Last modified: August 15, 2020
Introduction
Red & Black Productions, L.P., a Texas limited partnership ("Company"), is committed to seeking to protect your privacy through compliance with this Website Privacy Policy ("Policy"). This Policy describes the types of information the Company may collect from you or that you may provide when you visit the website, RedandBlackBanter.com, ("Website") as well as the Company's practices for collecting, using, maintaining, protecting, and disclosing that information.
This Policy applies to information the Company collects:
- On this Website.
- In email, text, and other electronic messages between you and this Website.
- Through mobile and desktop applications you download from this Website, which provide dedicated non-browser-based interaction between you and this Website.
- When you interact with the Company's advertising and applications on third-party websites and services, if those applications or advertising include links to this Policy.
This Policy does not apply to information collected by:
- The Company offline or through any other means, including on any other website operated by the Company or any third party.
- Any third party, including through any application or content (including advertising) that may link to or be accessible from this Website.
Please read this Policy carefully to understand the Company's policies and practices regarding your information and how the Company will treat it. If you do not wish to agree with the Company's policies and practices regarding your information as set forth in this Policy, you must not use this Website. By accessing or using this Website, you agree to this Policy. This Policy may change from time to time. Your continued use of this Website after the Company makes changes to this Policy is deemed to be acceptance of those changes, so please check this Policy periodically for updates.
Children Under Age of 13
This Website is not intended for children under 13 years of age. No one under age 13 may provide any personal information to or on this Website. The Company does not knowingly collect personal information from children under 13. If you are under 13, do not use or provide any information on this Website or through any of its features, do not register on this Website, do not make any purchases through this Website, do not use any of the interactive or public comment features of this Website, and do not provide any information about yourself to the Company, including your name, address, telephone number, email address, or any screen name or user name you may use. If the Company learns the Company has collected or received personal information from a child under 13 without verification of parental consent, the Company will delete that information. If you believe the Company might have any information from or about a child under 13, please contact the Company in the manner provided at the bottom of this Policy.
Information Collected About You and How it is Collected
The Company collects several types of information from and about users of this Website, which may include the following:
- Information by which you may be personally identified, such as name, postal address, e-mail address, telephone number, and any other identifier by which you may be contacted online or offline ("personal information").
- Information that is about you but individually does not identify you.
- Information about your internet connection, the equipment you use to access this Website, and usage details.
The Company may collect this information:
- Directly from you when you provide it to the Company.
- Automatically as you navigate through this Website.
- From third parties, including the Company's business partners.
The information the Company collects directly from you when you provide it to the Company may include the following: (i) information that you provide by filling in forms on this Website, including information provided at the time of registering to use this Website, subscribing to the Company's service, posting material, requesting further services, entering a contest or promotion sponsored by the Company, or reporting a problem with this Website; (ii) records and copies of your correspondence (including email addresses), if you contact the Company; (iii) your responses to surveys that the Company might ask you to complete for research purposes; (iv) details of transactions you carry out through this Website and of the fulfillment of your orders; (v) financial information you provide before placing an order through this Website; (vi) your search queries on this Website; and (vii) information you post, publish, or display on public areas of this Website, or transmit to other users of this Website or third parties (collectively, "User Contributions"). Your User Contributions are posted on and transmitted to others at your own risk and no security measures the Company may take are warranted to be perfect, impenetrable, or adequate. Additionally, the Company cannot control the actions of other users of this Website with whom you may choose to share your User Contributions. Therefore, the Company cannot and does not guarantee that your User Contributions will not be viewed by unauthorized persons.
The information the Company collects automatically as you navigate through this Website may be collected through cookies, web beacons, and other tracking technologies, and may include usage details, IP addresses, and information about your equipment, browsing actions, and patterns, including (i) details of your visits to this Website, including traffic data, location data, logs, and other communication data and the resources that you access and use on this Website, and (ii) information about your computer and internet connection, including your IP address, operating system, and browser type. The information the Company collects automatically helps the Company to improve this Website and to deliver a better and more personalized service. The technologies the Company uses for this automatic data collection may include:
- Cookies (or browser cookies). A cookie is a small file placed on the hard drive of your computer. You may refuse to accept browser cookies by activating the appropriate setting on your browser. However, if you select this setting you may be unable to access certain parts of this Website. Unless you have adjusted your browser setting so that it will refuse cookies, the Company's system may issue cookies when you direct your browser to this Website.
- Flash Cookies. Certain features of this Website may use local stored objects (or Flash cookies) to collect and store information about your preferences and navigation to, from, and on this Website. Flash cookies are not managed by the same browser settings as are used for browser cookies.
- Web Beacons. Pages of this Website may contain small electronic files known as web beacons (also referred to as clear gifs, pixel tags, and single-pixel gifs) that permit the Company, for example, to count users who have visited those pages and for other related website statistics (for example, recording the popularity of certain Website content and verifying system and server integrity).
Third-Party Use of Cookies and Other Tracking Technologies
Some content or applications, including advertisements, on this Website are served by third parties, including advertisers, ad networks, and servers, content providers, and application providers. These third parties may use cookies alone or in conjunction with web beacons or other tracking technologies to collect information about you when you use this Website. The information they collect may be associated with your personal information or they may collect information, including personal information, about your online activities over time and across different websites and other online services. They may use this information to provide you with interest-based (behavioral) advertising or other targeted content. The Company does not control these third parties' tracking technologies or how they may be used. If you have any questions about an advertisement or other targeted content, you should contact the responsible provider directly.
How the Company Uses Your Information
The Company may use information that the Company collect about you or that you provide to us, including any personal information:
- To present this Website and its contents to you.
- To provide you with information, products, or services that you request from the Company.
- To fulfill any other purpose for which you provide it.
- To provide you with notices about your account or subscription, including expiration and renewal notices.
- To carry out the Company's obligations and enforce the Company's rights arising from any contracts entered into between you and the Company, including for billing and collection.
- To notify you about changes to this Website or any products or services the Company offers or provides though it.
- To allow you to participate in interactive features on this Website.
- In any other way the Company may describe when you provide the information.
- For any other purpose with your consent.
The Company may also use your information to contact you about the Company's and third-parties' goods and services that may be of interest to you. The Company may use the information the Company has collected from you to enable the Company to display advertisements to its advertisers' target audiences. If you click on or otherwise interact with an advertisement, the advertiser may assume that you meet its target criteria.
Disclosure of Your Information
The Company may disclose aggregated information about its users, and information that does not identify any individual, without restriction. The Company may disclose personal information that it collects or you provide as described in this Policy:
- To the Company's subsidiaries and affiliates.
- To contractors, service providers, and other third parties the Company uses to support its business.
- To a buyer or other successor in the event of a merger, divestiture, restructuring, reorganization, dissolution, or other sale or transfer of some or all of the Company's assets, whether as a going concern or as part of bankruptcy, liquidation, or similar proceeding, in which personal information held by the Company about Website users is among the assets transferred.
- To third parties to market their products or services to you.
- To fulfill the purpose for which you provide it.
- For any other purpose disclosed by the Company when you provide the information.
- With your consent.
The Company may also disclose your personal information:
- To comply with any court order, law, or legal process, including to respond to any government or regulatory request.
- To enforce or apply the Company's terms of use, terms of sale, or other agreements and contracts, including for billing and collection purposes.
- If the Company believes disclosure is necessary or appropriate to protect the rights, property, or safety of the Company, its customers, or others. This includes exchanging information with other companies and organizations for the purposes of fraud protection and credit risk reduction.
Choices About How the Company Uses and Discloses Your Information
To control certain of your information, you can set your browser to refuse all or some browser cookies, or to alert you when cookies are being sent. To learn how you can manage your Flash cookie settings, visit the Flash player settings page on Adobe's website. If you disable or refuse cookies, please note that some parts of this Website may then be inaccessible or not function properly. The Company does not control third parties' collection or use of your information to serve interest-based advertising. However, these third parties may provide you with ways to choose not to have your information collected or used in this way. You can opt out of receiving targeted ads from members of the Network Advertising Initiative ("NAI") on the NAI's website. California residents may have additional personal information rights and choices. Nevada residents who wish to exercise their sale opt-out rights under Nevada Revised Statutes Chapter 603A may submit a request to the Company in the manner provided at the bottom of this Policy.
Your California Privacy Rights
The provisions contained in this section (Your California Privacy Rights) apply to you only if you are a California resident. This section is intended to comply with the California Consumer Privacy Act of 2018 ("CCPA") and any terms defined in the CCPA have the same meaning when used in this section. Pursuant to the CCPA, this section must be reviewed and updated by the Company at least every 12 months. The provisions of this section were last reviewed on August 15, 2020.. The Company collects "personal information" as defined in the CCPA. In particular, the Company has collected the following categories of personal information from its consumers within the last 12 months:
Category | | Examples | Collected |
A. | Identifiers. | A real name, alias, postal address, unique personal identifier, online identifier, Internet Protocol address, email address, account name, Social Security number, driver's license number, passport number, or other similar identifiers. | YES |
B. | Personal information categories listed in the California Customer Records statute (Cal. Civ. Code § 1798.80(e)). | A name, signature, Social Security number, physical characteristics or description, address, telephone number, passport number, driver's license or state identification card number, insurance policy number, education, employment, employment history, bank account number, credit card number, debit card number, or any other financial information, medical information, or health insurance information. Some personal information included in this category may overlap with other categories. | YES |
C. | Protected classification characteristics under California or federal law. | Age (40 years or older), race, color, ancestry, national origin, citizenship, religion or creed, marital status, medical condition, physical or mental disability, sex (including gender, gender identity, gender expression, pregnancy or childbirth and related medical conditions), sexual orientation, veteran or military status, genetic information (including familial genetic information). | YES |
D. | Commercial information. | Records of personal property, products or services purchased, obtained, or considered, or other purchasing or consuming histories or tendencies. | YES |
E. | Biometric information. | Genetic, physiological, behavioral, and biological characteristics, or activity patterns used to extract a template or other identifier or identifying information, such as, fingerprints, faceprints, and voiceprints, iris or retina scans, keystroke, gait, or other physical patterns, and sleep, health, or exercise data. | NO |
F. | Internet or other similar network activity. | Browsing history, search history, information on a consumer's interaction with a website, application, or advertisement. | YES |
G. | Geolocation data. | Physical location or movements. | YES |
H. | Sensory data. | Audio, electronic, visual, thermal, olfactory, or similar information. | NO |
I. | Professional or employment-related information. | Current or past job history or performance evaluations. | NO |
J. | Non-public education information (per the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (20 U.S.C. Section 1232g, 34 C.F.R. Part 99)). | Education records directly related to a student maintained by an educational institution or party acting on its behalf, such as grades, transcripts, class lists, student schedules, student identification codes, student financial information, or student disciplinary records. | NO |
K. | Inferences drawn from other personal information. | Profile reflecting a person's preferences, characteristics, psychological trends, predispositions, behavior, attitudes, intelligence, abilities, and aptitudes. | NO |
The Company obtains the categories of personal information listed above from the following categories of sources: (i) directly from you (e.g., from forms you complete or products and services you purchase) and (ii) indirectly from you (e.g., from observing your actions on this Website).
The Company may use, sell, or disclose the personal information it collects for one or more of the purposes described in the section of this policy titled "How The Company Uses Your Information?" The Company may disclose your personal information to a third party for a business purpose or sell your personal information, subject to your right to opt-out of those sales. When the Company discloses personal information for a business purpose, the Company enters a contract that describes the purpose and requires the recipient to both keep that personal information confidential and not use it for any purpose except performing the contract. The CCPA prohibits third parties who purchase the personal information the Company holds from reselling it unless you have received explicit notice and an opportunity to opt-out of further sales. The Company may share or sell your personal information with the following categories of third parties: (i) service providers; (ii) data aggregators; (iii) affiliates; (iv) partners; (v) parent or subsidiary organizations; (vi) internet cookie data recipients, like Google Analytics; (vii) advertising networks; (viii) internet service providers; (ix) data analytic providers; (x) government entities; (xi) operating systems and platforms; and (xii) social networks.
In the preceding 12 months, the Company has disclosed or sold the following categories of personal information for a business purpose: None.
The CCPA provides consumers who are California residents with specific rights regarding their personal information. You have the right to request that the Company disclose certain information to you about its collection and use of your personal information over the past 12 months. Once the Company receives and confirms your verifiable consumer request, the Company will disclose to you the following: (i) the categories of personal information the Company collected about you; (ii) the categories of sources for the personal information the Company collected about you; (iii) the Company' business or commercial purpose for collecting or selling that personal information; (iv) the categories of third parties with whom the Company shares that personal information; (v) the specific pieces of personal information the Company collected about you (also called a data portability request); and (vi) if the Company sold or disclosed your personal information for a business purpose, two separate lists disclosing: (A) sales, identifying the personal information categories that each category of recipient purchased; and (B) disclosures for a business purpose, identifying the personal information categories that each category of recipient obtained.
You have the right to request that the Company delete any of your personal information that the Company collected from you and retained, subject to certain exceptions. Once the Company receives and confirms your verifiable consumer request, the Company will delete (and direct its service providers to delete) your personal information from its records, unless an exception applies. The Company may deny your deletion request if retaining the information is necessary for the Company or its service providers to do any of the following: (i) complete the transaction for which it collected the personal information, provide a good or service that you requested, take actions reasonably anticipated within the context of an ongoing business relationship with you, fulfill the terms of a written warranty or product recall conducted in accordance with federal law, or otherwise perform a contract with you; (ii) detect security incidents, protect against malicious, deceptive, fraudulent, or illegal activity, or prosecute those responsible for such activities; (iii) debug products to identify and repair errors that impair existing intended functionality; (iv) exercise free speech, ensure the right of another consumer to exercise their free speech rights, or exercise another right provided for by law; (v) comply with the California Electronic Communications Privacy Act (Cal. Penal Code § 1546 et. seq.); (vi) engage in public or peer-reviewed scientific, historical, or statistical research in the public interest that adheres to all other applicable ethics and privacy laws, when the information's deletion may likely render impossible or seriously impair the research's achievement, if you previously provided informed consent; (vii) enable solely internal uses that are reasonably aligned with consumer expectations based on your relationship with the Company; (viii) comply with a legal obligation; (ix) make other internal and lawful uses of that information that are compatible with the context in which you provided it.
To exercise the access, data portability, and deletion rights described above, please submit a verifiable consumer request to the Company in the manner provided at the bottom of this Policy. Only you, or someone legally authorized to act on your behalf, may make a verifiable consumer request related to your personal information. You may also make a verifiable consumer request on behalf of your minor child. You may only make a verifiable consumer request for access or data portability twice within a 12-month period. The verifiable consumer request must: (i) provide sufficient information that allows the Company to reasonably verify you are the person about whom the Company collected personal information or an authorized representative; and (ii) describe your request with sufficient detail that allows the Company to properly understand, evaluate, and respond to it. The Company cannot respond to your request or provide you with personal information if the Company cannot verify your identity or authority to make the request and confirm the personal information relates to you. Making a verifiable consumer request does not require you to create an account with the Company. The Company will only use personal information provided in a verifiable consumer request to verify the requestor's identity or authority to make the request. The Company endeavors to respond to a verifiable consumer request within 45 days of its receipt. If the Company requires more time (up to 90 days), the Company will inform you of the reason and extension period in writing. If you have an account with the Company, the Company will deliver its written response to that account. Otherwise, the Company will deliver its written response by mail or electronically, at your option. Any disclosures the Company provides will only cover the 12-month period preceding the verifiable consumer request's receipt. The response will also explain the reasons the Company cannot comply with a request, if applicable. For data portability requests, the Company will select a format to provide your personal information that is readily useable and should allow you to transmit the information from one entity to another entity without hindrance. The Company does not charge a fee to process or respond to your verifiable consumer request unless it is excessive, repetitive, or manifestly unfounded. If the Company determines that the request warrants a fee, the Company will tell you the basis for that decision and provide you with a cost estimate before completing your request.
If you are 16 years of age or older, you have the right to direct the Company to not sell your personal information at any time (the "right to opt-out"). The Company does not sell the personal information of consumers it actually knows are less than 16 years of age. To exercise the right to opt-out, you (or your authorized representative) may submit a request to the Company by email at Business@RedandBlackBooks.com with "Do Not Sell My Personal Information" in the subject line. Once you make an opt-out request, the Company will wait at least 12 months before asking you to reauthorize personal information sales. However, you may change your mind and opt back in to personal information sales at any time by notifying the Company in the manner provided at the bottom of this Policy. You do not need to create an account with the Company to exercise your opt-out rights. The Company will only use personal information provided in an opt-out request to review and comply with the request.
The Company will not discriminate against you for exercising any of your CCPA rights. Unless permitted by the CCPA, the Company will not: (i) deny you goods or services; (ii) charge you different prices or rates for goods or services, including through granting discounts or other benefits, or imposing penalties; (iii) provide you a different level or quality of goods or services; or (iv) suggest that you may receive a different price or rate for goods or services or a different level or quality of goods or services. However, the Company may offer you certain financial incentives permitted by the CCPA that can result in different prices, rates, or quality levels. Any CCPA-permitted financial incentive offered will reasonably relate to your personal information's value and contain written terms that describe the program's material aspects. Participation in a financial incentive program requires your prior opt in consent, which you may revoke at any time.
California's "Shine the Light" law (Civil Code Section § 1798.83) permits users of this Website that are California residents to request certain information regarding the Company' disclosure of personal information to third parties for their direct marketing purposes. To make such a request, please contact the Company in the manner provided at the bottom of this Policy.
Data Security
The safety and security of your information depends on you. Where the Company has given you (or where you have chosen) a password for access to certain parts of this Website, you are responsible for keeping this password confidential. The Company asks you not to share your password with anyone. The Company urges you to be careful about giving out information in public areas of this Website like message boards. The information you share in public areas may be viewed by any user of this Website. Unfortunately, the transmission of information via the internet is not completely secure. The Company does not guarantee the security of your personal information transmitted to this Website. Any transmission of personal information is at your own risk. The Company is not responsible for circumvention of any privacy settings or security measures contained on this Website.
Changes to Privacy Policy
It is the Company's policy to post any changes it makes to this Policy on this page. If the Company makes material changes to how the Company treats its users' personal information, the Company will make reasonable efforts to notify you. The date this Policy was last revised is identified at the top of the page. You are responsible for ensuring the Company has up-to-date active and deliverable contact information for you, and for periodically visiting this Website and this Policy to check for any changes.
Contact Information
To ask questions or comment about this Policy and the Company's privacy practices, contact the Company at: Business@RedandBlackBooks.com.
Red isn’t sure that her extreme fear of driving when there’s a risk of high water qualifies as PTSD (and it all started with Black – scroll down for that story!), but she does understand how debilitating it can be (regardless of what triggers it).
What’s interesting is Black picks on Red for many things (that’s part of the job description of a big sister), but not about this because – getting past the stigma of PTSD is tough enough. It’s why National PTSD Awareness Month is so important – not only for those who have PTSD, but for everyone.
| I love the new The Eyewall newsletter that keeps an eye (pun intended) on tropical activity in the Atlantic Ocean, Caribbean Sea, and Gulf of Mexico. |
| You definitely watch the weather more than I do. But, I know that is because you have an extreme “fear” (or however you want to describe it) of driving in heavy rain and potentially facing road flooding. |
| Borderline terror. Thanks to you. |
| Me? I thought I was the one who taught you what to do when encountering high water. |
| Yes, you did, but only after you got me into the situation in the first place. It had already been raining heavily when we each arrived at that meeting near my house. Afterward, although I preferred to go straight home, you thought it’d be ok for us to keep to the original plan of me following you into Houston. |
| At the time, it didn’t seem that bad, just rain. |
| Says the woman in the Mercedes G-Wagon who sits high above cars and even other SUVs. Anyway, I can still remember it like it was yesterday … the rain’s pounding down, you’re behind me, we’re talking on the phone about the meeting, and suddenly you go from your normal conversational tone to sounding what I imagine an air traffic controller would be like – very measured, very direct, very non-emotional. |
| I needed you to pay attention. I could see that you were about to hit high water, and I knew my instructions would go against your natural instincts. You needed to keep giving the car gas, but ease up on the accelerator and, no matter what, not brake. |
| And gently “steer” around the cars you could see were stalled out in front of me. Then, you told me to keep saying these words out loud ... “keep it going, keep it going, keep it going.” And then you hung up on me. |
| I knew there was nowhere for you to pull over, and you were frightened. But, by giving you a “mantra” to say out loud, I hoped to focus you on the most critical thing you needed to do. I did not have the time to explain that keeping your foot on the gas, even if just a little, kept you moving forward and prevented water from entering the engine through the exhaust (tail) pipe. I could see past the water, and knew you just needed to get through it so you could get to higher ground. |
| I felt like I was driving a bumper car at a carnival, trying to avoid all the other cars. Finally, a few minutes later, although it felt like an eternity, I was able to park on high ground. Where I stayed for hours, waiting for the water to recede so I could get home. Ever since, whenever I’m on the road during storms, I feel like I have a form of PTSD. Although I probably shouldn’t say that because it’s unfair to those, especially veterans, who truly have PTSD. |
| I understand you do not want to seem like you are diminishing the seriousness of PTSD, but you may have a mild form of it. However, I am not qualified to diagnose it. Nor do I know enough about it to speak intelligently. |
| Just the thought of high water is traumatic and causes me extreme stress. It’s an overwhelming feeling of not having control of a situation that could quickly become a life-or-death scenario. I can’t even imagine what soldiers must feel after seeing combat. They have to face battle day after day, month after month. And, often, year after year. And then they come home and often must fight an entirely different battle. |
| Not all people exposed to traumatic events develop PTSD, but they are more susceptible. In addition to combat exposure, events such as physical abuse or assault, sexual violence, mass shootings, natural disasters … it is a long list. |
| Wow, I never thought about it that way. Even more reason that we all need to be more sympathetic. And while I appreciate that we may not know the details of their story or situation, it shouldn’t stop us from trying to be kind and understanding first, rather than immediately judging someone. |
| Technically, I think you mean empathetic. Regardless, we can all learn more about PTSD. And, mental illness. No one should ever have to suffer alone. We should let family and friends know it is ok to not always be ok. And, that we are there if they need us. But, remember to always ask for permission before offering help or advice, and respect their wishes if they decline. |
| For someone whose default is being sarcastic, that was very warm and fuzzy. And calming. Similar to when you got me through that highwater. And now, I know to recognize my fear, do my best to avoid situations that will trigger me, and, if unavoidable, find a mantra and try to stay calm. |
| Oh, and trust your instincts. Your gut told you not to go to Houston with me. |
| Now you tell me! |
Today’s technology may be very different from when we first ran this four years ago, but it makes communication skills even more critical, and Effective Communications Month is the perfect time to acknowledge it’s a superpower …
Talking isn't the same as communicating. And hearing isn't the same as listening. Think about it.
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: Being an effective communicator, whether in our personal lives or at work, is a critical skill but one-size-doesn't-fit-all as we each use very different methods and styles … ranging from lots of words and talking stuffed animals (Red) to bullet points and racing flags (Black).
When Red learned that June was Effective Communications Month, she had to laugh, as the first thought that popped into her head was,
Oh, Black will have a field day with this given my tendency to blah-blah-blah. Plus, I don't know how many times she's told me that whatever point I'm trying to make often gets lost in my "sea of words". Of course, when she's told me this in person, I get the added emphasis of seeing her roll her eyes. At least, it's not what I call "The Look", which is a step beyond the rolling of her eyes when you can only imagine what she's thinking, but you know it's not good. But, I digress, which, I guess, is part of my communication "challenge".
The fact Red's warm and fuzzy, and likes to couch her words (whether spoken or written) so as not to hurt anyone's feelings, and to provide full explanations to avoid misunderstanding, is a good thing but is still only half the equation. Communication requires both the sending – and the receiving – of a message. But if the other party isn't listening, it falls on … well, deaf ears. Which often means you repeat yourself (oh, and we all know how our tone of voice changes when we're saying something for the millionth time), and although it may initially have been said with good intentions, ends up being seen as nagging.
Black, on the other hand, has never been accused of being quiet or shy, and given her extremely pragmatic business-like personality, has a much more direct communication style. Some of which Red recognizes can be useful,
I've often said that you write, talk, and probably even dream in bullet points. And while I might think of them as "abrupt" at times, there's no question that they provide a very clear and succinct way of communicating. Which is why I preface some of my longer emails that cover lots of topics and explanations, with, "I'm borrowing some of Black's beloved bullet points …"
So, what's the most effective method? Well, you can spend hours on the internet reading countless articles about the benefits of effective communications, the various types of communications (not everything is verbal and written – think about things like body language and facial expressions), and ways to improve communication skills, but Black tends to look at things slightly backward …
The reality is that we each have our own style of communicating, but we need to remember that communication is a two-way street, and the objective is connecting with other people, and sharing thoughts and ideas. Sometimes the best way to get our point across is to work backward and think how the other person will receive what we want to express. And then listening, truly listening, to their feedback.
Maybe Skin Cancer Advice, But Don’t Expect A Compliment From A Sarcastic Sister
I'll never forget the day. It was an "almost" ordinary day out on the golf course with my mom and dad during the heat of a Long Island summer. Now, if "Long Island" conjures up images of stately manors on the North Shore (think "Great Gatsby") or beachfront mansions in the Hamptons (think Robin Leach and his popular show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"), you can put those out of your head. I'm not talking about some fancy country club golf course, just a regular public course.
I loved the game ever since I learned to play as a teenager, and although I never got to play while at college (Wake Forest, which was renowned for its golf program, with its most famous alumni being Arnold Palmer), I'd try to get out as often as possible when I was home. I wasn't a phenomenal player but had a decent game and natural talent. And most of the time, I hit it pretty straight, so one of the things I enjoyed was walking down the middle of the fairway, pulling my clubs along (no fancy golf carts on this course), appreciating the day and the sport.
On one (very rare) occasion, my sister came back to New York to visit, as she moved out of state as soon as she graduated from business school. She also played golf, but unlike me, who relied on natural ability and played for fun, she worked extremely hard at her game, was overly competitive, and played "business golf". The result was that she was a far better player than me, although I was holding my own on that day.
As Black often says, the scorecard contains only numbers, no editorial. And it would ultimately show that she'd beat me, but as we were each walking up one of the last holes toward our respective balls, in the heat of a late summer afternoon, with the sun at our backs, I was secretly hoping that she'd be proud of me. So, after I hit my fairway shot onto the green, I heard her call out to me, and my hopes were high,
I wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or be angry. Or to just roll my eyes as it really was something only my sister would say. And to this day, I'm not even sure if she had even noticed how close I came to beating her and how well I played – "upping" my game driven by her much better game.
But I also know that I can never look down at my very pale legs without laughing just a little at how a lifetime ago (or so it seems), she was so right. Recently, when she treated me to my first pair of Birkenstocks, I stood in the store trying them on, and before she had a chance to say it I told her … Yes, I do look like I have on white hose.
P. S. – I feel it only fair (pun intended) to have a P.S. for a P.S.A. – Long ago, the harm of the summer sun wasn't as well known, but in the years since, we've learned how important sunblock is. Year-round. So, whether you're a redhead who never tans (I used to cycle between being extremely pale and burning red and back again) or someone who does tan, take care of your skin!