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| You know how I like to blah-blah-blah, barely letting anyone get a word in edgewise? |
| Is this a rhetorical question? Or, a trick question? |
| Neither, I leave those to you. And, you know how things happen to us that seem accidental but probably aren’t coincidences? |
| Is there a point to these questions? If so, can you please get to it? |
| As you often tell me, “Patience, grasshopper.” Although I know that’s not your strong suit. Especially not in conversations. Anyway, the other day you sent me a video about stutterers. Well, that same day, I happened to speak to someone who stuttered, and it was just what I needed. |
| The video? Or, the conversation? |
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Black
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| The conversation. It happened before you sent the video. As you know, we weren’t sure the buyers of Mom’s house wanted the 22-foot shuffleboard table in the second-floor game room. And since it’s a solid piece of, well, whatever the board’s made of, it’d have to be broken down to get it out of the house since the original homeowners probably brought it in through the windows while the house was still being built. |
| I know the story. But, I am running out of patience with your blah-blah-blah. Can you get to the point? |
| I’ll try, but sometimes the details are important. Anyway, I was pretty stressed about finding someone who could remove the shuffleboard, especially since we only had a few days to pull this off. So, I was excited when I found LoadUp, a company that professionally disposes of your old items, but imagine how I felt when the person who answered the phone stuttered. I was not in a patient mood. |
| Oh, I can only imagine. Normally, you would have been patient and understanding, but getting Mom’s house emptied has been overwhelming and emotional for you. |
| There’s an understatement, but something remarkable happened during that call. I went from being incredibly stressed out to being calm and in a good mood. Because as soon as I heard his stutter, I forced myself to “slow down” and just listen. |
| I will not get into the power of active listening, but by focusing on what he was saying, that was an escape, albeit very brief, from everything going on in your mind. |
| Besides him being highly professional and knowledgeable, he was extremely nice and understood my “disposal” dilemma. I only wish he could’ve seen me as I went from being a woman bouncing off the walls to someone in a much better mood, all because, ironically, of his stutter! |
| I am certain he could hear it in the tone of your voice. Regardless, as the video points out, the problem is not with the person who stutters; it is with the listener. |
| Which makes sense. And even though you commented the video was a great piece and worth the time to watch, I only did so a few days ago. And I agree. But you also mentioned I should remind you to tell me about the Make-A-Wish interviewer who stuttered. |
| It was exactly one week before your conversation with the man who stuttered. I arrived for the building dedication interview and was introduced to the two-man film crew – an interviewer and a camera operator. I noticed that one man stuttered, so I assumed he was the camera operator. Imagine my surprise when I found out I had guessed wrong. |
| I’m sure you were great. You don’t tolerate fools well, but you’re very empathic with people who have genuine issues. |
| Perhaps. But, I also have been known to finish people’s sentences or interrupt them when it is obvious where they are going, and I want the conversation to move along quicker. |
| I think we’ve already established you’re impatient. |
| Point made. But, just as you learned allowing yourself to genuinely listen not only allowed you to connect better with him but also to stop and catch your breath, I realized that allowing the interviewer to ask his questions at his pace allowed me to think about what he was saying and carefully prepare my answer. That it was not a race to the finish. |
| So, does that mean you will start being more patient with me? And become a better listener? |
| Doubtful; however, I wonder if people who stutter do a better job of getting to the point and actually are more succinct speakers. |
| You would … |
Remember summer reruns on TV? Well, this month’s column is a first … it’s a “rerun” of our July 2020 column, except we added the word “CRITICAL” in the title. Because, four years later, we feel it’s very sad (and scary) that our sentiments about our country’s leaders having the strength, courage, and conviction to be independent thinkers are still relevant (maybe even more than before). So, the Fourth of July may be behind us, but Election Day will be here before you know it.
| I keep forgetting to ask you, since Sawyer is away at camp, what did you do for July 4th? |
|
Well, it was
a very different Fourth of July. No
kids. No barbeque. No fireworks.
|
| I know most of the fireworks were cancelled, but is your barbeque grill broken? |
| No, this year I decided to declare my "independence" from doing a big holiday grocery shop, major prep work, and cooking outdoors in Texas heat. |
| I wish there were more people willing to declare their independence. |
| Somehow I don't think you're talking about me making an easy pasta dish in the comfort of my air-conditioned house vs. standing over a hot barbeque on a hot day. |
| No, but the quote, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen" does apply to a bunch of elected government "leaders" – and I use that terms loosely as they actually seem to be "followers." You cannot tell me they do not see how their actions – or inactions – are hurting their constituents. |
| Although I agree with you, I can see where some elected officials feel the need to maintain the party line. Like you've always told me, you have to pick your battles. |
| Yes, but we are talking about people's lives. You are the history buff, so you well know there was a time when people would give their lives to do what they felt was right – for their families, for their community, for their country. Even if that meant standing up to those in control. |
| Yes, but I think you're being a bit dramatic. Which is interesting as I was the theater major, not you. After all, equating sacrificing your life to taking a stand about your beliefs is different from leaders who aren't willing to "speak up" to "higher-ups". |
| Really? One is risking their life – the other, maybe, their career. True leadership is about doing what is right. And, if you feel that something that is wrong, take an independent stand. It is about having the strength, courage, and conviction to do what you believe is right. |
| Sounds like you watched "The Patriot" over the holiday weekend. |
| Never heard of it, but you are the movie-goer, not me. Although we both know your primary motivation is the popcorn. |
| True. Anyway, it starred Mel Gibson as an American colonist, and although an "action movie" showing our fight to win independence from Britain, it still explores those exact themes. America may not be a perfect country, but it has always stood up and been willing to fight for what it believes in. |
| Yes, but that is harder to do when leaders are not leading, but rather just following. Being a true leader requires independent thinking. | |
| That reminds me of something someone told me decades ago about a colleague they worked with, "He would be a great leader, if only people would follow him." It definitely made me laugh. |
| Sometimes you do not realize the wisdom of a true leader until much later. Initially, they may be measured by doing what is popular or convenient. |
| I love history, and there are countless examples of just that, but I'm not sure how you begin to crack that nut. Today, thinking, yet alone independent thinking, isn't what a lot of people do well. |
| OK, Miss History. After we got our independence from England, how were we ruled? Who made all the decisions? |
| Is this a trick question? |
| No, I do not know the answer, and I am trying to understand what happened and why. |
| First, my disclaimer that I know more about Tudor history than American history, but to keep it short and simple, the 13 states had to find a way to work together, and the original structure (if you're ever on Jeopardy remember "The Articles of Confederation") gave the states a lot of power. However, that didn't work out so well, and after just a few years, there was the brilliant idea to create The Constitution, which establishes and defines the separation of powers. |
| So, it required a lot of creative thinking, with an end goal of what was best for "We the people". In other words, when our country was born – it was led by independent thinkers not people that merely followed along. |
| Yes, but that's history. Good luck turning back that clock! It would require those "up the ranks" to relinquish some of their power. And need I remind you that we had to fight the War of Independence to achieve that? |
| That history fact, I do know. However, I think we have recently witnessed the importance – and power – of independent thinking. And, combined with good leadership, it can result in great things. |
| Absolutely! And to say there's such an overwhelming need for that at this critical time would be a huge understatement. Maybe it's time for another revolution, although this time make it peaceful. |
| The War of Independent Thinking. Now that would warrant fireworks. |
How you celebrate July 4th may change from year to year (Red will still enjoy a quiet holiday, but this year will be reading as it may take all summer to get through “War and Peace”), but what should never change is remembering WHY (one of Black’s favorite words) we celebrate as well as the sacrifices made to live in a free country …
| This is going to be a very unusual July 4 th for me, with neither girl being home. Natasha always hated the fireworks, but Sawyer would insist we do all the traditional things – barbequing, lots of watermelon, and then watching the fireworks in the Texas heat and humidity. So, this year, I plan to make it a really “cool” holiday … staying in the air-conditioned house, watching a movie or one of my TV series, and celebrating my day of independence from any “mom” responsibilities with a big bucket of freshly popped popcorn! |
| Well, everyone celebrates differently. But, when I think of Independence Day, I think about the challenges our Founding Fathers faced when they drafted the Declaration of Independence , especially as they did not always agree on issues. Challenges our nation continues to face (it is a holiday, so I will not get into the increasingly divisive aspects of politics). And, I cannot help but wonder how many people realize the extent of the sacrifices made by those who signed it in exchange for our country’s freedom. Which is why, as we celebrate July 4th, we need to remember, |
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We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
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What do you get when you cross Flag Day (June 14) with June being Effective Communication Month? Well, if you include Black in the mix, you get one of Red’s favorite memories … and a unique way to think about the importance of communicating – whether in your personal or professional life. And especially if you’re in a racecar!
| This past weekend, I noticed a bunch of flags on my street and wondered why since July 4 th is still almost a month away. But this morning, I learned that today's Flag Day. |
| Well, for someone who likes to decorate for the holidays, I would have thought you would have known all about it. |
| I've heard of it, but I never really thought much about it, let alone when it is. I knew it had to do with the American flag, but it surprised me that it has nothing to do with Betsy Ross, which legend has made the first flag, although it seems there's no evidence to support that. |
| If you want an interesting "story", read about why the American flag is called Old Glory . Regardless, the American flag, like all flags, communicates a message. |
| I know you like to connect odd dots, but only you would see a connection between flags and communications. |
| Not really. In the case of the American flag, they needed something to communicate a new nation fighting for its freedom . But remember when I gave Natasha a set of racing flags years ago? |
| How could I forget? It was a very difficult and challenging time. And although you had already made me realize that different people like to communicate differently , the problem with Natasha wasn't so much how to communicate with her as figuring out when. We were frustrated and walking around on eggshells because we never knew when she was in a good mood or a bad mood, when it was safe to talk to her, and when she needed to be left alone. |
| Sometimes flags are the perfect way to communicate a message when words are not an option. |
| Leave it to you to use racing flags to solve what seemed like an impossible situation in a way that was not only clever but appealed to her because of her love of cars and racing. And we know where she got that from! |
| It just seemed logical. As did the cheat sheet where I basically "translated" the racing meanings of the different color flags for your use. For example, in racing, a green flag can either be the start of a race, a re-start, or just displayed to communicate safe racing. With Natasha, it would mean it was "safe" to talk to her. In racing, a yellow flag means caution and to slow down, which needs no further explanation. |
| I remember her telling me, quite emphatically, that a black flag means "Go away." Which made me laugh because it just seemed so, well, appropriate, given that's something I could see you saying. |
| On the track, it means to go to the pits, usually because you are in trouble. So, I cannot argue with your comment about it being appropriate for me. But, keep in mind that a red flag means to "Stop!" |