| Why does everything have to be such a struggle? Even a simple phone call to a doctor’s office. I don’t know whether it’s because I’m tired or getting older, but I just don’t have the time or the patience for this. |
| Me, neither. |
| Do you mean this conversation? Or are you agreeing with me? Which, although nice, doesn’t make sense, as you don’t even know what happened. |
red head
assets.rebelmouse.io
Black
assets.rebelmouse.io
| I listened to what you said and suspect something that should have been simple became a production. I do not need the specifics to understand the concept. |
| Well, at least you’re listening. Which is part of the problem. |
| OK, now I need more information. |
| I used to think that the phone systems where you call a company and get automated prompts were the worst thing imaginable, as I wanted to speak to a human. Now I’m not so sure. |
| Yes, they can be very time-consuming and frustrating, but there are ways to bypass the system. |
| Thanks, but the problem started once I reached a real person. I don’t think people listen anymore. |
| I agree with that, too. Or, maybe you do not get to the point quickly enough. |
| Fine. A few months ago, I got a bill for my annual physical, and it included an item I shouldn’t have been billed for. But it was during the holiday season, so I got busy with other things. About a month later, I called the office, and after spending quite a bit of time going over everything, I thought it was resolved. |
| Let me guess; it was not. |
| Not even close. I received a letter from a credit collection agency! Which led to having to start all over again with a different person in the doctor’s office. Hopefully, it has been resolved this time, and I’ll get a corrected invoice, not a second letter from the collection agency. |
| You do realize you could have paid the uncontested amount at the start. And, FYI, the collection process is probably another automated system the doctor’s office uses. |
| I was looking for sympathy, not advice, but I should’ve known better. Anyway, the whole thing is ironic. I know that I’m always saying that with everything being automated these days, I want and miss dealing with people. And then it was people that created this problem. |
| Technically, technology and automation caused the problem. But, whoever handles “customer service” should have been able to fix it. This means businesses need employees who are knowledgeable, good communicators, and problem solvers. |
| At the risk of being old-fashioned, is it too much to want them to ask, “Can I help you?” and mean it? |
| “Can” means having the ability. And, is a separate question from “May I help you?” which reflects the desire the help. Both are required. |
| I’ll ignore the English lesson, but that’s what Home Depot does! They hire people who are knowledgeable about the products, and they’re always happy to help. In fact, they’ve often walked me clear across the store to help me find something. I remember trying to buy a new toilet, which somehow became complicated, but the store manager went above and beyond to make everything right. Bottom line, and this may sound crazy, but they take pride in helping customers. |
| That started at the top. It was how the company was built. They wanted to be a big business that offered the expertise and service of a small hardware store. When the chain first started, they stacked empty boxes on high shelves to give the illusion of being bigger than they were, but provided training for their employees to make sure they could help customers with most home repairs or improvements. |
| Impressive, but it must be expensive to train everyone. |
| It is an investment. And, reflects priorities. But, not all jobs require that level of training. It is about mindset and perspective. Each employee that interacts with a customer has the power to make the experience a good one or a bad one. Customer service should be more than a stand-alone department. |
| I remember when we were “teaching” at KIPP Houston High School, and you explained to the seniors that taking pride in how you do your job, regardless of what it is, doesn’t “cost” anything and doesn’t require special training. And is a great way to stand out in today’s workforce. |
| When I was in corporate, I told my employees the same thing. |
| Do you remember when you interrupted the manager’s meeting at the table next to ours at Pappadeaux’s Seafood Kitchen to say that same thing? I bet that was the last thing they expected to hear from a customer. |
| I could not help myself. Although it had been years – no, make that decades – since I worked at the Strawberry Patch, one of the Pappas’ first restaurants, I still remember the manager, Steve Sims, explaining that the hostess is the first employee the customer would meet and that they set the tone for either a great start or a bad experience. Each person, no matter what their job, is an important member of the team. It has stuck with me all these years. |
| What a powerful but simple lesson. However, I have a hard time picturing you working in a restaurant. |
| You would have an even tougher time if you saw the uniform I had to wear. Luckily, there are no pictures. |
| Are you sure? Maybe I should call their customer service. |
| Maybe you should not … |
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.
Since we first ran the conversation below, autism awareness has become more commonplace, but there’s a big difference between that and acceptance. (Which is why April is now Autism ACCEPTANCE Month.) Not to mention assumptions. Labels aside, don’t we all have something of value to contribute? Think about your different abilities (Black calls them “diff-abilities”), and you may find a new way to look at others, especially those with autism -- with respect, empathy, and a desire to better understand their situations, strengths, and challenges.
| Did you know that April's Autism Awareness Month? I wasn't aware (pun intended) of it until I read our local homeowner's monthly newsletter and it caught my eye. |
| Actually, last month the founding organization, the Autism Society, changed "Awareness "to "Acceptance" to foster inclusivity, as knowing about something is very different from accepting it. But I am guessing that is not the point of this call. |
| Although it isn't autism, it reminded me of years ago when we found out that Natasha has learning disabilities. |
| I think you mean DIFF-abilities. |
| Of course, that's another thing I remember. I was focused on the negative aspects of her diagnosis until you asked me, point-blank, "Why are they called disabilities?" And proceeded to explain that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. |
| Exactly! Imagine the world if everyone excelled at math, but flunked English. Or, a world of lawyers, but no musicians. Some people are better at social skills, while others excel at handling technical data. Why not just say that people who have different skillsets and abilities have DIFF-abilities versus making them feel like they have shortcomings? |
| I know that you completely changed my way of thinking, not only about Natasha but about the concept of "disabilities" full stop. It opened my eyes – and my brain – about how just because someone has challenges or limited abilities in some areas, that doesn't mean they don't have different gifts and strengths in other areas. |
| Exactly. Although autism is a "spectrum condition" meaning it affects people differently and to varying degrees, it is a complex developmental disorder that can affect a person's social skills, and ability to communicate and interact with others. However, autistic people usually possess some extremely valuable traits that are rare in non-autistic people. |
| Which is why it frustrates me that so many people feel like those with disabilities, excuse me DIFF-abilities, are "lesser" people. When Natasha was diagnosed, she was in her teens and already had a very strong personality (no doubt inherited from you) and, luckily, seemed to have an innate understanding that she was just different, not better, not worse, than others. I guess one of the biggest challenges is to get others to see things with the same mindset. |
| We are a story-telling society, and there are countless stories of people with DIFF-abilities, including those with autism, that are eye-opening and more powerful than anything we could ever say. |
| Funny you say that, as I was curious to learn more about autism and found some inspiring quotes (including a wonderful Tom Hanks clip) that not only gave me great insight but made me smile. One of my favorites was how Paul Collins, an author and parent of an autistic child, said, "Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg." That's such a great way to describe not only those with autism but any disability. |
| Well, technically, it will fit, but it requires that the diameter of the circle be larger than the diagonal of the square. Basic geometry. But, I understand Paul Collin's point. |
| Talk about DIFF-abilities! Couldn't you just agree with me? |
| The thought never crossed my mind. |
Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Ye Jinghan on Unsplash
We’ve all wanted a “second chance” at some point in our lives. A “do-over” for a mistake we made, a bad decision, or something that didn’t work out well. An opportunity to show (to ourselves and to others) that we learned our lesson.
Now imagine that second chance being life-changing. For many people who’ve found themselves on the wrong side of the law, a second chance might be all they need to turn their lives around. Which is why April was designated Second Chance Month and why we’re rerunning what changed Red’s perspective on second chances …
| I had no idea that April was “Second Chance Month” until you sent me the official proclamation. I find it interesting that in the midst of juggling our usual million and one Red & Black things, your interest in criminal justice, which I know you consider a “passion project”, is as strong as ever, maybe even stronger. |
| It is not intentional, sometimes “ passion projects” find you. And, when you least expect it. |
| Or where you least expect it! Only you would take a “field trip” to a men’s prison. |
| I will not get on my soapbox about how our education system contributes to the criminal justice problem. I will never forget a friend of mine who was formerly incarcerated telling me, “Rehabilitating people makes the assumption they were habilitated in the first place.” |
| When you stop and think about that statement, it’s pretty powerful! But I have to smile as once upon a time you, and I, used words like “offenders” and “prisoners” until we learned how our choice of words could be dehumanizing . |
| Says the woman who once believed in the idea of “lock ’em up and throw away the key”. |
Black
assets.rebelmouse.io
| That was before! I know you told me that just because someone made a bad decision, it didn’t make them a bad person, but it sounded like a cliche. Now, my opinion is based on our experience and the impact we’ve seen . The feedback has been eye-opening. Unfortunately, life doesn’t come with “do-overs.” |
| Exactly. None of us are perfect. We have all made bad decisions. Second chances are about opportunities to show we have learned from our mistakes. |
| Well, I know I have. Obviously, not anything illegal. But it made me determined to teach my daughters what I had learned. Probably one of the most heartwarming parts of the feedback we’ve received is that so many people on the inside want better – not only for themselves, but for their children and grandchildren. |
| Yes, which is why having a second chance is so critical. And, helping set people up for success, not failure, because it is about more than changing the lives of the formerly incarcerated -- it can change the lives of their families and, in turn, our communities and our country. |
| A ripple effect that could mean more people may get it right the first time and not need a second chance. |
| True. Maybe we should look at it as giving society a second chance … |
Image by filipefrazao on iStock
When you think of cancer, do you think that’s something only older people need to worry about?
Well, you’d be wrong because it’s alarming how many people under 50 are getting cancer. (Think Catherine, Princess of Wales.) And while the exact causes remain under investigation, what we do know is that early detection through cancer screenings is crucial.
It should be a priority for all of us (men and women) – and not only during Cancer Prevention Month but year-round.
| I know that cancer isn’t the “death sentence” it used to be when we were growing up, but it’s still a very scary word. Especially if it’s heard “close to home”. |
| When we were young, the word was rarely said. And if it was, it was whispered or referred to as the “ c-word.” |
| Kind of like when I had my two miscarriages. No one wanted even to acknowledge, let alone talk about, them. Which made it all the more difficult to get through it, although intellectually, I knew it was not uncommon. |
| Unfortunately, neither is cancer. It is the second-leading cause of death in the world, surpassed only by heart disease. But, at least, it is no longer a taboo subject. |
| Please don’t make this about numbers. It’s about people. Which you should know. I’m sure you remember when Daddy was diagnosed with parotid gland cancer , which luckily was treatable. And I’ve had skin cancer, although I was very fortunate, it was caught early and easily treated. |
| OK, I will not quote statistics, but it is important to realize that although cancer affects many people, that is all the more reason to try and prevent it. Or, catch it early. |
| Very early. I’m not sure I ever told you this, but when I had squamous cell carcinoma confirmed on my nose, it wasn’t because of an annual body screening. It was because I just thought something wasn’t right, even though I had gone to my family doctor and was told it wasn’t anything to worry about. |
| I thought you were always extremely conscientious about your annual cancer screenings, whether mammograms, Pap smears, or body checks. |
| The first two, absolutely, ever since I was in my 30s. But it was only when I went to a dermatologist to check my nose that I realized the importance of having full body screenings, too. Especially since redheads are more susceptible to skin cancer. So, yes, now I go on an annual basis, although it was on a six-month basis for several years after I had to have Mohs surgery . |
| Well, having routine cancer screenings, whether due to standard recommendations , because you think something is not right (after all, who knows your body better than you), or due to family history, has contributed to a decrease in cancer mortality rates . But, you do not want me to talk about numbers. |
| I don’t, but that’s great news! It just shows you how important it is to be proactive. |
| Exactly. And, as we learn more about cancer, we can adjust our lifestyles to lower the risk of getting cancer. For example, think of all the people who quit smoking to lower the risk of lung cancer. Of course, advances in medical treatment have made a huge difference. And, given my involvement with Make-A-Wish, I have watched with pure joy how the cancer death rate among kids and teens has dropped dramatically. |
| Wow, I had no idea! That really makes you stop and think, and makes me think about the cancer stories in movies and TV shows. And before you roll your eyes, and tell me my theater degree’s showing, it does make a difference when a subject like cancer is reflected in storylines. It lets audiences understand it on both an intellectual and emotional level. Which is very powerful. |
| It is. When you think of the movie “ Love Story,” unless you read the book, you did not know that Ali McGraw’s character had leukemia. But, around the same time, there was a “made for TV” pseudo-documentary/movie, “ Brian’s Song ,” which is the first movie I can remember that talked about cancer. It made it an acceptable topic of discussion. |
| I’m impressed you remember those movies. There’ve been so many since then, not to mention celebrities who tell their cancer stories. But cancer being in the mainstream makes it so much easier to discuss. Not just as a society but personally, as I’ve taken advantage of those opportunities to talk with the girls about the importance of early detection , something Mommy never did with me. |
| It was a very different time. Cancer was a “bad” word and potentially a “death” sentence. Today, the future is brighter, but it needs to be part of routine conversations. |