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Where did January go? Every day feels like Groundhog Day, but yet the months are flying by! Our January column was about "resets" instead of resolutions, so maybe we could expand on that and talk about self-improvement. |
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Instead of love, hearts, and Valentine's Day? Works for me. |
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Maybe we can tie the two concepts together – become a better person as a Valentine's Day gift to yourself? |
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Instead of looking at what needs improvement, what about learning to love – and accept – yourself? |
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That sounds rather arrogant, as I think it's safe to say that most of us could use some improvement. |
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Agree, but that puts the focus on what is wrong with us versus what is right. |
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Interesting thought, especially as I suspect that most of us underestimate, and undervalue, all the positive things we do. It's just so easy to get caught up in the "how to be better" mindset. Which can be overwhelming, as it becomes just one more thing you feel you need to do. |
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And, can set you up for failure versus success. Plus, everyone's personal circumstances are different, which is why I am suggesting self-acceptance versus comparing yourself to some other "ideal". Focus on positive traits. Then, build on those. |
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I like that! Especially since building on something you already do will probably take less time than trying to change and, let's face it, lately it seems that time's flying by even more quickly than usual. |
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Someone once told me, "The older you get, the quicker time flies." Which means we must use it wisely. Especially since none of us knows how much time we have left. |
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I know you're pragmatic, but that was painfully blunt. Especially given what's going on with the pandemic. In the past, most people preferred not to think about death, but now, at the risk of sounding dramatic, it's all around us and has touched so many people. It's so incredibly tragic. |
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Having loved ones die, especially untimely deaths, can have a powerful impact. Which is what happened to me growing up. It made me realize that the future is not a guarantee, but merely an incentive. And that, in turn, had a direct impact on my priorities. And, how I approach life. |
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I remember you telling me that. It certainly explained a lot of things, like what appeared to be your "devil-may-care" attitude. It helped me realize that a lot of your decisions, and actions, were based on your unusual perspective. I guess you can say that you live life based on your experience with death. |
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To some extent, but I see the bigger influence being how I want to be remembered at my funeral. |
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I'm not sure I even want to have this conversation, but I'll admit I'm curious. So, do you care to explain that remark?! |
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I believe you should live your life not concerned about what people think and say about you when you are alive. But instead, what they will say about you once you are gone. |
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Why would you care if you're no longer around? |
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By then, what you say you are going to do is a moot point. All that is left are your actions. And, they will speak louder than words. What did you do? Who did you help? Did you try to make a difference? |
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That's a very interesting attitude for someone who doesn't seem to care what people say about you when you're alive! |
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Is it? When people talk about the living, many focus on gossip and/or perceptions. People look at isolated incidents. Recent events or actions. However, when you remember those who are no longer here, you may have specific memories that stand out, but you remember the person. And, what they stood for. You remember them in terms of the life they lived. |
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You're right. Almost every night, Wolf Blitzer on CNN takes the last few minutes to memorialize victims of COVID-19 and he talks about the life they lived. I don't even know them, but it makes me realize how everyone can be special. And the ripple effect everyone has on the lives they've touched. |
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Do you remember the conversation we had years ago when we were returning from Cousin Frankie's funeral? We talked about all the incredible things that everyone was saying about him. |
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Absolutely! We weren't close to Frankie, but we learned so much about him by what other people said. He touched so many lives. I remember thinking that, in a strange way, knowing that helped comfort Aunt Maxine and Uncle Connie. |
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I remember the recurring sentiment was that he always let his family and friends know that he loved them. |
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Yes, I remember that, too. Since his death was so untimely and unexpected, that was such an amazing gift that he left the people he loved. |
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One of the greatest gifts you can give the people you love is to let them know that you love them. Especially because you never know if that will be the last chance you have to let them know how you feel. |
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So true. Which is one of the reasons that Valentine's Day drives me crazy. Although I love getting cards and flowers, I don't think that you should need a holiday or special occasion to prompt these things. Do you really need Hallmark and your local florist to tell you that you should be saying, "I Love You"? |
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Somehow, I do not think you want to discuss the business aspects of holidays. But you, of all people, understand how easy it is to get wrapped up in day-to-day living. Sometimes we need a reminder to make us stop and focus on what is truly important. Why not use Valentine's Day as an opportunity to stock up on "I love you" cards and then use them all year long? Obviously, Post-it notes, phone messages, or text messages work just as well. There is much truth to the cliché, "It is the thought that counts." |
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So, does that mean you do or don't want me and the girls to send you a card on Valentine's Day? |
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Whatever makes you happy. Just promise if you get me a card, it will not be one of those drippy sweet ones. If you really love me, make sure it is sarcastic. And, the more sarcastic – the better. |
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| Well, it’s our first column of the year. A new beginning. Any “new” ideas for topics? Something other than New Year’s resolutions. |
| Is there a reason you do not want to talk about resolutions? |
| Obviously, yours was not to ask fewer questions. |
| That will never happen, but you are avoiding the question. Why? |
| Because every year, I have a long list of things I want to do, and I start strong, but within a few months, I fall back into old habits. Sometimes it only takes weeks. It’s frustrating and disappointing. |
| Next question. What is the opposite of “old?" |
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| I want to say, “New,” but this is clearly one of your trick questions. |
| ”New” would technically be correct … but, so is “current.” Most people think of resolutions as total overhauls, which has never made sense to me. Instead of major change, which is rarely a realistic goal, why not focus on improving and doing things better? |
| Now that’s an interesting thought, especially as Sawyer said to me, mere minutes into the new year, that one of her resolutions was to build on last year’s goals at the gym. So, for me, instead of using that dreaded word “diet,” I could just focus on eating better. |
| “Dieting” is focused on weight loss, but eating better is about healthy choices. It may sound like a nuance, but it is a different mindset. |
| All I know is phrasing it that way already takes the pressure off. And since I love fruit and salads, it’d be easier to think about using them as substitutes vs. trying to give up the “bad stuff”. |
| Exactly. Keep what you are doing that is good and get rid of – or at least reduce – what is not so good. |
| I find it interesting that you said “not so good” instead of “bad.” I
like that. It puts the focus on the good. Which is a good
idea! Pun intended. |
| And, that applies to everything … not just eating habits. |
| Well, it’s too bad that everyone doesn’t focus on the good. There’s so much negativity everywhere. You turn on the news, and that’s all you hear. You pick up the newspaper, and that’s all you see. And to make matters worse, I often feel like the media’s stirring the pot. |
| Good thing you are not on social media. It is even worse there. |
| I’d like to think people want good news, but I feel like you have to
search for those stories. For example, I get CNN headlines on my phone,
and there’s usually one or two “feel good” stories, but they’re typically buried
at the bottom. |
| Without boring you with studies and statistics, although people say they prefer stories with a “positive” message, they are drawn to “negative” stories. And, since the news media is big business, it gives audiences what they want. Maybe you should change your newsfeed to Axios, as I find its stories are not only factual, but have a human element as they explain “why” the information is important. Regardless, nothing requires you to keep up with all the news. |
| Usually it’s just background noise while I’m doing other things. But when Mom passed in mid-December, I stopped watching the news and have barely looked at the headlines on my phone. It started with me feeling like I didn’t need to hear anything negative going on in the world while I was dealing with my grief. And then I decided I didn’t miss all the negative news and preferred to focus on positive things. |
| Imagine if everyone took that same approach. Focusing on positive things, not negative. The difference it could make – not only to us individually but to society as a whole. |
| Do you think, in today’s world where people are so quick to criticize and find the negative, that’s even possible? |
| You tell me. After “divorcing” yourself from the news, have you noticed any change in your behavior toward others? |
| Yes, but it also might be because Mom’s passing has made me overly sensitive. However, I’ve found myself having more patience with other people. Places where I sometimes can be impatient – the grocery store, the gas station, etc. |
| You get impatient with people? So, you are not always warm and fuzzy? |
| Very funny. But if you’ll let me
finish ... instead of ignoring people and/or muttering to myself that they
were in my way or moving slowly or whatever, I’ve been giving people more “time”.
I make a point of trying to smile or
making a friendly comment. And almost everyone
has responded in a positive way. |
| Kindness can be contagious. So, maybe you should add that to your list of New Year’s resolutions. As I already said, resolutions do not have to be major overhauls, they are about improving and doing things better. |
| So, what do you plan to do better in the New Year? Work on your sarcasm, perhaps? |
| Actually, I have been told I already do that well. But, I guess there is always room for improvement … |
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