Sounds like a vicious circle – how do you get more women into decision-making and leadership positions if they're not already in decision-making and leadership positions?
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: Don't get us wrong, it's great that there's an International Women's Day, and we love this year's theme of "Women in Leadership."
But think about it. Is there an International Men's Day? And a theme of "Men in Leadership" would be redundant as most people in leadership and decision-making roles are already men. Although, it might make for an interesting Saturday Night Live skit.
But, when you look back over the last year, in our war against COVID-19, you'll see example after example of women in critical roles at the front lines but not as many women in leadership or policy-making roles as you'd hope and expect. So, we both think the International Women's Day 2021 theme – "Women in leadership: Achieving an equal future in a COVID-19 world" seems appropriate, although we wish it weren't necessary (for an assortment of obvious reasons). As Black explained to Red,
Going back decades, to my days in the male-dominated oil and gas industry, I have seen first-hand the social and systemic barriers to women in leadership roles, policy-making positions, and even in the decision-making process. But fast-forward to today. We should be past that. Especially when you realize the magnitude of the contributions made by women to help fight – and recover from – the pandemic.
Red couldn't agree more, but then reminded her sister that at the same time women have been contributing so much, they've also been facing more than their fair share of burdens … made worse (sometimes to the extent of being life-threatening) because of COVID-19. Not only (unpaid) caretaking, unemployment, and poverty, but also increased domestic violence and mental health issues.
In writing this post, we both realized …
International Women's Day belongs to us all. And what could be a better way to make a positive difference and honor the theme of "Women In Leadership" than a personal pledge by every woman, of all ages, to be a leader in their daily lives and help other women? Whether in the workplace or at home. Whether our daughters (and nieces), our mothers, our sisters, our friends, our co-workers, or even strangers in our community?
Sadie Hawkins Day … some may find it sexist. Some may find it inspirational. Others just nostalgic. Our take on it hasn’t changed since we first issued this post. But if you asked Black for a car analogy (she always has one), she’d tell you it’s about taking the wheel and leading the way …
Comic strip or reality show: A group of bachelors participates in a foot race, and whoever's caught by the single woman in the race will become her husband.
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: We may be sisters, but except for growing up with the same parents in the same house in New York, that may be where the similarities end; especially in terms of dating "protocol" as Black never thought twice about asking boys (and later men) out on a date, while Red never gave it any thought, accepting the convention that boys did the asking. (She did make an exception for her senior prom but was shocked when he accepted.)
When it comes to Sadie Hawkins Day, we both agree it's a quirky holiday that makes it "acceptable" for girls to ask out boys, but of course, we have very different perspectives. For Red, it conjures up images of Sadie Hawkins Day dances, although she never went to one and doesn't even remember how she knows about them. While Black's fascinated by how it all began with the cartoonist Al Capp and his popular "Lil' Abner" comic strip and quickly became a pop culture phenomenon.
Now, over 80 years later, if you were to analyze Sadie Hawkins Day, you would probably find it outdated and sexist. But why not just laugh at its silly beginnings and enjoy the day. The funny thing is Red still thinks men should ask out women, while Black always believed that every day's Sadie Hawkins Day.“A Dictator & His Mistress” might have been a catchier title, but that doesn’t change the fact that the combination of history and food makes this one of Red’s favorite Banter Bites. While Black loves the leadership lessons (from a dictator?!). Curious? If so, read on …
Quick! If someone says "Julius Caesar," what comes to mind?
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: Almost everyone has heard of Julius Caesar, but how many of us really know much about him, or at least that's what Red starts to wonder when she receives the usual flippant, but still accurate, reply from her sister, after feeling very proud that she knew that July was named after the famous Roman.
Which is what got Red to realize, much to her surprise (shock, if truth be told), that even as a straight-A student with a love of history, that when it came to Julius Caesar, a famous historical figure and possibly one of the greatest generals and statesmen of all time, she couldn't tell you dates or battles or anything "historical" associated with him.
Even as a theater major in college, she never read Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar," although she knew just enough about the play to know that it was where the fortune teller warned Caesar to "Beware the Ides of March." Instead, her knowledge of Caesar came from her love of movies.
My first, and probably my most enduring, memory is of a brilliant general who not only commanded armies as he conquered lands far from home but was a great statesman who was also involved with one of the world's most beautiful women. And while he was Julius Caesar and the woman was Cleopatra, to me, they'll always be Rex Harrison and Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra, a movie almost as controversial as the general himself.
And Black? Besides knowing that Caesar Salad was invented by a different Caesar, she appreciates Julius Caesar's leadership skills and way with words,
There is much we can learn about leadership from Julius Caesar, whether on the battlefield, in politics, or in business (start small, take risks, communicate well), including what ultimately led to his death (always consider worst-case scenarios, never get complacent or arrogant). Many of his quotes speak (pun intended) to his powerful way with words, and the ability to not only deliver a message but to inspire (and story tell), with my favorite being, "I came, I saw, I conquered."
Today’s technology may be very different from when we first ran this four years ago, but it makes communication skills even more critical, and Effective Communications Month is the perfect time to acknowledge it’s a superpower …
Talking isn't the same as communicating. And hearing isn't the same as listening. Think about it.
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: Being an effective communicator, whether in our personal lives or at work, is a critical skill but one-size-doesn't-fit-all as we each use very different methods and styles … ranging from lots of words and talking stuffed animals (Red) to bullet points and racing flags (Black).
When Red learned that June was Effective Communications Month, she had to laugh, as the first thought that popped into her head was,
Oh, Black will have a field day with this given my tendency to blah-blah-blah. Plus, I don't know how many times she's told me that whatever point I'm trying to make often gets lost in my "sea of words". Of course, when she's told me this in person, I get the added emphasis of seeing her roll her eyes. At least, it's not what I call "The Look", which is a step beyond the rolling of her eyes when you can only imagine what she's thinking, but you know it's not good. But, I digress, which, I guess, is part of my communication "challenge".
The fact Red's warm and fuzzy, and likes to couch her words (whether spoken or written) so as not to hurt anyone's feelings, and to provide full explanations to avoid misunderstanding, is a good thing but is still only half the equation. Communication requires both the sending – and the receiving – of a message. But if the other party isn't listening, it falls on … well, deaf ears. Which often means you repeat yourself (oh, and we all know how our tone of voice changes when we're saying something for the millionth time), and although it may initially have been said with good intentions, ends up being seen as nagging.
Black, on the other hand, has never been accused of being quiet or shy, and given her extremely pragmatic business-like personality, has a much more direct communication style. Some of which Red recognizes can be useful,
I've often said that you write, talk, and probably even dream in bullet points. And while I might think of them as "abrupt" at times, there's no question that they provide a very clear and succinct way of communicating. Which is why I preface some of my longer emails that cover lots of topics and explanations, with, "I'm borrowing some of Black's beloved bullet points …"
So, what's the most effective method? Well, you can spend hours on the internet reading countless articles about the benefits of effective communications, the various types of communications (not everything is verbal and written – think about things like body language and facial expressions), and ways to improve communication skills, but Black tends to look at things slightly backward …
The reality is that we each have our own style of communicating, but we need to remember that communication is a two-way street, and the objective is connecting with other people, and sharing thoughts and ideas. Sometimes the best way to get our point across is to work backward and think how the other person will receive what we want to express. And then listening, truly listening, to their feedback.