Words & Banter

We Know ... Girls Can Do Anything!

Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

It’s Women’s History Month. Can you guess what Black has in common with Scarlett O’Hara (from “Gone With The Wind”) and the sitcoms “I Love Lucy” and “That Girl”? For the answer, check out one of our favorite posts …

What do the classic movie “Gone With The Wind,” the TV sitcom “That Girl,” and Lucille Ball have in common? At first glance, the answer is easy. They were hugely popular at the time but have stood the test of time as they continue to have fans decades later. Red, a theater major and movie buff, could explain all the “artistic” reasons why, but Black has (as always) a very different perspective.

It has to do with role models and how they can come from the most unexpected places – both real and fictional. Scarlett O’Hara, a heroine from the Civil War, was a fiercely independent woman (even by today’s standards), while Marlo Thomas portrayed “That Girl” as perhaps the first “modern woman”, one living on her own in a big city and pursuing a career vs. a family. But as Black points out to Red in “RED & BLACK … Girls Can Do Anything!,” it’s Lucille Ball that’s the ultimate badass (Black’s word, not Red’s), proving that you can be an amazing actress and comedian while simultaneously being a pioneer in the TV industry and a shrewd businesswoman.

And what better time than Women’s History Month to reflect on how women can inspire other women to do amazing things? After all, Black may not admit to being a role model, but she will admit that her racing a Ferrari has inspired countless girls over the years, and women of all ages are amused when she says, “How hard can it be? Boys do it.”

Labor Day celebrates the American worker. However you may celebrate, we wish you a Happy Labor Day!

Photograph of Jackie Aguilera courtesy of Jackie Aguilera

Every time we meet with Jackie Aguilera, we’re still in awe of her expertise and experience in adult education. She continues to bring creativity and passion to her students, while also raising awareness that literacy is about so much more than reading and writing. September is National Literacy Month, so we’re re-running this post because it’s even more relevant today than when it was first written.

Although we have an update: Jackie’s no longer with the Mayor’s Office of Adult Literacy, but given the high demand for her expertise, we wonder if she’s going to take a position with another entity or share her knowledge as a consultant. Regardless, we know she’ll remain a bright light in the world of adult education.



red headred headassets.rebelmouse.io

I have a confession to make, which I’m sure will make you roll your eyes.


Black's HeadBlackassets.rebelmouse.io

Interesting caveat and probably true.


red headred headassets.rebelmouse.io

Every time we meet with Jackie (Aguilera) from the Mayor’s Office of Adult Literacy and hear what she’s doing in the world of adult education, I feel like I’m back in school and having to take copious notes.


Black's HeadBlackassets.rebelmouse.io

I am more than happy to send you “homework assignments” as I come across relevant articles and research.


red headred headassets.rebelmouse.io

Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll stick to taking notes. But that does explain why you’re so knowledgeable about literacy.


Black assets.rebelmouse.io

But, reading information is very different from being at the forefront of literacy innovation. And, if we had never met Jackie, I never would have realized how literacy is more than the dictionary definition, and encompasses more than just reading and writing.
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Red & Black Connection Collection

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THIS IS A CURATED COLLECTION AND TBD HOW EACH PARTICLE IS USED

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Being connected technologically is not the same as being connected personally.

Technology lets us work almost anywhere, communicate instantly, and collaborate with people we may never meet in person. But working independently doesn't mean you have to feel alone.

For those of you who don't know us (yet!), Red is not only a warm and fuzzy mom, but she represents the person who wants connection and conversation. Black, a highly pragmatic (and often sarcastic) retired corporate executive who started racing Porsches and Ferraris to offset boredom (we only mention that because she can't help but use car and racing analogies) represents the extremely independent person who thinks, "I am fine. I will figure this out."

However, connection does not mean everyone needs to be outgoing, talkative, or constantly social. Some people thrive working quietly and independently. The issue is not how much someone talks. It is whether people feel seen, heard, supported, and comfortable reaching out when they need someone.

Red & Black Connection is a collection of stories, videos, conversation starters, and simple reminders we've created over the years about communication, listening, empathy, teamwork, stress, and asking for help.

We're not mental-health professionals, and these resources aren't intended to replace professional support. They're simply meant to help us do something very human (although Red does think Black's a Vulcan): Pay attention to one another.

1. START A CONVERSATION

Sometimes the hardest part of a meaningful conversation is simply getting started. That is why we created Red & Black Conversation Starters: no right answers, no tests, and no requirement that anyone agree.

And as simple as ... Stop. Think. Listen. Talk.

READ: A Conversation About Conversation Starters

TRY THIS: Instead of asking a coworker, “How are you?” when you know the response will be, “Fine,” ... try asking something that might start an actual conversation:

- What's been on your mind lately?
- What's making your job easier right now? Harder?
- Is there anything you wish the rest of us understood?
- What's something good that's happened this week?

You don't have to have a solution. Oftentimes, starting the conversation is enough.

2. LISTEN. TRULY LISTEN.

Talking isn't the same as communicating. And hearing isn't the same as listening. And communication isn't finished when you send the message. What matters is whether the other person receives it and understands it.

READ: It’s June … Blah-Blah-Blah Or Bullet Points?

READ: Listen To This Stutter!

TRY THIS: The next time someone is talking to you, notice what you're doing.

- Are you listening?
- Or are you waiting for your turn to speak?

3. YOUR WAY MAY NOT BE THEIR WAY

Some people talk things through (Red). Others want bullet points (Black). Some people would rather write than talk. Some need time to think before responding (some don't realize they do!). And some people may be much more comfortable sending a message than calling or walking into someone's office.

The important thing isn't how you communicate. It's that you find a way that works.

READ: Talking Stuffed Animals?

TRY THIS: Think about someone you work with regularly.

  • How do you communicate with that person?
  • Is that the way you prefer, or the way they prefer?

There may be a difference.

4. DON’T ASSUME — ASK

Sometimes people need advice. Sometimes they need help. Sometimes they need someone to understand. And sometimes they simply need someone to listen (what Red calls "venting".)

READ: Sympathy? Empathy? There’s A Difference?

TRY THIS: Instead of immediately trying to fix the problem, ask:

“Do you want my help figuring this out, or do you just need me to listen?”

And remember, there is no wrong answer. So don’t just ask. Respect the answer.

5. WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY

Sometimes we don't know what to say when someone is going through something difficult. So we say nothing. Which makes it worse.

Red learned how isolating that can feel after she had two miscarriages. No one wanted to even acknowledge what had happened, let alone talk about it. For Red, that made an already difficult experience even harder.

You don't need to have the right words. Sometimes you just need to acknowledge that someone may be hurting.

READ: *** Create ASK R&B based on excerpt from book re: miscarriage and getting fired (pages 84-85)

TRY THIS: If you don't know what to say, why not say exactly that?!

“I don't know what to say, but I wanted to check in. You don't have to talk about it, but I'm here if you want to.”

You may not be able to make things better. But you can make sure silence doesn't make someone feel alone.

6. YOU'RE NOT ALONE

A problem can feel much bigger when you think you have to handle it by yourself. Red learned that during one of the most difficult periods of her life. Years later, when we spoke to students facing their own uncertainties, the message was simple:

You don't have to go through difficult things alone.

Friends. Family. Coworkers. Counselors. Support groups. Someone you trust. Talking to someone can be a start.

WATCH: You’re Not Alone!

TRY THIS: Ask yourself these questions:

  1. Who would I call if I were struggling?
  2. And, just as importantly: Who might call me?
  3. Maybe even, who would I want to know that they can call me?

7. HELP IS AN ACCEPTABLE 4-LETTER WORD

Being capable doesn't mean doing everything yourself. In fact, one of Red's recurring problems is waiting until she's overwhelmed before admitting she needs help. Sound familiar?

WATCH: Only One Doing Anything!

TRY THIS: Don't wait until someone says, “I need help.” Pay attention. Ask:

“You've got a lot going on. Anything I can take off your plate?”

They may say no. Ask anyway.

8. WHO'S ON YOUR PIT CREW?

Black may be alone in the race car, but she's never racing alone. Every driver depends on a crew — watching, communicating, anticipating problems, and doing whatever is necessary to keep the car on track.


Work — and life — aren't very different.

READ: Comparing Marriage To Racing A Ferrari?!

TRY THIS: Think about your pit crew and identify:

  • Who is on yours?
  • Who knows when you're having a bad day?
  • Who will tell you when they see something you don't?
  • Who can you call when something goes wrong?
  • And think about: Who counts on you as part of their pit crew?

9. TIME ALONE IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM TIME AWAY

You can spend an entire workday alone and still never have a moment to yourself. Emails. Messages. Deadlines. Meetings. Notifications. Problems to solve.

Time away is different. It might mean doing something by yourself. Or it might mean spending time with family or friends. What matters is stepping away from work long enough to focus on something — or someone — outside of it.

READ: Don’t Confuse Time Alone With Time Away!

TRY THIS: Ask yourself: When was the last time I deliberately disconnected from work and did something with no objective other than doing it for myself? It could be spending time by myself or connecting with others. Schedule time to do just that ...


No survey. No score. Just five questions worth asking yourself occasionally.

1. Who haven't I actually talked to lately?

2. Who on my team seems different than usual?

3. Have I really listened to anyone today?

4. Who would I ask for help if I needed it?

5. Whose pit crew am I?

Technology can connect computers. People still have to connect people.