't think that you should need a holiday or special occasion to prompt these things. Do you really need Hallmark and your local florist to tell you that you should be saying, "I Love You"? |
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Somehow, I do not think you want to discuss the business aspects of holidays. But you, of all people, understand how easy it is to get wrapped up in day-to-day living. Sometimes we need a reminder to make us stop and focus on what is truly important. Why not use Valentine's Day as an opportunity to stock up on "I love you" cards and then use them all year long? Obviously, Post-it notes, phone messages, or text messages work just as well. There is much truth to the cliché, "It is the thought that counts." |
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So, does that mean you do or don't want me and the girls to send you a card on Valentine's Day? |
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Whatever makes you happy. Just promise if you get me a card, it will not be one of those drippy sweet ones. If you really love me, make sure it is sarcastic. And, the more sarcastic – the better. |
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.
| This past weekend, I noticed a bunch of flags on my street and wondered why since July 4th is still almost a month away. But this morning, I learned that today's Flag Day. |
| Well, for someone who likes to decorate for the holidays, I would have thought you would have known all about it. |
| I've heard of it, but I never really thought much about it, let alone when it is. I knew it had to do with the American flag, but it surprised me that it has nothing to do with Betsy Ross, which legend has made the first flag, although it seems there's no evidence to support that. |
| If you want an interesting "story", read about why the American flag is called Old Glory. Regardless, the American flag, like all flags, communicates a message. |
| I know you like to connect odd dots, but only you would see a connection between flags and communications. |
| Not really. In the case of the American flag, they needed something to communicate a new nation fighting for its freedom. But remember when I gave Natasha a set of racing flags years ago? |
| How could I forget? It was a very difficult and challenging time. And although you had already made me realize that different people like to communicate differently, the problem with Natasha wasn't so much how to communicate with her as figuring out when. We were frustrated and walking around on eggshells because we never knew when she was in a good mood or a bad mood, when it was safe to talk to her, and when she needed to be left alone. |
| Sometimes flags are the perfect way to communicate a message when words are not an option. |
| Leave it to you to use racing flags to solve what seemed like an impossible situation in a way that was not only clever but appealed to her because of her love of cars and racing. And we know where she got that from! |
| It just seemed logical. As did the cheat sheet where I basically "translated" the racing meanings of the different color flags for your use. For example, in racing, a green flag can either be the start of a race, a re-start, or just displayed to communicate safe racing. With Natasha, it would mean it was "safe" to talk to her. In racing, a yellow flag means caution and to slow down, which needs no further explanation. |
| I remember her telling me, quite emphatically, that a black flag means "Go away." Which made me laugh because it just seemed so, well, appropriate, given that's something I could see you saying. |
| On the track, it means to go to the pits, usually because you are in trouble. So, I cannot argue with your comment about it being appropriate for me. But, keep in mind that a red flag means to "Stop!" |
| I can't believe that Sawyer's graduated from high school and will be off to college in a few months. It's so bittersweet. Especially as it seems like only yesterday you were bringing me dinner in the hospital the day she was born – it was wedding soup from my favorite Italian restaurant. |
| Well, since that has now become one of her favorite restaurants, that is where we should go to celebrate the start of her exciting new journey. |
| Exciting is an understatement. As soon as she finished her Zoom session with the orientation team at Belmont University, she came downstairs and talked a mile a minute about all the incredible course offerings, and before I knew it, she opened her laptop and was going through everything with me. |
| When she showed it to me, I was impressed by the range of courses available, and it made me want to go back to college. But, I was most impressed by her enthusiasm and commitment to opening herself up to opportunities that she might not have previously considered. |
| I know! For years, starting when we taught at KIPP Houston High School, you've told students that college was a step-along-the-way, not a destination. And the perfect opportunity to try new things. |
| I also said, "Homework never ends; it just is called 'research' when you get older." |
| Yes, although they didn't like hearing that. Most people think that once you walk across the stage to get your diploma, you're done. But I found out the hard way that learning never ends. And it wasn't until I was 40+ years old! |
| And, unlike when you were in school and wanted to learn, you initially resisted learning anything new. You created mental roadblocks and were your own worst enemy. |
| Fine. I didn't think I could "do" personal finance until you made me try. And although I may not like doing it, it was truly a life lesson. And not just for me, but for Natasha and Sawyer, as I was able to share what I learned with them. |
| You may not have proactively wanted to become a lifelong learner, but sometimes you have no choice. For example, when you resigned yourself to get over your resistance to technology. And, FYI, "learning to adapt" is a great skill to have. |
| I'm not sure I'd call it a skill so much as the fear of you giving me grief for not "getting over it". Like a few weeks ago, when I was on my iPad and "fell off" of our Zoom business meeting. I just wanted to let you continue and update me later rather than figure out how to rejoin the meeting on my computer, but I knew that wasn't an option. |
| You figured it out, and quicker than I expected. Zoom meetings are an excellent example of how the pandemic has forced people to learn new things. Research shows that people who are adaptable, who are willing to learn new things, who embrace change are ultimately the most successful. |
| I don't know if you're talking personally, or in the workplace, or both, but I've never thought of "being adaptable" as a skill. But it makes sense since none of us knows what the future will look like. After all, if someone had told me when Natasha was born that one day, I'd be on a video "phone call" with her on another continent using a computer I could hold in my hand, I'd have thought they were crazy – not only about the technology but about my ability to use the technology. |
| Exactly. School can only teach you what is known at the time. After that, you are on your own. Although I find it ironic that educators stress the need to develop lifelong learners, yet the education "system" still does things the way they have always been done. Sounds like, "Do as I say – not what I do." Regardless, I believe a critical part of learning comes from trying new things, taking chances, and even failing, as long as you learn from your mistakes. |
| As a mom, letting your children "fail" goes against your instincts to protect them, although conceptually, I understand that sometimes that's the only way to learn. Plus, as much as I'd like to tell them what to do, if I do, they'll never learn to make their own decisions. I know I'll miss Sawyer a lot when she goes off to college, just as I did when Natasha moved abroad. But I also know that she'll be learning more than what's taught in the classroom as she'll be learning how to live away from home. |
| Yes, there are many things to be learned from living life … they are called "life lessons" for a reason. But, like learning anything else new, you need to be open to the concept. |
| Easier said than done! Unlike you, who approaches everything with a positive mindset and a love of learning, us "mere mortals" find that learning new things isn't always easy and can be uncomfortable. |
| That is where you have to find the right motivation – whether it is to improve aspects of your personal life, advance your career, or just make life more interesting without necessarily having a specific objective. |
| That's how Sawyer's approaching her academic "life" at college – open to learning new things and going in new directions. Unfortunately, that's something that often gets lost or put to the side once we leave school. Unless we're forced into it. |
| Whether proactive or reactive, it does not change the fact that you are never too young or too old to be a lifelong learner. |
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.
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I know I can just search on "Monthly Columns" or scroll through the Words & Banter section page, but I wish there was a list of our columns to make it even easier. |
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You and your lists. |
Since Red wanted a list of our most recent columns, here it is:
- RED & BLACK ... Live & Learn (June)
- RED & BLACK ... A Summer Rerun? (May)
- RED & BLACK … Royalty & Relevance (April)
- RED & BLACK ... Don't Regret Your Regrets? (March)
- RED & BLACK ... A Year-Round Valentine (February)
- RED & BLACK ... 2021 – A New Normal (January)
- RED & BLACK ... Stop. Think. Enjoy. (December)
- RED & BLACK ... What Would The Pilgrims Do? (November)
- RED & BLACK ... A Statesman vs. A Showman (October)
- RED & BLACK ... Going Back To School (September)
- RED & BLACK ... An Extreme Summer (August)
- RED & BLACK … A Time For Independence (July)
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