Words & Banter

RED & BLACK ... This Too Shall Pass Over

Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash


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Ok, I'm not trying to be overly dramatic. But over the last few nights, I keep thinking about that scene from The Ten Commandments where the mist rolls in and the first- born children of Egypt are in danger. The corona virus is like that mist, an unseen but deadly force.


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Actually, that Passover scene is a great analogy and visual. So, in all the COVID- craziness, were you able to prepare for Passover? And, how many pounds of matzo did you buy?


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None! I still have a 5-lb box left over from last year. That's the great thing about matzo, it starts out stale.


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True. I wonder if it even has an expiration date. Hopefully, you were able to get everything else you wanted without spending too long in the grocery store.


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It wasn't too bad. It really helped that I started making lists and stocking up on general items a few weeks before the "mad dash" to grocery stores began.


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Given how you have always loved lists, and loading up on sale items, I am not surprised.


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You can laugh at my lists, but when everyone was hunting for toilet paper and basics, I only had to shop for perishables. I used to go to the grocery story every few days, now I only go weekly.


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I probably should not admit this, but over a month ago I ordered toilet paper on Amazon Prime. I thought I bought a family size package, but when it arrived it was a case of family size packages. I am set for a while.


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Well, I probably have enough cream cheese to last us until the Fourth of July. It's not a high demand item, except in this house. And getting a brisket, and everything to go with it, is now a "cooking concept" that I do on a regular basis – making a meal that feeds us for several nights.


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I use that same approach for restaurant take-out. So, did you get horseradish and gefilte fish?


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No. I hate gefilte fish.


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The only way I can eat it is if it is hidden under a mountain of horseradish. But, that is not the point. The horseradish is a bitter herb, and eaten as a reminder of the bitter slavery of Jews in Egypt.


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At the risk of stating the obvious, don't you think there's enough "bitterness" around us with this awful coronavirus. I really don't think a root vegetable is necessary.


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First of all, you can look at the "bitterness" of the current situation, or you can look at all the people pulling together. Yes, there is dread … but there is also hope for a better day. Because, this too shall pass. And, that is the significance of Passover. And Easter. It makes us stop and think of how the past has brought us where we are today. Everyone needs reminders because, unfortunately, it is human nature to forget.


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I'm almost afraid to ask, but as inconceivable as it may seem now, do you think that when this corona crisis passes, people will forget the hardships we're all now facing?


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Totally forget? No. Focus on day-to-day living and moving forward? Yes. Which is not a bad thing, if they learned from this crisis.


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I guess that's why traditions and holidays are so important. They help us to remember pain and suffering. I'll admit that I don't do an elaborate Seder with all the customary foods and don't recite all the prayers, but we do sit down as a family and recognize the significance of Passover.


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What I find amazing, and inspiring, is how many families that cannot come together in person this year are finding new ways to maintain traditions. The use of technology, like Zoom, Face Time, and Google Hangout, means people can "virtually" be together.


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So, you could have a Seder Skype-style?! There's no doubt this is a time of ingenuity.


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A crisis is often when mankind is at its best. Especially as it forces us to think about what is most important. Which is each other. It makes us see that we all have more in common than not. That nothing is more precious than our family, our friends, our lives.


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Yes, but it seems that it comes at a very high cost. The current situation is so grim and the numbers are escalating every day. Isn't there anything we can do? In Biblical times, the Jews were able to mark their doors with the blood from the sacrificial lamb so that death would pass over their house.


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Think about that. They hid in their houses and marked their doors. The stay-in-place orders are basically doing the same thing, except since it applies to all of us, we do not have to mark our doors. If we want to reduce deaths, we have to reduce the spread of COVID- 19. And, it is not only about our families and loved ones. We have to do everything possible so that hospitals will not be pushed beyond their limits and to make sure that urgent medical supplies are available to all those truly in need.


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It sounds so simplistic, but it really is true. Each of us can make a difference, so each of us that can stay home, should stay home. If you have to go out, practice social distancing. Everyone needs to keep washing their hands, using hand sanitizer, and practicing social distance. I wish there was a way to get that message out to everyone!


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Maybe there is, but then you will accuse me of being warm and fuzzy, which is your area of expertise.


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Now you have me curious.


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Call or text the people you love. Make sure they are doing everything they can to stay safe. And, if not, encourage them to do so, and tell them why.


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You're right, that's way too warm and fuzzy, and totally out of character for you.


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Do not worry, this too shall pass.

Want to read other columns? Here's a list.

From back flap of our book, “What I Learned About Life When My Husband Got Fired!” Photographer unknown.

Long before we had an ABOUT page, readers met Red not only through the back flap of our bestselling book, What I Learned About Life When My Husband Got Fired!, but because her crisis was the book’s title! But a lot has happened since Black turned her crisis into a book — a brand — a business. Including a lot of growing up.

And Red? Still warm and fuzzy. Just a lot less sheltered.

WHAT WE SAID THEN

When we started working on the book, Red couldn’t find a photo of her and the girls, so they posed for one in the fall of 2004. Later, our book editor captured Red this way:

After getting a degree in Theater Arts, Red moved back in with her parents until she married an outgoing Englishman and followed his career around the globe. Now she lives in Sugar Land, a suburban city on the outskirts of Houston, Texas. Red is a warm and fuzzy mom whose life revolves around her two red-headed girls. With Red, it's all about the feelings.

WHAT WE DIDN’T KNOW THEN …

We knew Red was used to letting others take the lead. We didn’t know that once she took control, she’d discover how much she was capable of.

We knew her life revolved around her two red-headed girls. We didn’t know how much growing up was still ahead — for them and for Red.

We knew Red had learned a lot when her husband got fired. We probably should have known she’d want to use what she learned to help others.

And we described Red as “warm and fuzzy” and “all about the feelings. ”Still true. She’s just learned that sometimes warm and fuzzy isn’t enough.

AND THERE’S A STORY BEHIND THE PHOTO …

What makes this seemingly ordinary photo remarkable? Red’s in front of the camera!

She was almost always the one behind the camera, so when we needed a photo of her for the book, it had to be staged. In fact, she’s not even sure who took the photo.

At the time, it was simply a photo we needed. Looking at it now, it’s more than that. It captured Red in the middle of the life she’d always dreamed about — and when her girls were still young and being their mom was the center of her world.

She knew they would grow up. She just didn’t know how quickly that picture would become a memory.

A lot has changed since that photo was taken. Including Red.

Same family. Very different approaches to life.

Red is warm and fuzzy. Black is pragmatic and sarcastic.

  • Red leads with her heart. Black leads with her head.
  • Red wants to talk it through. Black wants to solve it.
  • Red gives you the context. Black gives you the bottom line.

Which sounds more like you?

Which brings us to one of our favorite examples: When we had to explain the differences between us for the Introduction to What I Learned About Life When My Husband Got Fired!, Red wrote pages with her usual blah-blah-blah. Black gave the book designer a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet.

Funny thing is that over the years, readers have not only told us which of us they’re more like, but also gone so far as to identify the “Reds” and “Blacks” in their own families. We even had a few who nicknamed themselves (one was “Brown,” another was “Bald”).

So, are you more like Red or Black? Or somewhere in between?


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I know everyone’s always trying to find balance in their life. I thought becoming an empty nester would make that easier, but apparently not. The girls may be grown, but being a mom doesn’t end when your children move out. Between them, Red & Black, and my seemingly endless lists of things to do, I still struggle.


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And, as I am a die-hard workaholic who admits to not having a life, you think I have the answer?


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Excellent point. Never mind.


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However, I do have some suggestions … although I will preface it with, "Do as I say, not as I do."
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