Words & Banter

This Is An Important Reminder? Don’t Expect A Compliment From A Sarcastic Sister.

Photo by Iam Anupong on iStock

Some memories fade with time, but others remain as vivid as the day they happened. Like the day my big sister and I played golf together (an extremely rare event), although the memory isn’t about golf, but about how a sister’s flippant comment can stay with you for over 40 years …

There was no way to know it would become a highly effective way of remembering the importance of sunscreen. Especially as it happened before May was declared Skin Cancer Awareness Month, and May 27 became National Sunscreen Day.

I'll never forget the day. It was an "almost" ordinary day out on the golf course with my mom and dad during the heat of a Long Island summer. Now, if "Long Island" conjures up images of stately manors on the North Shore (think "Great Gatsby") or beachfront mansions in the Hamptons (think Robin Leach and his popular show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"), you can put those out of your head. I'm not talking about some fancy country club golf course, just a regular public course.


I loved the game ever since I learned to play as a teenager, and although I never got to play while at college (Wake Forest, which was renowned for its golf program, with its most famous alumni being Arnold Palmer), I'd try to get out as often as possible when I was home. I wasn't a phenomenal player but had a decent game and natural talent. And most of the time, I hit it pretty straight, so one of the things I enjoyed was walking down the middle of the fairway, pulling my clubs along (no fancy golf carts on this course), appreciating the day and the sport.

On one (very rare) occasion, my sister came back to New York to visit, as she moved out of state as soon as she graduated from business school. She also played golf, but unlike me, who relied on natural ability and played for fun, she worked extremely hard at her game, was overly competitive, and played "business golf". The result was that she was a far better player than me, although I was holding my own on that day.

As Black often says, the scorecard contains only numbers, no editorial. And it would ultimately show that she'd beat me, but as we were each walking up one of the last holes toward our respective balls, in the heat of a late summer afternoon, with the sun at our backs, I was secretly hoping that she'd be proud of me. So, after I hit my fairway shot onto the green, I heard her call out to me, and my hopes were high,

Hey, Red! I was watching you hit that shot, and well, I have been watching you all afternoon, and I have to say … you have the whitest legs I have ever seen, or are you wearing white pantyhose?

I wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or be angry. Or to just roll my eyes as it really was something only my sister would say. And to this day, I'm not even sure if she had even noticed how close I came to beating her and how well I played – "upping" my game driven by her much better game.

But I also know that I can never look down at my very pale legs without laughing just a little at how a lifetime ago (or so it seems), she was so right. Recently, when she treated me to my first pair of Birkenstocks, I stood in the store trying them on, and before she had a chance to say it I told her … Yes, I do look like I have on white hose.

P. S. – I feel it only fair (pun intended) to have a P.S. for a P.S.A. – Long ago, the harm of the summer sun wasn't as well known, but in the years since, we've learned how important sunblock is. Year-round. So, whether you're a redhead who never tans (I used to cycle between being extremely pale and burning red and back again) or someone who does tan, take care of your skin!

From back flap of our book, “What I Learned About Life When My Husband Got Fired!” Photographer unknown.

Long before we had an ABOUT page, readers met Red not only through the back flap of our bestselling book, What I Learned About Life When My Husband Got Fired!, but because her crisis was the book’s title! But a lot has happened since Black turned her crisis into a book — a brand — a business. Including a lot of growing up.

And Red? Still warm and fuzzy. Just a lot less sheltered.

WHAT WE SAID THEN

When we started working on the book, Red couldn’t find a photo of her and the girls, so they posed for one in the fall of 2004. Later, our book editor captured Red this way:

After getting a degree in Theater Arts, Red moved back in with her parents until she married an outgoing Englishman and followed his career around the globe. Now she lives in Sugar Land, a suburban city on the outskirts of Houston, Texas. Red is a warm and fuzzy mom whose life revolves around her two red-headed girls. With Red, it's all about the feelings.

WHAT WE DIDN’T KNOW THEN …

We knew Red was used to letting others take the lead. We didn’t know that once she took control, she’d discover how much she was capable of.

We knew her life revolved around her two red-headed girls. We didn’t know how much growing up was still ahead — for them and for Red.

We knew Red had learned a lot when her husband got fired. We probably should have known she’d want to use what she learned to help others.

And we described Red as “warm and fuzzy” and “all about the feelings. ”Still true. She’s just learned that sometimes warm and fuzzy isn’t enough.

AND THERE’S A STORY BEHIND THE PHOTO …

What makes this seemingly ordinary photo remarkable? Red’s in front of the camera!

She was almost always the one behind the camera, so when we needed a photo of her for the book, it had to be staged. In fact, she’s not even sure who took the photo.

At the time, it was simply a photo we needed. Looking at it now, it’s more than that. It captured Red in the middle of the life she’d always dreamed about — and when her girls were still young and being their mom was the center of her world.

She knew they would grow up. She just didn’t know how quickly that picture would become a memory.

A lot has changed since that photo was taken. Including Red.

Same family. Very different approaches to life.

Red is warm and fuzzy. Black is pragmatic and sarcastic.

  • Red leads with her heart. Black leads with her head.
  • Red wants to talk it through. Black wants to solve it.
  • Red gives you the context. Black gives you the bottom line.

Which sounds more like you?

Which brings us to one of our favorite examples: When we had to explain the differences between us for the Introduction to What I Learned About Life When My Husband Got Fired!, Red wrote pages with her usual blah-blah-blah. Black gave the book designer a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet.

Funny thing is that over the years, readers have not only told us which of us they’re more like, but also gone so far as to identify the “Reds” and “Blacks” in their own families. We even had a few who nicknamed themselves (one was “Brown,” another was “Bald”).

So, are you more like Red or Black? Or somewhere in between?


Red's Head Red assets.rebelmouse.io


I know everyone’s always trying to find balance in their life. I thought becoming an empty nester would make that easier, but apparently not. The girls may be grown, but being a mom doesn’t end when your children move out. Between them, Red & Black, and my seemingly endless lists of things to do, I still struggle.


Black's Head Black assets.rebelmouse.io


And, as I am a die-hard workaholic who admits to not having a life, you think I have the answer?


Red's Head Red assets.rebelmouse.io


Excellent point. Never mind.


Black's Head Black assets.rebelmouse.io


However, I do have some suggestions … although I will preface it with, "Do as I say, not as I do."
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