Back … To What’s Important

Sawyer's Mom

Red's younger daughter, Sawyer, is the athlete in the family and besides playing competitive volleyball, loves to workout. So, you can imagine how thrilled she was when her local Lifetime Fitness gym re-opened, of course, with COVID protocols. And it seems that with each passing day, her workouts are becoming longer and longer. Knowing that her aunt, Black, has religiously worked out for years, she had a question for her.

Sawyer was using an old volleyball backpack for the gym that she was also using for school (she loved all the pockets and the versatility it offered) but was tired of constantly having to switch out all the contents. She was curious if Black had an old gym bag she wasn't using since she doesn't like to spend money unnecessarily. Not to mention, she knew her aunt's hand-me-downs would be better than anything she'd buy.

Black said she'd look and get back to her, and called back with a rundown of the options. Sawyer planned to go look at them, so you can imagine her surprise the next morning when she found this email waiting for her,

I was thinking about it … and now how much the "perfect" gym bag can help keep you motivated (and organized) … so … just find your "perfect" bag, and I'll pay for it.

Sawyer knew exactly what she wanted and to say she's thrilled with her new Adidas backpack is an understatement. Red let Black know exactly that, explaining how Sawyer talks not only about how much she loves it, but how she'll use it at college (she'll be a freshman next year) and wouldn't be surprised if beyond then. Although Red laughed as she relayed the details, saying that she doubted it would last that many years but how great it is that she so loves – and appreciates – the gift. Black saw it, as always, in a different way.

It is the small things.

A single sentence. A short sentence. But one, as Red has been thinking about ever since, that speaks a huge truth.

appreciation

Words & Banter

When The Romantic Meets The Pragmatic

Rendering by porcorex on iStock

assets.rebelmouse.io

Based on the "hints" in your Ghosting post, it sounds like your recent "romance" wasn't quite a Lady GaGa "bad romance", but, well, a frustrating one.

Black assets.rebelmouse.io

Interesting comparison, as years ago Gaga revealed that she is drawn to bad romances, but is not sure if she goes after them or they find her. Regardless, my "relationship" ended in the dating stage and never really became a romance. Either when I dated him almost 30 years ago, or recently. Although, this time, I thought it had potential.

assets.rebelmouse.io

I was amazed that you were even willing to "rekindle" the relationship as you're not exactly a believer in "recycling" relationships, as I think you once phrased it. In fact, I thought you were pretty adamant about the concept of not repeating your mistakes.

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relationships

Words & Banter

The Sound Of Freedom

Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

It started when Black sent Red a LinkedIn post about Louis Armstrong, asking her to "connect the dots" (one of Black's favorite things to do). Red knew that he was one of the most distinctive and talented jazz musicians in American history, but it was a complete surprise to learn that he had such a strong connection to a Jewish couple that immigrated from Lithuania and that he wore a Star of David for most of his life to honor them. That alone made it a "truth is stranger than fiction" story. The fact it's also a touching story about kindness and love makes this, at least for Red, even better than fiction.

Black, who prefers the pragmatic aspects of Armstrong's unusual journey – from being an impoverished black boy to an extraordinary career as a musician, singer, and composer – and sees it as a story of overcoming barriers, realizing your potential, and finding freedom (and she discloses an interesting connection between Armstrong and Independence Day).

Our July column, "RED & BLACK … The Sound Of Freedom," connects all those dots and is about so much more than surprising facts about Louis Armstrong. It's also about the power of music, inspiration, and hope, not to mention a very different way of looking at freedom.

Want to read other columns? Here's a list.

connect-the-dots

Words & Banter

Now You See Me – Now You Don’t

Photo by Syarafina Yusof on Unsplash

Everyone laughs and wants to hear the story when I mention that I was recently "ghosted" by someone I had dated. What I find interesting is that ghosting has become so prevalent in today's society (and is not restricted to dating) that there is a term to describe the sudden "disappearance" of someone who wants to avoid all future contact with you.

Going back decades, I know there have been first dates that, at the time, I thought went well. But, after getting the "I'll call you" line … I never did. As a teenager, I can remember anxiously waiting for the phone (a landline tethered to the wall – and yes, I am that old) to ring, not wanting to go out and possibly miss the call. And, being very disappointed by the silence. Now, I cannot even remember who they were.

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DON’T MISS A THING

For Red & Black Banter in your inbox ...

Black assets.rebelmouse.io	True, you should learn from your mistakes, not repeat them. But with most things in life, timing is everything. And, just because someone is not "Mr. Right Now" does not preclude them from being "Mr. Right" at another time in your life.
assets.rebelmouse.io	That sounds good, but neither time did you date very long. Maybe there's a reason for that. A reason why you should've left the past in the past.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	It is funny you say that because that was my first thought. Then, I thought about where each of us was in our lives at that time. I was still climbing the corporate ladder and was not interested in ever having children. He was building his business and had young children. However, what made us incompatible back then was no longer applicable.
assets.rebelmouse.io	That all makes sense. But, at the risk of making you sound warm and fuzzy, you have described him in glowing terms – very intelligent, caring parent (and now grandparent), loyal friend to many people, and all-around nice guy.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	And, we both collect art, enjoy fine red wine, and have similar tastes in restaurants and hotels. Not to mention being almost thirty years older and looking at life from a different perspective.
assets.rebelmouse.io	You sound totally compatible. Which, as you've told me over the years, is critical to a successful relationship, especially when all the "lovey-dovey" romance gives way to day-to-day reality.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I think that may be where we disconnected. We each need to have realistic expectations, and then decide if we are compatible. He may have decided that he wanted someone more romantic, and less pragmatic; therefore, I was not a good fit. Which I would have accepted. But, instead of telling me that, he went radio silent.
assets.rebelmouse.io	I'm not condoning his behavior, but I can understand it. Speaking as a "mere mortal", I can see why he might want to avoid having such an uncomfortable and difficult conversation with you. Especially if he's ever seen the "debate queen" side of you. But this isn't the first time he dated you. Doesn't he know you're a Vulcan?
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Intellectually, he knew that I am not a physically demonstrative person, especially in public. Nor do I immediately get carried away with the idea of "being in love".
assets.rebelmouse.io	Excuse me? This from the woman who I used to say got engaged instead of dating?
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Fast-forwarding past the "games" and "infatuation stage" of dating to see if a relationship has long-term potential is very different from thinking infatuation is true love.
assets.rebelmouse.io	Don't you know most people, if they like someone, want to jump in quickly and enjoy getting "carried up in the moment"?
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	That is fine, as long as they know that infatuation is only infatuation. It may be the beginning of a long-term relationship, or the spark may die. Unfortunately, it may result in a dating process that eliminates those who have the potential to be a lasting relationship, instead focusing on those who want to get carried up in the moment.
assets.rebelmouse.io	I'm almost afraid to ask, are you talking about someone in particular?
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Sometimes you wonder why, in their determination (and rush) to find a lasting relationship with one person, they cannot see everything that has made them lifelong friends to so many people took time.
assets.rebelmouse.io	You didn't answer my question, but if you are – maybe you should remind them of that.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Maybe I will send them this post.