Words & Banter

RED & BLACK ... Leaders All Around Us

Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash


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Curiosity question: Since Sawyer is 17, I know that she is too old to be a camper at Heart O' the Hills this summer, but is she planning to be a Heart-Lite?


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Where have the years gone?! It seems like only yesterday that we had to convince them to let her attend when she was "almost six" and now she's old enough to be an assistant counselor.


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True, but that does not answer my question.


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She submitted the application and a phone interview has been scheduled. But what prompted your question?


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I received an email from them describing their new leadership team, including some of this summer's counselors, and I thought about the great resume value for those individuals.


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That's not why Sawyer's doing it. She just loves camp – the activities and the friends she's made, especially the "little ones" that she got to be "big sister" to. From the very beginning, she's always talked about hoping to be a counselor one day.


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I have always been impressed by her ability – and passion – to teach and to mentor, whether at camp, at volleyball, or with the Special Olympics team. And, even though I only attend a few volleyball games each year, her leadership skills are very obvious. No wonder she has been named team captain the last two years.


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Funny you say that, as other parents have commented to me about that, too. I know that as her mom I'm biased, but I'm so proud of her this year. Not only is she "playing up" and on the team for 18-year-olds and developing her technical skills, but she's really excelling at strategic thinking and team-building.


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From what you have told me, she is extremely dependable and her teammates trust and rely on her. That is critical. As are the ability to communicate and resolve conflict.


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She seems to have all those traits, although I can't take any credit for them. She must have been born that way. Not to mention, she didn't inherit her athletic skills from me, either.


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I do not have the time for a nature versus nurture conversation, but hard work and focused efforts can go a long way.


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Maybe in terms of athletics, but I think being a leader is something you're naturally born to be or not.


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I disagree. I think it is easier to learn to be a good leader than to be a good athlete.


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Then explain why I was more of a natural at golf than you, but you ended up a better golfer.


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Because I needed it to advance my career. So, I took lessons and worked at it. Plus, I am much more competitive than you.


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Now there's an understatement. But you're definitely a natural leader.


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I have to disagree again. After business school, I did well in positions where I worked independently. I could analyze any situation, spit out a bunch of ideas and suggestions, and get them implemented. But, then I wanted to move to the next assignment. Unfortunately, rather than using me as in-house consultant, I was promoted into management.


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Wasn't that a good thing?


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Except that I was totally unprepared.


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So, what did you do?


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I looked around the company and found senior management that I admired and respected. Then, I emulated their style and approach.


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Are you saying that you pretended to be someone you weren't?


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Have you never heard the adage, "Fake it until you make it?" There is actually science supporting the concept, but the interesting part is that, along the way, I learned the difference between management and leadership.


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There's a difference?


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Managing is telling people what to do, how to do it, and then expecting them to do it. Leading is showing by example. Would you rather follow someone or "obey" them? I witnessed that the true leaders were open to ideas, they were patient and empathetic, and they provided timely communication, effective feedback, and positive reinforcement. All powerful traits that can be learned.


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Well, I have to tell you, based on your description, most of the volleyball coaches I've seen over the years have been managers, not leaders.


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I would be interested to know if that is a function of the level of the team. Is there a difference in coaching style when you get to the best nationally ranked club teams? What about at the collegiate level?


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Good questions. I'd guess having better players helps, too.


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Yes, but even with "better" employees, just demanding them to "do better" will not get the same result as inspiring them to do so. Funny thing is that I was just trying to do my job better, but by helping them do their jobs better, we all benefited.


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Well, it sounds like Sawyer's leadership skills will one day be invaluable in the workplace. But I'd love to know where she learned them.


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Probably from you.


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Seriously? I find it very hard to believe that you think of me as a leader.


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Do you demand things of the girls? Or, do you ask and then take the time to explain why? Do you follow through on the expectations and rules you have set? Do you take responsibility for your actions and expect them to do the same? Do you provide them with positive feedback or only just find fault? Even when you think you are right, are you willing to listen not only to their perspective, but also their ideas and suggestions? Are you willing to admit when you are wrong? Shall I continue?


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No! You made your point. I guess I just see these as good mom skills, not leadership traits.


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But, it is not an either-or situation. Those same traits can be used to be successful at home, at work, even as a volunteer. Think about the parents who are part of the PTA or who are little league coaches. Leadership skills are transferable. And, definitely can be learned, and taught.


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Wow, I never realized there are so many similarities between leadership and parenting. But I can see where they're each both challenging, yet highly rewarding.


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Agree, but I would venture to guess that parenting is much more difficult.


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Now, that I was never expecting.


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Whatever.

Want to read other columns? Here's a list.

After a busy weekend doing all those personal things that pile up during the week, I feel like I need a nap. But ironically, I never think about weekend naps, even though I could “rationalize” them as doing something positive for myself vs. feeling like it’s a “guilty pleasure” (which is how I feel about workday naps).

When I mentioned that to Black, she suggested I reread my post below (I still laugh at one of the places Black has taken power naps). She then added that it was a selfish request as she knows that my work, not to mention my mood, improves from recharging my batteries.

I'm sitting at my computer but I see our big black labradoodle, Moo (imagine calling for her on the street), curled up for a nap in an armchair. I look at her with love but also with more than a touch of envy. Because as much as the stacks of papers on my desk beckon (or is it taunts) me, a nap's what I really want, and probably need.

The reasons why are unimportant but probably familiar to most people. I stayed up later than I planned, then my sleep was interrupted during the night by Moo, a crazy morning filled with unplanned things that delayed what I'd hoped to have accomplished, which meant I was now working at full speed to "catch up" and I felt exhausted. Not to mention, this morning's caffeine had worn off hours ago.

You may be thinking, "You work from home, just stop what you're doing and take a nap." Well, it sounds like good advice except I'd feel guilty doing that, especially during a workday. A nap just seems selfish. Plus, I'm not sure how I'd explain it to Black, although she doesn't sleep normal hours, and does take power naps.

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Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash


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Why does everything have to be such a struggle? Even a simple phone call to a doctor’s office. I don’t know whether it’s because I’m tired or getting older, but I just don’t have the time or the patience for this.


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Me, neither.


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Do you mean this conversation? Or are you agreeing with me? Which, although nice, doesn’t make sense, as you don’t even know what happened.
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If you asked each of us our favorite childhood book, Red would draw a blank, while Black would quickly reply, “The Little Engine That Could,” and then start repeating, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.” But if you asked about our memory of the first book we read on our own, we might not remember the title, but it would be a Dr. Seuss book. And even though we both love to read, that would probably be the last time we agreed on what to read (see Red's original post below). Red prefers to read for enjoyment and escape (she’ll read online articles as “brain breaks” during the workday), while Black always seems to be “researching” something … and recently sent Red an article listing the benefits of reading because, in addition to our love of reading, we both love lists!

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