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Curiosity question: Since Sawyer is 17, I know that she is too old to be a camper at Heart O' the Hills this summer, but is she planning to be a Heart-Lite? |
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Where have the years gone?! It seems like only yesterday that we had to convince them to let her attend when she was "almost six" and now she's old enough to be an assistant counselor. |
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True, but that does not answer my question. |
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She submitted the application and a phone interview has been scheduled. But what prompted your question? |
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I received an email from them describing their new leadership team, including some of this summer's counselors, and I thought about the great resume value for those individuals. |
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That's not why Sawyer's doing it. She just loves camp – the activities and the friends she's made, especially the "little ones" that she got to be "big sister" to. From the very beginning, she's always talked about hoping to be a counselor one day. |
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I have always been impressed by her ability – and passion – to teach and to mentor, whether at camp, at volleyball, or with the Special Olympics team. And, even though I only attend a few volleyball games each year, her leadership skills are very obvious. No wonder she has been named team captain the last two years. |
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Funny you say that, as other parents have commented to me about that, too. I know that as her mom I'm biased, but I'm so proud of her this year. Not only is she "playing up" and on the team for 18-year-olds and developing her technical skills, but she's really excelling at strategic thinking and team-building. |
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From what you have told me, she is extremely dependable and her teammates trust and rely on her. That is critical. As are the ability to communicate and resolve conflict. |
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She seems to have all those traits, although I can't take any credit for them. She must have been born that way. Not to mention, she didn't inherit her athletic skills from me, either. |
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I do not have the time for a nature versus nurture conversation, but hard work and focused efforts can go a long way. |
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Maybe in terms of athletics, but I think being a leader is something you're naturally born to be or not. |
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I disagree. I think it is easier to learn to be a good leader than to be a good athlete. |
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Then explain why I was more of a natural at golf than you, but you ended up a better golfer. |
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Because I needed it to advance my career. So, I took lessons and worked at it. Plus, I am much more competitive than you. |
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Now there's an understatement. But you're definitely a natural leader. |
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I have to disagree again. After business school, I did well in positions where I worked independently. I could analyze any situation, spit out a bunch of ideas and suggestions, and get them implemented. But, then I wanted to move to the next assignment. Unfortunately, rather than using me as in-house consultant, I was promoted into management. |
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Wasn't that a good thing? |
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Except that I was totally unprepared. |
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So, what did you do? |
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I looked around the company and found senior management that I admired and respected. Then, I emulated their style and approach. |
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Are you saying that you pretended to be someone you weren't? |
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Have you never heard the adage, "Fake it until you make it?" There is actually science supporting the concept, but the interesting part is that, along the way, I learned the difference between management and leadership. |
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There's a difference? |
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Managing is telling people what to do, how to do it, and then expecting them to do it. Leading is showing by example. Would you rather follow someone or "obey" them? I witnessed that the true leaders were open to ideas, they were patient and empathetic, and they provided timely communication, effective feedback, and positive reinforcement. All powerful traits that can be learned. |
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Well, I have to tell you, based on your description, most of the volleyball coaches I've seen over the years have been managers, not leaders. |
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I would be interested to know if that is a function of the level of the team. Is there a difference in coaching style when you get to the best nationally ranked club teams? What about at the collegiate level? |
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Good questions. I'd guess having better players helps, too. |
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Yes, but even with "better" employees, just demanding them to "do better" will not get the same result as inspiring them to do so. Funny thing is that I was just trying to do my job better, but by helping them do their jobs better, we all benefited. |
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Well, it sounds like Sawyer's leadership skills will one day be invaluable in the workplace. But I'd love to know where she learned them. |
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Probably from you. |
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Seriously? I find it very hard to believe that you think of me as a leader. |
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Do you demand things of the girls? Or, do you ask and then take the time to explain why? Do you follow through on the expectations and rules you have set? Do you take responsibility for your actions and expect them to do the same? Do you provide them with positive feedback or only just find fault? Even when you think you are right, are you willing to listen not only to their perspective, but also their ideas and suggestions? Are you willing to admit when you are wrong? Shall I continue? |
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No! You made your point. I guess I just see these as good mom skills, not leadership traits. |
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But, it is not an either-or situation. Those same traits can be used to be successful at home, at work, even as a volunteer. Think about the parents who are part of the PTA or who are little league coaches. Leadership skills are transferable. And, definitely can be learned, and taught. |
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Wow, I never realized there are so many similarities between leadership and parenting. But I can see where they're each both challenging, yet highly rewarding. |
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Agree, but I would venture to guess that parenting is much more difficult. |
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Now, that I was never expecting. |
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Whatever. |
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| Well, it’s our first column of the year. A new beginning. Any “new” ideas for topics? Something other than New Year’s resolutions. |
| Is there a reason you do not want to talk about resolutions? |
| Obviously, yours was not to ask fewer questions. |
| That will never happen, but you are avoiding the question. Why? |
| Because every year, I have a long list of things I want to do, and I start strong, but within a few months, I fall back into old habits. Sometimes it only takes weeks. It’s frustrating and disappointing. |
| Next question. What is the opposite of “old?" |
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| I want to say, “New,” but this is clearly one of your trick questions. |
| ”New” would technically be correct … but, so is “current.” Most people think of resolutions as total overhauls, which has never made sense to me. Instead of major change, which is rarely a realistic goal, why not focus on improving and doing things better? |
| Now that’s an interesting thought, especially as Sawyer said to me, mere minutes into the new year, that one of her resolutions was to build on last year’s goals at the gym. So, for me, instead of using that dreaded word “diet,” I could just focus on eating better. |
| “Dieting” is focused on weight loss, but eating better is about healthy choices. It may sound like a nuance, but it is a different mindset. |
| All I know is phrasing it that way already takes the pressure off. And since I love fruit and salads, it’d be easier to think about using them as substitutes vs. trying to give up the “bad stuff”. |
| Exactly. Keep what you are doing that is good and get rid of – or at least reduce – what is not so good. |
| I find it interesting that you said “not so good” instead of “bad.” I
like that. It puts the focus on the good. Which is a good
idea! Pun intended. |
| And, that applies to everything … not just eating habits. |
| Well, it’s too bad that everyone doesn’t focus on the good. There’s so much negativity everywhere. You turn on the news, and that’s all you hear. You pick up the newspaper, and that’s all you see. And to make matters worse, I often feel like the media’s stirring the pot. |
| Good thing you are not on social media. It is even worse there. |
| I’d like to think people want good news, but I feel like you have to
search for those stories. For example, I get CNN headlines on my phone,
and there’s usually one or two “feel good” stories, but they’re typically buried
at the bottom. |
| Without boring you with studies and statistics, although people say they prefer stories with a “positive” message, they are drawn to “negative” stories. And, since the news media is big business, it gives audiences what they want. Maybe you should change your newsfeed to Axios, as I find its stories are not only factual, but have a human element as they explain “why” the information is important. Regardless, nothing requires you to keep up with all the news. |
| Usually it’s just background noise while I’m doing other things. But when Mom passed in mid-December, I stopped watching the news and have barely looked at the headlines on my phone. It started with me feeling like I didn’t need to hear anything negative going on in the world while I was dealing with my grief. And then I decided I didn’t miss all the negative news and preferred to focus on positive things. |
| Imagine if everyone took that same approach. Focusing on positive things, not negative. The difference it could make – not only to us individually but to society as a whole. |
| Do you think, in today’s world where people are so quick to criticize and find the negative, that’s even possible? |
| You tell me. After “divorcing” yourself from the news, have you noticed any change in your behavior toward others? |
| Yes, but it also might be because Mom’s passing has made me overly sensitive. However, I’ve found myself having more patience with other people. Places where I sometimes can be impatient – the grocery store, the gas station, etc. |
| You get impatient with people? So, you are not always warm and fuzzy? |
| Very funny. But if you’ll let me
finish ... instead of ignoring people and/or muttering to myself that they
were in my way or moving slowly or whatever, I’ve been giving people more “time”.
I make a point of trying to smile or
making a friendly comment. And almost everyone
has responded in a positive way. |
| Kindness can be contagious. So, maybe you should add that to your list of New Year’s resolutions. As I already said, resolutions do not have to be major overhauls, they are about improving and doing things better. |
| So, what do you plan to do better in the New Year? Work on your sarcasm, perhaps? |
| Actually, I have been told I already do that well. But, I guess there is always room for improvement … |
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