We have no words of wisdom, only sadness and embarrassment.
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: It's becoming almost a daily occurrence, but our reactions to it, although strong and condemning, are also a reflection of our different perspectives.
As a mom, Red finds it both incomprehensible and incredibly frightening, as she fears that with each passing day, there's truly no safe place for her children, for her loved ones, her friends, herself. There's always been the possibility of random acts of violence, but by using a combination of common sense and doing the "right things" there was a lot you could do to avoid putting yourself in harm's way. But it seems everything has changed.
The recent shooting in Boulder, Colorado showed that just going grocery shopping could prove deadly, just as prior events – from attending an outdoor concert in Las Vegas or a nightclub in Florida to even going to a movie, again in Colorado – made us realize that routine activities are no longer immune from the horrors of gun violence. However, most would agree that the very worst (not that any loss of life is acceptable) are the deadly school shootings across the nation, too numerous to mention.
As President Biden stated after the recent Indianapolis mass shooting,
Gun violence is an epidemic in America. But we should not accept it. We must act. … Too many Americans are dying every single day from gun violence. It stains our character and pierces the very soul of our nation. We can, and must, do more to act and to save lives.
Black, of course, agreed with Red, and then reminded her that it was less than a month ago that we addressed the question, Another mass shooting! How do we make these stop?, and that there's no simple answer. And then we started talking about how all gun violence is being "lumped together" – domestic violence, targeted shootings, and random mass shootings – and making headline news. Of course, any lost life is tragic, with the heartbreak and ripple effect no less so in one situation than another.
Always driven by statistics and numbers, vs. emotion, Black found a website that provides near-real-time data about the results of gun violence. She also looked at how gun violence in the U.S. compares to the rest of the world (including a BBC article with great graphics). The more she thought about it – the more she realized that the specifics related to any gun violence point to a bigger problem … that needs to be addressed on a bigger scale.
As Black explained to Red … it isn't just about gun control, it's about leadership (or, perhaps, the lack thereof). Gun violence shouldn't be political – yet there's so much political rhetoric that seems to condone violence. Full stop. Then, she became more emphatic,
When will politicians start taking responsibility for their words and actions (and inactions)? And, when will we all start taking responsibility to hold them – and ourselves – responsible for who we are – and what we represent? Because, quite simply, we are better than this. As individuals. As a country.
Today’s technology may be very different from when we first ran this four years ago, but it makes communication skills even more critical, and Effective Communications Monthis the perfect time to acknowledge it’s a superpower …
Talking isn't the same as communicating. And hearing isn't the same as listening. Think about it.
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: Being an effective communicator, whether in our personal lives or at work, is a critical skill but one-size-doesn't-fit-all as we each use very different methods and styles … ranging from lots of words and talking stuffed animals (Red) to bullet points and racing flags (Black).
When Red learned that June was Effective Communications Month, she had to laugh, as the first thought that popped into her head was,
Oh, Black will have a field day with this given my tendency to blah-blah-blah. Plus, I don't know how many times she's told me that whatever point I'm trying to make often gets lost in my "sea of words". Of course, when she's told me this in person, I get the added emphasis of seeing her roll her eyes. At least, it's not what I call "The Look", which is a step beyond the rolling of her eyes when you can only imagine what she's thinking, but you know it's not good. But, I digress, which, I guess, is part of my communication "challenge".
The fact Red's warm and fuzzy, and likes to couch her words (whether spoken or written) so as not to hurt anyone's feelings, and to provide full explanations to avoid misunderstanding, is a good thing but is still only half the equation. Communication requires both the sending – and the receiving – of a message. But if the other party isn't listening, it falls on … well, deaf ears. Which often means you repeat yourself (oh, and we all know how our tone of voice changes when we're saying something for the millionth time), and although it may initially have been said with good intentions, ends up being seen as nagging.
Black, on the other hand, has never been accused of being quiet or shy, and given her extremely pragmatic business-like personality, has a much more direct communication style. Some of which Red recognizes can be useful,
I've often said that you write, talk, and probably even dream in bullet points. And while I might think of them as "abrupt" at times, there's no question that they provide a very clear and succinct way of communicating. Which is why I preface some of my longer emails that cover lots of topics and explanations, with, "I'm borrowing some of Black's beloved bullet points …"
So, what's the most effective method? Well, you can spend hours on the internet reading countless articles about the benefits of effective communications, the various types of communications (not everything is verbal and written – think about things like body language and facial expressions), and ways to improve communication skills, but Black tends to look at things slightly backward …
The reality is that we each have our own style of communicating, but we need to remember that communication is a two-way street, and the objective is connecting with other people, and sharing thoughts and ideas. Sometimes the best way to get our point across is to work backward and think how the other person will receive what we want to express. And then listening, truly listening, to their feedback.
If you’ve never thought about May Day, don’t worry, most of us haven’t.
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: Red appreciates that some holidays have historical significance, some have ancient traditions, and some are opportunities for one of Black’s unexpected, but often amusing and clever, comments, but May Day checks all those boxes.
As soon as Black mentioned pole dancing, Red, a lover of movies, immediately thought of “Hustlers.” No, not “ The Hustler,” the 1961 classic with Paul Newman as a small-time pool hustler. Instead, “Hustlers,” the 2019 release with Jennifer Lopez about pole dancing hustlers that showed it took more than a desire to make money, but skill and athleticism.
But Red had no idea the significance of May Day Maypole dancing. When she lived in England, May Day was a bank holiday, and she knew it had a long history that went back to the Celts, but that’s all she knew. Until recently, when she learned it’s an ancient and festive holiday filled with history and folklore, started by the Celts who thought May 1st was the most important day of the year as it separated the year into light and dark.
Which explains the beginning of a celebration of spring with singing, dancing, and bonfires that still continues. However, it doesn’t explain how in the late 19th century, May Day became known as International Workers’ Day to celebrate workers and promote labor rights.
And what about the Maypoles? Well, as Red discovered,
It was during the Middle Ages when the now famous Maypoles were believed to become popular, not only to welcome in spring but as a symbol of fertility, as the pole symbolized male fertility, with baskets and wreaths symbolizing female fertility.
When Red felt the need to share all this history with Black, her sister couldn’t help but respond with,
Although this has nothing to do with May Day, all I can say is “ Mayday. Mayday.” Which, if you do not speak French, is based on m’aider and means “Help me.”
When the news is challenging or life’s stressful, there’s something comforting about Girl Scout cookies. Always has been, which is why we’re rerunning this post from several years ago.
Girl Scouts, though, are about so much more than cookies, as year-round girls learn important life skills, gain confidence, and discover leadership skills. But buying cookies is such a sweet way (sorry, we couldn’t resist) to support the organization. Red’s favorite is the classic shortbread (now known as Trefoils), and Black buys a large assortment and gives them all away.
But hurry! Cookie season ends on March 23.
P.S. - If S’mores and Toast-Yay! are your favorites … make sure you stock up as this is the last year they’ll be available.
Let's play word association. If we say, "Girl Scouts," what's the first word that comes to mind? Ok, what's the second word?
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: When Juliette "Daisy" Gordon Low organized the first Girl Scout meeting – hoping to create an organization that redefined what was possible for girls everywhere – there was no way for her to know the difference it would make in the lives of millions of girls and their communities.
Many people's first (and sometimes only) image of Girl Scouts is as cookie salespeople – either selling door-to-door or at a make-shift table at a grocery or other store (or having their parents hand you an order form). But if you've been a Girl Scout (both of us have) or know someone who has, you know that Girl Scouts are about so much more.
So, as we celebrate the Girls Scouts being around for over 100 years, we should celebrate the years of fun and friendships, and for helping girls learn important qualities such as responsibility, courage, strength, and independence. Qualities that are as important in 2021 as they were in 1912.
And what better way to celebrate than to buy some Girl Scout cookies? Guilt-free as you're helping a good cause.
October Banter Bites