It may seem odd to talk about footprints in the snow when most of us are experiencing record heat. But, as we all go through our busy days, it is easy to overlook how the steps we take in life, whether intentional or unplanned, good or bad, lead us to where we are today. And, while it is easy to focus on the past, the future is an untrodden path, waiting for our next step …
Back in 2004, I met an older couple participating in a Ferrari rally, and after a deep conversation over a long lunch, they became dear friends. It was an event that would change my life in many ways, and several months later, shortly after my husband “surprised” me with a divorce, the husband sent me an email that so moved me that I put it in my “Blue Book”. (A Circa planner with a blue leather cover, hence the name, that includes not only my calendars but also a section with a few things I re-read on a regular basis.)
Last month, he passed away. I always made a point of letting them know that “Footprints” had become an important part of my life. They are words to live by. And, in honor of my dear friend, who is loved and missed, I want to share that email. With no edits … as we do not get to edit our lives …
In the spring of 1972 Sue and I had been married for 18 months and we were dissatisfied with our existence. After some serious soul searching we decided to make a radical change in our lives. Both of us had read a book by the author Louis Bromfield that rhapsodized about the joys of farm life. We were young and adventurous, and we did not realize that Mr. Bromfield was independently wealthy, he was in fact a famous Hollywood screenwriter and not even remotely dependent on farming for a living.
We sold all of the extras that we had accumulated such as our house, my AA Fuel Dragster, Dragster Trailer, and miscellaneous spare engine and associated parts, cashed in my life insurance and moved to a small farm in North Central Missouri twelve miles South of the community of Marshall. We had chosen that latitude carefully reasoning that the land around us needed to change as much as possible during the year if we were going to stay in one place all the time. Marshall, Missouri has four distinct and nearly equal seasons with a long Spring and Fall, a real contrast to the monotony of Houston, Texas. The first year of our Missouri residence we saw the temperature swing one hundred and thirty four degrees, from a high in late July of 106º to a low in January of 1973 of 28º below zero. The land changed around us indeed.
One of my real surprises was learning how much I liked cold weather. I had never really lived anywhere where it snowed very often. I was delighted when we had snows during the night that formed ice crystals in the surface so that when the sun came up in the morning the snow sparkled as if there there was a diamond studded white blanket draped across the fields.
One morning in that first winter I left the house early while I was waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. It had snowed about six inches during the night but dawn broke on a cloudless sky with the blue that only a cold clear morning sky has. I wandered with the rising sun at my back to the top of the closest ridge. When I reached the crest I could see before me a gently undulating pristine white scene with only the sounds of the early morning birds to keep me company. It was a glorious day.
After a few moments I turned to leave and there in the otherwise unbroken white lay a path of solitary footprints. Dumbstruck I realized that I was looking at a metaphor for my life, that each step that I had ever taken led precisely to where I was standing. I turned back around and looked at the future, unmarked waiting for my next footprint and I had an epiphany. If I wanted the footprints of the future to go in a certain direction, or to have a particular shape then it was up to me to make each individual step count. The footprints of the future would leave a history of my choices. That morning in the snow my life changed and I started the footprints that surely lead to where I am standing now.
In time I came to understand that each footprint was necessary to help me reach this moving destination, each misstep, each stumble, each mistake and fall, each heartache and all the joys have made me into the man I am today.
I don't regret a single one.
Drive carefully my friend, the future is before you, the footprints of the past cannot be changed.
To say that this summer has been hot is an understatement, but summer has always been a season to enjoy longer days, the slower pace, and summer eating. And just because we’re being bombarded with pumpkin-flavored everything, indicating Fall’s just around the corner, it doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy the summer way of life.
When the summer started, Red struggled to balance the feeling that she should be getting more done with the “extra hours” vs. wanting to enjoy more leisure time. Of course, Black couldn’t resist pointing out,
There are 24 hours in a day, regardless of season. The extra daylight makes you feel like you have more hours. Regardless, summer is a great time to rethink how you spend those “extra” hours.
So, even though the calendar may indicate we only have a few weeks left of summer, it’s not too late to think about summer hours … and how you can adjust your mindset. Which can last, well, forever.
To read our full conversation, which includes Black suggestion of possibly doing a cookbook (was she serious or merely being her typical sarcastic self?), click here.
| I know it wasn’t your kind of movie, but I can’t stop thinking about the Barbie movie. |
| It is if I look at it as a “research project” versus pure entertainment. |
| Of course, you did. But I do understand. I know Sawyer was very excited about going to the sneak preview the night before it officially opened, not only to be entertained but to watch it through the lens (pun intended) of her classes at Belmont since she’s majoring in Creative & Entertainment Industries. |
| I know she was excited to see it again with us. It is one of those movies where you will pick up on different things with each viewing. |
| So, does that mean you’re going to see it a second time? |
| Not sure. Once may have been Kenough. |
| Cute. Sawyer mentioned that she and a few of her friends tried to buy the tie-dye sweatshirt Ryan Gosling wears in the movie that says “I am Kenough,” and it’s sold out. |
| The movie has been a marketing machine and I am fascinated by all the co-branding. And, how Mattel is not only trying to change how we look at Barbie, but also rebranding itself. |
|
Unlike you, I want to
enjoy movies. Although the theater major
in me can’t help but critique them. But I’m
not the least bit interested in the business side. |
| Well, the actors and writers strikes may change that. Regardless, all I was going to say is that most people think of Mattel as a toy company, and with the release of “Barbie,” it is becoming more Disney-like in that it is an intellectual property (IP) company managing franchises. That also happens to sell stuff. Lots of stuff. |
| I guess that explains why it’s a full-blown Hollywood movie with big-name movie stars. And directed by Greta Gerwig, a “serious” and well-respected director. But what made you go see it? Growing up, I don’t remember seeing you play with Barbie dolls. I know I didn’t. |
| Does hanging out with the boys next door and tying firecrackers to Barbie dolls count? But, I do have one Barbie doll pristine in her original box. |
| Are you messing with me? Or are you going to say it was an investment purchase? |
| Neither. When I was racing the Ferrari Challenge, my crew gave me Ferrari Barbie as a gift. I put her on the shelf next to my various racing awards and paraphernalia. |
|
Did they mean it as a compliment or a gag gift? |
| Hard to say, as I was the only woman racing the series. But, I did not ask. What was important was how I saw it, not how they did. And, that is why I wanted to see the movie. I had been reading how Gerwig was determined it would not be some “fluff” piece but a work of art and a commentary on society and women. It is an impressive objective, and not one you would associate with Barbie. |
| Based on the records being broken at the box office, millions of people wanted to see it. Although I’d guess most just wanted to be entertained. |
| I was impressed with how Gerwig had something for all women – whether an anti-Barbie feminist or a Barbie fanatic. The real debate is her messaging about men and patriarchal societies. |
| And that’s just it. It’s about so much more than Barbie. It’s about society and its expectations of women. And men. Women’s expectations of women. Women’s and men’s expectations of each other. |
| I thought it was brilliant how Gerwig basically said, “Ken, welcome to our world,” when he started lamenting about feeling like a “second-class citizen” or being in a supporting role. |
| I know! But what I found so poignant was the scene towards the end of the movie when Ken is trying to explain to Barbie how he only exists because of her, and she tells him he needs to discover who he is, that he has an identity that’s not tied to being part of “Barbie and Ken.” |
| Do you think that is a generational thing? Do people still believe their identity is tied to their significant other? |
| Trust me, they do. And it’s not just women. The other day Sawyer told me about a guy friend of hers who had been in a relationship with one of her girlfriends. They recently broke up, and he’s having a really hard time letting go, admitting that he has “lost himself” in her. Sawyer told him he needed to see the movie because he’s Ken. |
| Interesting. I would not have thought to use the movie for relationship counseling. But, I would in terms of self-realization, especially Gloria’s monologue about the challenges of being a woman. |
| That really hit home. And although I totally support all the messaging, I do wish there weren’t quite so many. |
| In the movie? Or, in real life? |
Want to read other columns? Here's a list.
Want to declutter and make a little extra money? Garage sales are a great way, but they can be so much more … as Red pointed out to Black last year …
| Thanks for the accounting of your garage sale. But, given how many hours you spent preparing for it, and then the actual sale itself, did you calculate how much you “earned” on a $/hour basis? |
| No, all I know is that it seemed to take forever to go through everything in Mom’s house and decide what to keep, what to sell, what to donate. And what to trash. As far as the garage sale, I’ll give you your half the next time I see you. |
| Keep my half. You did all the work. I did not even offer to help. |
| And that was a big help. Thank you. |
| Obviously, you must be exhausted because you are making no sense. |
| Sorry, but I have a specific way of running garage sales, and the last thing I needed was another “cook in the kitchen” . |
| Not a good analogy as “cook” is a four-letter word that I do not use. |
| Cute. But seriously, I knew if I had asked you to help, you would’ve. But I can only imagine how you’d have reacted when you first saw all the stuff for sale. Especially as I treat garage sales as a way to get rid of items that I know have very little value. I’m not trying to maximize the money I make; I’m just trying to make the stuff “go away”. In fact, I don’t even put prices on them. |
| That all makes sense. Except for not having everything pre-priced. That would drive me crazy. How do you know what to charge people? |
| It’s an experience thing and another reason why I didn’t ask you to help. I have a sense of prices, but not something I could quantify in advance. When someone arrives, I tell them that everything’s cheap and give them an example. They usually look at me like, “Wow, she means it.” And then I tell them to collect what they want and that I promise to give them a good price. And I do. |
| Is that why you and Mom never had joint garage sales? I cannot imagine she would let you determine prices on the spot. |
| Actually, she’s the one who “taught” me not to price things. That if someone picks up something or you see them looking at it, they’re interested. And that’s all you need to know. Where we differed was in how much to charge. To her, it was fun, but also a way to make money. To me, a garage sale isn’t my retirement account. It’s my way to get rid of stuff, especially big, bulky stuff. |
| In other words, people are paying you to haul off your trash. Or, save you trips taking stuff to your local thrift stores. |
| Exactly. Although I still take a lot of items to thrift stores that would probably sell for a decent price at a garage sale because I believe in what they’re doing, and I know that my donations make a difference. But I forgot how fun a garage sale can be, meeting people and laughing, just making connections, and knowing that someone will now enjoy and/or use your things. Or, in this case, Mom’s things. |
| Is there a particular age group that came to your garage sale? |
| It was truly a mix of people. Not counting the kids tagging along with their parents, which reminded me of when the girls would set up a lemonade stand to benefit Make-A-Wish at my garage sales years ago, they ranged from 20-somethings to senior citizens. But I’m almost afraid to ask why you asked. |
| I will not get into studies and statistics, but younger people are really into the environment and reusing older things, especially clothing (which is one of the three “new” R’s – reduce – reuse – recycle ). So, garage sales, along with thrift stores, are becoming more popular than ever. |
| I love it! And the idea of so many of Mom’s things, now that she’s passed, will get to live on and be enjoyed by others. |
| At the risk of sounding like a MasterCard commercial , there are some things that money cannot buy. Like sentimental value and fond memories. |
| I know. Which is why the process of sorting everything was so time-consuming. Interestingly, when that came up in conversation during the garage sale, so many people could relate and then shared their own stories. It was as if they wanted me to know that Mom’s things were getting a good home. |
| Well, if you add that to the cash you made, it sounds like a very successful garage sale. Hopefully, the next sale, being an estate sale with larger and higher-priced items, will be as successful. And, although I tried to get you to use a professional “estate sale” company that would do everything for you, I am beginning to understand why you decided to do it yourself. |
| The hardest part was culling and organizing, and there was no way I’d let strangers go through all of Mom’s things. And the internet makes “advertising” the sale and posting items online very easy. All-in-all, there’s no reason we can’t do it ourselves. |
| We?! |
| Yes, because your ability to combine photos into a single image and correct my grammar is important. But your spreadsheets will be critical. |
| Now, that I can do. |