Chapter 5: Open Your Eyes Before Your Wallet
To say that Red fought having to deal with her family finances is a huge understatement. But she finally summoned up the courage to start looking at their financial situation (well, maybe not so much courage as it was surrendering to Black's insistence) and slowly starts working her way through Black's six step "Where Is Your Money Going" checklist. As she prepares to tackle Step 4: Develop A Realistic Budget, Red gets to break some surprising news to Black about a fond childhood memory.
P.S. – Red rarely gets the "upper hand" in terms of her older sister, Black, and for it to be related to money makes it even sweeter. Yet, she'll admit that for all the enjoyment of getting to "break the news" to Black, she'd have been better off having the same childhood "punishment" as Black.
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OK. I'm ready to tackle Step 4. Is this something we can do via e-mail or do I need to come over and see how you do your budget? |
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Here is where I have to say, "Do as I say, not as I do," because I have not done a personal budget in years. But I can remember my first one. |
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You remember your first budget? You have a strange collection of fond memories! |
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It was when Mom put me on a clothing budget. She gave me an amount I could spend every year and wrote it on a big manila envelope. Every time I bought something, I would deduct that amount from the total and put the receipt in the envelope. I always knew how much was left in my budget, so I never had to ask if I could buy something. Mom was brilliant! |
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[Silence for 5 seconds, followed by a burst of laughter.] You're kidding, right? |
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No, it was brilliant. |
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No, it was a punishment! It wasn't Mommy's way of teaching you about money; it was her way of controlling you. She was tired of you constantly wanting to buy clothing, and so she did it to shut you up. |
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Are you sure? |
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Very. Mommy told me the story many times. You loved expensive clothing, so she came up with a number that was less than she was willing to spend and told you that was your "budget." I only liked cheap stuff, so she never gave me a budget. |
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Then she did you a huge disservice, because whatever the ulterior motive, it was brilliant. Besides teaching me how to budget, it taught me to save for future purchases and motivated me to get part-time jobs in high school so I would have more money. Which all probably contributed towards making me feel comfortable with finances. I ended up being one of the few women in graduate school majoring in finance and spent the first half of my corporate career in financial planning and budgets. |
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Fine. You live a charmed life! You're the only person I know who could turn a punishment into a career. |
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But remember, I had no idea it was a punishment. Until today. |
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Which I find hilarious. Especially since everything is usually so damn obvious to you. |
Chapter 10: So You Think Staying At Home Isn’t A Full-Time Job?
Even before Red’s husband was fired, she had a lot on her plate. But, in reality, probably no more than any other mom, daughter, and wife, who are often (or should that be “usually”) at the center of everything, with their lives being a combination of chauffeur, referee, nurse, cook, friend, and an assortment of other “hats”. And while it can be very rewarding and gratifying knowing that so many people count on you, it can also be overwhelming, not to mention just plain stressful.
P.S. – Even today, Black’s perspective on being a full-time mom (as a stepmom, she considered herself a part-time mom, although she knew that was an important role) still makes Red smile. And while years ago she might have wished she was just a little less needed, now that her girls are older, it makes her a little sad and very nostalgic.
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Another early morning? |
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Yes! Now that I did the Sunday night review, I can see how you wake up on Monday mornings ready to tackle the week. Except today is Presidents’ Day and so Natasha’s home from school. |
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Anything special planned? |
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Why do I have to have something special planned? In fact, why do I have to be the one who does all the planning? |
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Sorry I asked … |
Black
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Black
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Sorry I’m the one who’s always in charge. Yesterday Mommy called hinting about me driving the girls up to The Woodlands to see her. Last night Natasha was bugging me about plans for today. And at bedtime, Nick was muttering something about looking at TVs for the new house, as if we could afford them. |
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Sounds like you have several options for the day. I do not understand the problem. |
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You wouldn’t. You’re not a mom, or at least not a full-time mom. It seems like everyone wants a piece of me — the kids, Nick, Mom. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a second to think, or even go to the bathroom, without someone interrupting me. |
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That’s because when you said, “I do,” it was short for “I do everything!” |
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You may find that amusing, but I don’t. Everyone needs me to do something. And they want it done on demand. |
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Look on the bright side — at least you know you are needed. |
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That’s what Mom said yesterday, but she said it looking for sympathy. The “woe is me — no one needs me” speech. I tried explaining that it wasn’t the being needed — it was the being needed for every little thing. |
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So when you say it, you are NOT looking for sympathy? |
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That’s different. I’m just venting. And only to you. |
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Thanks for making me feel needed. Being needed is the ultimate in job security. |
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Great. So I guess that means there’s no chance I’ll get fired. |
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Highly unlikely. You chose a career path with great job security but awful hours. Not to mention your job is far more difficult than anything I experienced in the corporate world. And that was before Nick was fired. |
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Thanks. I’m not sure I believe you but I appreciate the acknowledgment that being a mom is more than sitting around eating bonbons. |
I have always admired Black. She had been a driven career woman determined to climb the corporate ladder. So to hear her say that she thought my “job,” which was really my life, was more difficult than any of her corporate positions was pretty incredible. And right now I could use whatever encouragement I could get, so I held on to this thought. Although I did question its validity.
Chapter 9: I'm Too Busy To Make A List Of All The Things On My "To Do" List
Red constantly feels like time’s just flying by, and in terms of her “to do” lists, she’s getting nowhere. (Sound familiar?!) But when she turns to Black hoping to get just a little sympathy or empathy (she should’ve known she’d get neither), instead she gets a sarcastic comment,
I guess I need to tell you my “secret”. Again …
"Once upon a time" is how fairy tales begin, but once upon a time in Red's life, she had lots of things to do but was able to fit everything into any given day. And her worst-case scenario? Something might slide but would still get done in a timely fashion. But when her husband got fired, her fairy tale life ended and she had to take on more day-to-day responsibilities, which meant Red soon began to run out of hours in the day, the week, the month. Luckily, Black's advice about how to manage her time, although not an obvious "approach" until it was explained to her, made a big difference.
P.S. – If Red thought she was busy when her husband got fired, she had no idea what busy was until years later when she had to juggle being a single mom with being the warm and fuzzy half of Red & Black. In fact, this new level of crazy busy (Black likes to clarify that it's "good crazy") has now become the "new norm", which means that Red still struggles with way too much to do and way too little time to do it in. It's then, when she's really stressing out, that Black often has to remind her of the original advice she gave Red, and usually tells her she needs to re-read this excerpt …
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I do have one question. What exactly did you mean by time management? I understand there's a limited amount of time in the day, but unless I give up sleeping altogether, I'm not sure how to find the time to do everything on my lists. I'm already getting up at 5:00 a.m. (and this morning even earlier!) so that I have some quiet time before I start the "mom" thing. Any suggestions? And just this once, skip the smart-ass comments! |
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If I could tell you how to create more time in your day, I could make a fortune. There are countless books on time management, but I doubt you will find the time to read one, so I will tell you what works best for me. |
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Type faster. What's the secret? |
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There is no secret. The best you can hope for is to balance the demands of your "To Do" lists against the reality of how much time you have. |
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Great. Another "clear as mud" comment. |
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Not really. More like another "statement of the obvious" comment. First, I look at my calendar to see where I have appointments or "non-negotiable" demands on my time. This allows me to visualize where I have open blocks of time. I then review my high-priority tasks to determine what absolutely has to happen — whether on a specific day or sometime in the immediate future — and I get that planned. At that point, I have a pretty good feel for how much unclaimed time there is for me to try to tackle other things on my lists. |
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Makes sense. In the past, I best-guessed different tasks for different days, often just randomly assigning them. I definitely didn't plan my time, but that might have been because I didn't have as much that needed to get done. It sounds like I need to start thinking about what I have to do in light of what each day holds. Or at least as best as I can predict it. |
Chapter 9: I’m Too Busy To Make A List Of All The Things On My “To Do” List
Red has always had a tendency (Black would say it’s her default setting) of becoming overwhelmed quickly, especially when presented with a project that she isn’t able to do in “one sitting”. And this was even before her crisis, when she had more time. Before she had to juggle being a mom to two young girls along with handling many new responsibilities, when something as simple as scrapbooking became a major task. And although scrapbooking’s as “warm and fuzzy” as it gets, Black gave her some pragmatic advice that not only calmed her down by making the project manageable, but included the girls.
P.S. – Red knows scrapbooking’s never done, but now, years later, the boxes of “new” items to be included are in the attic, and she’s not sure if working on them will give her a feeling of accomplishment or be bittersweet as her “little girls” have now grown into young women. Regardless, Red decided that when she has some pockets of time (whether over holidays or weekends or maybe whenever she needs a “break”), she’ll continue to eat that elephant that Black had given her the “recipe” to many years prior.
| OK. One of the things that has been on my list forever is working on the girls’ scrapbooks. |
| Scrapbooking? It is a big business and nothing to laugh at. But since I am not a scrapbooker (not sure that is even a real word), could you give me a little more detail? |
| When each of the girls was born, I started a scrapbook and included cards, pictures, and other mementos. I haven’t kept up with it, and now I have boxes of stuff. And still adding more. |
| It is no different than the initial mountains of paper in your workroom. Once you broke them down into smaller, more manageable piles, you were able to make progress. Can you start by sorting the stuff into Natasha vs. Sawyer piles? And then maybe grab a bunch of Ziploc bags and start dividing those two piles into months or holidays? |
| The boxes are probably close to being in reverse chronological order so it might be easier to sort them into months first, and then separate them into piles for each girl. |
| Whatever! The point I was making was if you break it down into more manageable pieces, it will not be so overwhelming. It is just another elephant. Plus, it sounds like it might be something you could do with the girls, although not as quickly as if you did it yourself. But it would allow you to spend time with them AND work on this task. Another good fit. An elephant picnic! |
| You and that stupid elephant analogy. I hate it when you make everything seem so obvious. |
| And I love it when you hate it! |
In reality, I love the elephant analogy. It’s such a wonderful visual! And a great reminder on how it’s possible to tackle and complete something that initially seems insurmountable. Take one bite at a time. And try not to put too much on my plate. Corny, yes. But also incredibly helpful!